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Folklore: Folk Police go public

Les in Chorlton 09 Feb 09 - 02:13 PM
Banjiman 09 Feb 09 - 02:17 PM
Stu 09 Feb 09 - 02:20 PM
Rifleman (inactive) 09 Feb 09 - 02:22 PM
Spleen Cringe 09 Feb 09 - 02:38 PM
GUEST,Phil Beer 09 Feb 09 - 02:38 PM
MartinRyan 09 Feb 09 - 02:46 PM
DMcG 09 Feb 09 - 02:50 PM
Lonesome EJ 09 Feb 09 - 02:52 PM
Jim Carroll 09 Feb 09 - 02:53 PM
VirginiaTam 09 Feb 09 - 02:53 PM
Jim Carroll 09 Feb 09 - 02:54 PM
Rifleman (inactive) 09 Feb 09 - 02:57 PM
Rifleman (inactive) 09 Feb 09 - 02:58 PM
Anne Lister 09 Feb 09 - 03:09 PM
Folkiedave 09 Feb 09 - 03:09 PM
Jack Campin 09 Feb 09 - 03:34 PM
John MacKenzie 09 Feb 09 - 03:38 PM
Backwoodsman 09 Feb 09 - 03:46 PM
Gurney 09 Feb 09 - 04:01 PM
Spleen Cringe 09 Feb 09 - 04:02 PM
GUEST,Winger 09 Feb 09 - 04:24 PM
Folkiedave 09 Feb 09 - 04:25 PM
Dave Sutherland 09 Feb 09 - 04:32 PM
Richard Bridge 09 Feb 09 - 04:33 PM
Folkiedave 09 Feb 09 - 05:01 PM
Les in Chorlton 09 Feb 09 - 05:06 PM
skipy 09 Feb 09 - 05:12 PM
Folkiedave 09 Feb 09 - 05:27 PM
Les in Chorlton 09 Feb 09 - 05:38 PM
MartinRyan 09 Feb 09 - 05:41 PM
TheSnail 09 Feb 09 - 07:46 PM
Leadfingers 09 Feb 09 - 07:59 PM
TheSnail 09 Feb 09 - 08:19 PM
Richard Bridge 09 Feb 09 - 08:44 PM
Bryn Pugh 10 Feb 09 - 05:01 AM
Folkiedave 10 Feb 09 - 05:23 AM
Will Fly 10 Feb 09 - 05:37 AM
TheSnail 10 Feb 09 - 05:44 AM
GUEST,CrazyEddie 10 Feb 09 - 05:58 AM
Stu 10 Feb 09 - 06:16 AM
Les in Chorlton 10 Feb 09 - 06:32 AM
mattkeen 10 Feb 09 - 06:39 AM
DMcG 10 Feb 09 - 06:50 AM
Les in Chorlton 10 Feb 09 - 07:02 AM
Raggytash 10 Feb 09 - 07:59 AM
Les in Chorlton 10 Feb 09 - 08:03 AM
Raggytash 10 Feb 09 - 08:07 AM
DMcG 10 Feb 09 - 08:09 AM
DMcG 10 Feb 09 - 08:29 AM
Les in Chorlton 10 Feb 09 - 09:57 AM
Rifleman (inactive) 10 Feb 09 - 12:11 PM
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Subject: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:13 PM

In an attempt to improve the public face of folk music HM Folk Police have decided to go public. We will be recruiting new Agents to enter premises where it is claimed that Folk Music can be heard.

Using guidance from Offuk we will make judgments and .............. well I cannot be too specific at this stage.

Applicants are asked to post their CVs here. They should describe what they might find offensive and how it might be dealt with.

L in C
Driving up standards everywhere


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Banjiman
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:17 PM

Looking forward to having my collar felt! (ooh Mrs)


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Stu
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:20 PM

I've already had my Artistic Licence revoked, so I'm not qualified to express an opinion.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Rifleman (inactive)
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:22 PM

not.......The Folk Police?

oi 'ang on a sec, there's a bloke on the landing with 'is finger in 'is ear'ole...


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Spleen Cringe
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:38 PM

THE FOLK POLICE...


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: GUEST,Phil Beer
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:38 PM

Aha. Will they be armed and will they therefore be 'Sharpes Rifles'?


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: MartinRyan
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:46 PM

Or will more than their feet be flat?

Regards


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: DMcG
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:50 PM

I'm prepared to volunteer as a foot-soldier.

I will specialise in "Who will shoe your pretty little foot?", "Your pretty little feet, they tread so neat" and other pedestrian songs.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:52 PM

I was once arrested for playing a Merle Travis song which I claimed to be traditional. I also did some time for performing a Beatles song at a Bluegrass Session. My other infractions are numerous, but I tell you this: You'll never take me alive!!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:53 PM

Oh dear,
Here come the mind-numbs to tell us what we should or should not talk about
Jim Carroll


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:53 PM

Coed Naked Folk - where everyone's G (string) is dropped.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:54 PM

Ps
I was going to say 'think' but their imagination doesn't stretch that far
Jim Carroll


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Rifleman (inactive)
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:57 PM

Well spotted there Mr Beer!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Rifleman (inactive)
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 02:58 PM

THE FOLK POLICE...
they'e only got 4 "friends" but then again what do you expect?


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Anne Lister
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 03:09 PM

I'm under deep cover, so they won't get me....


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Folkiedave
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 03:09 PM

I knew it was you Les.

It's a fair cop.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Jack Campin
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 03:34 PM

I have once been stopped at a folk festival by two young ladies carrying ID cards which identified them as officers of the Kilt Police, charged with checking whether men wearing kilts were violating regimental standards underneath.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 03:38 PM

I demand truncheon vouchers.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 03:46 PM

ROFLMAO Giok!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Gurney
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 04:01 PM

The Folk Police! I clicked the link, and they are very bloody well undercover. Most of them play INSTRUMENTS!!!


Can't trust anyone, nowadays.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Spleen Cringe
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 04:02 PM

I demand truncheon vouchers

And I thought you were just pleased to see me...


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: GUEST,Winger
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 04:24 PM

My, my. I see that at least one member of the constabulary has already answered the call to arms.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Folkiedave
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 04:25 PM

Bloody Hell, Arsenal Manager posting on here as a guest.

Anyone told (Arsenal Mad) Alan Bearman?


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Dave Sutherland
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 04:32 PM

Is he still their manager? These days I would check every 5 minutes!!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 04:33 PM

OOh, missus - can we have some of those strapping lady police from Benny Hill and/or the Two Ronnies?

They will overlook the occasional sheep won't they? That is traditional isn't it?

"Now I'm a bachelor
And live with my sheep
And I work at the weaver's trade
And every time I pluck
A little bit of wool
It reminds me of a fair young maid..."


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Folkiedave
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 05:01 PM

Alan Bearman and Lau?

He was at the Folk Awards!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 05:06 PM

Just in case you think the FP and Offuk are not serious, we have just removed Double Agent Scolari from deep cover at Chelsea FC

Beware

A Friend, in Chorlton


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: skipy
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 05:12 PM

I woll wok in the fronch siction wath Rene
P.C. Skipy


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Folkiedave
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 05:27 PM

Just in case you think the FP and Offuk are not serious, we have just removed Double Agent Scolari from deep cover at Chelsea FC

Any chance of you removing Double treble agent Blackwell from Sheffield United?

96 years of history down the drain on Saturday?

Blackwell out.

(Is this the football message board?)


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 05:38 PM

This is a message board? What's the message then Dave.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: MartinRyan
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 05:41 PM

Not so much a football message board as a "ball-hopping" one, I reckon.

Regards


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: TheSnail
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 07:46 PM

'ELLO! 'ELLO! ELLO!

That was the chorus by the way.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Leadfingers
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 07:59 PM

Another thread for ALL serious Banjo players to keep WELL clear of !!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: TheSnail
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 08:19 PM

Leadfingers

serious Banjo players

Er? Sorry, you've lost me.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 09 Feb 09 - 08:44 PM

A policeman's lot is not a happy one...

Happy

    One.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 05:01 AM

If you can't fight - wear a big hat.

(Mancunian in joke . . . )

I'll get my helmet.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Folkiedave
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 05:23 AM

serious banjo players= oxymoron

(can an oxymoron have three words?)

Word police - help.......


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Will Fly
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 05:37 AM

Oh, any old moron can have three words... :-)


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: TheSnail
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 05:44 AM

'ELLO! 'ELLO! ELLO!


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 05:58 AM

"Oh I was not afraid, me boys
Of that there is no doubt.
For it's my delight, on a Friday night
When the coppers ain't about"


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Stu
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 06:16 AM

No Coppers? Perish the thought!

At least The Honest Labourer can sleep safe in his bed at night - and there are some Young Coppers about.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 06:32 AM

The Folk Police, together with Offuk Special Branch, are particularly concerned with Drug Related Folk Crime (DREDF*KC). Offenses of this nature can cause confusion amongst delicate members of the the Folk Community and the public in general.

Incidents of this nature should be reported to ********** and you all know who I mean.

Our Internal Investigations Branch (INBRED) (Yes I know, you have a go) is looking closely at the following:

1. People with no real understanding of it - trying to sing harmony.
2. People who cannot stay awake through 23 verses of their own ballads
3. Morris Dances who cannot get off the ground and clearly past the probability of fertilizing anything, claiming they are dancing to increase fertility
4. Style Crime - tankards, waistcoats, badges, caps, clogs, festival T shirts, anything to agricultural

Cheers

L in C
With clearly nothing better to do


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: mattkeen
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 06:39 AM

Thanks les

This is really very funny


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: DMcG
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 06:50 AM

Many people will bridle at the "good enough for folk" comment. Few will realise that deep in an obscure section of the handbook of the Folk Police is the offence of being "too good for folk". Look through any of the collectors from Kidson onwards and you will discover that forgetting half the words is essential to the folk experience. Every worthwhile collection has a stack of 'fragments': indeed, there are some songs where almost all the words have been completely forgotten.

Too many singers days fail to achieve the true folk experience and actually believe they are supposed to sing the whole thing.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 07:02 AM

Good point DMcG.

Another crime is attempting to sing the whole tune! Although not common and can cause offence it can easily be stamped out by joining in, loud and confident, knocking off a couple of notes - especially when their is no chorus.

L in C


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Raggytash
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 07:59 AM

Does the Copper family qualify


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 08:03 AM

Nice one Agent Raggytash, in the eyes and ears of the FP nobody is entirely innocent, until proved so by a complete Offuk Inspection.

L in C


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Raggytash
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 08:07 AM

Bloody hell Les ... you've just blown my cover !


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: DMcG
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 08:09 AM

Indeed so: the Young Coppers even point out occasionally that they use a Tuning Fork! To get the pitch right! And they can only only justify this modern innovation back to, I believe, the 1950s or so. I regret I did not have my notebook with me when they said it so I cannot totally verify the date. If I had had the notebook, there would have been trouble.


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: DMcG
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 08:29 AM

Let me be clear. They use the tuning fork all the time (Have they no shame?) What is worse, though, is that they are so brazen about breaking the rules they are quite willing to point it out.

This is obviously a result of the dubious advice they have received from their elders. I have found a dusty report in an old archive by a Sgt. A. Lloyd:

"Though none of the singers can read music, their style of harmonising is not haphazard; it has been arrived at quite consciously by trial and error and rehearsal, and it is characteristic that the Coppers pitch their songs with the help of a tuning-fork. In their very deliberateness, it may be felt, they are departing from folk practice."


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 09:57 AM

Raggy,

sorry another Agent blown or is it a double bluff. As for Sgt. Lloyd, it is not widely known that he trained under J Edgar Hoover, and brought much good practice under cover with Agent A. Lomax and Agent S. Collins.

The FP Special Branch Training manual advises Agents to read alternately Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy and Folk Song in England.

i am so glad that this exchange is not in the public domain. Thos eFolkies will never suspect what we are up to and how close to arrests .............. and more

L in C


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Subject: RE: Folklore: Folk Police go public
From: Rifleman (inactive)
Date: 10 Feb 09 - 12:11 PM

"No Coppers!"

there's a folk joke here somewhere..


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