BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns

Subject: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: GUEST,Dazbo at Work
Date: 21 May 08 - 06:40 AM

Just finished reading Angels and Demons by Dan Brown which I quite enjoyed: but a question.

The real baddie turns out to be the son of the recently deceased pope. Indeed part of what turned the villain villainous is that he found out the pope had fathered a child. It turns out the mother was a nun and neither the pope nor the nun wanted to break their vows of celibacy although very much in love. The nun came up with the solution of being artificially inseminated by the pope. Now it seems to me that this side-stepping the vow, although not involving penetration, certainly breaks the spirit of the vow. The nun then seems to have left the nunnery to raise the child.

Any idea how the Catholic Church would view this in reality? How about God? What would his view be on the matter (after all, it's a promise made to him)?

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: Paul Burke
Date: 21 May 08 - 07:15 AM

God was not married to the mother of his son, and supernaturally inseminated her, so I expect he'd have no objections. And the Pope is infallible.

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: Dead Horse
Date: 21 May 08 - 07:28 AM

...and the nun was infillable.

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 21 May 08 - 07:37 AM

But not inconceivable, impregnable or unbearable, though possibly inscrutable.

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 May 08 - 08:25 AM

Does Sinsull know about this?
She is the Mudcat's resident nun expert.


G

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 21 May 08 - 08:35 AM

I want nun of this...

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 21 May 08 - 08:54 AM

Just another virgin birth

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 21 May 08 - 09:00 AM

That's virgin on the redickuless.

G

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: artbrooks
Date: 21 May 08 - 09:09 AM

Sounds like a lot of nunsense to me....

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: Mrrzy
Date: 21 May 08 - 09:12 AM

Well, my catholic friend says popes aren't allowed orgasm, so how did they get the sperm?

And BBCW, shame on you!

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: Rasener
Date: 21 May 08 - 09:14 AM

Sister Catherine walked into the dining hall for breakfast. "Sister, I see you got out of bed on the wrong side this morning," Mother Miriam said to her. This went on all day with others saying exactly the same.
That evening Sister Teresa comes up to her. "Sister Catherine, I see you got out of bed on the wrong side this morning."

"No, I've been cheerful all day! Why does everybody keep saying that I must've gotten out of bed the wrong side?"

"Well, you're wearing the Pope's shoes."

A man walked into a doctors waiting room and saw a nun sitting there crying her eyes out, obviously very upset. When he went into the doctor he asked the good physician why the nun was crying so much. the doctor replied, "I told her she was pregnant." "Good grief," said the guy, "How can that be, since she is a nun?" "She isn't really," said the good doctor, "but it cured her hiccups."

Two nuns riding bicycles down a cobbled street, and one turns to the other and says "Do you know, I've never come this way before."

A priest was confronted by a prostitute. "Do you want a quickie for five rand?". Not knowing what it was, he said no. A few minutes another prostitute also offered him a quickie for five rand. Again he said no. When he got back to the monastery, his curiosity got the better of him, and he went to a nun. "What," he asked, "is a quickie?" "Five rand, same as in town," the nun answered.

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: GUEST,Dazbo at work
Date: 21 May 08 - 10:08 AM

Hee Hee!!

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 08 - 10:27 AM

This is an impenetrable paradox indeed. Inconceivable, in real life.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: Escapee
Date: 22 May 08 - 12:53 AM

There was a young nun named Vera
Who wouldn't let anyone near 'er
But a crafty old monk slipped into her bunk,
And now she's a Mother Superior.

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: GUEST,LTS not even pretending to work
Date: 22 May 08 - 03:02 AM

You lot owe the British Government a new keyboard and I nearly had a relapse of the old trouble....

Two nuns in a bath, one says:

'Where's the soap?' The other says:

'Yes it does, doesn't it!'

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 22 May 08 - 03:50 AM

The 7 dwarves get to meet the pope, & Dopey's first question is "Holy Father, are there any Dwarf nuns in the Vatican?"

"No" says the Pope.

Other six dwarves chorus: "Dopey shagged a penguin, Dopey shagged a penguin!"

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 May 08 - 04:48 AM

There was a young lady, quite odd
Said she had a baby with God
Twas not the almighty
Who crept up her nightie
Twas Roger the lodger, the sod!

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: TheSnail
Date: 22 May 08 - 08:32 AM

Nun's Delight

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 May 08 - 08:34 AM

Mother Superior in the bath when a nun walked in and said "There is a blind man here to see you, Mother." Well, thought Mother S, no need to cover up if he is blind so she asked the nun to send him in.

"Now then, Mother, which window are these blinds to be fitted at..?"

Q. What pleasure does a Monk have?
A. Nun.

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 May 08 - 08:40 AM

Q Why do nuns travel in pairs?

A So one nun can see that the other nun, don't get none.

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: Riginslinger
Date: 22 May 08 - 08:41 AM

"Any idea how the Catholic Church would view this in reality? How about God?"


                   God would remain mum on the matter, since he's not there to comment.

Subject: RE: BS: Artificial Insemination and Nuns
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 May 08 - 09:57 AM

Two nuns walking around Whitby ... suddenly a vampire jumps out and tries to bite one of them.

"Quickly, Sister Ignatia, show him your cross"

"Fuck off you great tosser, you really get on my tits" shouts Sister Ignatia.



A man is driving down a deserted highway, and notices a sign that reads... SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 10 MILES

He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on. Soon, he
sees another sign which says... SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 5 MILES

Realizing these signs are for real, he drives on, and sure enough,
there is a third... SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him, and he pulls into the driveway. On the far side of the parking lot, is a somber stone building with a sign on the door that reads... SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION -WELCOME

He climbs the steps, rings the bell, and the door is answered by a nun in a long black habit, who asks..."What may we do for you my son?
"I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly
doing some business," he answers.

"Very well, my son. Please follow me," says the nun. He is led through
winding passages, and soon he is very disoriented. The nun stops at a
closed door and tells the man, "Please, knock on this door" and leaves.

The man does as he is told, and this door is opened by another nun in a long black habit, holding a tin cup.
This nun instructs: "Please place $50.00 in the cup, then go through
the large wooden door at the end of this hallway."
He places the money in this nun's tin cup. He trots eagerly down the
hallway, and slips through the door, pulling it shut. As the door locks
behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign that says:

"Go in Peace. You have just been screwed by the Sisters of Mercy."


The Four Nuns

It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local
Catholic Church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back
and forth for a few minutes. Finally, the priest agreed to let
them leave the convent for the weekend. "However", he said, "as
soon as you get back Monday morning I want you to confess to me
what you did over the weekend." The four nuns agree, and run off.

Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes to the
priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest
asks, "What did you do, Sister?" She replies, "I watched an X-rated
movie." The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her breath.

The second nun then goes up to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest replies, "OK, what happened?" She says, "I was driving my brother's car down the street in front of his house, and I hit a neighbour's dog and killed it. "The priest looks up to heaven for half a minute, then says, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The second nun goes out. By this time, the fourth nun is laughing quite audibly.

Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned." The priest asks, "Out with it. What did you do?"
She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street." The priest looks up at heaven for a full five minutes before responding, "God forgives you. Go and drink the holy water." She leaves.

The fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing so hard tears run down her cheeks.

The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so bloody funny?"

The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..."


I think that will do for now.... :D

LTS