Lyr Req/Add: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)

Subject: Lyr Req: Barney bought a motor car...
From: Jim Gillan
Date: 03 Aug 08 - 09:53 AM

How do,

Does anybody know the lyrics of 'Barney bought a motor car"(?)

A comic song, using the tune of "In The Hall Of The Mountain King" from Greig's Peer Gynt, it starts off like so:

"Barney bought a motor car, motor car
Barney bought a motor car for driving in the county.
Body work was not too good, not too good, not too good...."

I seem to remember that the song ends when the jalopy crashes, but as it is years since I heard it (I think on the radio and/or at a dodgey festival) I could be wrong.

Thanks!

Jim

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Barney bought a motor car...
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 03 Aug 08 - 02:14 PM

I remeber 1812 used to sing this. geof bodenham and a geezer with a flute.

They used to sing Bernard bought a motor car.

One of these guys who have been on the midlands folkscene for about a thousand years like Steve parkes will know the meg's arse of it!.. I'd pm him if I were you.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Barney bought a motor car...
From: GUEST
Date: 22 May 14 - 03:49 PM

Derek Craft & Geoff Bodenham. The Truth About 1812.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Barney bought a motor car...
From: GUEST,#
Date: 22 May 14 - 07:47 PM

It is listed as 'Bernard's Motor Car' on their vinyl album from 1975. The title of the album is "The Truth About 1812". Saw one for sale at about $40.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Barney bought a motor car...
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 02:16 PM

Could the subject line of this thread be corrected to read "Bernard's Motor Car", or just "Bernard bought a motor car..."?

The lyrics have yet to be submitted. I've never heard this. But I know "Hall of the Mountain King" and that music is dying for a parody lyric. It sounds like a match made in comedy heaven.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Bernard's Motor Car (1812)
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 May 16 - 02:01 PM

Thanks, moderators, for correcting the thread title.
So, who out there has got the lyrics?!

Subject: ADD: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: Joe Offer
Date: 31 May 16 - 06:34 PM

OK, so here goes:

BERNARD'S MOTOR CAR
(as recorded by 1812 - Derek Craft & Geoff Bodenham)
[melody: Grieg's 'In the Hall of the Mountain King']

Bernard bought a motor car, motor car, motor car,
Bernard bought a motor car for driving in the country.
Bernard bought a motor car, motor car, motor car,
Bernard bought a motor car for driving in the country.

Only cost him 8 pound ten, 8 pound ten, 8 pound ten,
Only cost him 8 pound ten, including the insurance.
Only cost him 8 pound ten, 8 pound ten, 8 pound ten,
Only cost him 8 pound ten, including the insurance.

Body work was not too good, not too good, not too good,
Body work was not too good, and all the tires were dodgy.
Body work was not too good, not too good, not too good,
Body work was not too good, and all the tires were dodgy.

His first trip went rather well, rather well, rather well,
His first trip went rather well, until he reached a hill.
His first trip went rather well, rather well, rather well,
His first trip went rather well, until he reached a hill.

Car began to pick up speed, pick up speed, pick up speed,
Car began to pick up speed, much to his consternation.
Car began to pick up speed, pick up speed, pick up speed,
Car began to pick up speed, much to his consternation.

Pushed the brake down to the floor, to the floor, to the floor,
Pushed the brake down to the floor, but still the car went faster.
Pushed the brake down to the floor, to the floor, to the floor,
Pushed the brake down to the floor, but still the car went faster.

Grabbed the handbrake, pulled it hard, pulled it hard pulled it hard,
Grabbed the handbrake, pulled it hard, it came off in his hand.
Grabbed the handbrake, pulled it hard, pulled it hard pulled it hard,
Grabbed the handbrake, pulled it hard, it came off in his hand.

Slammed it into second gear, second gear, second gear,
Slammed it into second gear, the engine fell to pieces.
Slammed it into second gear, second gear, second gear,
Slammed it into second gear, the engine fell to pieces.

Then he saw a herd of cows, herd of cows, herd of cows,
Then he saw a herd of cows, a-blocking up the roadway.
Then he saw a herd of cows, herd of cows, herd of cows,
Then he saw a herd of cows, a-blocking up the roadway.

[Shout: Look out! Look out!]
Bernard shouted, but the cows just didn't seem to hear.
[Shout: Look out! Look out!]
Steered towards the duck pond [oh, damn, I can't make this line out]...with a sneer.

[Musical interlude, a la Grieg]

Now Bernard's bought himself a pedalcycle for 27 pound 10.


Thanks to the nice person who sent me an MP3 of The Truth About 1812

Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: Joe Offer
Date: 31 May 16 - 07:36 PM

discogs.com has the track listing for the 1975 album titled The Truth about 1812.

A1        Bernard's Motor Car        
A2        Girlfriends        
A3        Nurse        
A4        1812        
B1        Two Little Chaps        
B2        Nudist Colony        
B3        Effluent Society        
B4        She Was Poor But She Was Honest        

Credits
Design – Hunt Emerson, Ralph Wigg
Engineer – John Hassell
Producer – Joe Stead
Vocals,Flute,Horn – Derek Craft
Vocals,Guitar – Geof Bodenham

Notes
Recorded At The Black Horse Folk Club,Amberley On
Monday 27th January 1975.

The first track is called "Bernard's Motor Car."

---

Entire album: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWkfn5MFsOU&feature=youtu.be

Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 12:09 PM

Help!

Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 01:33 PM

Yes?? Help with what, Joe?

PS. Thanks for rising to the occasion.

Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 01:48 PM

Steered towards the duck pond [oh, damn, I can't make this line out]...with a sneer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWkfn5MFsOU&feature=youtu.be?

Even Jeri can't make this line out, and she's got a really good ear.

-Joe-

Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: keberoxu
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 05:10 PM

Do you suppose that line ends with " 's near" ?

The two guys are singing and laughing at the same time, at top speed, and it is really difficult to make out what they are singing. Pity we are in no position to read their lips.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Geoff Bodenham-1812
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Jun 16 - 07:45 PM

We have one of the posters on this thread to thank for putting that LP on YouTube. There we are trying to listen closely enough to complete a separate Mudcat Cafe thread with the lyrics for "Bernard's Motor Car."

If you look up that lyric-added thread, you will find that we are stumped near the end of the song when the tempo is very fast and both singers are giggling while they sing. So: can anybody help us out? It's the line about driving the motorcar, swerving away from the cows in the road, and steering towards the duck pond, and then what happened?? Thanks one and all.

Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 03 Jun 16 - 02:44 PM

Steered towards the duck pond that conveniently was near.

Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Jun 16 - 03:21 PM

I agree with Jim Dixon.

Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Jun 16 - 03:18 PM

Thanks for the enjoyment of listening to this recording, with a live audience that is plainly falling about laughing: great fun.

Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: GUEST,Jackie
Date: 21 Jun 16 - 04:06 PM

Brilliant! Really enjoyed listening to this, it took me back to when my ear Dad used to sing this! My son asked me what the tune was when watching Wild Things. Hadn't heard it for years! Thank you for a wonderful recalling memory!

Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: GUEST,Edward Craft
Date: 26 Jan 17 - 08:24 AM

I can verify that the line is

"Steered towards the duck pond that conveniently was near."

(Derek Craft is my father!)

Subject: RE: Req/ADD: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Jan 17 - 11:49 AM

Many thanks, Mr. Craft. Your father is still among the living, yes? Does he still make music or not?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Jun 19 - 01:05 PM

Refresh,
as this is the season (north of the Equator)
for driving in the country
and crashing into duck ponds.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Jun 19 - 02:57 PM

Bad Sir Brian Botany had a bit about a duck pond...

Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Jun 19 - 02:59 PM

Oops. Pond with duckweed, not duck pond.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: GUEST,keberoxu
Date: 13 Jun 19 - 02:25 PM

A separate thread will have to be opened
for the other song lyric
that Mudcat guests have been requesting for years,
also from The Truth About 1812:

Wedding in a Nudist Colony

(at least, my attempts to find this lyric already at Mudcat
have yielded nothing)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: GUEST,Mark Edwards
Date: 17 Jun 19 - 11:54 AM

I saw them live back in the day and have an autographed copy of the LP. Loved the lyrics so much I sang the Nudist Colony with a mate at my wedding.

As Derek's son Ed confirmed above, the missing words to Bernard bought a motor car in the duck pond line were "Steered toward a duck pond that conveniently was near."

Haven't found the thread to the nudist colony song yet - @keberoxu let me know if you're still looking and I'll post them here.

Mark Edwards

Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: GUEST,keberoxu
Date: 17 Jun 19 - 03:39 PM

Thanks, Mark Edwards!

An old Mudcat thread titled:
Help! What happened to 1812, folk duo

has several posts regarding Nudist Colony,
but no one posted its lyrics.
Moreover,
that older thread is already filled
with information ABOUT the duo and the recording
of their live performance.

Shall I start a new thread?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req/Add: Bernard's Motor Car (by 1812)
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Jun 19 - 12:27 PM

Thanks many times over, Mark Edwards,
for supplying a separate "lyrics requested" thread
right here at the Mudcat Cafe.

Refreshing the motor-car calamity thread here.