olddude new song any suggestions

Subject: olddude new song any suggestions
From: olddude
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 08:23 PM

Folks I am still not happy with it
so if anyone has any suggestion on my feeble attempt at creating a folk/country song I would appreciate it. Just trying to fine tune my song writing such as it is. Thanks so much and I don't get offended if folks don't like it. I am trying to do a CD for my kids and want to put the best I can on it.

Chasing the Wind is the title
olddude chasing the wind

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 11:01 PM

How did this one get past me?

Feedback tomorrow...... heavy weekend with the Bishop.

~Susan

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: frogprince
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 12:14 AM

Dan, to me it's definitely too good to toss out. I really like the over-all feel, and most of it as it is. But I get a little balled up trying to get the sense of the first two lines of the chorus. What about something like:

Feels like I'm standing in the wind,
Blowing cold, off your heart, and chilling through my skin.

                   Dean

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: Peace
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 12:25 AM

Ya know what I said two days back, Dan. Still holds. GOOD work.

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 12:27 AM

Dan, a terrific song--I like your chorus--and I like Frogprince's suggested version as well. I think I'll steal the song and try it both ways.

Charles

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: katlaughing
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 12:32 AM

My opinion hasn't changed, either. Still love it.:-)

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 04:06 AM

Ok, technical things....The first part of each verse, sounds like the melody of 'Puff the Magic Dragon'...However, in your Lyric, you covered that in..the second two lines....but it is very very close...maybe more than you'd want..
Second: Your base strings line, needs to be more' legato..(smoother) String needs to ring longer too.
Third:If you are running a compressor, for guitar, turn up the compression a little, and turn down the output! If not, try one, you'll like it!
Recording clarity on the guitar, was good. (compression would help). Are you using two mics for guitar? one? transducer? transducer and one mic? Got cool 'tricks' if you want to yak about it.
Vocals: I love it when I can clearly understand the words, and your were clear. Keep in mind, as Giorgio Tazzi, once told me,..'The human voice is the only instrument on the planet, that pronounces words, so PRONOUNCE THE WORDS!'...which you did, but I want you to try to keep that in mind, next time you sing it.......and in doing so, perhaps a little less delicate sensitivity, and more sureness, in the expression. Also, never let your 'sense of 'style', hide the lyric!

Ok, if you were in the sound room with me, that's what I'd tell you, not at all, as 'talking down' criticism, but rather, sound engineer, to guy I'm routing for!!..and was part of my project.
Also, Dean(frogprince)...great lyric! Now I'm going to listen again to his.....back later. if anything I suggested, interests you, I'll check back. The song is a keeper though....good work!

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 04:16 AM

I like it. Just favourited and rated it :-)

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: olddude
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 09:08 AM

sanity I didn't pick up on that,I will have to listen really close hmmmm I will mess with it and fix if that is the case good catch. good suggestions folks on the lyrics ... I think that is the part that doesn't fit completely, I am going to try Deans suggestion see how that works. It is so good to get other ears to figure out these things.

thanks folks, great ideas

sanity, I am using two phantom powered mikes, Kristal recording software and a very very old notebook. I am struggling with home recording so sure any suggestions or help on recording would be wonderful. I need help there since I don't know what I am doing

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: Mysha
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 09:24 AM

Hi dude,

It's nice. I agree it needs some finetuning, though. I'd say most is in the meaning of the lyrics. Try using the words as ordinary text: Picture the situation this cowboy is in, and then speak, write, or think (aloud) all those words (depending on whether he's speaking, writing or thinking). Then check first that everything makes sense that way, and second what words should stay together when sung.

I know that sounds obvious, but it's a very simple mistake to have words on each musical strophe without them fitting together properly.

I hope that helps, but feel free to pm me for clarification,
                                                                  Mysha

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: olddude
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 09:30 AM

I can't tell you folk how much I appreciate the suggestions. it is just me and my guitar and software. I am the only one that hears this stuff so unless I pass it on to folks I trust I have no idea if it is good bad or toss it completely. I don't post to promote any of my music. I don't sell and never will and it is not for self recognition. I do this to get better and only to get better at this craft with the help of other musicians.   

I listen again, I don't hear puff but the chord progression is similar and the picking I do is similar so I will fix it. My brother Bruce suggested adding more work in the chord progression to bring out more style so I am working on that and I think that will get rid of that similarity for sure.

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: olddude
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 10:01 AM

Dang I love the minor chords, Jayto told me the Am is the state chord of Kentucky. I guess the Bm is the official chord of my house and every song somehow seems to have a train in it and a cowboy LOL ...

I need a hat and a pull man car

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: Louie Roy
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 10:46 AM

Dan a very good song and well done .Everyone has their own style of music and when you try to change your style to fit someone elses style that is impossible and you have defeated your tune. Don't change a thing and keep up the good work and if you ever make a CD I want one. My only suggestion is post the words so anyone who wants to sing this does it the way it was originally written. Again congradulation Louie

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: olddude
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 11:00 AM

Thanks Louie!
Chasing the Wind - Dan O'Connell
Woke up this mornin saw the note beside the bed
the same old tune I heard this song before
don't understand the meaning or what's inside your head
So once again you headed out my door

chorus:
here I am chasing the wind, blowing cold inside your heart it fills that empty space

There I go sinking within, When it comes to a city girl a cowboy (never) wins


You got your big bright city lights
high class friends and socialites
I'm country born from my head to my shoes
I'm headed back to Texas on the first train out tonight

to find some friends to chase away these blues

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: Stringsinger
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 11:24 AM

Hi olddude,

I really like your honest style of singing. I'd keep that. Compression, techie gimmicks
don't really enhance a folk performance.

I don't agree that it sounds like Puff the Magic Drag-in. The F chord changes it.

I like the song pretty much but here's what I like about your style. You go back to the roots and when you do you leave the singer/songwriter stuff behind. You can write a plain tune in the manner of Woody or Jimmy Rodgers and that's missing in today's music.
Steve Earle sometimes comes up with that and Utah, as well.

I don't completely buy the country boy/city girl thing because there are too many country girls in the city,these days, and vicey versey.

But you are one of the honest ones and that's what I like about your style.

Had some friends over yesterday to the house and we sang Carter Family songs and it's surprising how singable they are and how they hold up. Woody, Jimmy R, Utah, Vernon Dalhart (who had a birthday on Apl. 6), "River Dave" McEnery, ....they wrote about
what's out in the world rather than about internal bleeding. Gentleman Gene Autry sang those songs earlier "The Death of Mother Jones", then there was Carson Robison, Tony Kraber....you know these folks. Straight from the shoulder, no pretense.

It's a "tradition devoutly to be wished" to butcher Hamlet's sylloquy.

But keep your honest style. It's refreshing in these days of slicky pretense.

Frank

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: Stringsinger
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 11:29 AM

PS: "Way up North in their gay finery, whirlin' around in their society,
while I'm singin' the song of my Dixie Darlin', where I long to be".
.........Percy Wenrich (not A.P.).

Frank

Subject: RE: olddude new song any suggestions
From: olddude
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 11:45 AM

Frank
I could only wish I was at your home to hear that yesterday to hear that my friend. you are one of the great masters of folk ...

thank you

Dan