BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!

Subject: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Nick
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 09:11 AM

Pet Camel story

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 09:16 AM

I suppose he got the hump.

Puts what the dog does to your leg into a whole new perspective...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Mr Happy
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 09:25 AM

"Oh, the sexual life of the camel
Is stranger than anyone thinks.
In moments of amorous passion,
He frequently buggers the Sphinx.

But the Sphinx's posterior passage
Is clogged with the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile."

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 09:27 AM

Took the words right out of my mouth...

Now I'm grinning like a maniac and whistling the tune. I'm going to be banned from here during work hours at this rate!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 09:29 AM

The dog thing is actually a dominance behavior. Males and females do it to tell each other who is in charge. It was one of the first things my pit bull did when the new blue heeler pup came into the yard, to put her in her place.

Sad story about the camel. A lot of people try to make pets of animals they have no business trying to make into pets.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 09:57 AM

Well, we did buy her an elephant...I mean element.

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: The PA
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 10:05 AM

'I suppose he got the hump' - er .... or not !

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 10:40 AM

To get the hump in the UK is to be annoyed at not getting your own way. To get the right hump is to be monumentally annoyed!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Flash Company
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 11:19 AM

The Camels hump is an ugly lump,
Which well you may see at the zoo,
But uglier yet is the hump you get,
From having too little to do,
Kiddies and grown ups too-oo-oo,
If we haven't enough to do-oo-oo
We get the hump,
Cameelious hump,
The hump that is black and blue.

We climb out of bed with a frouzly head,
And a snarly-warly voice,
We shiver and scowl and we grunt and we growl,
At our bath and our boots and our toys
And there should be a corner for me,
(And I know that there's one for you)
When we get the hump
Cameelious hump,
The hump that is black and blue.

The cure for this ill is not to sit still,
Or frowst with a book by the fire,
But to take a large hoe and a shovel or so
And dig till you gently perspire,
And then you woll find that the sun and the wind,
And the Djinn of the Garden too,
Have lifted the hump,
Cameelious hump,
The hump that is black and blue!

Rudyard Kipling-Just So Stories

FC

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 12:16 PM

"The camel has a lot of fun
His night's complete when he is done
For he always has two humps for one
As he revels in the joys of fornication."

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: GUEST,Don Firth (computer still in the shop)
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 03:40 PM

No, I wouldn't be giving my wife any camels. She doesn't smoke.

"Research has shown that nine out of ten camels prefer doctors."
                                                                                  --Phil Silvers

Don Firth (I quit smoking 30 years ago.)

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 04:08 PM

"Research has shown that nine out of ten camels prefer doctors."

...and that poor woman had to get the 10th!

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: frogprince
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 04:13 PM

The lame gradeschool joke I remember was a takeoff on an old radio ad for camels: In a recent test, 20 leading doctors tried camels for 30 days; at the end of that time, 18 of them went back to their wives.

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 04:43 PM

The other two joined the French Foreign Legion...

"But, sir...the men use her to ride to TOWN!"

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 07:37 PM

"Cameelious hump"!

Thanks for the reminder! It's been years since I read any Kipling aloud (which, as far as I'm concerned is the ONLY way to read him). I miss it and I will get me some tonight. Kipling, not camel...

Dani

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Sorcha
Date: 20 Aug 07 - 07:48 PM

Alice the camel has 5 humps....(Scout/camp song)

But, can I have a python????? (no, sorch, let's not go there)

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: JennyO
Date: 21 Aug 07 - 09:06 AM

Aah, Kipling. I haven't Kippled for a while. Maybe I should get me some too. Better than a camel I should think!

Well, we did buy her an elephant

Would that be the fifth elephant, Rapaire?

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Charley Noble
Date: 21 Aug 07 - 01:11 PM

Here's a little more about the story but not much:

Pet camel kills Australian woman while trying to have sex
The Associated Press
Published: August 19, 2007

BRISBANE, Australia: An Australian woman was killed by a pet camel given to her as a 60th birthday present after the animal apparently tried to have sex, police said Sunday.

The woman, whose name was not released, was killed Saturday at her family's sheep and cattle ranch near Mitchell, 600 kilometers (350 miles) west of the Queensland state capital Brisbane, state police Detective Senior Constable Craig Gregory said.

The 10-month-old male camel — weighing about 150 kilograms (330 pounds) — knocked the woman to the ground, lay on top of her, then exhibited what police suspect was mating behavior, Gregory said.

"I'd say it's probably been playing, or it may be even a sexual sort of thing," Gregory said, adding the camel almost suffocated the family's pet goat by straddling it on several occasions.

Camel expert Chris Hill said he had no doubt the camel's behavior was sexual.

Hill, who has offered camel rides to tourists for 20 years, said young camels are not aggressive, but can be dangerous if treated as pets without discipline.

The fate of the camel was not known.

The woman was given the camel in March as a birthday present from her husband and daughter. "She had a love of exotic pets," Gregory said.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Mr Happy
Date: 22 Aug 07 - 08:14 AM

"She had a love of exotic pets,"

Says it all really!

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Aug 07 - 10:15 AM

She'd "walk a mile for a camel" but, alas, she got humped instead.

Isn't there also a warning tale with regard to permitting a camel's nose to enter one's tent?

Take care, beware!

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Becca72
Date: 22 Aug 07 - 11:17 AM

"To get the hump in the UK is to be annoyed at not getting your own way. To get the right hump is to be monumentally annoyed!"

Liz, here in the States to "get the hump" is exactly what happened to this poor woman....

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: JennyO
Date: 22 Aug 07 - 11:48 AM

Isn't there also a warning tale with regard to permitting a camel's nose to enter one's tent?

Don't know about that, but there was something about getting a camel through the eye of a needle...

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Aug 07 - 12:05 PM

To the tune of The Riddle Song.........


I gave my wife a present
That she could love
I gave her not a puppy
Nor a turtle dove
I gave my love a camel
And she named it Fred
I gave my wife a camel
And it fucked her dead.


I could go on but what would be the point?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Charley Noble
Date: 25 Aug 07 - 04:49 PM

Ah, Spaw, I knew you were really just an old romantic.

Maybe I'll work on a parody of "There was a Frier in Our Town."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 26 Aug 07 - 12:43 PM

Actually, Mr Happy, I think the original words were "tries to bugger the sphinx".

Conversely, the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Aug 07 - 02:22 PM

On the subject of camels, did you see that more than a thousand camels recently have died mysteriously? The last I heard they were suspecting a poison in their feed rather than a disease. You suppose the feed came from China?

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 26 Aug 07 - 08:51 PM

"the hedgehog can never be buggered at all."

I must be a hedgehog then... :-P

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Aug 07 - 10:47 PM

I wonder if it was a 7 Day or 14 Day camel......there is a difference.

See, this guy I knew was planning a trip across the desert and he goes to the Hertz Rent-A-Camel joint and tells them he wants to rent one. The Hertz guy asks if he wants a 7 day or a 14 day camel. Well, the trip is for 16 days and the fellow can't figure out a way to shorten it. After much cajoling, the Hertz guy says, "I'll see what I can do."

He walks over and selects a large 14 day camel and sticks its head in the water trough. As the camel is drinking, he goes into the Hertz Kiosk and returns with two bricks. The camel is almost full and ready to take its last slurp when the Hertz guy walks behind it. Then, with a powerful swing, he claps the 2 bricks together, smashing the camel's nuts in between. The camel goes 'SSLLLLLUUUOOOORRRRPPPSSSSHHH', and sucks up a ton more water. The Hertz guy walks around to the front and says, "There ya' go pal. That oughta' do it."

My traveller friend is appalled. "JESUS CHRIST MAN!!!!!! Doesn't that HURT???"...to which the Hertz guy replies,

"Nah........Not if you keep your thumbs out of the way."



Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Slag
Date: 27 Aug 07 - 01:49 AM

Not to worry. I bought her a Marlboro, man!

Subject: RE: BS: Don't buy your wife a camel...!
From: Charley Noble
Date: 27 Aug 07 - 09:26 AM

For another perspective on the Camel: Click at Your Own Risk!

Them was the days!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble