BS: Suddenly I am an orphan

Subject: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 07:20 AM

At 9.30am on 15th July 2009, at the age of sixty eight, I became an orphan.

My father passed away quietly, and peacefully, just eight days short of the first anniversary of my mother's death. It seems likely that (due to a reduction of capacity at the local crematorium) he will be buried on the same date as my mother. They had been married sixty eight years when she died, and it seems that they still operate as a team.

It's a very strange feeling to be no longer able to visit them, and to discuss what is going on in our lives. They have been there for so long that it feels like undergoing amputation.

There's no sadness or grief at their passing, more a feeling that these two, who ordered and directed my growing up, and were always there with help or advice, had simply completed that which they were given to do, and simply retired from a long and fruitful life.

They leave behind two sons, four grandchildren, eight great grandchildren (the eldest 13 years old, the youngest 2 years old) and a wealth of knowledge, experience and above all, love.

God rest their souls.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Azizi
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 07:35 AM

My sincerest condolences,Don.

What a wonderful tribute to your parents, particularly these words "There's no sadness or grief at their passing, more a feeling that these two, who ordered and directed my growing up, and were always there with help or advice, had simply completed that which they were given to do, and simply retired from a long and fruitful life".

May your good memories of your parents give you a measure of peace and give you energy to keep on keeping on.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: M.Ted
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 07:39 AM

My heartfelt sympathies, DonT--to lose both of them, so close together, must be a great schock.

I understand your feelings completely. In our family, my Grandmother played the role you describe-she lived til 104, and even at the end, family and friends took all their troubles and triumphs to her. When she was gone, suddenly the connection to a lot of things disappeared.

As the elder members disappear from my family, I have started to realized that what I have lost in them, I have started to become for the younger ones--

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 07:53 AM

My condolences Don......and I too have some idea of how you feel. In 1967 I had two parents, and three living grandparents; In 1972 they were all gone. Being an only child I was just there alone. I'd built up a pretty good friendship with the funeral director though..........

As I watch many of you now lose their parents in the natural way of things, I'm not sure which is easier. I think neither......Its never easy.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 08:00 AM

Lots of love, Don.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: gnu
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 08:42 AM

Sincerest condolences.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 08:45 AM

Sincere condolences from Erica and me.

May the Great Mother and the All Father comfort you. So mote it be.

E & B

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 08:53 AM

Condolences

Khatt and Paul

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: jacqui.c
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 09:09 AM

So sorry Don - whatever the age it is hard to lose someone you love. As M.Ted says, you will be looked to by your children and grandchildren in much the same way.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Leadfingers
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 09:23 AM

Condolences Don !

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: 3refs
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 09:31 AM

Not gone, just gone somewhere else!

Thoughts and Prayers!

R.W.R.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: open mike
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 10:14 AM

My sympathies to you, Don. My parents died a week apart...7 years ago...i still feel like picking up the phone and calling Mom, but catch myself before i actually do.
thanks for letting us know....

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 10:23 AM

My condolences, also. That was one of my first thoughts when my dad passed on, mom having already done so, was that I was now an orphan. Your words are beautiful and it is obvious your parents loved you and did a grand job. Thanks for sharing with us.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Alice
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 10:31 AM

My sympathy, Don.
Take care.

I was orphaned when I was 27, my parents killed together in an accident.
It's been hard not having them through my adult life.

(((hugs to you)))

alice

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 10:32 AM

Condolences, Don. It is an odd sensation to suddenly find yourself the oldest in your family, now part of the oldest existing generation.

You were fortunate to have a parent alive for such a long time in your life. My parents were both good company and I miss the simple aspect of talking to each of them as another adult. They died within six months of each other a dozen years ago.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 02:29 PM

Thank you all for your kind thoughts folks. Catters are such good friends to have when things are tough. Notwithstanding our propensity for tearing strips off one another in debate, this is a good place to be.

I hadn't even thought about being the eldest remaining of my family, and the idea of having to live up to the class act supplied by Dad, and become the patriarch, frankly scares the living daylights out of me.

I can see in my minds eye, my mother rocking with laughter at my discomfort. She always said that Dad and I fought like cat and dog because we were so alike.

She was right, but we were proud as hell of each other, though we'd have died rather than admit it. And she knew THAT too, of course.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: fat B****rd
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 03:00 PM

Best regards and kind thoughts, Don.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Gervase
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 03:00 PM

It's an odd feeling - suddenly you're all exposed in the front rank. However old you are, you're now the grown-up. My father died when I was 21 and my mother when I was 29, and it took a long time to get over it.
It sounds as though you had a good relationship with them, Don. Cherish the memories, and I can guarantee that hardly a day will go by without you thinking about them. For now, condolences and don't be ashamed of having a good blub about it. Blame it on dust in the air, if you must!

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 03:47 PM

Don,

   I love the memory that you have shared of how your parents worked together as a team and seem to be doing the same thing now. Tis a very sweet thing.

Sympathies and love to you,

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Alice
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 03:48 PM

I once heard on the Writer's Almanac (Garrison Keillor) the old Russian saying.... When your father dies, you become your own father. (It also shows up on the web as an "old French saying").

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Mrrzy
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 04:54 PM

Such a lovely farewell, Don. I can tell you feel lucky, and I'm glad for you.
If you were a Junior, you'd be Senior now. It's only the royalty get get to keep their numbers.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: GUEST,Slag
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 05:00 PM

God bless you Don. I unfortunately, know how feel. My sincerest condolences to you and yours. Numbers and dates have little or no bearing on the conditions of the heart. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Tom

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: vectis
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 07:42 PM

Condolences Don It takes quite a long time before the void passes unnoticed. I know (as an only) exactly how you feel.

Something happens and your hand is halfway to the phone before you realise that there is no-one to relate the story to any more. I am lucky I still have a husband as the children are half the world away.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Bobert
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 07:54 PM

My dad passed some 7 years ago and my mom, bless her heart, is turning 90 in a couple weeks... My brother asked her what she wanted for her birthday and she said to see her grandson (my son Will-to-me-Ben-to-everyone-else-don't-ask)... He lives on the west coast and hasn't been east in, geeze, about 4 years... So I ponied up and bought him and his wife air tickets and they will be here this week...

There are certain things that we owe our parents...

Yeah, I never really got in a groove with my dad but I'd give anything to have 15 minutes with him today...

Sorry for your loss, Don... Really... It is a bummer that grows with time...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Bonecruncher
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 08:58 PM

Condolences, Don.
Colyn.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: ranger1
Date: 17 Jul 09 - 10:06 PM

Condolences from Maine.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Morticia
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 04:30 AM

What a warm and dignified tribute to what were clearly two outstanding people. Condolences on your loss and congrtulations on your excellent taste in parents.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: alanabit
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 04:51 AM

Sorry to hear your news Don, but glad that you managed to sustain such a good relationship for so long. Not everyone does. When an older person passes, I always feel that we have lost another contact to another age. Probably most of us on Mudcat are becoming those links to history. Strange feeling, isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 05:56 AM

Strange indeed. A chapter in our growing that we cannot prepare for, because we can't understand it until it has started. We haven't even buried him yet, and day by day the implications of the new situation drift into my consciousness.

In my new role, whatever that turns out to be, I have the finest example to follow, and one cannot ask for more than that.

One thing I shall have to do is to add another verse to a song which means a lot, not just to me, but to my family as well. It took a very long time to write the three verses, and now a fourth, and final, verse is needed.

It seems appropriate to add it here as a footnote, or perhaps a work in progress. I began it during a very tough period of my life, and it took eighteen years for verse three to materialise.

FANTASIES.

1).    I dream of blue skies, and a sparkling ocean,
       Warm balmy breezes, and bright golden sands,
       I dream of a boat, and my loved one beside me,
       Plenty of money, and time on our hands,
       I dream of the things I might do, and I wish
       That the chance to go try them might still come my way,
       But I know it's not likely, I know I'm just dreaming,
       And I wake to the start of one more dreary day.

       Ch. Fantasies keep me alive while I'm working,
             Dreams of the things that I'd most like to do,
             But somehow it seems that it just doesn't matter,
             That the dreams that I'm dreaming may never come true.

2).    I look at my life, it's just work, eat, and sleep,
       And no matter how hard I try, it doesn't seem,
       That there's anything else but the same dreary circle,
       That's waiting whenever I wake from my dream,
       But then, before bed, I look in, and I see
       My two children there sleeping, at peace with the night,
       And my love is there too, ever gentle and caring,
       Filling my life with her sweetness and light.

       Ch.

3).    A man has to toil, and it's not too surprising,
       That sometimes he feels there should be something more,
       A chance to be idle, some freedom from worry,
       And his dreams stop him wondering what his labour's for,
       But I know in my heart there are all kinds of riches,
       And I can't complain, for I've more than my share,
       And I wouldn't swap one of the treasures I have,
       For the chance of becoming a millionaire.

       Ch.

© Don Thompson 1985

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: maeve
Date: 18 Jul 09 - 06:17 AM

Thank you, Don.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Jul 09 - 12:20 AM

Beautiful and I have to think my Rog would echo the sentiments. Thank you for sharing with us.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: The Sandman
Date: 19 Jul 09 - 02:23 PM

my condolences ,Don.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: My guru always said
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 08:08 AM

So sorry Don, keep the good memories!
Hil (been an orphan awhile)

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: TRUBRIT
Date: 20 Jul 09 - 11:50 PM

My sympathies -- TruBrit who has been an orphan since I was 29 - 31 years now and counting.....

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Peace
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 12:38 AM

Lots of us (orphans) around now.

Don, I have always perceived you to be one of the really bright minds on Mudcat, and reading what you write--even on this thread--assures me I was and am right to think that about you.

I sent a message.

Bruce

PS Dynamite writing above.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Gurney
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 02:10 AM

I'm the oldest person in my direct line. Sobering, isn't it.

Condolances, Don.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 21 Jul 09 - 01:56 PM

Hasn't quite achieved the feat of making me a sober citizen, Gurney. Rather the reverse.

Time enough to sober up when I grow up,........If I ever decide to do that.


Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Mr Red
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 07:57 AM

a minor pedantic point

the dictionary definition of orphan is loosing at least one parent.

Which in my case occured at the age of 0.75 years.

Which might have been better because I did not know dad, the loss is very much vicarious.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 08:07 AM

That, if true, is a very odd definition of the word, which, at least in common usage has been limited to those with no parents, hence the building of orphanages over the years.

You don't need institutions for children of lone parents.

Very weird.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Becca72
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 12:12 PM

From Dictionary.com
Orphan:
–noun
1. a child who has lost both parents through death, or, less commonly, one parent.
2. a young animal that has been deserted by or has lost its mother.


and I'm sure you meant to say "losing" at least one parent.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 03:12 PM

After my dad died I felt for a long time that things just weren't
right in the world. You end up knowing you must try to make it right. I try to pass something of him on to my own sons who now have sons of their own. And so it goes. You have my deepest condolences.
   I love your song.

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: Tig
Date: 22 Jul 09 - 07:01 PM

((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm not an orphan yet cos I've still got my dad (88) but I miss my mum. I dread being an orphan.

Love and hugs
Tig
xxxxx

Subject: RE: BS: Suddenly I am an orphan
From: GUEST,saulgoldie
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 02:08 PM

My condolences, Don.