BS: Making love in a canoe?

Subject: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:20 PM

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapaire - PM
Date: 18 Aug 10 - 08:08 PM

A Canadian is someone who can make love in a canoe.
                           --Pierre Berton (Hard to get more
Canadian than that, eh?)
******************************************************************

Damn hard to get that far. If Pete was still around, I would ask him how. Maybe if the canoe was on shore?

Can't see there'd be much "activity" on the water. I love you, I love you, I'm drowning.

Then again, maybe that's just the way I remember... ah... you know.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:24 PM

?? I learned canoeing in high school..(right on a river).. and have been in a few canoes since. Though I never TRIED, I can't see that it would be all that difficult....padding would be the main issue. (And there are, ummm... many variations possible.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:33 PM

On a river, I would think paddLing would be an issue.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Bobert
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:33 PM

"padding would be the main issue"... Depends on the canoe, Bill... Mine is a Coleman and made or rubber... Right nice fir, ahhhhh, layin' (or gettin' laid) in the bottom of it... Not that I have... Or haven't...

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:35 PM

The cliche, according to a very old joke, is that it's only really difficult standing up - in a canoe.

(You can practice in a hammock?)

John

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:39 PM

Have you ever been bedridden?

Sonny, I am 90 years old... I've been ridden in a canoe in a 40 knot wind.

Sorry... old joke but I just remembered it.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:45 PM

Reminds of that guy who did everything the hard way, combed his hair with a pin, paddled his canoe standing up, etc, had 27 children - standing up in a hammock...

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:55 PM

Reminds me of the old joke -- Q: How is [insert name of cheap beer here] like making love in a canoe? A: Both are fucking close to water!

I'll get me hat....

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:59 PM

Maybe in really shallow water, with the keel on the bottom mired in the mud....

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Old Vermin
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 07:06 PM

Punt, mousethief, punt.

Fucking near water....

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 07:12 PM

I can't punt I have no football. You heard a different version. Doesn't make mine wrong. Jaysoos, I thought this was a folk music site.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 07:42 PM

The essence of canoe stability is staying close to the bottom -- that's why you kneel in wind and white water, rather than sitting on the seat. Tipping would not be the problem with making love in a canoe (assuming that one is lying down, not standing up), banging your head (or other parts) on the thwarts would be.

(Does this sound like I know too much about the process? It's all theoretical. Really.)

(I'll quit thinking about the positional options now.)

(I miss canoeing, and this is the second thread to send me thinking about it today.)

~ B in T

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Joybell
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 07:55 PM

I think you may have to get the setting right.

Oh give to me a winding stream
It must not be too wide.
Where waving leaves of maple trees do meet from either side
The water must be deep enough to float a small canoe
With no one else but you.


Cheers, Joy

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 08:07 PM

With no one else but you.

I think anybody can make love by themself in a canoe. The tricky part would be doing it with two.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 08:21 PM

Any mariner knows the trick to ballast is storing the weight low, to lower the center of mass. So a pre-boarding comparison of certain partially curved and variably massive elements would be in order to determine the stacking order.


A

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Don Firth
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 08:57 PM

It seems to me that a punt would give you more stability than a canoe.

Gives a whole new significance to "punting on the Thames," eh, wot?

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 09:02 PM

So THAT'S what they were doing at Cambridge! And standing up at that!

Being someone who almost got the canoeing merit badge from the Boy Scouts, I can think of a couple of ways it could be done. In any case, life jackets would be required attire.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: olddude
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 09:27 PM

No but I was nearly fucked up a few time by water ... doe that count?
ya know the boat is sinking how long can you tread ...

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Don Firth
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 10:29 PM

Dyslexic guy trying to figure out the difference between a punt and a canoe:

"Well, I know what one of them is, but what the hell is a panoe?"

(sorry. . . .)

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Beer
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 11:05 PM

Hay Gnu!, you know it is good anywhere if she and you want it. Canoe, sink, swing, blueberry patch, cellar, attic, outhouse, lazy boy and so on. But As long as you and her can swim, it's safe.
Now have you heard of hall sex? Old joke.
ad.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Joe Offer
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 11:18 PM

A canoe can be a very romantic thing, but there are those bars across the center that thwart a couple from getting too romantic....

But still, just thinking of a canoe brings back romantic memories.

Besides the thwarts, another problem with canoes is that they're a bit heavy. I've rarely dated women strong enough to lift a canoe off a car, and that limited our canoeing adventures. It was a painful experience when they dropped their end of the canoe.

-Joe, long-retired canoeing instructor-

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Naemanson
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 11:48 PM

So, Amos, the heavier partner is on the bottom?

Every year in Maine there is a canoe race in the very early spring when the water is cold, cold, cold, and running like mad. And every year there is a man who runs that race standing in his canoe dressed in an old fashioned suit, bow tie, and straw boater (hat).

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: ranger1
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:36 AM

Brett, is that the Kenduskeag canoe race?

And Mousethief, you beat me to it with the bad joke. I was wondering who'd been drinking Coors Light.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Don Firth
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:42 AM

Hey, Joe, I just had a thought!

Maybe that's why they call them "thwarts!"

(sorry again!)

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Arthur_itus
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 02:18 AM

LOL, I like this story.

"We're taking on water!"

Those words almost ruined the mood. I say almost because I don't believe the mood was truly ruined until I realized I'd never see my Van Halen keychain ever again. It started out innocently. The weather out here has been nice lately, so my girlfriend and I pulled my canoe out of the basement and went canoeing.

The weather was beautiful. The sky was blue, the air was warm, and there was a nice breeze blowing over the lake. We were canoeing through a series of rivers that I knew to be really easy to paddle down. No sense in going overboard the first trip of the year, I thought.

We got about halfway up one of the rivers when it started. Rock walls went up the river on all three sides, and there was nobody above. There were no other canoes, either. We were alone. I was preoccupied with getting to the waterfall at the end of the river, but my girlfriend had something different in mind. All of a sudden, she stopped paddling and stuck her paddle into the side of the boat. She was sitting with her back toward me as is normal in a canoe. I couldn't see her face, but sighed anyway, figuring she wanted to take a break. Again. I leaned back and dropped my paddle into the boat too. I wasn't gonna get us to this waterfall while she sat around getting a tan.

She stood up and turned around. I didn't know whether to be suprised that she hadn't fallen in yet or worried that she was about to.

"What are you doing?" I asked as she sat down in front of me.

"Let's take a break."

I rolled my eyes. A break. Always with the damn breaks. Why didn't we just get a motorboat?

"Okay." What else could I say? She had already put away her paddle. Disagreeing would have probably just gotten me wet. Little did I know that she already was.

"It's a beautiful day out." She said.

"Yeah, great, especially for the middle of April." I replied.

"It's almost warm enough to be naked." At this point my eyebrows perked up. She had initiated some risky stuff in the past, but she couldn't swim. She wouldn't go this far.

Her hands took hold of my calves. I kissed her slowly, not knowing how far she wanted to go. It was when I started to be passive that I lost control and things went to shit. Somehow I ended up in the canoe, with her grinding on top of me as the current took us down the river.

It's hard to have an orgasm when you're worried about keeping your centre of gravity in the middle of the canoe so that you don't capsize. Evidently too hard.

A while later, after an hour or so of aqua-coital fury, She got tired. She couldn't lay down in the canoe, so in all her wisdom, she leaned on one of sides. Instantly, we filled up about halfway with water.

"We're taking on water!" She screamed. I remained calm.

"Don't move." I said. "We need to move to opposite ends. Get off me and go towards my feet."

"But my clothes are by your head."

"You can't swim, so my canoe is more important that your clothes."

Point of advice: when you're in a sinking canoe with a naked woman, do not remind her that she cannot swim, it will only cause problems. She freaked out and started shaking, sinking the canoe. Evidently, fiberglass doesn't float.

I ended up recovering one paddle, my wallet, most of our clothes. My car keys and my canoe are still at the bottom of a lake. Last time I ever have sex in a canoe.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Joe Offer
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 02:29 AM

That was MY pun, Don....or at least that was what I was trying to get across....

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: EBarnacle
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 08:31 AM

It's a matter of who's on top...and staying centered. As mentioned above, there has to be a certain level of situational consciousness. If you get so into the event and forget where you are, you are likely to get wet. On the other hand, a few judiciously placed cushions make quite a few things possible.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 09:08 AM

Can be fun, if you find someone who is paddle worthy.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 09:12 AM

Are you still a Canadian, if you can make love while paddling your own canoe?

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 09:22 AM

Maybe Pauline Johnson was actually thinking of sex in a canoe, when she wrote this famous poem?


WEST wind, blow from your prairie nest,
Blow from the mountains, blow from the west.
The sail is idle, the sailor too;
O wind of the west, we wait for you!
Blow, blow!         
I have wooed you so,
But never a favor you bestow.
You rock your cradle the hills between,
But scorn to notice my white lateen.

I stow the sail and unship the mast:         
I wooed you long, but my wooing's past;
My paddle will lull you into rest:
O drowsy wind of the drowsy west,
Sleep, sleep!
By your mountains steep,         
Or down where the prairie grasses sweep,
Now fold in slumber your laggard wings,
For soft is the song my paddle sings.

August is laughing across the sky,
Laughing while paddle, canoe and I         
Drift, drift,
Where the hills uplift
On either side of the current swift.

The river rolls in its rocky bed,
My paddle is plying its way ahead,         
Dip, dip,
When the waters flip
In foam as over their breast we slip.

And oh, the river runs swifter now;
The eddies circle about my bow:         
Swirl, swirl!
How the ripples curl
In many a dangerous pool awhirl!
And far to forward the rapids roar,
Fretting their margin for evermore;         
Dash, dash,
With a mighty crash,
They seethe and boil and bound and splash.

Be strong, O paddle! be brave, canoe!
The reckless waves you must plunge into.         
Reel, reel,
On your trembling keel,
But never a fear my craft will feel.

We 've raced the rapids; we 're far ahead:
The river slips through its silent bed.         
Sway, sway,
As the bubbles spray
And fall in tinkling tunes away.

And up on the hills against the sky,
A fir tree rocking its lullaby         
Swings, swings,
Its emerald wings,
Swelling the song that my paddle sings.

The Song My Paddle Sings, E. Pauline Johnson (1862–1913)

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Mooh
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 09:44 AM

Not all canoes are created equal. I had a freighter canoe once that would have suited lovemaking well if there was a bed of lifejackets. However, the 13' Peterborough is way too tippy and has a thwart and two cane seats to bash about on...piece of ash, not piece of ass. There are positions, like sitting up, which might work well in the fibreglass canoe which sits on the beach currently. I'll ask around for volunteers to help me test the theory.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Ernest
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 10:06 AM

Do an extensive research: open a canoe cinema!

;0)
Ernest

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Newport Boy
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 10:13 AM

"It seems to me that a punt would give you more stability than a canoe."

Too true. I think I've mentioned before that our honeymoon was a week in a camping punt (24'x3') on the Llangollen canal. We had no difficulty, but I'm not sure that would apply 51 years later (tomorrow)!

Phil

Subject: RE: BS: Making love in a canoe?
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 11:03 AM

"open a canoe cinema!"

The floating opera canoe

John Barth could do that one?