BS: The boy is back!!!!

Subject: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 23 Mar 08 - 01:37 PM

Okay, this is Don McBride, eh? The boy is back! Celebration time, eh?

Yup, my little brother Shane has flippin' returned from the dead. I heard like a knock on the door last night at 2 AM. I had been takin' to lockin' the door because some bolthole has been sneakin' in at night and stealin' my beer. I bet it is one of my so called "friends", eh? A buncha loosers. Anyways, the door was locked and I heard this kockin'.

So I come downstairs and take a look. I couldn't hardly flippin' believe my eyes! It was my longlost little brother Shane...lookin' pretty much like the day he left here...only cleaner? Strange, eh?

Anyways, we like both busted into tears when we seen each other. After things calmed down some we like went into the kitchen and broke out the beer and Shane started tellin' me all about his advenchures and stuff, eh?

I didn't flippin' beleeve most of it. The boy is a terrible flippin' liar! He told me all kinds of stuff about them aleyens and space ships and all, but I don't believe most of it. Maybe some of it. But not most of it.

He told me they are his frineds now and that they can brew beer that if ya drink it you don't get no hangover. Yeah...RIGHT. I will flippin' believe that when I see it, eh?

Now I ain't sayin' he wasn't took by aleyens. I know he was. Everyone knows that. I am just sayin' that he has made up a whole lotta stuff here to make himself look important and all.

Hell, I would do the same thing if I was him, eh? People want to hear a good story.

Well, this boy has got a good flippin' STORY, lemme tell ya. He goes on and on about it. He says he is trainin' to save the Universe "as we know it" and that he is gettin' time off now while his buddies "the Grays" go and do some other stuff but that they will be comin' back fer him in awhile.

He says he will prove it to me. He says they can play Euchre better than anyone in Blind River and that he taught them!

I say he is a great big flippin' LIAR. Ha! Ha! But what the heck...it's a good story.

We are gonna call the papers now and see if we can turn this into, like, somethin' big. Maybe get some free beer out of it.

- Don McBride

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Mar 08 - 01:39 PM

Like WOW, eh! Hard to believe he's b-a-c-k!

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Deckman
Date: 23 Mar 08 - 01:40 PM

What key is this in?

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 23 Mar 08 - 01:50 PM

Low D.

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Mar 08 - 02:01 PM

Back, boy...BACK!

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Bee
Date: 23 Mar 08 - 02:11 PM

Cleaner, eh? You sure this isn't some kind of dangerous cyborg or clone or somethin'?

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 23 Mar 08 - 02:33 PM

Yees, Bee! Feed him some pure water and see what happens eh?

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Mar 08 - 02:53 PM

It's an impostor, maybe a clone. "Shane" McBride gave his life for all of us, leaving his widow (the former OPP Officer Jennifer Dana), three lovely children, a house in the Toronto suburbs, a minivan, and a thriving accounting practice behind.

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 23 Mar 08 - 10:17 PM

Yeah, he told me you been spreadin' them rumers, Rapaiere. Ha! Ha! The little brother will NeVER marry Officer Dana! Never! Not a flippin' dogs chance in hell, eh? She is WAY outta his league.

I think she figgers she is outta my league too, eh? And it could be true. I am man enuff to face that, but it don't stop me tryin' to like catch her in a weak moment when she ain't thinkin' straight, know what I mean? I offer her a drink and a toke every time I see her. I do. I considder her a friend to this fambly by now, that's why. She only arrests me and Shane when things get seriously outta hand. She don't bother about the small stuff with us.

Anyways, he is definitely back. It is him. I am 1000 persent sure of that. He ain't changed much, but like I said he is tellin' some whoppers of stories. Hooo-WEEE! He probally figgers to get the girls this way, but I doubt that it would work. SEriously. NO ONE would beleeve the stuff he is comin' up with!

- Don McBride

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 24 Mar 08 - 08:16 AM

Don - I wouldn't worry about the girls not believing Shane. Just check and see if they watch Big Brother. If they do they'll probably believe ANYTHING.

Welcome back Shane, you were missed.

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 08 - 09:07 AM

Don, nobody believed what "Shane" came up with before he left us -- especially not women. They didn't nickname him "Teeny-Weeny" without reason.

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 08 - 02:05 PM

So, Don...is Teeny-Weeny still stealin' your beer? Or did he bring some back with him?

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 24 Mar 08 - 02:08 PM

You got a good point there, Rap-man! Ha! Ha! You are so right.

jacqui, I don't know if I get yer drift exactly, but if ya happen to pass through Blind River, look me up and I will explain it to you personal, okay? You WILL beleeve!

Shane is gettin' kinda ticked at me cos I don't beleeve the stuff about the space beer that don't give you a hangover no matter if you drink a whole keg. He says he is gonnna PROVE it to me. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Well, I am still glad the boy is back. It's like old times, eh? I think he is startin' to get dirtier too...like a McBride should be. He says they got these showers in the space buggy and they made him take one every flippin' day! Only it wasn't a water shower. He said it's some kinda steaming energy stuff and it gets you cleaner than a flippin' whissle. Scary, man, scary.

- Don McBride

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Mar 08 - 05:05 PM

You mean for a while he was a clean Teeny-Weeny?

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: gnu
Date: 24 Mar 08 - 05:29 PM

Fore he got skinned by the peelers.

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: GUEST,Mary Smith From Sudbury
Date: 25 Mar 08 - 02:53 PM

I hope that he IS back! I've been looking for him and so has my Dad and brothers ever since I found out that I'm In The Way! And now I found this! He's going to do Right by me or Daddy's going to find out Why Not! That miserable creep took Advantage of me and now I'm going to have a You-Know-What! Tell him to get ready for a Trip To The Altar!

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Mar 08 - 03:19 PM

Well, I don't believe this story 'casue when I was taken up in the flyin' saucer them folks was like friggin' Mormons... You couldn't find any beer no place... I mean, I loked hard... Bout the 4th day without no beer this little monster think started followin' me around talkin' about my mama and threatenin' to scratch and bite me... So I started yellion' at5 it every time it came close an' 'bout a day of me yellin' at the sumabich the alienz musta got plum wored out from it so they brought me back to earth 'cept rather than drop my poor ol' hillbilly butt and that little sumabich monster off back in Wes Ginny they dropped us off in the middle of a friggin' corn field in Iowa???

Like, what was that all about, anyway???

Took us all night to find our way outta that cornfield... Tell ya' what, if I had a gun I woulds shot that little demon...

But we found a road, got a ride in the back of an ol' Ford pickup to the the closest roadhouse where I performed card tricks for beer... Don't know where that little monster went off to but sho nuff don't recommend goin' off in flyin' ships unless you got a bigass cooler of beer...

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 08 - 03:24 PM

You didn't do that to run away from that Mary person, did you, Bobert?

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Gurney
Date: 25 Mar 08 - 03:39 PM

Them thar aliens also put the new tat on his left arm?

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 25 Mar 08 - 04:02 PM

LOL! Are there flippin' wedding bells in the future here? Man, Shane turned pale when he seen that. Look, Mary, just a kind flippin' word of advice here, eh? My little brother is not good marraige material. Trust me on this. He can't flippin' hold down a job. He spends 6 months outta every year in jail. He ain't capuble of stayin' faithfull cos he will jump anything that moves. (that sorta runs in our fambly) The only thing he can do right is roll a doobie.

Don't go makin' a mistake you will flippin' regret fer the rest of your life!

- Don McBride

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: GUEST,Mary Smith of Sudbury
Date: 25 Mar 08 - 09:25 PM

He'll make an Honest Woman out of me. Daddy Will See To It. Daddy will also give him a good job. Daddy is In Charge of the cemetery and he always needs someone to dig graves and Things. We can live in a little house Daddy owns next door to the One I Grew Up In. If he doesn't make me an Honest Woman Daddy said he needs help filling in graves, whatever That means.

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Mar 08 - 09:57 PM

Oh, dear.

I see a bad moon on the rise...

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Mar 08 - 10:05 PM

He shoulda oughta gone to church on Sunday morning to pray for the failure of the crop of wild oats he sowed on Saturday night.

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 08 - 11:51 AM

The boy is back and he's gonna be sorry
Hey la, hey la, the boy is back....

Subject: RE: BS: The boy is back!!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Mar 08 - 11:56 AM

You know, I'll bet Teeny-Weeny has never changed a baby's dirty diaper. Someone ought to videotape the first time and post it on YouTube or something.

Oh, he has so very much to look forward to! Being in the Delivery Room, for instance. Or being up at 2 a.m. with sick kid who throws up on him.

The joys of parenthood!