BS: More Elite Jam Session Etiquette

Subject: More Elite Jam Session Etiquette
From: CarlZen
Date: 02 Sep 99 - 03:45 PM

Jam sessions are actually VICIOUS COMPETITIONS. To understand how a jam session really works, you must understand that the real purpose of a jam session is not to make music, to have fun, to please the local crowd or to associate with friends and other musicians. The real purpose is to SHOW OFF, and to prove you are BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE. Not just a better musician, but BETTER IN EVERY WAY. To do this, you must make YOURSELF LOOK AS GOOD AS POSSIBLE and EVERYONE ELSE LOOK AS BAD AS POSSIBLE. So here, in order, are the most important rules for successful jamming:

1. BUY A VERY, VERY EXPENSIVE INSTRUMENT. Most jammers fall apart when they are face to face with a prewar Herringbone, Granada or Lloyd Loar, or even just a common D-45. These instruments are also VERY LOUD, so it really doesn't matter how good everyone else is anyway, since you can blow them away. Also, most working bluegrass musicians have very little money (bluegrass fans are the cheapest people on earth), so anyone with a real job can usually outclass even the best working musician. 2. DRESS TO WIN. Your cloths are very important. Cowboy boots, jeans and a big cowboy hat are good. Also, bib overalls and rubber boots are not bad, particularly if you have missing teeth. Avoid running shoes, tennis shorts, and Hawaiian shirts. 3. PLAY REAL LOUD DURING VOCALS. This is a great way to neutralize good singers. Remember, nobody can sing clearly and on-key while his cochlea is being pulverized by an exploding prewar Granada. 4. SUGGEST OLD STANDARD SONGS. Always suggest old songs like "I Saw the Light", "Will the Circle Be Unbroken", or "Amazing Grace." Experienced players have played these songs so much they are sick of them, so they will leave. This cuts down the competition. 5. NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ANYONE. This is the way jammers communicate, and nobody can keep you from doing exactly what you want to do if you never acknowledge their existence.

When everyone has left the jam session except you, you have won. This might seem like a self-defeating approach but remember, all those people who left your jam session must have gone somewhere else. Just find them, and you can start all over again.

(This came to me via a friend, originating on banjo el (?))

Subject: RE: BS: More Elite Jam Session Etiquette
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 02 Sep 99 - 04:04 PM

CarlZen, That was mean, vicious, sarcastic, and awful...sadly it often can be true! Jams are of course just like every other tribal unit. They're made up of nice people and Damned stupid dorks. You have folks with social skills and others who you wouldn't want to live next to. There are kind folks who try to include others who are a bit shy, and self-centered morons who barely acknowlege the existence of the rest. You'll find people who show respect for the music by learning ABOUT it before they play it, and hotshots who wouldn't know Carter Stanley from a Stanley Steamer. In other words...just like in real life, but with instruments!

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: More Elite Jam Session Etiquette
From: M
Date: 02 Sep 99 - 09:04 PM

So true…(I don't even want to mention particulars.)

Subject: RE: BS: More Elite Jam Session Etiquette
From: paddymac
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 12:49 AM

This "thread of threads" on elite jams has pretty well covered the spectrum of possible views, some perhaps more well considered than others. I try to remember an apt metaphor learned from a gifted player: "playing with others is like having a conversation; sometimes you talk, but mostly you listen". That, plus a healthy dose of common courtesy, serves to make the unpleasant types disappear from my radar.

Subject: RE: BS: More Elite Jam Session Etiquette
From:
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 01:56 AM

here here - if you loose the tune - boing/breathing/chord ...button - quit for as bar or two try later :)

i contact - hehe - gez the last thing on my mind 7000 miles from home trying to hold a tune on a pre war melodian ..

how bout pizza contact - :) ahhh dats better.

Subject: RE: BS: More Elite Jam Session Etiquette
From: JedMarum
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 11:50 PM

This thread reminded me of a similar session problem; likewise interpersonal, but with a different twist. I think Rick's comments are right on; human nature will always provide us, it seems with a given percentage of rude bastards,among any group of people. And the fiery pickers from Hell described by CarlZen are ceratinly examples.

But I have seen the snobbery types who appear at various sessions from time-to-time, bring my blood to the boiling point as well. This week, at a Celtic Club, where I frequently attend a Wed night open jam ... all types of music accepted in session ... a group of tragically hip Celtic diehards attended, remained aloof for a bit, and actually snickered at two or three non-Celtic choices being played within the session's circle (one Woody Guthrie and one Beatles song drew a snicker). I must say I was as close as I remember being, to physical violence. I imagined picking up the pencil necked geek (who thought Paul McCartney's tune beneath) and hurling him through the plate glass front door. I could easily have done it ... but I refrained ... purposely chose "Here Comes the Sun" as my next tune (instead of The Battle of Culloden, as planned) ... and drew his grilfriend into conversation and got her singing some of her favorites ... the tragically hip young man came around eventually and eventually joined the song circle. He sat through a few more Woody tunes, and a folk blues or two ... and contributed a few modern Pagan style, Celtic (I guess) tunes. The snobbery that so irritaed me early on in the evening, apparently gone by the session's end.

Subject: RE: BS: More Elite Jam Session Etiquette
From: sophocleese
Date: 03 Sep 99 - 11:55 PM

How many guitarists does it take to change a light-bulb?

Can we come up with some answers? (I'm new here but it was a joke from years ago around my friends).

Subject: RE: BS: More Elite Jam Session Etiquette
From: CarlZen
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 01:00 AM

Answer is five: One to screw it in and four to say, "I coukld do that."

Subject: RE: BS: More Elite Jam Session Etiquette
From: Bonnie
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 02:37 AM

The best technique I have observed in the local sessions around here is for someone who spends most of their life learning extremely obscure Irish reels with loads of ornamentation, to play them at breakneck speed so that almost noone elose (except a very few cognescenti) can even join. In this way the seesion becomes a concert with lots of people on the periphery holding their instrument in their laps and never getting the chance to play. In the odd gap where someone else might think of playing, the culprit embarks on a slow air of inordinate length ...

Subject: RE: BS: More Elite Jam Session Etiquette
From: sophocleese
Date: 04 Sep 99 - 08:42 AM

We used to say 7; one to change the light bulb and 6 to say "I could have done that BETTER!"