Subject: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Rasener Date: 18 Oct 07 - 07:49 AM The Perks Of Being An Old Fart: 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run anywhere. 4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you ???? " 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm. 9. You can live without sex but not your glasses. 10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge. 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. 13. You sing along with elevator music. 14. Your eyes won't get much worse. 15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 19. You can't remember who posted this list. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Jean(eanjay) Date: 18 Oct 07 - 08:48 AM ....... and number 20 could be: Having spent years trying to get up early enough for work, suddenly you're wide awake at the crack of dawn. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Rapparee Date: 18 Oct 07 - 08:54 AM 21. You no longer care WHO you piss off. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: John MacKenzie Date: 18 Oct 07 - 08:57 AM 22 You become invisible to all attractive members of the opposite sex! G |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 18 Oct 07 - 08:57 AM 22. Young folks give you their seats in the bus. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Rapparee Date: 18 Oct 07 - 09:00 AM 23. You realize that age and guile will always win over youth and enthusiasm. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Rasener Date: 18 Oct 07 - 09:01 AM 23. You get invited by all the charities or schools to have christmas dinner with them. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Rasener Date: 18 Oct 07 - 09:01 AM make that 24 LOL |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Rapparee Date: 18 Oct 07 - 09:09 AM 25. Courts are often more lenient in your sentencing. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Wesley S Date: 18 Oct 07 - 09:11 AM 26 - Peolpe expect you to lose count. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: artbrooks Date: 18 Oct 07 - 09:11 AM 26. People expect you to work harder for free ("volunteer") than you ever did for a regular paycheck. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: dick greenhaus Date: 18 Oct 07 - 09:45 AM 27. You can hunt fo your own Easter eggs. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: wysiwyg Date: 18 Oct 07 - 10:02 AM 28. No one is too surprised or put off by the old fart smell that accompanies you. 29. You get to start coming to the 8AM Mass, where people who have trouble getting dressed up all by themselves are more than welcome. 30. You can blame your age for your bossy crabbiness and people BELIEVE it! :~) 31. YOu can start using words like |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: wysiwyg Date: 18 Oct 07 - 10:04 AM 31. You can start using words like WHIPPERSNAPPER and PIPSQUEAK with conviction and it's just assumed that YOU are not the one who is wet behind the ears. Even if you can't type without hitting the submit button! 32. You get to do the Bifocal Dance Step and the Wilbury Twist. ~S~ |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Peace Date: 18 Oct 07 - 10:07 AM 33. When you fart in public people pretend they don't hear. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: GUEST,Pseudolus at work Date: 18 Oct 07 - 10:07 AM 32. You can hit the enter key too soon adn no one cares! |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Midchuck Date: 18 Oct 07 - 10:20 AM It's all right not to be able to remember who someone is...although you have to be really old for it to be all right if it's a close relative. You can go for a whole hour at a time thinking about something other than sex. Not that you always choose to. Peter. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: fat B****rd Date: 18 Oct 07 - 10:23 AM 34. You can ogle young girls bodies and make out your eyesight's geting worse. So I've been told. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: GUEST,Neil D Date: 18 Oct 07 - 10:43 AM Getting 10% off. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Rasener Date: 18 Oct 07 - 11:07 AM Free bus pass |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: topical tom Date: 18 Oct 07 - 11:08 AM You can feign illness or soreness and be believed; a way out of unwanted situations. Pretending you didn't hear avoids many confrontations. Senior discounts. Use "little time left" to acquire and do many things Ah, so many perks, so little time! |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Bryn Pugh Date: 18 Oct 07 - 11:17 AM Free medical prescriptions Best of all - half price into gigs. My Beloved and I went to see the Manfreds recently - her ticket was £12, mine a fiver. Did I mention the grandbrats ? When one has filled the nappy, you can hand it back to the parent, saying 'Awful smell of shite off this child'. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Jean(eanjay) Date: 18 Oct 07 - 11:19 AM You can get away with being lethal with the supermarket trolley. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: GUEST,Frogprince in San Francisco Date: 18 Oct 07 - 12:12 PM Just had an interesting moment. I was manning our art associations gallery, and the wife of the editor of our small town paper came in with a new young woman photographer they just acquired. The young lady asked to take a picture of me with the photos I had up at the time. She started going "Oh, he's so cute; he's just adorable". Hilarious, and a little crazy, but for a guy who grew up as a homely, backward, dateless geek, I must admit that being treated as a cute little old fart doesn't feel all that bad. Dean |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: John MacKenzie Date: 18 Oct 07 - 12:23 PM Do I come here often? |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Ebbie Date: 18 Oct 07 - 12:29 PM No longer have to specify that you want a chair on stage. They take it for granted. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Rapparee Date: 18 Oct 07 - 12:37 PM Sword canes!! |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Donuel Date: 18 Oct 07 - 01:37 PM We could all loosen up by taking a page from Steven Colbert and celbrate life with extreme sarcasm and laughter. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: GUEST,strad Date: 18 Oct 07 - 02:24 PM You fancy the daughter, the mother, the grandmother and eventually the greatgrandmother! |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Bill D Date: 18 Oct 07 - 02:47 PM "Just because there's snow on the roof, it doesn't mean the fire's out in the hearth." |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: gnu Date: 18 Oct 07 - 02:48 PM I am not old. But, I do feel like a fart drug through a keg of nails. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Irene M Date: 18 Oct 07 - 02:51 PM Giok, I thought you LIVED here. By the way, have fun over the weekend. Irene |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Donuel Date: 18 Oct 07 - 03:15 PM When your 2nd grader comes home with a new word list that includes the word barrow, you help him construct the sentence with the 1st meaning of the word from your Funk and Wagnells dictionary... barrow n. : a castrated hog. The poor barrow was not only castrated but had a rat trap slam shut on his penis. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Little Hawk Date: 18 Oct 07 - 03:37 PM That would be enough to ruin one's whole day, I should think. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Peace Date: 18 Oct 07 - 04:16 PM However, the teacher would likely be impressed that the young fellow was able to avoid a comma splice, use an uppercase letter to begin the sentence and end punctuation to close. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 18 Oct 07 - 04:49 PM "Comma splice" indeed - they keep on inventing these new linguistic terms just to disguise the fact they don't know any real grammar... |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Jim Dixon Date: 18 Oct 07 - 06:10 PM You can tell young kids what life was like when you were young, and really impress them with how awful and primitive things were (without video games, calculators, computers, skateboards, cell phones, VCRs, cable TV, etc.). |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Peace Date: 18 Oct 07 - 06:14 PM A five mile walk to school in weather that was 45 below zero--and no shoes. Uphill both ways. Slate to use because paper hadn't been invented yet. But, you know the difference between boogers and broccoli? Ya can't get a kid to eat broccoli. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Rapparee Date: 18 Oct 07 - 06:51 PM Ha! When I was learning programming we didn't have all this fancy stuff. Nossirree! We had to input the data by using a manual typewriter! And we had to enter it all in BINARY! Yessiree! And ones and zeros hadn't been invented yet, so we had to use lower-case ells and upper case ohs. Uphill both ways, through snow up to our eyebrows. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Peace Date: 18 Oct 07 - 07:02 PM Yeah. Well, at least you HAD eyebrows. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Rowan Date: 18 Oct 07 - 07:26 PM Where's Ivor Cutler when you need him? |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: McGrath of Harlow Date: 18 Oct 07 - 07:35 PM Here |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: JohnInKansas Date: 18 Oct 07 - 07:57 PM Perks of being an old fart? Obviously the only one that counts: OLD WOMEN Luv 'em all. John |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Bill D Date: 18 Oct 07 - 11:23 PM Ha! When I was a lad, Fortran was only threetran! And we had to hand-crank the power for the computers! And the printouts? Gutenberg type! |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Peace Date: 18 Oct 07 - 11:40 PM Caxton was at our school. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Jim Dixon Date: 19 Oct 07 - 12:07 AM We could start a thread on all the technology that has disappeared during the lifetimes of us old farts. We wouldn't even have to lie. Anybody remember the IBM Selectric typewriter? |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Joe_F Date: 19 Oct 07 - 12:08 AM You can impress people with casual reminiscences of steam locomotives, telegrams, and other vanished commonplaces. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Rasener Date: 19 Oct 07 - 02:02 AM mangles 45rpm ration books conductors on buses buses that you could jump on to, when it was pulling away. law and order |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: Sooz Date: 19 Oct 07 - 03:13 AM We got a hamper from the village schoolchildren's harvest festival. |
Subject: RE: BS: The perks of being an old fart From: JohnInKansas Date: 19 Oct 07 - 04:09 AM You can tell young kids what life was like when you were young, and really impress them with how awful and primitive things were (without video games, calculators, computers, skateboards, cell phones, VCRs, cable TV, etc.). ... ... and point out that our generation invented them all ... and apologize for giving them to the young whippersnippets. John |