BS: When We Were Pregnant

Subject: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 08 Jul 07 - 11:33 PM

In the thread on earliest memories, a few people share prebirth memories. I have often reflected on the differences between my experience of conscious contact with the fetus in my own two pregnancies. To get this going, I'll relate my own experiences in the next post. I'm very curious about what other women have experienced.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 12:46 AM

It was my observation (maybe it is just me?) that it is a heckuva lot easier to put the baby in there in the first place than to shift the bugger out at the end. I remember contemplating that along the way. :)

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 01:03 AM

As I said above, I've been pregnant twice. During both preganancies I felt great, glowing, like the Earth Goddess, full of the energy of creation.

The first pregnancy was at age 35. I knew I was pregnant as soon as the fertilized egg attached to the uterine lining. Right from the very beginning, I had a very clear and conscious sense of connection with the fetus. A very clear and symbiotic awareness of the sentience of the being that was growing within me. At some very primal level, we communicated. I went into labor (and it was labor, not just bad cramping)at 16 weeks, and in hindsight, I could tell you just when that fetus died. During the 12 week of that pregnancy, I suddenly experienced a day full of fear, distress and dread that verged on panic. A few days later I commented to my husband that I no longer had that strong conscious connection with the fetus. We were packing up to move back to NC from our winter in the Keys. I had my last visit with the Florida OB just before that day of dread. I was scheduled to see my new OB on the day I started spotting. The ultrasound he did indicated a placenta the right size for 12 weeks. The fetus had been dead long enough to have been reabsorbed into my own body and bloodstream.

After that I couldn't get pregnant. I worked with a fertility doc until I was 40. Then I started into early menopause, and we hung up the towel on having children. 2 years later, at age 42, I took a home preganancy test as a precaution because it had been an usually long interval between menstrual periods even considering I was going through menopause. It was positive. I was shocked. The preganancy itself was wonderful, and I was ever mindful that a new life was within, but I never had the conscious connection and communication with my son in utero that I experienced with that first pregnancy.

So ladies....what are your stories of the children in your wombs?

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 02:57 AM

That is a lovely story, Janie. Sad, yes, but life affirming and warm.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 03:06 AM

I never had a connection with the foetus such as you describe, but with my first pregnancy at 38 I felt incredibly contented and cow-like. Since I was of an age where the risk of problems was much greater, I was offered amniocentesis and we thought seriously about it but I was absolutely certain that everything was well with the baby and that the amnio would be the greater risk. I KNEW that there was nothing wrong. So we didn't have the test and everything was fine. With my second baby when I was 43 I was certain, again that there was no problem but we had the amnio anyway, partly because the risk had increased considerably and partly because any problem would have been more of a problem since we had another child to consider. Again...no problems.

I've known many women who were absolutely certain of the gender of the baby too, though I wasn't

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 03:56 AM

About 3 years ago I was told I couldn't have children, that my PCOS was advanced and if I wanted to have children then I would have to have fertility treatment of which I would be eligable for on the NHS at some point or I would have to pay for it and all they could do was treat the symptoms. I always thought it would be a given that I could have children and that it would be my choice if I decided not to take option. But I felt the option was taken away from me and I was with someone who didn't want children at all so I mourned the loss of what could have been by myself then got on with life, festivalling and work.

Then I fell pregnant. I had no idea I was pregnant and it was only when my new partner said that I should take a pregnancy test to make sure, that I found out. I suffered from morning sickness for 4 months then over night it disappeared. I found it hard to believe that I was going to have a baby and I was frightened that it would be taken away from me before I even got to meet him.

It was wonderful to see my baby on the 4 scans throughout my pregnancy and it was only when he started moving that I felt a connection with him. It wasn't the easiest of pregnancies, I had a fall at 34 weeks but the baby was thankfully fine and my asthma was very bad which resulted in me being admitted to hospital at various times thoughout the pregnancy. Both Paul and I spoke to him and sang to him before he was born and we are continuing to do that now that he is with us.

We call him our little miracle because against all odds he is here and has brought a huge amount of sunshine into ourlives. I feel complete as a person and we feel complete as a family.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 10:54 AM

I adopted my son so my pregnancy lasted over two years with strangers coming and going, measuring rooms, checking the fridge and under the beds. Our visits were supervised, the adoption was constantly threatened by a mentally ill social worker until I involved a lawyer. Right up until the moment a judge made us a family, Lawrence could have been taken from me. I didn't get to name him. But when all was done, he was my son, certainly more mine than the woman who bore him.

Looking back, it was more like being in labor for two years. Looking back I would not have done anything differently. Motherhood was the best thing that ever happened to me.

SINS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: gnu
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 01:05 PM

Sniff. Thanks for sharing such heartening stories.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 03:01 PM

However different, yes, motherhood was the best thing that ever happened to me too. Until 12 months before Richard was born, I didn't want children and had never really contemplated having them. Am I glad I changed my mind at the 11th hour!

Now you remind me Khatt, I did find it a little hard really to believe I was pregnant until I felt him move. Then suddenly he became a real being to me.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 03:15 PM

I knew within a few days that I was pregnant both times and I was also an older mom (mid-30s).

I didn't have morning sickness, but I had this odd relationship with meat for a few months. I couldn't stand the smell of it cooking. I could buy it, I could set up the kitchen, but my husband had to cook it while I went to another part of the house or outside. After it was cooked I could come back and put it in whatever it was going to be part of (hamburger in spaghetti sauce, for example) or carve a roast, etc. I could eat it.

Both were full term normal deliveries, though my son (at 38 weeks) had the anomaly of premature lungs and spent two weeks in the NICU. Ten years earlier and he would have been much less likely to have survived, so we were lucky for the times we live in.

(And I was correct per my first quip in this thread--though my labor and delivery was relatively fast--3 hours hard labor on the first, 1.5 hours on the second, it was still hard work!)

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 03:45 PM

My daughter and her husband waited five years before they decided it was time to have a baby. Then it was twins (Which was quite an event for an only child and the youngest in his family. My daughter had babysat but never for an infant.)

When the second baby had still not come out - 45 minutes hard labor after the first - she sobbed, I don't want to do this any more.


Her doctor said, If the little girl isn't out in five minutes I'm going to do a Caesarean.

Aghast, my daughter produced Alison.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 03:46 PM

Re: moving babies.
When Alice was almost full term with her kittens she loved to sit on my lap and have me stroke her tummy while the babies kicked around inside her. I used to talk and sing to them. I really did enjoy her kittens.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 04:20 PM

My first and third pregnancies were very similar even down to them being at the same time of year (26th Feb and 1st March). I was convinced they were both girls and sure enough was right, Natasha and Maddie ten years apart. The second pregnancy I knew straight away i was pregnant and started craving piccalilli of all things. It was completely different from the other two and resulted in my son, Alec. I knew just as quickly that I was pregnant with my fourth but at around 10 weeks woke up one morning and said to Geoff ' I don't feel pregnant anymore' A scan confirmed that the baby had died several days later. Within a month I was throwing up on a fairly regular basis and had a mouth full of iron filings. I knew something was up!! Eight months later the twins arrived!!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 04:38 PM

It's a funny thing, but whenever I mention prebirth memories, out pour the stories of women's pregnancies. I don't mean that I want credit for this thread-- I mean that it happens IRL every time, without fail, to the point where I can't get a word in edgewise, nor want to.

However it may be of interest to some that I once led a support group about prebirth memories, and we had some really fun games. One time each person took a turn being the fertilized egg zooming down to be fertilized. Another fun game was when everybody pretended to be a single spermatozoa getting ready to make the run to the ovum. "Here I am leaving all my buddies to go into the great unknown," was the common theme among turns; the turns varied in being fun, or scary, or whatever mood you can imagine.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: GUEST,Ebbie
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 05:03 PM

My guess is that the successful spermatozoa is an arrogant critter.

By the way, Susan, I should think that this thread has room for all the varied aspects of birth. Like the best conversations it can flow.

I tried one time to elicit a stream of consciousness thing from a girl celebrating her 9th birthday. Her father and 3 or 4 others had encircled her, creating a tube.

On impulse I said, Emily, does this remind you of anything?

And she said, 'Well, it's awfully warm. And tight.'

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 05:32 PM

It's a funny thing, but whenever I mention prebirth memories, out pour the stories of women's pregnancies.

So? It's all tied together. The thread title is "When We Were Pregnant." Have I or we missed something? Is this only to include the kicking, and not the arrival?

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 05:50 PM

I'm still waiting for my 'mothering' instincts to kick in.

I was another one who didn't want a child until it looked like the possibility had been removed... it took over 3 years to get the Limpit.

Then, when it was confirmed, I just felt sick for 7 months. There was one moment in the October (about 4 months pregnant) when I leaned over the table and she pushed back - the first time I felt her move... that felt weird, more alien than maternal.

I still maintain she's an alien.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 06:00 PM

SRS, READ what I posted.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 07:34 PM

I 'grokked' that first baby, and always thought of the fetus as a 'she'. Often I have wondered if the difference in the connectedness was gender related. I had the ammnio done with my 2nd pregnancy, as much because I knew I was going to need time to get my mind around the idea of a son if the baby was male. It was.

Sins - that was two years of hard labor you went through.

If my husband had not wanted children so badly, I don't think I would have cared one way or the other. It was the hormones that made me maternal, no doubt about it. He wanted to adopt, but I knew I was lacking in the maternal instinct sans the hormone bath of pregnancy.   I am still not a 'child' person.   Not a 'natural born' parent. I work very hard to be a 'good enough' (Thank you Margaret Mahler) parent, but it does not come naturally.

Keep the stories coming!

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Diva
Date: 09 Jul 07 - 08:16 PM

I remember shocking my late mother in law when i told her I didn't want children, she was showing me the family christening robe at the time. Then after we married we found out there was a genetic problem in my then husbands family, so we decided we probably would not have children as there is a one in four chance that our baby would have the same condition. Then the hormones took over and the pills went out the window and i conceived straight away. It was lovely but we had to do the CVS tests to check for the myotonic dystrophy and for ten weeks we had a joyous time. On Wednesday Dec 21 1988 we got the news we didn't want by Friday it was all over and Christmas Eve saw us going up to my mums on the back road from Langholm to Lockerbie, a road we always used, past the nose cone of Pan Am 103. Don't remember much of that Christmas.

By the may of 89 I'd decided we'd try again and sure enough I 'fell' first time we tried. I was sick once. Did the tests and ignored them, the docs in Edinburgh were marvellous as they'd been before and kept a close eye on us. I loved being pregnant. I had a notion that i was having a girl and bloomed the whole time and sung and talked to my bump which we named Zeefod..yep after the two headed alien in Hitch Hikers Guide. Had a great time went to festivals and dances and had a bump that kicked in time to the tunes. That Christmas we went up home to mum and i thought jane was coming early as we'd been to the Girvan Folk Club Christmas Party and in my lovely red frock, which i now realise made me look like a post box..I danced and sang and had a ball. Ended up with the most awful wind and sat up all night with my mum..John went to bed.....and left us to it.

The day before she was actually born we spent house hunting, then went for a Chinese, came home and started writing ads for our house using estate agents speak and couldnt stop laughing. next morning I could stop peeing.....and thought I had wind!!!!!! Off to Edinburgh and the pains stopped as soon as we got into the hospital!!!! However, at 1am on 22 jan 1990 she popped out all pink and healthy to the sound of the Clutha.

My baby is now 17, towers above me. At 12 she was diagnosed with Aspergers which I found hard but it could be far far worse and means we a unique view of the world. From she was a very wee thing Jane always said she wanted a big brother, well thanks to my partner she's inherited 3 by default and its a riot when we are all together.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:55 AM

I did. Why even mention your problems on other threads if you're going to "forgive us our trespasses" here?

---

About a dozen years ago a very large family lived across the street from us for a few months. I think she was pregnant at the time, and they had six kids already. "I just love hearing childbirth stories" she said. I guess so! Another woman up the street had six children, and though she taught piano during many of the years, and always SAID she wanted to go back to school (she finally did) and go back to work (she didn't) she wondered why her oldest daughter dropped out of college after less than a year, got married, and immediately got pregnant. The example was in front of her.

I've tried to not push my daughter too hard in any particular direction--I heard stories all of my early life about how my parents married fairly late and Mom was 34 when she had me (her first) and it was like it was etched in stone. "The Irish have their families late," they said. And I ended up waiting and then realizing if I wanted to have kids I'd better get going. I hope she'll wait until she finishes school and has had time to work and decide if she likes it. But if she wants to have her kids younger it is healthier for her and she'll be more the age of the rest of the parents of her children's friends. I always felt ancient around many of the other parents down at school. I haven't told her that, either.

Whether or not I am ready to be a grandparent really isn't a consideration here, either. I've heard friends complain about it, but get a life. Why make your kids feel guilty if they want to get on with their lives? Even if they do it is still difficult to ignore a whining parent. I figure it's better to be a younger, healthy, vigorous grandmother than to be barely ambulatory and at most a lap to sit on. If that's all you can do, that's all you can do, but I expect to teach my grandkids about hiking and climbing and fishing and gardening. . . and when that time comes, to be there to see the birth of my grandkids. I couldn't see much of what was going on when I was having my own (there was a convex mirror mounted on the ceiling over the foot of the birthing bed the first time, and they had the silly idea that I might be able to open my eyes and focus on the silly thing while I was pushing!)

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 02:58 AM

I was never actually sick with either baby but I felt sick first thing with both for the first twelve weeks. I also couldn't stand various smells including the traditional one of coffee. The nearest I came to throwing up was when I smelt cigarette smoke. Strangely, I also couldn't stand the smells of beans cooking or, believe it or not, of new baked bread. I was less well with Shady, the second due to having gestational diabetes so I didn't enjoy that pregnancy as much as my first.

Didn't manange to give birth either time...they were both caesarians. That upset me a lot with Richard as I'd wanted to do it all naturally, then I realized how lucky I was that we were both actually alive and the upset became just a minor sadness. Richard was an emergency section so I was asleep when he arrived...another thing that upset me. Shady was a planned section so I was awake and aware and that was much better.

As for maternal feeling....as I said, I'd never had maternal urges and was totally unprepared for the sheer, physical strength of the feeling that overwhelmed me. My maternal feelings are still very strong and I'm sure I could do 'impossible' things such as we read about from time to time to protect or save my children. I know I would kill without thought or hesitation to protect my babies.

And breast-feeding...but that's another story

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 03:50 AM

I couldn't stand the smell of coffee either or cooking bacon. I had cravings for all things orange flavoured and I couldn't get enough bread or mashed potato!

Harry was an emergency caesarian but I was lucky enough to be awake. I had a spinal block as the epidural hadn't worked. It was all over so quickly once I had been taken to theatre. I had my check up at the hospital yesterday and was given a clean bill of health and the consultant went through what will happen "next time". I just smiled and thought if there is a next time it will be a few years down the line! Because of complications with this pregnancy and the labour the obstetrician has said any further pregnancies will be delivered by a section. But I don't mind, it's all worth it in the end!

My bump seemed to appear over night but I never felt big until one evening I was laying on the lounge floor listening to the tv and and I got stuck. I couldn't roll over and get up without help from Paul! It was funny and probably funnier to watch!! *G*

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Diva
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 05:26 AM

At the begining I craved liver and onions, weird because I'd always hated liver must have needed the iron. And sweet stout, oh and the day before she was born, oysters in the chinese, never had them before or since...they were cooked not raw....
Bump...bump still got one!!!! Mind you scared the Hobbit entirely on Saturday night by cuddling the eleven week old granddaughter of the owners of th Copshaw Kitchen while her mum served drinks and meals. What a wee dote

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:18 AM

About parents not wanting to become grapndparents - I grew up with only one set of grandparents, both of whom lived to be very, very, very old, especially grandmother, who also never liked her daughter-in-law (my mother). So when my eldest sister got pregnant with the first baby in the family since me, Mom didn't want to be called Grandmother, since the only person by that name had been such a horrible person. So we started calling her Aunt Mom instead, and it's stuck. We like it that way.

We are also in the habit of calling all pregnancies Clark(e) - with an e for a girl and without one for a boy.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 10:27 AM

We are also in the habit of calling all pregnancies Clark(e) - with an e for a girl and without one for a boy.

I LOVE this. Fits with this--

A friend who was a genius at "working the room" once taught us that all men can be called George [and all women Sally] if you don't recall the correct name-- you move forward, grasp the outstretched hand for a hearty shake, exclaiming: "George [Sally]!!! It's great to see you!" And they take it as a sincere greeting (if it is) whether one of welcome on first meeting or renewed acquaintance, and respond while pumping the hand with, "It's Ed [Mary], and you too!" "Ed [Mary], of course, I dunno what I was thinking, what have you been up to?" and the conversation is off and running.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:24 AM

I hadn't a clue what I was doing when I got pregnant at 16. I know it must've devastated my mom, at first. She and dad had never told us kids, outright, that they were preggers before they got married. It was a scandalous thing in their day. It was still uncommon and frowned upon when I did so. They rallied round, didn't lose their house over it or anything, (thank goodness!) and I hadn't broken any hearts except maybe theirs a little bit. I know they went to great expense to make things as pleasant as possible for me and my partner when we married and I moved out. I loved being pregnant and getting ready for our son. We didn't know it was a boy. He was a preemie but flourished well. My doc was enlightened enough to have given me a book on natural childbirth AND trusted me, a month over 17, to take him home just two days after being born! I have never, ever regretted it even though his dad and I did part company.

But, not until we had a daughter. She was so easy. Came on the day predicted. I was in labour all of thirty minutes or so and went home the next day with her very healthy, etc. My cousin had predicted it was a girl. The only trouble I had before she was born was spotting and having to go to bed for a few days after building a rock garden all by myself. (Stupid, I know, but I was all of twenty by then and very independent!)

The next and last one, a daughter with my second husband, was a bit difficult. I did fairly well, except for morning sickness the first month or two, until two months before she was to come. Went into premature labour which they stopped, in hospital, with valium and alcohol. The alcohol was all in an IV so I didn't even get to enjoy it. Folks would come in the room and look at me strangely as I had alcoholic breath and was a bit tipsy. They sent me home with a prescription for 3 valium per day WITH three drinks per day! (Don't try this at home or without doc's supervision!:-) It did the trick for two weeks and then she said "enough is enough." My water broke as we were shopping, my mom, sister and I. They took me to hospital and I eventually had her, in the labour room just as the doc rounded the corner. (She was the first baby my mom had actually seen born, despite the fact that she'd had five of her own. In her day they knocked you out.) It was a very rough night in which I came close to dying from hemorrhaging. She looked like a little doll at 4.5 lbs. In fact we had to buy doll clothes for her first couple of months as nothing else fit.

I didn't know it as consciously at the time, but later on I realised I had communicated with each of my children before I became pregnant with them. I felt their little souls "knocking" on my door, saying "let me in, I am ready to be born." I cannot explain it any other way as each time I did feel a very strong compulsion to get pregnant, esp. with my last one. I loved being pregnant, esp. when they made ripples across my belly and kicked, esp. in that most comfortable position, spoon-style up against my partner's bum with my leg thrown over his.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: GUEST,dianavan
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 02:25 PM

I too, felt the souls 'knocking on my door', and welcomed them to the little home in my womb. But here's an odd story,

Eight years after my youngest was born, I had a hysterectomy. I was clearly haunted by a beautiful little soul and sure it was a girl. How could this be? I had no home for her? Later, after my partner and I had split, he re-married. His new partner (who was not much interested in being a mother) reluctantly gave birth to a baby girl. The first time I met her (she was about 6 weeks old) she smiled at me and winked! I knew in a flash that she was the spirit that had been hovering about and that it was her dad that she was connected to.

Yes, he adores her. Mom has moved on to another life and that little girl with the strong spirit has now grown to be a beautiful young woman and we still have a very strong connection. She is the little sister that both of my children always wanted and she is a joy.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 06:43 PM

Alcohol and Valium???? From a doctor????? Yikes! Although I remember my aunt with a stock of champagne splits. She was underweight and the doctor was concerned that the nausea would lead weight loss and worse problems. So she went in for B12 shots with orders to go home, sip champagne and eat something. The combination worked and she carried full term.

A few years back a book came out called "Wake Up L'il Susie". The author interviewed girls who had become pregnant as teenagers in the 50s and early 60s when abortion was not an option (for a variety of reasons and not a part of this discussion). Their families sent them to "live with relatives" or to "tour Europe" and kept the pregnancy secret. The baby was taken from them at birth and adopted. They went home and were expected to go back to living a care-free teenage life. Most were completely traumatized and emotionally scarred by he experience. Some had sought out their children later. All felt guilty. I knew a girl who went through this. Sad business. I often think of the son she bore and wonder what became of him.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 07:32 PM

After quickening, I liked to lay on the bed nude, propped up with pillows to a half-sitting position, and watch the bulges in my belly move around as he rolled, stretched and kicked. I'd giggle, and pat the place where the foot or fist would push out, invite my husband to feel the hard roundness and the motion. Poor hubby. He was afraid to leave his hand long enough to feel the baby move, afraid the gentle pressure would some how cause injury.

My son apparently liked being all snug in the womb and was in no hurry to be born. He was two weeks late, and did not make his move until he was threatened with eviction by pectosin. The placenta was starting to show signs of calcification along the edge of the uterus. The doctor had the injection in his hand ready to administer when I felt my first labor pain.

The last week, I had to go to the OB office every afternoon and they would put electrodes on my stomach to monitor his movements. The nurse worried that he was too inactive, but I kept telling her he always took a nap at that time of day.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:13 PM

dianavan, that is so neat, esp. that you recognised that about her and understood

Yep, Sins, in 1977 that was! It's what they used to stave off labour. They told me if she was born on the 4th of July as she tried to be, her lungs would be too immature and she might not make it. Ten days later she was fine and no amount of drugs or alcohol would stop her entry.

Janie, I loved those ripples, too!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 03:58 AM

I loved all the movements and kicks. The hiccoughs (though it took me a while to realise what they were) and the fact that, late on you could actually see the shape of a foot when they pressed against the womb.

When my younger sister was 15 she got pregnant. She was so scared she didn't manage to tell anyone until it was too late to have an abortion. (No comments on that...as said above, it's not part of this discussion). My Mum and Dad were devastated though supportive, and my Mum was worried that it would ruin my sister's life, so she arranged for the baby to be adopted. The family never spoke of it again. More, I think, because of wanting to put the trauma of the time behind them than anything else. Later I did speak of it occasionally to my sister, who by then had two little boys.

Three years ago I had an e-mail from my sister (she lives in Australia, as do my parents) telling me that the baby (a boy) now aged 30, had got in touch with her. She was too scared to tell my parents, due to the fact of it never having been spoken of. In the end I told them. They were cool with it and pretty unemotional. My Dad, it turned out, had always said we should have kept him as he was family. Anyway, my sister and Murray met, found heaps in common and he got on great with her other two boys (who think it's hilarious!) He now has little twin boys himself and is in contact with the family. It's all like something out of a story.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 08:18 AM

Limpit was a particularly awkward little alien and insisted on kicking me in places where baby's feet shouldn't be. At one point, she had her head under my ribs, a foot under each lung and elbows in the kidneys.

When she was finally "from her mothers' womb untimely ripp'd" she was facing forward, head up, bum firmly down and both legs extended, rather than bent and curled round. Consequently, all the movement was at the top and very VERY annoying when trying to balance a plate on her.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 12:31 PM

I can't say that I particularly enjoyed being pregnant. I tolerated it for the desirable outcome. The first time it was hot as hell down here in Texas and Moonglow was born on August 30. We timed the second one to arrive in March (7th). Yes, we had control over that, fertility was never an issue.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: jacqui.c
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 05:13 PM

I was just seventeen when I got pregnant for the first time. Never really thought whether or not I wanted children - it just happened. Morning sickness with the first one, crippling backache with #2 and both with my daughter, born two months before my 22nd birthday. Pregnancy didn't really seem to be anything special - with the first one I had the trauma of telling parents, going to court for permission to marry and a complete break with my parents as a result. For the other two, I had the second 15 months after the first birth and the third one day after the first turned four. I think that I was just too busy dealing with the others to give much thought to the child in my womb.

I can't really say that I felt any special connection with any of them before birth. I had a brother ten years younger than me so had some experience of babies when I got sent home three days after the birth of my first boy.

My older son when with his father when we split up but the two younger ones are still a joy to me, although I find it difficult to think of having a 40 year old son!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 05:58 PM

mINE'S ONLY 32! yOU MUST BE VERY OLD, jACQUI.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 06:16 PM

(DAMN CAPSLOCK)

You're welcome.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 08:59 PM

thanks for the chortle!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 09:04 PM

I can definitely be a bit slow....for the longest time, I read Sins' 'signature' ending as CAP SLOCK, instead of CAPS LOCK. I kept wondering why she typed the way she did and what the heck a cap slock was:O)

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 10:29 PM

While the pregnancies themselves were wonderful experiences, I was not psychologically prepared to deal with labor at all.

Of course the labor with that first pregnancy was a symbol of heartbreak, knowing I was only going to deliver a placenta. The soonest a D&C could be scheduled was 6 days after the ultrasound. I was told I might miscarry before then and was told I could expect some severe cramping if that occurred. I was not forewarned that I might have full labor. The cramping started before bedtime the night before the D&C was scheduled. Within a couple of hours I was having rythmic and severe contractions. My husband, worried that I was having such severe pain, called the OB on-call about 1:00am. the guy was an asshole about being awakened in the middle of the night and told him to give me a couple of tylenol. My water broke at about 4:00 am and my husband said enough is enough, let's head to the hospital, we'll only be there an hour ahead of schedule. Even though we had all our paperwork for the D&C in order, we got misrouted to the ER and I was wheeled back to an operating room. A very kind nurse checked on me as much as she could, but was very busy with a car wreck. Hubby went out to move the car, saying he would be right back, and disappeared for 45 minutes. I suddenly had the terrible urge to puke and crap at the same time, staggered off the table, grabbed two plastic basins, and threw up in one as I expelled the placenta into the 2nd. I heard my husband shouting in the hall as I collapsed onto the floor. He burst into the room, chased by two security guards. When he had left to move the car, they would not let him back in. He had been out at the entry to the ER, arguing with them all that time. He finally had shoved one of them into the other, knocking them out of his way, and started running for the OR, the guards in pursuit. The nurse heard the ruckus, came in, instructed the guards on the error of their ways, and then she and Hubby got me up out of the floor and back onto the table. I had just finished 6 hours of hard labor. I am wondering why my doctor is now 1/2 hour late. My doctor, in the meantime, is up on the third floor, wondering why I have stood him up for the scheduled D&C.

It was such a fiasco that neither he or the hospital charged for the 'services.' I also got a letter of apology from the on-call OB who had told hubby to give me two tylenol. And no, we had not threatened to sue.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 01:20 AM

While I had high hopes the delivery of my son would be much different, I couldn't help but have more than the normal amount of trepidation when I went into labor with him. Hubby had urged me throughout the pregnancy to commit to a 'natural' childbirth, and though he tried to hide it, was resentful that I would not do so. And I felt guilty that I wasn't willing to make that commitment. Because of my age, it was considered a high risk pregnancy, and that gave me an excuse to opt out of home birth or a birthing center. Several of our friends were lay midwives and had offered to attend a home birth. They truly respected my decision not to go that route, but I still felt pressured and cowardly.

When my contractions were close enough to call the nurse to get the go-head to go to the hospital, Hubby asked me to wait a few minutes for him to walk the dog and call a friend with whom we had prearranged to come and get the get dog when we called. Hubby was gone for more than an hour and I got freaked out. By the time he came home from the dog walk I was hyperventilating. He called the nurse for authorization and we headed for the hospital. An hour later, when I was finally up in labor-and-delivery, the first thing I did was ask for a paper bag to breath into and an epideral. Then I lay there for 8 hours, completely disconnected from the lower half of my body except by watching the monitors that showed the contractions and the baby's heartbeat. I felt so disconnected, so dissociated from the main event, here in these final hours of what had been 9 months of feeling like I was one with the Goddess.

Finally, the monitors, my sudden nausea, pressure on my bowels, and an examination by the nurse that indicated the baby's head had crowned solidified into a call for action. I was called on to be a participant again, and not merely an observer of monitors between naps.

Push! Push! Push! The epideral is starting to wear off, which is good - makes it clear it is not interferring with the pushing.

Ain't nothin' happenin'. I overhear discussions between nurse and doc. Baby's unusally big head. Mother's 42 year old, rigid bones. Hear the doc wondering if the epidural is keeping me from pushing hard enough. Hear the more experienced nurse tell him she thinks I'm pushing just fine, and the epidural was scheduled to have been renewed over an hour ago.

They begin to talk c-section. I ask to be included in the discussion.   Hubby, who has been dozing in a recliner, gets involved. He has more than his fair share of testosterone under normal circumstances. Toss a little stress into the mix, and he can seem very hostile and aggressive. Sometimes that's good. Sometimes not. Now it is not. Seeing what is coming, I ask nurse to call a close friend of hubby's who lives near the hospital. She does so and puts phone to my ear. I ask friend to come poste haste to help Hubby calm down so I can have this baby.

Pains are becoming more intense by the minute as the epideral fades into history. Hubby talks over me, insists that he and the doc confer out in the hall. I tell Hubby to shut up and sit down, I need him to help me focus to manage the pain. Hubby sits down briefly to try to function as coach. I ask questions as I am able, trying to sort out risks to baby if I hold off on c-section, if pelvis won't give, if forcepsae an option, etc. etc. Hubby is too stressed to contain himself. He starts shouting at doc. Doc takes him out to hall. Overhear doc tell him if he doesn't calm down doc will have him removed from premises.

Friend arrives in record time. talks to doc and Hubby, takes hubby aside and gets him settled down some. By now,epidural is completely worn off, the baby hasn't budged. I ok the c-section.That long awaited moment that I have fantasized about for so long, when he is lifted in the air, emits his cry of life, and then is gently handed over to my maternal care, is not going to happen quite like I had planned.

But the rewards for my compliance and good behavior come quickly, and are three-fold. A nurse anethesist appears from nowhere. Had Harry Potter been around in 1992, I would have sworn she apparated. The epidural is replenished and a fast acting pre-op sedative are administered before I am even wheeled across the hall to the OR. And hubby appears at my side, restored to his senses just as I am losing mine. Dopely, I wonder out loud if this meets the DSM-III criteria for a folie-a-deux.

The OR is freezing-cold. I'm starting to cry in disappointment and shame as my arms are stretched out to either side and strapped to boards. Am I being crucified for caving in? for taking what might be viewed as the easier, softer way? Hubby and nurse assure me it is not so. the drape and barrier go up, so I am again dissociated from the part of my body wherein dwells new life. Hubby is cautioned not to watch the proceeding on the other side of the barrier, lest he faint from the sight of blood and his wife's guts. But his primal rages are accompanied by the primal urge to provide meat for the table of his family by his own hand. He is a serious woodsman and hunter, not for sport, but for food.

Besides that, he was curious. So he watched with great interest as his wife's belly was slashed open and his son was lifted out from the wound. The doctor raised the baby high up over the barrier for me to see, then held him out to the nurse who brought him up close for me to see. I watched with some jealousy as he was handed over to his father. Saw how safe and protected he was in the gentle embrace of that fierce man, then dropped like a rock under the sudden dose of morphine.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 03:13 AM

Brilliant Janie! Wish I could write descriptives like that.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 04:55 AM

A wonderful piece of writing Janie!

I was more relieved than anything else when I was wheeled into theatre for the c section. After 48 hours of labour I had pretty much had enough! I was told at about 5 months that there was a strong possibility that I would need a c section so mentally I had prepared for it. The wonderful moment when I heard his first cry was magical but I was a tad jealous when he was handed to his Dad for his first cuddle. I still remember that feeling and the feeling that I was going to fall off the table as they had it at a slight angle so the baby wasn't sitting on my nerves and organs while they operated. The whole experience was strange and felt like it was happening to someone else.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 06:56 AM

I went into labour naturally with my first, waited for the contractions to become closer together, which seemed to happen suddenly after hours of being occasional. We went off to the hospital by which time I was so far dilated that I went straight into the labour ward. Spent the next few hours alternately walking around and kneeling with my back to Ted so he could rub it..the only thing that helped. At some point when was upright my waters broke and were slightly brown-tinged so they began to watch more alertly. Because I'd said I wanted a natural birth they put off as long as possible doing a section. By the time I got into the stage of labour where the baby is trying to push through the cervix It was absolute agony. It appeared that his head was too big to pass through. They decided that he was becoming distressed and that they must perform a section but that I could have an epidural. I agreed to that and signed the paper though my hand was shaking so much it looked nothing like my signature anyway. By this time I'd gone mostly animal and wasn't very aware of much outside my body. I screamed the place down when they tried to put a catheter in.

They gave me the epidural, waited as long as they could then ran the scalpel across my tummy...which I felt. There was no choice then and they had to go for the general anaesthetic. The one thing that stands out vividly is the anaesthetist saying "Just a little prick" and me thinking "They don't really say that!! I must be dreaming". I wanted to laugh uproariously but couldn't.

Next thing I knew was the nurse waking me up and saying that I had a little boy and that Daddy had had a hold and a bit of a cry. Yes, I think I felt perhaps more cheated than jealous, but the same as you guys really. The next thing was Ted telling me that he had rung my parents and that my father (who wanted a granddaughter) had said "You'll have to do better next time". "NEXT TIME!!!!!" I bellowed.

Richard had to go into SCBU which, at that time was, stupidly, quite a long way from the ward. Since I was absolutely determined to breast feed, I kept making the walk to the Unit to feed him. They were all amazed that I managed it immediately after the Caesarian. I did have to give in and be pushed in a chair a couple of times and I felt like such a wimp.

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 07:03 AM

With my second, they advised planned Caesarian "In view of my age" and the fact that the previous one was difficult. Though I was a bit sorry, it did make it easier to sort out care for Richard while we were both at the hospital. It was nice and relaxed, we packed, took Richard to his Godmother's and went to the hospital. We were the first on the list and had to wait because the anaesthetist hadn't yet arrived. The room was full of people, all chatting in a relaxed manner while we waited. I told them that I really wanted a girl because Richard, who was then 4 1/2, determinedly didn't want a brother. He said "If it's a girl it's mine but if it's a boy it's yours". People had said he'd get used to a brother, but he was such a stubborn little so-and-so that I wasn't so sure.

Everything went smoothly and I felt very little but a bit of tugging. One of the nurses said "I can see a lot of dark hair". Then as they hauled her out the nurse said "It's a little girl!" at which point I burst into tears, mostly of relief that I didn't have to try and convince Richard that a brother was a good thing.

I'd arranged to be sterilized at the time and that bit was the worst part as it felt as though they were trying to pull everything else out of my abdomen. Sometime around then, the paediatrician peered over my head and said "As far as I can tell you have a healthy baby girl". What lovely words!

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 12:04 AM

One thing that awed me during my pregnancy was the amount of positive attention people, even perfect strangers, lavish on an obviously pregnant woman. Really, it is the preamble to the wonderful, warm reception most people give to babies and very young children in general. By and large, people tend to smile and exude warmth and unconditional positive regard toward the very young of our species. How many times have you stood in line in a grocery, behind a woman or man with an infant in a carrier, and cooed, smiled, oohed and ahhed at the little bit of helpless flesh in front of you? It seems to be instinctive. And it is so necessary to the infant to have those experiences as universally as possible.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 03:09 AM

I would like to paraphrase Diana, Princess of Wales here....

If men were the ones who had babies, they would be all be only children.

And to quote someone who is not Oscar Wilde - one should try everything once except incest and folk dancing - to which I would add, and childbirth.

Because Limpit was such an awkward little cuss (was?? Still is - her school report described her as a 'true English eccentric'), and I was supposed to be asthmatic (turns out it was a heart condition... great diagnosis doc!), a section was always on the cards. When it was finally shown she wasn't turning and was wedged in, it was all planned out.

I remember telling the anaesthetist that my back was very sensitive and he remarked that I was the only person who giggled when he counted down the vertebrae. It was at this point, as the needle went in that I said I'd changed my mind and wanted a puppy. He then spent some time talking about real ale with Manitas, whom I'd dragged in with me for no other reason than to swear at, whilst I lost my legs.

I was also put at that strange angle and the barrier errected. The surgeons then put on those face guards that gave me a lovely reflected view in wraparound! I remember very little about the actual operation other than some tugging, the swearing of the surgeon as he dropped an instrument with a clang, a raddled splat as something squidgy hit the floor - causing an amusing backwards leap by the same surgeon whilst his hands stayed perfectly still.... and the anaesthetist looking over and saying 'that's a little girl in there'.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 05:45 AM

I always find it interesting how many people will touch one's 'bump'. People who would never think of laying a hand on a casual aquaintance or even a perfect stranger will stroke the bump or just lay their hand on it in passing. It's another thing that seems instinctive and they don't seem embarassed by it even though they would probably be terribly embarassed if they accidentally touched you if you weren't pregnant.

And from the other side. I'm not a touchy person generally and don't really like people to touch me gratuitously but I never minded that at all

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 11:01 AM

Thus we have the origin of the expression"...and after all I have done for you...." *grin*

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 12:12 PM

I too was surprised at the amount of people reaching out and touching my bump, even people that I didn't know. I absolutely hated it, I felt as though it was an invasion of my personal space. I didn't mind people talking to me and smiling, but not touching.

Now when I'm out and about with Harry in his pram or carrier people stop and ask about him, how old he is etc. Paul and were in the bank today opening Harry's trust account and a number of people stopped to talk to him. He's a sociable baby and smiles at everyone!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Jul 07 - 04:46 AM

Whilst I was pregnant, I worked in a library.

One day a small child came in with her mother, pointed at me and said 'Why's that lady so fat?' I replied with 'I've got a baby in my tummy'. She looked thoughtful for a moment and then piped up with...

'How do you change its nappy?'

Can't beat the logic of a 3yr old...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 15 Jul 07 - 09:00 AM

Priceless!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Partridge
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 01:14 PM

Where to begin.......... I have had five children.
My first was daughter Jennifer, it was a bit of a shock. I read everything I could about childbirth, but it did not prepare me for the real thing. One of the most embarassing things was the nurse that had to shave my nether regions was a girl I went to school with.
Jenny was 17 days overdue, so I was induced. My doctor put my legs up in stirrups and then disappeared leaving the door wide open - leaving all and sundry to see me in this vunrable state My husbands uncle who was an electrian popped in to say hello!

the labour went on for 12 hours - I went to the national chilbirth classes so the breathing techniques helped me manage the pain. They kept telling me that I was having asmall baby and that i had lots of water - it turned out that the baby was big (7.11)

She was born at silly o'clock in the early hours of the morning - they gave me an episiotomy and I had had to have several pints of blood as I bled alot,

I remember the pushing bit - very strange, there is no way you cannot push, you just have to do it.

Pat xx

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 08:01 PM

Big Smig... Limpit was 8lb 12 1/2 oz and wasn't even full term! No WAY I was pushing that out of my fanny!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Partridge
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 04:02 AM

Big smig...
Rosie - 8.00lbs
Tom 8.13lbs
Sophie 9.00lbs
Patrick 8.7lbs
I pushed and I pushed

pat xxx

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: MBSLynne
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 07:19 AM

Richard was 8lb 15. Shady was only 7lb 10 so perhaps I could have managed to get her out ok, but it was all planned anyway. Never had that interesting experience of having to push. I still feel as though I've missed something

Love Lynne

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 09:26 AM

Sorry ladies, but I can't help it:

When I was pregnant I wore a plaid shawl,
Now that I'm married I've nothin' at all....

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 10:33 AM

Tsk...naughty boy!**bg**

How would you like to have been these women, folks:

THE REGION; Baby Weighs In At Over 16 Pounds
Published: April 13, 1983

A newborn baby boy who weighed in at 16 pounds, 6 ounces doesn't fit into his bassinet or his baby clothes, but he is healthy and ready to go home, his mother said today...

The largest baby ever, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, was a 20-pound child born in Turkey.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Diva
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 03:06 PM

ouch!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Micca
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 06:13 PM

kat, i would say that was stretching things a bit too far!!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 06:15 PM

Me, too, Micca!!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 07:22 PM

Two words. One of them is 'off'.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Sorcha
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 08:06 PM

I hated every second of it. Remember thinking how glad I was that neither was twins. There HAS to be a better way.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: maeve
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 10:54 PM

And what I would give for that pain and hard work resulting in children.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: cookster
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 11:30 PM

Hey Sorcha, as I said before I am sorry,but I never did use your last name.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 03:24 PM

Thanks to a lot of you old timers for a thoroughly enjoyable thread, much as they used to be around here. I needed this one.

Karen and I share the adoption experience with Sinsull. The county agency came to us about Tris only a few weeks before he was born and we knew all the possible problems that he might encounter in life but for us those weeks of waiting were an unusual experience in themselves. Fortunately Tris has done very well, MRDD and Autistic of course, but going far beyond any expectations we had for him. It is hard to believe he will soon be 16. His birth mother is also MRDD but had the foresight to make a plan for him.

Michael came to us at 10 months old, already removed from his bio-mom once before. We worked toward reunification but after a year it was not happening and the agency allowed us to adopt him. It was a long wait between the decision to adopt him and the final decree and we sweated it out like Sinsull did.

If there is one thing that those of you who read this should do is remember the joys of your own and then speak up to those who are just coming of age. Scream at them loudly and with gusto that not one drop of alcohol should they drink and not one toke should they take. Although Tristan's bio-mom was MRDD, she didn't use either drink or drugs. Michael was not so fortunate. He is experiencing many of the problems of Fetal Alcohol Spectrum kids and our best efforts aside, he is struggling at best and the sadness Karen and I feel cannot be told.

So go out and stop FASD from becoming even more prevalent. You can bet your ass we will be as it may be the only thing we can do for the future Michaels.......and for our son as well.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 03:54 PM

{{{{{{SPAW & KAREN}}}}}}}

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 12:09 AM

Not sure why I went hunting for this thread to reread, but I'm glad I did.

Think I'll refresh to see of we get more stories.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 11:45 AM

Janie:

Thanks for the refresh. I am gobsmacked at the clarity and soul of your writing.

When Barky was in her perhaps fifth month of gestation, we had an amniocentesis done, because we had gotten pregnant relatively late in life. They used an ultrasound to track the process -- a thin needle is dropped into the amniotic fluid and extracts a sample for analysis. In the grainy gray and white display we saw Barky floating around, and when the needle appeared at one end of the womb, instead of flinching from the unknown invasion, she unfolded and reached out to try and grab it. The doctor got a kick out of it. I knew at that point that she was going to be just fine.

A

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 06:34 PM

Sounds like Dad got a kick out of it too.

Do you remember the peering and squinting to try to discern just who this little person on the sonogram screen really was? I remember thinking those ultrasounds images would unveil a mystery. Seeing the images was thrilling, left the mystery untouched.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 06:40 PM

Just so, and beautifully put.


A

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: David C. Carter
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 07:27 PM

When my wife was seven months pregnant,the doctors said that our baby was so tiny that he would never survive the birth.That sent her into a depression,not to mention my state of mind.
At eight months,it was decided that a Caesarian would be the best all round.Meaning that I couldn't be there to witness the birth.
She refused the offer of anaestetics up untill the moment when the pain of having her stomach opened became too much.
Consequently,I was the first to see our son,Vladimir.Weighing 2kilos
100 grams.What a fantastic moment.That was 20 years ago this October.
He now stands at 1.85 metres.The greatest gift one person can give to another.
I should have put all this a lot better but....

David

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 07 - 09:15 PM

I understand, Dave ... I think.

I had dom the LaMaze, and read the books on natural childbirth, and all the forethoguht I put into this miracle went by the boards when we, too, had to accept the choice of a Caesarean section. I sat outside the sheet barrier, holding BBW's hand; she was largely beyond normal dialogue while the operation was done. When Barky was out, the nurse wiped her off, put a wee white cap on her head, wrapped her in a blanket, and handed her to me.

I thought I was ready, but the reality of the moment when my child was placed in my arms, and I looked into those calm, steady blue eyes for the first time...well, I might as well have said I was ready for Katrina's waters; I was swept up in a river bigger than I had imagined, with no paddles or water wings. Just washed away. I was misty-eyed for two days.

It is a moment I have never outgrown or forgotten.


A

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 12:01 AM

More Dad stories!

And more adoptive parent stories! Earlier I said it took the hormone bath of pregnancy to turn me into a parent. I don't think I would have been capable of bonding without it. And I've read that fathers also undergo hormonal changes that foster bonding. But adoptiive parents experience the same bonding process. So, that relationship between hormones and parental bonding is clearly a two way street.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 01:04 AM

I never gave any serious thought to having a baby -- I was perfectly happy as I was -- I married a child centered man and so children seemed to be inevitable. I had my first child at 32 -- I had never diapered a baby, baby sat or done any of the things that normal people do with babies ------I quit work because all the 'tapes' in my head said -- women stay home when they have babsies becasue that is what my mother did My husband and I had moved up state because he had just graduated law school.......all my connections were down South. We had one car that he drove and I was hom 24/7 with this little 'thing' that cried constantly. O n her sixth week birthday I took her to the doctors who checked her out and said the babywas fine, how was I? I think I cried for an hour and this wonderful man said his wife was a counselor and he would send her to my house next day. When she came, she took one look at me and said -- lady , get back to work. I can't , I sobbed,. I have this BABY to look after. She looked me in the eye and said, and just what the hell good do you think you are doing this baby in the state you are in ---- GO BACK TO WORK. I went back to work. The only thing I enjoyed about Penny being small was nursing her - and that was a joy. With the other two, I took off about 6 weeks from work and went right back -- and was much the better parent for it........

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 03:05 AM

Trubrit - I understand exactly what you mean. I was never meant to be a mother either. As I said above, I'm STILL waiting for that mothering instinct to kick in.

Not so much when she was tiny, because I kept working part time whilst a colleague and I shared childminding and his daughter (Limpit's best friend, 6 months younger and 6 inches taller!), but later, when she was about 3 and I'd been "let go" from that job and was at home either with her or waiting for her. 6 months of that turned me into a raving basket case, which subsided when I got another job. After 2 years in that job, I had some trouble with a bullying manager and took several weeks off. Those weeks at home, again either with her or for her, tipped me over the edge into 'dangerous basket case'. It was whilst chasing her around the dining room table explaining infanticide to her that I decided I needed to a) get some professional help and b) get out of the house more!

I've never deliberately hurt her, and would seriously damage anyone who tried to, but there have been many times that I have been glad I had Manitas around so I can disappear on my own for a day. Had I been a single parent, I have absolutely no doubts at all that I would be in some kind of institution by now.


LTS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 11:05 AM

Liz -- love your total honesty here......think there are many more of us out there wired like that but society just makes itso unacceptable to say it! I met up with one of my clients when her child was about three months old ----- I could tell she wzs in the same place we were by looking at her. A couple of yeares later, she told me it was such heaven for me to give her permission to say she didn't like being a mother.


I too, do not understand how single parents (or the children thereof) survive... I would have been institutionalized without a supportive husband who was ok with me not liking motherhood!!! Now, being the parent of young adults (25, 22 and 19) -- now that is really cool and makes up for everything I went through.......! Hope they think so too!

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 11:32 AM

Hell, it's the reward you get for the investment you make; whether it is nurturing instinct, or just plain reason, you gotta do the best you can for 'em and hope they go forward with enough wits to make things a bit better in their corner. We feel completely blessed...now. During the teen years, it was debatable, but we held on and did the best we could anyway.

A

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: KT
Date: 11 Nov 07 - 04:13 PM

Amos, I can't see my screen after reading your post!
KT

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 03:59 AM

I love being a mother....didn't think I would, the thought filled me with dread and horror, but things have turned out differently. I've still got the terrible 2's and the teen years to go through but I'm sure I will still feel blessed.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: mouldy
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 05:08 AM

I have had 3. The first is now a pregnant father himself.

Pregnancy was the best diet I have ever had, as I went off food in general and felt queasy with all of them for the first 5 months or so. With my second, having lost half a stone by 16 weeks, I had my midwife (one of the old school) threatening to turn up and force feed me breakfast. By 20 weeks I was back to pre-pregnancy weight. I put on most weight with my first (20lbs - and he was 8lbs 12oz). The girls were 7lbs 10oz and 7lbs 11½lbs, and I don't think I put more than 12 or 14 lbs on with either of them. My son had the biggest head, was nearly forceps delivery, etc. After that it was like shelling peas, and I had stitch free deliveries with the girls.

When I was pregnant the second time I used to take my toddler son to the local midwife/GP check ups, and he would watch how they felt and measured the development. He often used to climb into bed in the morning with me, and I used to let him feel the bump like the doctor/midwife did, and talk about the baby - he was fascinated. That was until at about 39 weeks when she kicked him hard... and they quite often took up the fight again after that! Now they're grown up nothing changes! (Imagine the play punch-up between a 6' 4" flood defence officer and a 5' 8" pharmacist. One aged 25, the other 23 (20 months between them). This was at the Christmas dinner table, pre meal, and resulted in a Chinese burns & fork jabbed into hand scenario. As he points out frequently, he still bears the scar!) There is a 5½ gap between the girls, so Ruth has been spared.

It's a pity I'm too old to be pregnant again - I need the weight loss!

Andrea

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 06:08 AM

Interesting that two people who say they weren't cut out to be parents, have multiple children. Obviously something changed with the first child.

No way on earth would I ever do that again. Never. Nope. Screwing up one child's life is bad enough, I wouldn't inflict me on more!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: maeve
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 06:53 AM

Liz- I've not had the pleasure of meeting either of you, but from what I read of Limpet you've done an outstanding job of parenting.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 12 Nov 07 - 09:07 AM

Liz - you are right........though I wouldn't define three as multiple........I think the first one was so inredibly difficult that I figured nothing could be worse!!!!!! And the second one was a piece of cake.......easy, calm, slept all the time -- just a doll. BTW - I'm with Andrea---there is no better diet (for me) than being pregnant -- the weight fell off me with the first one and never really came back.....(thank you Lord).

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Janie
Date: 17 Dec 15 - 11:15 PM

My young adult son's birthday is tommorrow - at 9:03 am to be exact.
Sent me down memory lane, and reminded me of this thread.

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 04:56 PM

Call him at exactly that time.... my mother did that to me when I was 35, and I was born at 5:30 AM.

"Happy Birthday", she said... "Hunh?" I replied... "Well, 35 years ago, you got me out of bed at 5 AM," she said....


(oh.. I just noticed it was today.... well, you will have other years...)

Subject: RE: BS: When We Were Pregnant
From: Noreen
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 05:32 PM

Thanks for refreshing this thread, Janie, I've just read through all of it- I never saw it the first time around.

This is the sort of lovely, friendly thread we used to take part in.

Thanks all for sharing such important memories and experiences with us- including at least two of the old school who are no longer with us.