Obit: Kaelan Paton(Sandy&Caroline's grandson) 2009

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: Rowan
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 07:00 PM

As a member of the local Search & Rescue group I've been on two searches for people who were never found. Although I approached those situations with professional attitudes, the sadness was profound, and I wasn't a member of the family, for whom "excoriating" seems the most accurate, if inadequate, expression.

My thoughts are with you.

Rowan

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Skivee
Date: 21 Jun 09 - 07:17 PM

It's so sad to hear of this continueing tragedy; a cold echo of the Kendall, Jacqui, and Big Mick's recent devestating losses.
My heart goes out to you all.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: GUEST,Norma - Frankie's Grandma
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:25 AM

I am the Grandmother of Frankie, the friend whose life was saved by Kaelan. I can not really put into words how we feel. When my daughter called me from the Hospital, she was so hysterical, I could not understand her. However, I did hear her screaming "Frankie's all right! Frankie's all right!" I felt a cold chill roll over me, then relief..but then she screamed: "Kaelan is lost! Frankie is asking for Kaelan..he said he was there, and then he was gone!" The cold chill returned, and it remains with me.

As I understand it - and no one is exactly clear about it, Frankie was being swept by the current, and Kaelan ran ahead to some rocks, and extended his hand. Frankie grasped it, but the current was too strong for him to get out. Kaelan jumped in, and pushed Frankie to a rock, which he grabbed. He was losing his grip, and worked his way into a crevice by the rock, and turned around for Kaelan, but Kaelan was gone... The joy of having Frankie still with us is so strong, but at the same time, it is so painful to even try to imagine the anguish you all must be feeling...I have tried to do so, but the prospect of even trying to imagine it is more painful than I can bear to go to at this time. All I can say is that Kaelan is and always will be such a hero to Frankie and all of us - he is devastated by Kaelan's loss, and I know he thinks of it all the time - as do I. This is a loss of such magnitude; it brings a pall over everyone and everything. I have asked all my friends for their thoughts and prayers on behalf of Kaelan Paton, a hero to whom all of us owe such a great debt. God Bless him. We are still praying for a miracle... Kaelan gave one to us...His memory will be with us forever...

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: open mike
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:46 AM

Sincere condolences to his family, mother, father, grandparents, friends and especially for those who were with him on that day. treasure your memories.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:50 AM

Dear Norma,

I hope you (as well as Frankie and the rest of your family) know deep in your hearts that it is not only possible, it is absolutely OK to rejoice that one was spared, even while you grieve that one was lost. The relief that Frankie lives is a separate emotion from grief of the tragic loss of Kaelan. Frankie did not intend to put himself in danger, nor did Kaelan. This was an awful accident, but an accident, nonetheless. None of the boys would have gone into the water initially, or to rescue one another, if they had thought there was serious risk that any of them would be injured or would die.

My heart aches for all of you. I have a 15 year old son that I realize could be Frankie or Kaelan.

May all who love all of these children know they are surrounded by light and love, and find some measure of comfort in the midst of profound sorrow.

Janie

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Deckman
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 12:56 AM

MY GOD .... bob

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: GUEST,Guest: Lisa Null
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 01:32 AM

Sandy:

As you know, I have spoken with Caroline and we will talk ourselves in time. It is not easy for me to put in words what I feel.

I remember a few minutes of stolen serenity on a bench outside in early May as people sang and plunked in the distance. You were the chauffeur bringing one of your grandchildren somewhere or other or perhaps picking him or her up...I took it for granted. I have watched your grandchildren grow, knowing they were enriched by not just one but two generations of love and care. This is so rare and so important. You and Caroline have given them the very best of yourselves. Kaelan's time was short, and it doesn't feel long enough, ripe enough... but he was the best he could be while it lasted, and you helped see to that. Take pride that you gave him so much and that he grew up as well as he did.

I lost my brother when he was just a few years older than Kaelan-- this is not something one ever gets over. All I can say is I love you like my own family and that some of the most beautiful flowers bloom but for a short time.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: bbc
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 07:04 AM

Norma,
Thank you so much for writing! Most of us know little of what really happened that day & your post helped me to understand. I agree with everything that Janie wrote. There is & should be joy that Frankie was saved; may he savor a long, full life! I think that times like this serve to remind us to hold our loved ones near & to recognize that we just get one day at a time; life is precious!

Lisa,
I am sorry for your loss. Growing up, I lost a close friend to a motorcycle crash the weekend after school closed. As trite as it sounds, our best part is to just love each other through these times--making ourselves available to hug, to listen, to show that we are with those who grieve.

best,

Barbara

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: nutty
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 09:36 AM

Some years ago I wrote these words to be spoken at my funeral.
Others have asked to use them when speaking for their loved ones.
They seem to be relevant for both young and old.

If they give you comfort, please, feel free to use them.


When my life is done
And my spirit's at rest
And there's nothing on earth that can save me
Don't weep and don't mourn
Send me off with a song
And reflect on the pleasure that knowing you gave me

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Naemanson
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 09:46 AM

In December we lost a student at school. He was one of my students, very personable with a great future. His loss tore out my heart.

About halfway through the next quarter one of his friends told me they had been together in the surf on kayaks and then he was gone. They never found him. The friend commented that he wanted to go into the surf to find him but that the other people on the beach wouldn't let him go. I told him that Jerod would not have wanted him to risk his life that way.

Then, in March, one of the members of my Academic Challenge Bowl team went on a church outing to Tarzan Falls. Apparently he slipped on the rocks, hit his head, and was gone before anyone saw anything. They did eventually find him but it was too late.

I will never forget this school year. It has been the most difficult, emotionally, that I can imagine. I have spoken with veteran teachers who tell me they have never experienced anything like this and hope they never will.

All this is the long way of saying that I hope someone remembers to comfort Kaelan's teachers, mentors, friends, and anyone else who him in their hearts. He sounds like he was a great kid, as special as those two were to me. I hope they can find their own peace.

And Sandy and Caroline, I am still thinking of you and hoping for the best for you and for Kaelan's parents.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: Big Mick
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:08 AM

Norma's post touches me deeply. We are but a week or so short of the one year anniversary of the accident that my daughter survived and her best friend did not. I know in an all too familiar way the awful pull of conflicting emotion. Frankie needs support and understanding so that he gets that this was simply an accident.

Mick

Subject: Abrazos: Kaelan Paton Missing -
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:55 AM

Norma,

My husband and I do a fair bit of pastoral counseling and crisis ministry, and it is from this context I share the following.

It sounds to me like Frankie is still in the shock phase of processing what occurred, and that right now he has not yet started the phase more commonly known as survivor's guilt. Processing and healing from that (through that) will almost certainly be an issue to address, thoguh just companioning him as he lives and addresses present-time is most important now.

In companioning, caring adults can help implant the knowledge that Kaelan, his good friend, gave his life not "in vain" but would, as a good friend, certainly want to celebrate all the wonderful things Frankie will experience as his life unfolds-- from what I have heard about Kaelan, and from what we know of youth in general, I would bet that he would want Frankie to embrace life and "make him proud."

Kids that age make huge use of "sideways" wisdom; wisdom offered in relaxed understatement provokes thought, as opposed to the type of insistent agree-with-me communication "middler" adults so often offer instead "for their own good." This is exactly the type of wisdom a grandparent is so often in a position to offer-- our maturity lends a bit of credibility to young people searching not for answers, but for promising clues they can investigate for themselves.

I celebrate all that Kaelan's grandparents gave to nourish that young man, and I celebrate how you will continue to nourish your young Frankie.


Abrazos,

~Susan

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:18 PM

Thank you so much, Norma. Your story of what happened is exactly as one of the other boys gave it to us, and, apparently, to Jim Moore, who wrote the fine articles in the Waterbury Republican-American. We're grieving, of course, but proudly, knowing that he did what he did to help Frankie, knowing the danger involved.
    He was a wonderful young man, and such a great grandson to Caroline and me. Thank you for sharing a little of his greatness with our friends on the Mudcat Forum. That was very thoughtful of you.
    Sandy Paton

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Greg B
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:34 PM

The story puts me in mind of another hero's manner of leaving us...
Stan Rogers.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Barbara Shaw
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:46 PM

Dear Sandy & Caroline, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandson. If there's any comfort to be had in this poem/song I wrote, please read it with the love intended.

Not Mine For Long
Barbara Shaw, 2004

Not mine for long, I always knew
Those two bright cheeks and smiling eyes
So wise, so piercing to my soul
Would one day grow forever old
And move beyond my range of view.

In little steps in little ways
The days went by and I was sure
Those pure and joyful times would fly
And one day we would say goodbye
And move on to the coming phase.

Moving out to change the world
To learn and play and push the edge
To jump the hedge of home and heart
And find new routes and roads to start
To view the tapestry unfurled.

Becoming person of the earth
Whose worth is yet to be displayed
Who stayed not longer than a flash
With us whose memories are ash
That rose in triumph at the birth.

Moving out and quickly gone
Drawn to the ultimate design
Not mine for long, I always knew
Yet mine forever, always true
Moving out and moving on.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's gran
From: Stringsinger
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 03:51 PM

Sandy and Caroline, deep condolences. I am saddened by your loss.

Frank Hamilton

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 04:07 PM

My deepest sympathy! As he died a hero may his memory shine in your hearts with pride after the initial grief has passed! Greater love hath none than he who lays down his life for a friend! God bless.....

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Amergin
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 04:52 PM

The Final Note

It is a celebration of your life
And the mourning of what might have been
It is a joyous cry of your love
And the tearful anger of your death
It is the alleviating conclusion
Of a transitory moment of anguish
To find yourself galloping blissfully
Through the golden orchards of Tír na nÓg
It is a moment for those of us who linger
To gather the tokens of your life
In tear stained photographs
And the scattered recollections
Of the fleeting seconds
We depleted at each other's side
It is a occasion to weep at your departure
As the piper resonates his concluding note
Duplicating the banshee's dying requiem.

Nathan Tompkins

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Cool Beans
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 04:54 PM

Gamble Rogers

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 05:44 PM

Barbara and Nathan - beautiful poems.

Norma, thanks so much for posting. I echo what Janie and the others have said. Cherish him and you will always honour Kaelan.

With gratitude,

kat

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: GUEST,Sheryl Kennedy
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 09:48 PM

To the Paton Family

I continue to think of you morning and night, and in between. I send my love and condolences again, and always.

Sheryl Kennedy

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: MaineDog
Date: 22 Jun 09 - 10:42 PM

I am a poor, wayfaring stranger while trav'ling through this land of woe,
Yet, there's no sickness, toil, nor danger in that Fair Land to which I go.
Jim

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: wysiwyg
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 10:17 AM

Still keeping watch with you.

~Susan

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:09 PM

Linnea has just been on to Facebook to say that Kaelan's body has been found downstream of the covered bridge in Cornwall today.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: Tinker
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:26 PM

Gentle blessings sent
encircling
flowing
loving
holding

standing with you for comfort and strength

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: maeve
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:28 PM

Thank you, Jacqui. It's a horrible and necessary step in grieving his loss and rejoicing in his life.

Caroline, Sandy, and all- We weep with you.

maeve

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:35 PM

Now Kaelan can rest in peace and his family and friends can mourn. My prayers go out for the Patons and for Frankie and his family.
Mary

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton Missing - Sandy & Caroline's grandson
From: wysiwyg
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 12:51 PM

Thank you Jacqui for your 12:09 PM post just now.

I'll add some tears to the mix; mine are mingled with the joy of continued celebration of Kaelan's character, his life to date and the life, moving forward, of his friend Frankie. Sandy, picture them if you will as a salute from the crowd as your boy passes by.

Kaelan's parents and siblings also have been lifted up in prayer on a regular basis, and will continue to be.

[a number of long, nonverbal meditations here]


Love,

~Susan

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: Marc Bernier
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 01:36 PM

RIP

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 01:51 PM

You are in my thoughts every day and though I know there are no words to help, I hope you can find some peace in this time.

Pat

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body fo
From: M.Ted
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 02:26 PM

So sorry that it ended this way. Our best thoughts and prayers go out to you in this most difficult time.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 02:31 PM

So sory, Sandy,Caroline,David. Loving thoughts from Elaine and me. Roy

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 02:39 PM

Deepest condolences, Sandy, Caroline and all your kith and kin.


A

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body fo
From: GUEST,Julia
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 02:52 PM

We are wordless and weeping...our hearts share your loss
Know that loving arms enfold his spirit and yours

Julia & Fred from Maine

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: Anne Lister
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:28 PM

So very, very sorry. Sending our love to all of you who are grieving.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: ranger1
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:39 PM

Sandy and Caroline, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Tami from Maine.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: kendall
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:47 PM

Tragic is not a strong enough word.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:49 PM

I am so relieved for the family that he's been found. The waiting can be much worse than the knowing... I will be thinking of you.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: My guru always said
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 03:52 PM

So very sorry to hear that this heroic young person is no longer with us. My thoughts are with his family and friends, sincere condolences. Candle lit.
Hil

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: Dan Schatz
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:21 PM

We knew it would end this way, but we wish it hadn't. Sandy, Caroline, and the whole family - our hearts and our care are with you. It's hard to celebrate a life that was only fifteen years when it ended - but I know that you will, even as you grieve his loss. You have our love.

Dan and Geeta

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: Neil D
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:46 PM

Words escape us, so very tragic. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. What a true hero he was.

                                        Neil and Christina

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: artbrooks
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 04:54 PM

I was waiting to say anything - not entirely sure why...maybe hoping. Now there really isn't anything to say.

Art and Jenn Brooks

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:17 PM

I am so very sorry to hear it. May this bring some kind of closure, and some degree of peace.
I'm sure I speak for others when I say I would like to know more about this young man who died in such a noble and tragic way. If any of his friends or family would share any memories of Kaelan, I for one would be grateful. In your own time and on your own terms.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: Tim Leaning
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:24 PM

Condolences and Prayers.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: Noreen
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:40 PM

So sorry to hear of this unimaginable sadness, Sandy, Caroline and all your extended family.

Kaelan looks to have been a wonderful boy and a credit to you all. His presence and warmth will always be with you, in your hearts.

Thinking of you with love.

Noreen

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:45 PM

I'm so very sorry this horrible thing has happened to such a wonderful family. I'm keeping all the Patons (and Frankie and his family too) in my thoughts and heart. Just wish there was something I could do to help.

Love,
Nancy

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:47 PM

Dear David and family,
Words can't express my sympathy. Though I never met Kaelan, I know that he had to be an incredible human being.
-Chris Costello

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: Nancy King
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 05:49 PM

Whoops -- didn't realize I wasn't signed in. "Guest" at 5:45 was me.

Nancy King

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 06:34 PM

The last time I saw Kaelan was at NEFFA. Susan and I were in the process of dragging a half-ton of CAMSCO stuff from the booth to the car. Kaelan's was the only offer of help we received. Typical of him. He was a good kid, and I'll miss him, too.

Subject: RE: Kaelan Paton-Sandy & Caroline's grdson(body found)
From: Dharmabum
Date: 23 Jun 09 - 06:41 PM

Haven't checked in for months,only to find this tragic news.
My deepest condolences to the Pattons.

There's a song written by Dave Carter titled "When I Go",
The last verse has always provided a little comfort.

Sigh mournful sister,whisper & turn,
I will rattle like dry leaves when I go,
Stand in the mist where my fire used to burn,
I will camp on the night breeze when I go,
& Should you glimpse my wandering form out on the boarderline,
Between death & resurrection,& the council of the pines,
Do not worry for my comfort,do not sorrow for me so,
All your diamond tears will rise up & adorn the sky beside me when I go.

DB.