BS: Manipulating relatives

Subject: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 07:06 AM

How often has your mother or other manipilating relative said - "wouldn't it be nice if.........?" often because she (always she!) has arranged for someone you may have known years ago to visit, and wants you to give up your valuable time to be there?

And then that other old chestnut from nobdy in particular - "Surely" you do or don't do something, that person living by a very different set of rules!

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: mauvepink
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 07:27 AM

I have seen men 'laying it on with a trowel' to relatives, but often not for the same reasons, to get something done or to go somewhere. It is not the single domain of the female to be manipulative

I think we all use 'surely' in our discussions and arguments too

mp

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: Mr Happy
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 09:08 AM

Don't call me Shirley!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 09:17 AM

Jest a minute now, Shirley.

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 11:07 AM

Shirley, you can hear him out, gnu?

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: sapper82
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 11:21 AM

My sister, who I sadly lost in January, wasn't so much manipulative, more "this is my opinion and what i want and do'nt you DARE disagree with me!"

Still miss her though.

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:01 PM

Then there's the "If I were you" and "If I may be so bold".

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:25 PM

And how many times have you done the same thing yourself in your own way, Bonzo? It's one of the ways people rub along as social animals.

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:33 PM

My response to all the shoulds, musts, and it would be betters is "The only thing I have to do in this life is die. Everything else is an option."
Those who don't get it invariably answer "Well you have to pay taxes." And I respond "No you don't. You may end up in jail but that is your option."

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: leeneia2
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 11:34 PM

"Would you be broken-heartsd if I ...(insert name of fairly ordinary activity)

If I do mind, I am broken-hearted over an ordinary activity, and therefore I'm a neurotic jerk. So I can't say that I mind.

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 10:43 AM

Aunty Patsy wouldn't mind looking after (hyperactive nephew) Junior for the day would you? You know how he loves you!! (as he is swinging on the cat's tail for the umpteenth time of being told not to).

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: Becca72
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 11:04 AM

I have, for the most part, given up doing things simply because a family member wants me to. Life it too short.

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: olddude
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 11:18 AM

I got a sea of them. Mainly nieces and nephews that haven't worked a day in their life, get drunk, get picked up for DWI and then ask me for the money to bail them out .. No kidding .. and it goes on an on ... yup got lots of manipulating relatives. Or it goes down like this, my mom will say she needs help for something ... I send her the money ... I find out it went to a nephew to pay for his motorcycle repair ..

Yup ... don't get me started

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: Jean(eanjay)
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 12:41 PM

I'm quite good now at reminding people that they can't assume that I do or do not do something just because they do or do not do it.

I'm also getting better at saying "No"! :)

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 06:36 PM

In my experience a lot of people are pretty good at saying "No" when asked to help out. Or saying "Yes", and not doing it.

Thank God for the people who aren't like that...

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: Midchuck
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 06:46 PM

The phrase "we (I) (you) simply must--"designates something that need not be done. "That goes without saying" is a red warning. "Of course" means you had best check it yourself. These small--change cliches and others like them, when read correctly, are reliable channel markers.

- "Lazarus Long"

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 08:53 PM

The ones that piss me off are the ones that say that another relative or friend said sommat and ask me why. Especially when I realize they are just stirring shit up. I have learned to reply, "I don't know. I'll ask them." Usually, they request I don't do so as it was in confidence. That's when I say, "Well, that confidence doesn't apply to me NOW, does it?"

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 09:25 PM

my answer to the "If I was you, I'd ..." is "If you were me, you'd do exactly what I'm doing. If you're pretending to be me, you can do anything you want."

My relatives can't manipulate me, I keep away from them! My mother was the world's best emotional blackmailer, so I have a good radar for it in other situations.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: LadyJean
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 01:05 AM

My sister's partner has decided I should move to North Carolina. Never mind that I don't want to. Never mind that nobody in their right mind would want my house. Never mind that I couldn't find a job down there. She insists that I should move down there. My sister, once we discussed the situation saw reason, and was probably a bit relieved. I think she likes me fine where I am. But her partner will not see reason. It's the only thing I don't like about her.

Subject: RE: BS: Manipulating relatives
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 04:44 AM

My ex-husband is the most manipulating person I have ever met, he was back then when I was married to him and even more so now.

Hypochondria - he has been ill with mysterious things as long as I can remember, from a young boy right until now. He has come up with all kinds of symptoms many things which have baffled the medical world. The theory with my family is that it is attention seeking and manipulating people to feel sorry for him.

The good mate - He will go over the top and out of his way to help anyone to benefit himself by being Mister Popular, good old Mr Reliable. Then in the next breath privately he would run them right into the ground.

I could go on but it would make me seem bitter and I am past all that now but our sons, my parents and I can see through him so crystal clear and he knows it.