Mudcat Tavern - Round 5

Subject:
From: alison
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 10:17 AM

Did you all make it....... the bar is still serving pints of vile black stuff. And I see we've installed a huge wall covered in velcro so we can play "bar-flies".

Quick catspaw.. get that velcro suit on..... rick will hold the trampet.......

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: bbc
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 10:24 AM

Thanks, alison! What'll you have?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 10:29 AM

Hey this is GREAT!!! Alison, I'm kinda' big for the flying wall toss, what we need here is a little guy, easy to throw, smiling while sailing through the air.........Where's Joe?? Can we get extra points if we throw him across the Possum Ass Fountain without getting him wet?

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 10:33 AM

Wow, Koko, this isn't Kansas, or Berkshire for that matter. Let's try that velcro wall, I'll try not to dislodge all the banjos stuck up at the top.
Wheeeee. That's the highest I've been since that night in...
Now how the hell do I get down. Don't just stand down there laughing, either get me a ladder or pass me a drink or I'll start singing.
I can't reach a banjo but I might, puff, just, wheeze, manage to grab that kazoo up here (so that's where it went)...Don't turn the fountain up too high!That was unkind. At least it got me unstuck but I don't think that squid I landed on will ever be the same again from the noise it made. Oops, has anyone lost a set of bagpipes?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Peter T.
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 10:40 AM

excuse me, miss, bbc, but I am now a little disoriented -- can you show me how to get to the upstairs study and reference section?

CONCERNED IN CANADA

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: bbc
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 10:44 AM

Peter, was that the bathroom you're asking for? Down the hall, to the left.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Peter T.
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 10:55 AM

No, ma'am, I am seeking the first edition of Cecil Sharp to continue my work on early Appalachian grammatical shifts from the Elizabethan.
Also, I am looking for a wiring diagram for a condensor for this SADOMETRIC Exerciser (shows bulky package).
CONCERNED IN CANADA

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Jeri
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 11:00 AM

So what's the prize if somebody lands in the 'bull's eye' on the Velcro wall? Oh, I see, stuff to use in the hot tub. 'Spaw, let's get you into the catapult and...YEEEEEHAW! Lookie there - Pat on the spot, win loofah!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 11:23 AM

Uh, can somebody get me a crowbar, large gear puller maybe.........are we doing this again? ......then also get me "cup" and perhaps a cardiologist.........and a large Jack on the rocks...........Yeah, that's better................OK Jeri, quit playing with the rubber squid and crank up that catapult!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: bbc
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 11:29 AM

Sorry, Peter, I didn't even know we had an upstairs! LEJ, can you help this gentleman?

Hey, Jeri, don't play so rough w/ the 'spaw! Rick gets upset. Down, kids, down! How about a nice cup of cocoa? Uh, oh! Think the other one heard me! She's back from Toronto, Mick! Watch your back!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Jeri
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 11:38 AM

'Spaw's really off the wall, in more ways than one. And nobody got my pun, or they're being kind. Anyhow, d'ya have any finger paint in the back room? Like maybe a few buckets? See, we could smear it all over ourselves and do a 'people painting.' (Why do things always get so messy around here?)

While we're waiting, I guess we could launch 'Spaw again. Hang on, here goes...Whoops, Sorry Roger!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 11:47 AM

ooops, nearly spilled my drink there. BTW, won't be in till Monday so leave your delivery orders with the office & I'll fill them when I'm back(jello, old jokes, stale puns, fatuous quotes, kazoo solos, out-of-key vocals, all part of the service). I'll just sidle out past the queue waiting to get on to the velcro. Tomorrow I'll be working in my garden (someone's been diggin' my potatoes, tramplin' on my vine), or, watching England getting thrashed at cricket again on tv!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 02:27 PM

bbc, you mean we actually have a BATHROOM in here now?! Did we need to clear that one with Max? Oh, I see, Catspaw's already in there with the August National Geographic. Guess I'd better take a number.

Well, I see that we've added another member to the Invisible Beat Generation booth by the window when we went to Round 5. No,I have no objection to Mr. Burroughs in principle, but it would be great if somebody could check the .44 Magnum he's brandishing to see if it's loaded. Thanks.

LEJ

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 03:47 PM

Leej, I think you forgot the six inches of foam you promised behind the velcro: one little fun ride and I'm one big bruise from my forehead to my knees. And, dammit, that really hurt. Spaw, how can you take it over and over? Oh. I shouldn't have asked. Karen, you look great in leather. --seed

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Song 'n Food
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 10:58 PM

I LIKE that vile black stuff. Mick will share, I'm sure. Oh, and sir, I'll take your package for you, it looks heavy. Hmmm, wonder what happens if a sadomatic gets stuck up on that wall ?? Oops, landed in the fountain. Hope it didn't hurt any of the squid. Cay, can I have ANOTHER of those lack vile things?? It's been another 13 hour day and I'm in need of five or six.

Hmmm, I don't know about cecil sharpe, but I did see some great John Jacob Niles in the bathroom. Just wait until S'paw gets out. Say S'paw, how long is that article on marsupial sexuality anyway?? (shrug) I'm going back to my glack vile stuff.

Susan A-R

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Craig
Date: 05 Aug 99 - 11:46 PM

I keep trying to get out of this town, but I seem to always be coming back to this tavern.
Barkeep! Give me a tall one. And send one over to that good looking lady over there in the corner.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 01:25 AM

Hey give it a break Susan....I'll be finished when I'm finished!!! Either put a cork in it or go out back and do a suziesquatsandoesit..............sheesh....(damn kids).....Okay, Okay......Here you go........All yours!!!.........Say what???...Well burn a match fer chrissakes.......................(damn kids)...

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: alison
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 04:23 AM

Hey Barbara.. looks like our massage skills will be coming in handy with all these injuries. maybe we should set up the tables in the corner? Hopefully I won't have to do any nurse type stuff... not unless anyone has to deliver a baby........

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 04:35 AM

OHMYGOD.............My water broke..........hey, wait a minute.......dammit bbc be more careful with the drinks huh? And why didn't somebody wake me up hours ago? Karen's probably still got the leather outfit on, but there's probably fire in her eye now........this ain't gonna' be fun......................

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Big Mick
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 06:04 AM

Yep, keep 'em coming.......Vile black stuff for the house........AAAAAHHHHHH.........that is good stuff........Uh??.......What FAIR ONE? You know I can't resist any thing you want........Oh no, I'm not...........I am not going on that damn wall........You and what army?????........Now look FAIR ONE, I may have let you and Harp beat me in the jello pit, but not you two nor everyone else in this place is going to put me on that wall, get it???????......Cause I will not let....OOOPs.....NO, not Koko.........no.....get your hands off me ape woman.........ssheeeeeeiiiiittttt......THUMP.......HEYY......GET ME OFF THIS FERBLICKTIKA WALL.........COME ON, FAIR ONE, TELL YOUR FURRY FRIEND TO GET ME DOWN!!!!!..........WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LAUGHING AT, 'SPAW........COME ON FIELDING HELP ME OFF HERE......WHAT???........SO WHAT IF I SICCED HER ON YOU?.......I HAVE BEEN PUTTING UP FOR THIS SINCE 1972.....AWWW DAMN.......Yes, bbc, get 'em all a drink.......and a bunch of banana's for our "friend" here......C'mon guys, I have to get to work.....save the world from godless capitalism,.........shit, .........OK OK, but only if you let me off after............. I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night, alive as he could be, said I, "but Joe, you're ten years dead".......

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 07:25 AM

Mick, would you care to introduce Joe Hill to my esteemed and much admired friends here at the Invisible Beat Generation Booth By The Window? Kerouac is a friendly fellow as long as you don't come between him and that plate of shuck beans he's wolfing down. And old Bill Lee here, well he looks fierce and don't doubt that he's armed to the teeth, but don't pay him no nevermind: it's a holdover from the "old days" when he lived in dreaded expectation the the cops would burst through the door any minute and bust him. He's past that now, but still I wouldn't want to cross him. And yes LEJ, the gun is loaded and the safety off, and truthfully it makes me a little nervous too but as a loyal patron of your fine establishment I would greatly appreciate it if you would let me vouch for him. So Mick, Joe would most definitely fit in here at our booth, if he was so inclined, but frankly, keeping the company of those long dead and others only 'virtually' here gets me right in my water. Makes me think about my own mortality and the manner in which I would like mistress Death and I to walk hand in hand from this tired earth when the time comes. bbc, am I forgiven for my past trangressions? Tomato juice and lemon wedges are wearing thin. Wild Turkey on the rocks, please, and I'm buying a round for my friends here, too......

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Duane D.
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 09:42 AM

catspaw, be more respectful of your barmaid, bbc, and keep your mouth civil, or I'll have to toss you up on the velcro wall.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: bbc
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 09:46 AM

We *are* a rowdy group, but I've never seen such a generous lot! OK, Neil, you can have your Wild Turkey, but how about a cinnamon roll & a cup of fresh-brewed coffee first? Hold off on that hard stuff till a little later. We'll still be serving. Come on in, everybody!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 09:49 AM

Hey, I'm not the one who spilled the drink!!! So jes grab a trout and meet me in the jello pit!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: MMario
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 09:58 AM

ooops! sorry guys, I knocked bbc's elbow, so it's my fault you got wet, 'spaw! (geesh, nothing madder then a wet cat!)

so just put the trout down, you really don't want to do anything with it. That's right, just hand me that trout and everything will be ok.

There any of those cinnamon rolls left?

MMario

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: bbc
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 10:21 AM

Hey, MM, peacemakers are welcome everywhere! Here's a cinnamon roll. Warm up your coffee? Yes, Duane *does* love swingin' that trout around. And he's got a wicked aim. Let's just keep it friendly, ok?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 10:26 AM

....yeah thanks MM.......I'm sorry guys........no hard feelins huh Duane? I'm leavin' now any way.......see you when I get back.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: DougR
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 11:43 AM

I'll have one of those cinnimon rolls please, bbc! Could you warm it in the microwave a tad for me? Thanks. A cup of coffee, black, would be nice too, bbc. Otherwise, how are things going? Recovered from last weekend?

DougR

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: bbc
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 12:13 PM

'morning, Doug! Warm roll & hot coffee, just like you like it! Things are going fine, thanks. I'll be in touch. Check out the new photos at Resources, ok?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: DougR
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 12:54 PM

bbc: It's creeping on toward Bloody Mary time out here in the desert. The coffee and rolls hit the spot though. I'll check out the photos!

DougR

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Big Mick
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 02:58 PM

Awwwwww,,.........c'mon guys, enuffs enuff......let me off this wall, puullllleeeeeeezzzzzzeeeee........Why the hell don't you folks pick on someone your own size?????????.........AND WHY DO I HAVE TO BE STUCK TO THE WALL FACE FIRST?????????.............I CAN'T EVEN HAVE A FIRCOCKTA DRINK LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!...........Geez, bbc, I would love to have some coffee and a roll, too, ya know..........Boy, this is really screwin' up my reputation as a tough guy.........Sandy, remind me to write a song trashin' the eejit who invented velcro...........grumble grumble mutter grumble........

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: MMario
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 03:06 PM

Koko - no, don't let that mumbling from the wall get you upset. You just did what the Fair One asked you to do, and no one around here is going to contridict the Fair One. It's not your fault, no matter how upset HE is...

How about a banana?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: bbc
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 03:30 PM

Aw, Mick, come on, I'll help you off that wall. Grab my hands---RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!! Boy, that velcro's strong stuff! You ok? I think I have a needle & thread here somewhere, to fix your pants. There you go--good as new! I'll get ya coffee & rolls or harder stuff, honey--whatever you need to get back to your tough guy stuff. Don't forget what Doug said, though. We ladies do love to be listened to!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Peter T.
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 03:51 PM

"Excuse me, ma'am, couldn't help overhearing, pardon, listening to you. This is a common complaint among the ladies. Name's Tegucigalpa, Tyrone T. (hands out card, keeping watchful eye on bartender at far end of the bar) Thanks to modern technology (pulls vise-like contraption out of large box he has laid out on the near bartop) we have solved this perennial problem between the sexes. Behold, the LISTENUPPER!!!"(Machine whirrs into life).
"When you press this lever (presses lever in front), a large vise moves forward (it does) and pins your male potential listener's face straight forward, like a horse."
(Presses a red button). Then Two pairs of tiny pincers come to the left and right sides of your male's head, inject themselves into their ear holes, and after briefly squirting some waxremoval fluid into them, the pincers open up and force the ears to remain open while speech is going on!!!!(Machine pops out pincers; then more ominous wire and skull holder emanates from internal drawer). Simultaneously, the machine reads the EEG pattern of your male, and when any sign of slackening of attention is signalled, a shock of electricity is administered to the only sensitive portion of the male anatomy, if you get my drift!!!!
There you have it!! The Wonder of the AGE!!! The Answer to a Woman's Prayer!!!!!!! For only a small investment, your communication problems are over, ladies!! What do you say!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, miss, were you saying something to me?"

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: bbc
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 04:19 PM

Oh, my, Peter, you are a scary man! Here, step into the back room with me. I think we need to have a chat!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: MMario
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 04:26 PM

bbc! Be careful! Take a trout with you!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Peter T.
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 04:38 PM

Don't know any Peters. Name's Tegucigalpa, Tyrone T. (Mother had a hankering for the world across the Rio Grande, and also was fond of Tyrone Power, little did she know). But I am more than happy to come into the back room and chat with you, little lady! Lead on......

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: bbc
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 04:46 PM

OK, Tyrone, whatever you say. Hey, boss, I need a little time! If I'm not out in 15 minutes, send the new bouncer in to check on me. Yes, Duane. He volunteered for the job this morning. Thanks for the word of warning, MM. I think I'll be ok (but I'll take the trout, anyway. Triple T & I are just going to have a philosophical discussion on the differences between women & men. It's good that catspaw's out of town. Doug, we may need you! BTW, folks, all my discussions are confidential, so don't ask. Be back to fill your orders soon! ;)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 04:57 PM

I'm gonna get the idjit who invented velcro,/ That stuff's just like a cannnon rolling free/ My cat got in my sewing box, now she can't go/ Anywhere without a hissing spree ...

o well. I throw it open to the folk process.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Peter T.
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 05:22 PM

Well, ma'am, I don't seem to be able to make the back room chat operate at this time of day, if that was what you were drifting towards, in that sashaying tone of mind. Front entry has always been a speciality of mine as well.
But, there it is. As Hero and Leander had their Sestos and Abydos.....
Technology seems to pull people apart as much as bind them together, as they say. If, however, you had more robust, pear-shaped ideas in mind, let us reconsider. T.T.T. is the man; wonder advances of the age is the game!!!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Bert
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 05:31 PM

Hi guys, stop by the '10 Little Indians' thread and give a welcome to K~~ (not a relative of Waltzing Ma~ I hope).

Bert. Oh and gimme a beer while I'm here!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: DougR
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 06:02 PM

PeterT:

I predict a bright future for the LISTENUPPER contraption you invented. It appears there's still a mite of work to be done on it though. When perfected start selling stock. It'll go like wildfire.

bbc, I'll come to your aid whenever you call. PeterT seems harmless enough though. Duane will probably check on you in about thirty seconds anyway.

DougR

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 06:02 PM

Hey there, Mr .Tyrolean Tequila-snapper or whatever you said your name was, make sure that dang listenupper deal is outta the bar by the time we start the Broncos' pre-season game tomorrow night. I have spent many years perfecting an attentive demeanor toward women while still remaining fully engaged to the play by play of the game, so don't be strapping that thing on my face and making me miss a Tyrell Davis 20 yard gain just so's I can get in touch with my feelings. Don't get me wrong, now. After the game I'm just as sensitive as a 13 year old acne victim on his first day at a new school.

Neil, thanks for the reassurances about Burroughs. He keeps telling me he can toss a shotglass of mezcal into the air, shoot the bottom out , lick a lime, and catch the liquor in his mouth before it hits the floor. I think he's been eating Kesey's Venison chili again.

And Catspaw, I'm not pointing fingers but somebody put a piranha in the jello pit. Hey, I don't care if it's been de-fanged!

bbc, I know I'm not supposed to drink on duty, but I can't handle this bunch sober. Let me hit this ice-cold shot of Stolichnaya. UUMmmmmm...dos VEDANYA!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: annamill
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 08:28 PM

Peter, I loved/love Tyrone Power. What was it your mother didn't know? Was he gay? I don't care. I still love him. Love unrequited can be great too. As for your LISTENUPPER, I haven't seemed to have a problem with men listening to me??? Oh well. I guess there could be a market.

bbc, may I please have a pina~ colada. Thank you. It's soooooo great to be able to rest.

Peter., I'm not making a pass (I have my honey), but I would love to hold you in lively conversation. You are so witty and I need to be held in lively conversation right now. Too bad you can not make it to my gathering.

May I buy you a drink?? Are we going to have music? I have a jones. I must have music tender every now and then or I just can't make it.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: alison
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 10:38 PM

"Call me Jamie-boy". HHHHOOOOWWWLLLLL... I just LOVED Tyrone Power in "The Black Swan"... fancied being captured by pirates ever since.........

Can anyone find the kettle? I neeed tea.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Jeri
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 11:17 PM

LISTENUPPER -HA! Men can do this thing where they look very attentive and murmur appropriate, 'hmms' and 'I sees.' Meanwhile, they are thinking about football, sex and drinking - quite possibly in that order. Of course, women do the same thing, but we're thinking about shopping, sex, and chocolate. And about what the heck we have to do to get you guys to listen...

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: annamill
Date: 06 Aug 99 - 11:24 PM

ummmm... Jeri... don't you like football, SEX, and drinking?

That's the secret. Just take a look every now and then at Joe Montana..ooohhh. When they bend over, just ask "umm, who's the tight end, Babe"? That'll get em.

Oh, and have a pina colada in your hand...

Life can be wonderful...

Love annap

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: Jeri
Date: 07 Aug 99 - 12:01 AM

Annap, I do kinda like those tight football pants :-)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: DougR
Date: 07 Aug 99 - 12:08 AM

Jeri:

Hmmmmmmm. You may have identified a weakness in my argument. I suppose some guys are smart enough to LOOK like their listening when, in fact, they are mapping out their next move. The LISTENUPPER wouldn't help much in that situation, I guess.

Big Mick, hold up ordering one of those things 'till I think this thing through.

DougR

Subject: RE: Mudcat Tavern - Round 5
From: bbc
Date: 07 Aug 99 - 12:08 AM

Hi, girls! Think I'll just stick to getting some tea for alison. Learned how to make it right when Bill was here! Last call on my shift. See y'all tomorrow!