The most ridiculous thread ever!!!

Subject: The most ridiculous tread ever!!!
From: Bert
Date: 23 Jun 99 - 11:09 PM

Has just gotta be the "Traditional American Drinking Songs" thread.

DICK is ASKING 'US' for lyrics!!!

Bert. ;-)

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Art Thieme
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 02:15 AM

I haven't started this one "yet", but I just read the Farley Mowat book _Born Naked_. He says that Saskatchawan winters (50 below) were so cold that the horse's balls would literally freeze off and the kids used 'em for hockey pucks!!! Is that true?? Or is it a tall tale?? Rick---somebody up there---help with an answer.

(By putting this in this thread I get away from starting a thread that'll give me a bad name like the infamous condom thread did.

(SO THERE!!!)

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 02:56 AM

Good thinking, Art, but about six months too late--you've got the bad name forever--no one's ever gonna forget the condom thread (you notice how condoms II died quickly, but the one with your name on it is still plugging away? But even if you are a dirty-minded old man, we still love you. --seed

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Bert
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 09:43 AM

Sounds like a load of balls to me

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 10:27 AM

Art,

There is no question that a frozen horse turd was used as a puck by many Canadians. Several biographies of famous NHLer's cite playing with "Road Apples" while using magazines as shin pads. In rural Canada they were much more readily available than pucks. I myself am from the city and never had the opportunity to play with one, I think that if I had I may never have become a goalie.

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Fadac
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 10:36 AM

I did hear stories in Ill. about in the "old" days, of men going out to the little house out back, in the winter -40, and uh, dribbling and frezzing a bit of themselves to the seat.

Ouch!

-Fadac

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Peter T.
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 11:00 AM

I can bear witness to playing hockey (mostly shinny) with frozen horse turds on f'ing cold rural Canadian lakes. They weren't any hell, as they wouldn't slide much, and they busted if you hit them moderately hard. We did it when I was a teenager, but we did it just to see what it was like. We also had hockey pucks. To those aficianados who want to work out the approximate date of this memory, this was in the days just before curved blades! (I can remember pals going through all kinds of effort trying to warp their sticks as the word spread that this was a good trick).
yours, Peter T.
P.S. I could never play hockey worth a damn.

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Fadac
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 11:11 AM

Speaking of turds. On this very same farm in Ill. We had this huge dog. This dog would leave land mines all over the place. Well, one day I was out of work, it was winter, The place was frozen, I had this .38 so I went out side and... Shot the Shit!

All I can say is, stand back. It splatters. Even got one round on slow motion 8mm film. The poor dog pile is just sitting there, when bits fly in all directions. At 1/4 speed.

Was great fun.

-Fadac

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 11:31 AM

Ah yes Art, winters may have been cold in old Chicago, but I remember the great freeze-up of '61 in Montreal. My friends Jaques, Pierre, Jean-Luc, and I headed off to the local stables to harvest a few of them frozen "horse balls". Well there was lots of quadruped fecal material all over the stable floor but those damn horses just weren't ready to part with their balls at that moment.(guess it wasn't cold enough) Well as we pondered what to do, Jean-Luc picked up a road apple and took a solid bite from it..."ummmm, by gar, dat shure taste good, tabernac!" "No shit", says I, practicing a slap shop with my "Boom Boom" Geffrion autographed stick. At that very moment we were startled to see one of our most exalted heroes, "Rocket Richard" stepping out from behind one of the horses. "Allo, dere, little 'ockey players", he greeted us and promptly tossed 5 small black rubber discs at us. They were the "real thing"! No longer would we have to risk life and limb by separating horses (les chevals, je pense) from their balls, just to feel like true Canadians. "Now get the puck outta here" cried our hero, and we were gone.

Actually, I was a lousy skater, played very little hockey, and was totally obsessed with baseball by the time I was nine. I dedicated my last album to Jim Bouton, so the obsession is still there. (got to meet him as well.)
rick

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: ALDUS
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 01:02 PM

Many are cold, few are frozen......even in Saskatchewan

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Peter T.
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 01:16 PM

In honour of Jim Bouton, we avoid all reference in this thread to Canada's national animal.
Yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: The Shambles
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 01:47 PM

How about 'The sex lives of various sea fishes'?

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Billy
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 02:37 PM

I think folks out there ought to know that, while I thoroughly enjoy Farley Mowat's writings and sensibilities, in many parts of Canada he is lovingly referred to as "Hardly Knowit" for his rather apocryphal remarks, and needs to be taken with a healthy dose of salt. He' written some damn fine books, esp Westviking and a sequel to that, just check the facts. So I figure in "Mowatese" frozen horse shit = frozen horse balls.

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 03:48 PM

Sure got the name of this thread right, boyz....ugh!

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Bert
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 03:55 PM

Art,

I've been thinking, maybe Farley Mowat was getting confused with "The brass monkey legend"

Bert.

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Bill D
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 05:23 PM

guy on the radio in my home town was reading the weather report one cold winter's day...something like "well, it's going down to -12 tonight...better bring in your brass monkeys.."

he got in trouble, but did not lose his job...

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Art Thieme
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 05:25 PM

Kat,

Now don't get "teste". ;-)
(Hope you're still (Kat)laughing.)

Art

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Art Thieme
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 05:48 PM

In Illinois, when I was a kid, it'd get so cold that exhibitionists would go up to people and describe themselves.

Seems we've turned my serious question to Rick and others about equestrian genetalia being used as hockey equipment into a treatice on feces. That's terribly sad. But I now have a much better appreciation for the fine points of horse stuff (probably called mare merde in Montreal). Thnks to you all. But how can you intimate that writers (Mr. Mowat or even here at Mudcat) might be less than completely truthful! That's absurd.

"If it's in a/the book, it's always true." (Jerry Falwell)

Love,

Art

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Fadac
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 06:15 PM

Well, If you have a nose for the other end.

Let me tell you about this Lt. S. Naught that I met while in the Army, He was from Post Nasel Drip. His Sgt. B. Ger had to blow. And the Lt. got wiped. Pvt. P. Arts took them all home in the Jeep.

There, a dumb story with no shit.

-Fadac

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Jun 99 - 06:32 PM

Yea, Art, I am still Laughing, Kat. Thanks for coming to the er....rescue of my sensibilites. They were kinda delicate from a couple of other postings in the story threads, some pretty raunchy stuff which made me kinda sad, too. Now, mind you, I have nothing against horses, some of my best friends are beasties, ya know?

katlaughing

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Art Thieme
Date: 27 Jun 99 - 11:45 AM

Fadac,

They all formed a folk group called THE NEW CRUSTY NOSTRILS.

Art

Subject: RE: The most ridiculous thread ever!!!
From: Fadac
Date: 28 Jun 99 - 11:02 AM

Art,

You can pick your nose.

You can pick your Banjo.

But you can't wipe your banjo on your pants.

-Fadac

"Ahh nose humor"