BS: Complaint Dept.

Subject: Complaint Dept.
From: Allan C.
Date: 01 Sep 99 - 11:48 AM

This is just too far out to keep to myself. Here is a web page by which one can create a letter of complaint. You simply fill in the blanks as to whom the complaint should concern, how many paragraphs you want it to contain and then just hit the Complain button. It creates the most wonderful letters with such stuff as:

"Having said that, let me add that (name) is -- for lack of a better word -- irrational. Just like dirty clothes on the floor and cluttered closets, her mess won't go away if we simply look the other way. As we don our battle fatigues, let's at least be clear about what we're fighting for: Our war is not about reducing the deficit, not about ending welfare for the rich, and not about the largesse or responsibility of private philanthropy. All we want is for her foot soldiers not to devastate vast acres of precious farmland."

Complete and utter balderdash! I love it! The letter changes with each submission. Complain here

Subject: RE: BS: Complaint Dept.
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Sep 99 - 12:11 PM

Allan: ABSOLEFFINGLUTELY FANTASTICKLY HILARIOUS!! I've already emailed the link to several friends. I did a complaint about the (expletive deleted) governor of WY and am just now catching my breath from laughing so hard. Doublespeak lives!

Thanks!

katlaughing

Subject: RE: BS: Complaint Dept.
From: Barbara
Date: 01 Sep 99 - 12:13 PM

All we need now, to make the Web a perfect place is a way to link this page to the one where you can turn in a friend or aquaintance for Bad Breath, and a letter will be sent...

Subject: RE: BS: Complaint Dept.
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Sep 99 - 12:38 PM

OHGAWD...THIS IS GREAT!!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Complaint Dept.
From: Jeri
Date: 01 Sep 99 - 12:56 PM

I tried it out. Needed a name to put there. Is this site run by the "Psychic Friends Network?" The last line read: In a nutshell, Mr. Catspaw makes no sense at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Complaint Dept.
From: Cara
Date: 01 Sep 99 - 01:23 PM

Why, oh why did I not invent this myself? I just plugged Ronald Reagan's name into it and almost laughed myself out of a job. THANK YOU AllanC!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Complaint Dept.
From: kendall morse (don't use)
Date: 01 Sep 99 - 04:59 PM

Oh, the mischief one could do with this thing!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Complaint Dept.
From: Art Thieme
Date: 01 Sep 99 - 05:30 PM

LET'S DO IT!

Art

Subject: RE: BS: Complaint Dept.
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Sep 99 - 06:01 PM

Here's a fun example of what it can do:

My complaint about Dr. Dolittle
A number of incidents have taken place in the last several weeks which have troubled many members of our community. But before I continue, allow me to explain that Dr. Dolittle is wrong. Look at it from my point of view: It's a sad world where treacherous fogeys have the power to abridge our basic civil liberties. Need I point out that Dr. Dolittle's cohorts show obsequious deference to him?

I claim that Dr. Dolittle's lewd imprudent fantasy fits neatly into his rude model of society. If there is one thing I have learned, it is this: I didn't want to talk about this. I really didn't. But I feel it is incumbent upon me to warn the public against those unrealistic nonentities whose positive accomplishments are always practically nil, but whose conceit can scarcely be excelled. It would be bad enough if Dr. Dolittle's cringers were merely trying to fund a vast web of subhuman unbalanced cameralism enthusiasts, diabolic troublemakers, and snotty blockheads. But their attempts to win support by encapsulating frustrations and directing them toward unpopular scapegoats are just plain debauched. Unsettling as that is, the more infuriating fact is that what Dr. Dolittle seems to be forgetting is that that is no excuse for anything.

What I'm saying is this: his platitudes cause nothing but trouble. Dr. Dolittle can't throw away his integrity and expect the world to respect him for it. As disdainful as his death squads may be, they are also saturnine foolhardy social outcasts. You can observe a definite bias in his excuses relating to immature scumbags. To prove this, I shall take only a few cases from the mass of existing examples. Only Dr. Dolittle could think that conniving psychopaths are any better than improvident smarmy tyrants. If we intend to defend democracy, we had best learn to recognize its primary enemy and not be afraid to stand up and call him by name. That name is Dr. Dolittle.