BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!

Subject: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 05:44 PM

SAN DIEGO (AP) -- Thousands of jumbo flying squid - aggressive 5-foot-long sea monsters with razor-sharp beaks and toothy tentacles - have invaded the shallow waters off San Diego, spooking scuba divers and washing up dead on tourist-packed beaches.

The carnivorous calamari, which can grow up to 100 pounds, came up from the depths last week and swarms of them roughed up unsuspecting divers. Some divers report tentacles enveloping their masks and yanking at their cameras and gear.

Stories of too-close encounters with the alien-like cephalopods have chased many veteran divers out of the water and created a whirlwind of excitement among the rest, who are torn between their personal safety and the once-in-a-lifetime chance to swim with the deep-sea giants.

Amos kayaks in the water around San Diego. Is he...still with us?

(Full story here.

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 06:00 PM

Great story!

I do wonder about the headline: Jumbo Flying Squid

Since when did squids "fly"?

I know that pigs fly because there's a thread about that on Mudcat, but squids?

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Leadfingers
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 06:08 PM

The Flying Squid ? Arent they attached to Scotland Yird ?

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 06:43 PM

This IS the fate that has been reserved for Amos! I just know it. Dragged screaming into the depths by a monster Kraken, he will frantically scribble down some truly epic poetry with his last dying strokes...rather like Captain Ahab might have done, had he had pen and paper handy in his final moments in Moby Dick's jaws. The poem will wash ashore on the crashing waves and be found by some Valley Girl. She will give it to the newspapers and weeping thousands will gather each year on the spot of California coastline where Amos was last seen and toss flowers into the water in his memory. There will be readings of his greatest posts on the Mudcat in major centres all across America. President Obama will hold a special memorial service in Washington D.C., having lost his most ardent supporter. Rush Limbaugh will say it was divine punishment. Sarah Palin will say, "I'll never eat squid again after this."

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 06:43 PM

"The Squid Squad" squandering their secrecy - seeking a square meal by squeezing the squeamish until they squeal!

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 06:50 PM

Well, I don't like to lie to my friends, so I am not gonna. This whole story is a plant, invented by a somewhat overzealous gang of local citizens to discourage the insane lemming like flood of people who have decided to transplant themselves here before another snow arrives. They are canny and shrewd--many of them come from New England--and they have sharp bargaining habits, industrial Protestant work ethics, energetic dispositions, and no-nonsense demeanours. In short they are the very opposite in kind and character to everything that makes our peaceful haven what it is. They refuse to learn the language, will not adopt the local work ethic of laid-back pathos and herbal disassociation, and make old-time residents of our sleepy, easy-going surfer town most uncomfortable by constantly suggesting improvements.

So you see, we felt we had to do something, and, in a late-night meeting in one of our smoky rooms behind a local tavern, this was the plan our convention dreamed up. ANd do not ask why, in this day and age, the meeting was held in a smoky room, as I am sure you do not want to know. California has its own rites, its own rituals, its own pace in life, and we do not need exposure, do not seek acclaim, and do not want the hordes of outlanders with their frost-bitten earlobes waggling in our warm summer air. Hence, the tale of flying squids. We hoped if we could make the Pacific beaches uninviting it would have a reverse domino effect and send many of them back to Illinois, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New York, Idaho, Massachusetts, Maine, and other such disreputable, snow-haunted places.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 07:26 PM

"other such disreputable, snow-haunted places"

Like....Orillia, Barrie, Kapuskasing, Elliot Lake, Sudbury, Blind River, Pickle Lake, T'under Bay....

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 07:44 PM

I think it was a typo... It should have read "fryin' squid" which I understand is the best way to cook 'um...

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Alice
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 07:45 PM

Is there a Spongebob episode in this story?

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: bobad
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 08:36 PM

Methinks the squids are exacting revenge in the name of their brethren who have ended up, battered and deep fried, on the plates of piscivores.

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 08:41 PM

Another common name for the squid species doing the invading is the Humboldt Squid. It's called the Humboldt Squid because of its fondness for the high-grade medicinal herb grown in Humboldt County. The squid who've encroached upon Amos's paddling territory probably just had a bit too much to smoke and got lost.

Just yesterday, one was heard to ask a local SCUBA diver, "Dude, where the fuggawee?" When informed of his location, the squid was heard to mutter, "Aw, man! So, like, do you know how to get to Shelter Cove from here?"

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jul 09 - 10:09 PM

Great story!

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: WalkaboutsVerse
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 04:59 AM

And, (safely?) ashore, you have to watch out for Big Foot.

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 08:33 AM

NOW if you live in California you have to worry about not having water, being eaten by a mountain lion while walking the park, disappearing in a mudslide, vanishing into the earth during an earthquake, being wiped out in a tsunami, being burned up in a wildfire, being kidnapped by an amorous Sasquatch, and becoming lunch for a giant squid -- not to mention the tax increases that are coming to pay the bills.

And people still want to live there...tsk, tsk.

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 08:36 AM

If you watched the vid and checked out the fin action (opposite end from the tentacles), you could prolly guess why they're called "flying" -- seriously cool!

There's probably somebody out there in Mudcat-land who is unaware of the fact that I have the largest rubber (non-edible materials) squid collection in New Hampshire...more than likely, the ONLY rubber squid collection in New Hampshire. Most of them are rubber (and anatomically correct -- unlike bait squid), but some are plush stuffed, silver, ceramic, a kite, a kitchen whisk, a pen...

Like to eat 'em, too (not the rubber ones) -- squid rings Greek-style, marinated, cooked in their own ink, deep fried, etcet etcet.

I've got lawn flamingoes -- why doesn't anyone make lawn squid?!?

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 11:58 AM

LAWN squid?? My gawd...rotating with the wind on little posts, tentacles drubbing the breeze? Or robotic ones that could humptydump across the lawn like fish out of water in the direction of their Master, whose voice or pheromones they are programmed to recognize? Maybe an array of them with their tentacles interlocked one to the next, strung out around the lettuce patch to keep the skunks out?
I dunno--it sounds like an alternative universe to me!!! But, ya know, if you could find a low-cost manufacturer, you could probably make a market for them in New Zealand...



A

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 01:06 PM

It would require a strange addition to the postal promise...

"Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor gloom of night, nor flailing squads of squid, shall keep the postman from his appointed rounds."

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 01:13 PM

I dunno...as far as I know there are no SCUBA specialty assignments in the ranks of the USPS delivery squad... Someday, maybe, as we master the mechanics of undersea architecture. Imagine some guy in a wetsuit dropping off your junk mail at 120 feet!!!




A

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 01:17 PM

No problem...with modern technology, the mail would be laminated and have a little chip embedded that had luminescent ads flashing at you...and probably sound!

Subject: RE: BS: Giant Squid Threaten Amos!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 09:28 PM

"Dang, is this the mail or a fish outa the Trench?"