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BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: katlaughing Date: 22 Aug 99 - 04:29 AM Dearest Cletus, my dear Cletus, It is a good thing you wrote to me for advice. C'spaw has entered an alternative realm of possibility which means the chances of him ever coming back into this dimension are limitless. I don't think it will do any good for Karen to contact the NYCFTTS, as they are not equipped to handle such contact with persons afflicted by figmentosus faerius. This is serious. It is important that none of you startle Spaw while he is in this state, nor while he is in any other state, including A-hia. The best thing you can do is walk away, very softly, without turning your back to him. Don't scratch, either, because just that little annoyance may set him off. Tell Karen, the poor woman, she should set out his favourite dish on the hearth, tonight, along with his favourite ale or other drink. Surround that with photographs of his favourite people and places, esp. that one of Cleigh O'Possum in his international diplomatic role...you know, the one where he so graciously allowed that foreigner, Fielding, to blow up his derriere. Hopefully when he focuses his eyes on these familiar sites, he will warp left, spiral up, and touch down in this dimension. It is obvious he has suffered from a total shift in reality. What he thought existed does not, for him, and what he believed to be a figment has been made manifest. As his was such a doubting nature coupled with hostility, it could be that he is faking this whole episode of figmentosus dementia for fear that he will be offered a plate of black feathers and various other avian delights. If this proves to be the case.....scratch away, call in the boyz, let them at the rosewood, Holly-wood, and any other wood he has, tell Karen to take away the goodies. When he's had enough isolation, he'll come round and you'll see, he'll be his old self in no time. Now, on the other hand, if he really is suffering from an afflication of communicado faerio, you will need to send me a prepaid, round trip airline ticket, as well as one to various other members of our Crack Tipling Possum Intervention Team. It will be necessary for us to perform not only an exorcism of all spirits ale, but also to confiscate the religious icon he seems to have become so orally fixated on. It could get ugly, his head may do a 180 on his body. Best that Karen take the little boyz and go back to Kentuck for the duration. We will see what we can do. Send the Big Boyz to lay in a good supply of provisions, install heavy duty locks on all the windows and doors, and prepare to guard against interruptions while we plunge the depths of the Psyche That Was Spaw. You will also have to send a ticket to Fast Eddie, as Spaw will have to be confronted with the reality of his existence, surreal or not, alternative dimension or not. Until we can determine the best course of action, I remain your only alternative to real life, katlaughingallinyourhead, PhD Faerius Figmentosus |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: catspaw49 Date: 22 Aug 99 - 02:32 AM Hey there Katlaffin -- Catspaw doan seem to be a doin nun too well an me an Paw are right worried boutim. He even leff the puter on the net thing right here at Mudcat an jes ambled off. See howz it wuz wuz that after a real long day of kleenin cars and the camper an sech he tole us to git the hell out, but Karen wuz bein mighty nice to us which aint happint since that time when we wuz playin sink the cheerios in the downstairs bath......Paw,Buford,the Reg boys an me wuz jes tryin to help out on potty trainin lil Tris, but I doan think she liked it nun. Anyways she givvus sum cheescake stuff an summa Catspaw's Ale-8-One an thanked usns fer helpin out sum today. Bout that time Catspaw come outa the puter room alookin real pale and peekid like. We all followed him out a figgerin that mebbe he's a havin some more problems like last May, but heez been active an real healthy actin like an that aint it. He tuk that clay possum and that seaweed he got from the Reg boys' half brother, yall know, that Fielding feller...an went out an set hissef down in front uv some plants in the dried out backyard. Furs, ol Buford aks him what wuz a goin on but since Catspaw wuz purty well pissed off at him anyways, after he an the Reg boys whittled up some whimmiediddles outta some piece a wood in Catspaw's shop. He sed it wuz some fancy ass kinda rosewood and real spensiv, kokobolo ur sumpin like that. We dint know you cud git wood from roses, but Catspaw bilds right purty dulseemors and I gess he knows whut heez talkin bout. Anyhowz he tole em all ta go piss up a slack rope an they were a layin out in his front yard a tryin, but the sheriff jes now druv up an I reckon heez a takin em off. Catspaw's gonna be madder than chicken with the shits when he finds out about it. But Paw an me are real worried bout what it is Catspaw's a doin out back and so I thought mebbe y'all might have some idee on it. See cuz then when me an Paw aks him, he sez he's havin communion with ferrys ur sumpin. All we know fer shure like is that heez a settin there mumblin bout figs ur sumpin an blowin up that possums ass an rattlin that seaweed thing. Paw sez ta say that mebbe he's takin communion with fairies. We jes doan unnerstan a damn thing he's a doin and Karen calt the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed bout gittin him fixed up. We uz hopin yall might help out Katlaffin sins yall are buddies an all, an this all started after he red yur message. Paw's gonna keep an eyeball on him whilst I see if Karen'll lemme use the shower sinz I bin itchin bad roun my privates. CLETUS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 22 Aug 99 - 12:43 AM Well, fast-Eddie-the figment-of Kat's-imagination, you arrived a day after the deadline I gave you, but I'll call off my dogs--Mickster, Rickster, Catspaw, and Roger the Zim--anyway. I'll just toss a bit of ale-basted beef into their cages and they'll settle down after a while, but I don't recommend sticking your hand inside the bars to pat their heads just yet. Where in Northern California are you? I'm in the Bay Area, along with a bunch of other Muddies. As you can see from this thread we tend to take any opportunity to raise a bit of hell here: Catspaw calls it "kickin' litter." And we thank you for the opportunity to use you as a target. --seed |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Bill D Date: 21 Aug 99 - 11:57 PM sure... after I go out on a limb, proving you are really lost! *grin*...ok, then..hop on and enjoy the ride. We don't know exactly where we are going, but the company is amazing! (even some music at times..) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: katlaughing Date: 21 Aug 99 - 08:55 PM Such cynicism, Peter! Have I EVER lied to YOU???? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Peter T. Date: 21 Aug 99 - 08:54 PM Sure, sure, kat, like we believe you at this point. What happened, did you buy another computer? yours, Peter T. (Hi, Eddie, long time no see!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: katlaughing Date: 21 Aug 99 - 08:47 PM READ 'EM AND WEEP, OH YE OF LITTLE FAITH! THE REAL EDDIE HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING!!!Yes, it is really him, really Jeri! Yahoo! Whoopee! told ya so! First two martinis on me, Eddie/Figment! I love it! katlaughing |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Jeri Date: 21 Aug 99 - 08:33 PM I don't suppose you can prove you're really Eddie? Nah, didn't think so. Well, whoever you really are, welcome to Mudcat! I'd warn you about the crackpots, but if you've read the messages, you already know about them. Most of us are quite normal, but we enjoy contributions from our valued unbalanced members as well. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Eddie (Code name "figment") Date: 21 Aug 99 - 08:18 PM Greetings fellow Mudcat-ters - how the hell many of you are there out there?? Took a while but wanted you all to know that Katlaf is not hallucinating - she really does have a friend named Eddie! Delighted in a way that it took me so long to get in the loop - or whatever it is I've gotten myself in to!! Had I dropped in sooner, doubt I would have been treated to several little poems and related good tidings I found reading all of these threads (yup, took a while but I just read every one of them). Now I understand why Katlaf hooked me up - knowing as she does that I am a bit, well, unusual and that finding like-minded characters here in ethereal Northern CA is a genuine challenge, she thought she'd introduce me to some equally unusual (OK, in a couple of cases - and you know who you are - even more unusual) characters in cyberspace! In any event, wanted to at least assure all those doubters out there that the Katlaf speaks only truth - she told me to tell you all that or I'd be in serious trouble!! Henceforth (see, he uses big words too), I shall be known in the Mudcat Tavern (I'll yake two very dry martinis, shaken not stirred, two olives) as Figment, as a reminder to those Katlaf doubters out there, whereever in the world that may be!! Later. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Bill D Date: 20 Aug 99 - 10:44 PM *giggle*..what I did was go to AltaVista and type 'where is Eddie?'...it has a search algorithm that finds stuff like that...the hard part is REJECTING all the other 1000 hits! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: katlaughing Date: 20 Aug 99 - 10:33 PM LMAO, Bill! I'll never cease to wonder at what your hamsters scare up; you musta had them workin' overtime to find those!!! Thanks, dear Marion, for setting the Eddie Record straight! katwhorenouncesalleddies!not!wellhedidgivemeabunchofantiques!nicestonesI'veeverhad,mostly! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Bill D Date: 20 Aug 99 - 10:16 PM as you can see...it is no use, Eddie is totally lost..all we know is where Eddie was |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Marion Date: 20 Aug 99 - 10:25 AM Just to make sure I get all the credit I so vastly deserve: Mulder's Asian twin who posted above, Eddy C., is the individual whereof I spoke. Rick:1. Marion:1. Katlaughing:0. Everyone else: bring your own Eddie before you gripe about Kat's! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 20 Aug 99 - 01:29 AM Patsclaw, he's never gonna come in if you talk to him that way. Now be nice. Say you're sorry. That's a good boy. --seed |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: catspaw49 Date: 19 Aug 99 - 09:56 PM So Hiroshi can kiss it too..........screw him AND that miserable piece of giraffe vomit, Fast Eddie!!! You hear me talkin' Eddie boy??? You're a miserable excuse for a piece of crap, 'cause at least they come and go!! You'd not only suck a root as long as a rake handle and the chrome off a bumper hitch, but you have undoubtedly stolen the lunch right out of a dung beetle's mouth. And bring your mother by, I gotta' few words for her too........... CURSE YOU SMEGMA!!!!!!!!!!!!! Looking forward to seeing you soon and am anticipating meaningful discussions. All My Best, Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Jeri Date: 19 Aug 99 - 09:31 PM Yes, Rick, there really is a Hiroshi Ogura. He has a web page at http://www.u.arizona.edu/~hiroshi/index.html. (Whaddya mean "don't tell him?" C'mon, give the guy a break!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: katlaughing Date: 19 Aug 99 - 08:55 PM LOOK AT THE CREATIVITY EDDIE AND I HAVE SPAWNED!!! You guys are FABULOUS!!! LMAO AND EMAILING THESE TO EDDIE! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 19 Aug 99 - 07:39 PM Leej, in the possum thread, Catspaw is about to have me committed to the Neil Young center--but I refuse to go unless they make me bull goose looney. --seed |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Lonesome EJ Date: 19 Aug 99 - 06:56 PM Seed! "Golgotha's Fires" ? Holy leaping shades of John Milton, fer cryin out loud.
" Where hast thou gone, Edward my friend - Paradise Redux |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 19 Aug 99 - 06:36 PM Oops, that was supposed to be
Eddie, dear Eddie, come home to us now; --seed |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 19 Aug 99 - 06:27 PM Eddie, dear Eddie, come home to us now; Your dear friend Katlaughing is haffing a cow. And Patsclaw and Rickster and Roger the Zim And Mickster the Monster are ready to trim Your nose hairs with tweezers or needle nose pliers, And send you to sizzle in Golgotha's fires. You've turned our friend Kat to an object of mirth; She's dodgin' and duckin', regretting her birth. So get here by Friday if you're really livin'-- And I swear if you make it, well, all is forgiven. --seed |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Llanfair Date: 19 Aug 99 - 05:17 PM Nice one, Joel!! Eddie not here? I keep checking this thread, but no sign of him. Surname isn't Lucan, I suppose?? Hwyl, Bron. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: joeler Date: 19 Aug 99 - 02:41 PM Welcome Eddie. Never, never use the word "NEW". Joel |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: katlaughing Date: 19 Aug 99 - 12:00 PM Back of hand to my brow, I shall now sing Disney,
"Someday, Fast Eddie will come So did anybody figure out my new acronym, KISA??? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Roger the zimmer Date: 19 Aug 99 - 11:58 AM I think the only answer is to put all drinks in the Mudcat Tavern on Invisible Eddie's tab until he shows up, or set Joe MysteryMan Offer on to track him down and send Reg & Reg or Cleigh and the possums to bring him in. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Bert Date: 19 Aug 99 - 11:55 AM Now we have an Eddie C and an Eddie NO SEE!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Rick Fielding Date: 19 Aug 99 - 11:51 AM Imposter! What have you Eddies done with the real Eddie? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Eddy C. Date: 19 Aug 99 - 09:27 AM Where I come from, Eddy's, Eddie's, Ed's, and Edna's are everywhere! Makes me wonder what kind of society I'm living in... The funny farm? A secret clone project from Area51? Mulder's Asian twin??? Something is out there... Trust no Eddy Sign, Clone prototype 1252542 CodeName: Eddy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: katlaughing Date: 18 Aug 99 - 11:17 PM Really, Cleigh-O, I don't look THAT bad, do I?? Ask yer paw...let's get his unbi-assed opinion! Really though, yer a poet and ya know-it, right? Nice to know a gyrl's got so many KISA's to defend her! katlaughing&steamingateddiespaghettiakaeduardo! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Aug 99 - 10:53 PM Fast Eddie, Fast Eddie, You've made Kat look bad. Big Mick, Rick, and Catspaw are ass-kickin' mad. They're three bad-ass mothers, I have to admit. So you'll prob'ly be taken your hat off to shit. ***************** CHORUS (Compliments of Marion from above) ***************** Fast Eddie, Fast Eddie, now don't think me crude But when you arrive, you're Screwed, Blued, and Tatooed. Take your licks like a man and you'll fit in just fine, Now I gotta' go 'pologize to John Prine. Signed...............Cleigh O'Possum |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Marion Date: 18 Aug 99 - 04:51 PM "Just waitin', just waitin', you have no complaint You are where I'm not and I am where you ain't So listen up buster, and listen up good I've no time to do all Katlaf says I should Signed, Fast Eddie"
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Lonesome EJ Date: 18 Aug 99 - 04:43 PM " Dear Eddy, Dear Eddy, the problem is this Although we don't know you you're already missed You are a real person, so Katlaf insists But Fielding and Catspaw don't think you exist Signed, Just Waitin'" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Rick Fielding Date: 18 Aug 99 - 04:03 PM Good idea Marion. I've already brought my Eddie in. (the one back a couple of posts) He seems to be having trouble identifying his posts though. Eddie..a simple "Eddie Baltimore" will do. the guitars are on their way. Rick |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Peter T. Date: 18 Aug 99 - 02:43 PM Please Rick, University Bird Cage Factory. We have a higher class of newspaper on the floor of the cage. Yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Marion Date: 18 Aug 99 - 02:07 PM When Eddie comes, we'll all be saved... good reference, Peter T.! A man of learning. The cultural tie-in that this thread brought to my mind was far more pedestrian: there was a song, I don't remember who by, with the simple chorus "These are the Daves I know, I know, these are the Daves I know." The verses are about specific people called Dave. Anyway, the reason that I bring this up is: we all know an Eddie or two, don't we? Why don't we see how many new Eddies we can bring to be welcomed by this thread. My Eddie (actually Eddy and quite vociferous about it) is really more into computer games than traditional music, but we can squeeze that into the definition of folk somehow, can't we? Marion |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: wELCOME ...ETC Date: 18 Aug 99 - 01:48 PM I am the other Eddie. Please send old guitars ( preferrably martins nationals or gibsons), and when a suitable ransom has been attained , I will release, relatively unscathed ( well, maybe a bit scathed ) the Eddie which whom you speak of. Cash as an alternative is acceptable - just stuff it in the CDR port and press "home" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Aug 99 - 12:56 PM Yeah, the stuff makes excellent soundboards!!! Katmyluv, if you encounter Fast Eddie somewhere, you may kick his ass for Mick, Rick, and I .......... if you'd rather not do it in your own name, ya' know??? My first post said I'd be happy to insult him anytime and indeed this has come to pass. I'm thinking of hanging a portrait of him at the Tavern.....won't take up much space, none in fact. So go and commune and watch for the Insanevac helicopter. We are a strange bunch aren't we? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: katlaughing Date: 18 Aug 99 - 12:27 PM Woven nasal muscus?????? Gawd, Rick! Eeewwwwww!! I will quit wallowing in my cups and thanks for the cheering, fellas. luvya, katlaughingreally! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Rick Fielding Date: 18 Aug 99 - 12:23 PM Ms. Laughing. NOBODY'S work schedule is THAT hectic! I mean look at us. Do you not think that we also have incredibly busy workloads? Here's Peter T re-writing the classics and going to every bad film in town..AND he's putting in 19 hour days at the Corporate Bird Cage Factory! And then there's Mick. (is that a Bick in your pocket, or are you just here to light my fire?) He's been slaving 25 hours a day negotiating a settlement between the Wobblies and the IRA. Still he has the time to spell the word Alison in every colour of the rainbow! Well now, what can we say about Catspaw, other than he's never done a lick of work since 1978! But busy? You bet he's busy. Hauling his little possum ass across international borders isn't busy? Not to mention his other endeavors like building dulcimers from balsa wood, hubcaps and woven nasal mucus. That's a pretty busy boy, and HE still finds time to post one or two things a week! No, Kat. I'm afraid the sad truth is that Eddie just doen't know how to manage his time properly. I do believe he exists however, the same way I believe the Warren Commission, and that Hillary Clinton is a genius in cattle futures. Rick (who obviously has NO spare time) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Big Mick Date: 18 Aug 99 - 11:32 AM Oh sure..........Kat..........sure. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: katlaughing Date: 18 Aug 99 - 11:10 AM Thanks, PeterT and everyone else. I give up. I guess his work schedule/traveling is just too hectic. Hopefully he'll get in here soon. Until then, I suggest we sing a dirge and let this one die. kat |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Aug 99 - 11:10 AM Say, I finally figured out "Field of Dreams"....thanks Peter!
"If You Build It, He Will Come."
We built it.....so where is the F****R ???? Why don't you all just slip on over to the Tavern for a Fast Eddie Special....They're on me today!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Peter T. Date: 18 Aug 99 - 10:50 AM (lone tree on horizon. Two bums look around sadly.) POZZO: "Why are we waiting here? What makes you think he will come? ESTRAGON: "He said he would come. We just have to hope." POZZO: "Why? What good is hope?" ESTRAGON: "What else is there?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Roger the zimmer Date: 18 Aug 99 - 10:39 AM Jeri, you don't mean these photos on the Tavern noticeboard do you? Sings (?) to the approximate tune of "Living next door to Alice": "Eddie, Eddie, where the f*** is Eddie?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Jeri Date: 18 Aug 99 - 10:30 AM Katlaughing, I think the trick is to lure people in here. You know, tell us a little about them. Does Eddie have a collection of er...rubber squid or something? Of course, if someone told me there were two whole threads about me in here, I'd be in here in a flash, just to make sure someone hadn't unearthed those photos from the 70s! Perhaps threatening his life would work. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: Peter T. Date: 18 Aug 99 - 10:15 AM Eddie!!Have you met Amelia here, and Elvis, and my good friend Wendigo? Step over to the Mary Deare here, docked beside the Andrea Doria, and let's chat.... yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Aug 99 - 09:51 AM (Blast of tinny Trumpets) CONGRATULATIONS!!!! We now have over 60 posts on 2 threads covering 5 days dedicated to a non-member no-show!!! Rick, crank out the leatherworking tools so we can present Kat with a suitable Award to be placed amongst her Garden Fairies and I'll ring up the Young Center. Fast Eddie my ass........Geez, we're ALL such gullible idiots!!! Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: catspaw49 Date: 17 Aug 99 - 02:35 PM Just a refresh----------------Where are you Eddie boy? Had barbequed ribs, salad, and corn on the cob last night....I'm lookin' for you........... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: catspaw49 Date: 17 Aug 99 - 01:53 AM Hey, at this point, if the elusive Fast Eddie shows up, he can plant one twixt my coat flaps....actually that slit in the rear of a sports/suit coat is called a "vent".........Obviously tailors have a sense of humor. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Please welcome my friend, Eddie From: katlaughing Date: 17 Aug 99 - 01:49 AM Hey, Rick! I want one anyway! It'll be like the possum, a one of a kind, put me in touch with those elusive creatures, 'cause even if I talk to them, they don't always answer back, ya know? T'anks fer bringing it back up. If he doesn't make it in here tomorrow noght, he's a goner. I'm off to put a direct link to this thread in his email....another nudge! kat |