BS: The least important film I've ever seen

Subject: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 01:29 PM

Okay...it was sort of like a cops and robbers action-type film...and it had that actor who looks sort of like...ummm...what is the guy's name? You know, he looks kind of like Jeff Bridges did maybe a decade or two ago...but it's not Jeff Bridges...?

The plot sucked and the acting was dreadful. I think they may have done it originally in Italian or Spanish or something and later dubbed in the English, because people weren't moving their lips to match the words.

Ummm...geez. I can't remember the title of this movie. I think it was a three word title, but it might have been four or five.

And there was this sleazy blonde girl in it who was hooking and I think she used to be in that TV sitcom...ummm...what was it called?

To tell the truth, the plot was so convoluted and poorly thought out that I can't even remember how it ended, but I do remember that there was a hell of a lot of shooting, and a bunch of people got killed and a lot of cars blew up and stuff like that. Oh, and there was a sex scene on top of a pool table at one point, and it involved a man, a woman, and a German Shepherd.

Can anyone help me out with this?

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: alanabit
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 01:42 PM

Out the door with it?

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: GUEST,Kendall
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 01:51 PM

I vote for "Murder without tears". Dreadful. The leading lady had big tits but that was it; no talent at all.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: GUEST,Wesley S
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 02:15 PM

Little Hawk - Can you narrow it down a little? That plot describes an awful lot of awful movies.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 02:40 PM

I am trying, Wesley...boy, my brain hurts just thinking about it.

Okay...all I keep coming up with is this scene where the "hero" levels a simply gigantic firearm at the number one bad guy, and says, "This is the payoff, sucker!" They'd been fighting all over the top deck of this burning cabin cruiser that was sinking at the time, and the bad guy wasn't fighting fair, cos he had brass knuckles on. All I could think at that moment was "What a waste of a perfectly good boat!"   ;-) I'm still trying to recover the 2 lost hours I spent at that cinema.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 02:50 PM

An Army training film I saw at Ft. Riley, Kansas called "Below Knee Amputations." Didn't need it then and haven't needed the knowledge since.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 03:00 PM

"Below Knee Amputations"

Pretty good subtitle for one of those "Saw" movies.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 03:03 PM

Hey! I seen that movie, LH. I thought it was pretty good, loved the final scene on the boat. The pool table scene rocked too, but puttin' the dog in it was in sorta bad taste, I guess. I might've edited that part out if I'd been producin' it, and put a chimp in instead. And the chimp would have got the girl at the end, of course, not that stupid bozo that looks sorta like Jeff Bridges.

I can't think of his name either...

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: DMcG
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 03:06 PM

Might have got the one, LH. Did it involve lots of mercenaries who were unable to hit anyone in the film if we knew their name? Even when they caught them (though happily anyone they caught if we didn't know their name)?

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: GUEST,Alan Whittle
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 03:28 PM

I used to take my sister's kids to the cinema - they're all grown up now. I used to do it because their parents didn't like going to the cinema.

I can't recollect staying awake in more than ten minutes of any of the films.

To my certain knowledge, I slept through Raiders of the Lost Ark 1 and 2, ET, Ghostbusters 1 and 2, and Batman 1 and 2, Transformers and Star wars. Probably some more.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 03:32 PM

Was it a dog, though? I remember a film with that plot which featured a Teutonic ovine livestock attendant.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 10:10 PM

LH, try this:

Keyword search at IMDb.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 10:34 PM

But if you ever need a below-the-knee amputation I'm sorta familiar with the procedure and could take a whack at it for you.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 01:18 AM

Yeah, I bet. No hurry on that, okay?

Chongo says it was "The Payoff - Part 9". He says there have been 10 movies so far in the series, all starring the same bozo who looks sort of like Jeff Bridges. He says he's seen all of them. He says that Halley Berry was in one of them, and that they've used the same German Shepherd in various scenes in 5 or 6 of them. Budget constraints?

I think he's making it all up. No movie company could possibly be evil enough to make 10 such dreadful movies in a single series. Three or four, maybe...but not 10, for God's sake!

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Slag
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 01:54 AM

I'm nominating Open Water. For one, if Mike Nelson (Sea Hunt) had been in it they would have had a fighting chance. At the very least they could have hitched a ride on the underwater satellite. Not relevant, LH? And just who do you think played the role of Mike Nelson? That's right, ducky! Lloyd BRIDGES, father of Jeff Bridges who kinda looks like somebody in an awful movie!

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: GUEST,Alan Whittle
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 05:08 AM

Was it a dog?

Could easily have been, I was asleep. Thats why they were the least important. I suppose arguably you could have slept through Citizen Kane, but would that have made it unimportant?

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 05:41 AM

'Lost Horizon starring Liv Ullman' has to rate as one of the worst attempts of making a musical film ever and it was apparent that the trailers that were shown of the film at the time was virtually the whole film. It was a torture to sit and watch the feeble attempts to sing and dance, most people must have agreed by walking out by the Interval as my parents and I did. It is not often I do a walk-out but I would have rather watched the original Shangrila.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 06:07 AM

Any Woody Allen film
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Silas
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 06:35 AM

Oh Jim - you are SO right!

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 06:36 AM

The movie below-the-knee amputation would be much better if the person getting the procedure got only a shot of wisky and to bite on a stick. An, above the knee, shirt tourniquet would be recommended.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Charmion
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 10:40 AM

You know, Rap, I believe I saw "Below the knee amputation" when I was in medic school -- note, not "medical" school. Medic school takes place in a converted H-hut and features instruction by sergeants and master-corporals, closely followed by practical exercises involving large trucks, tents, shovels and canvas litters.

I liked "Below the knee amputation" better than the one about nerve gas starring a poisoned goat, or "Food-Borne Diseases." Now, that one really sucked.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 11:22 AM

"Oversexed Rugsuckers From Mars" (IMDB page)

"Aliens return to earth after 10 million years to see what has become of the human experiment they have created only to be disappointed by what they find. After landing they come upon Vernon, a homeless bum, and decide that earthlings are untidy and figure crossing a vacuum and a human will elimate the problem as well as create a better race of beings. The experiment however goes awry after one of the aliens pees in Vernon's bottle of gin which makes him insanely in love with the vacuum Dusty which was brought to life by the aliens. Things get a tad bit crazy from here as Dusty tries to reproduce and Vernon tries hard to find Dusty."

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 11:38 AM

That sounds like a made-up title, but there it is at IMDb. Did you find it through that keyword search? I think that's the only way you could dredge up something so awful.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 11:45 AM

I recall, a few years back, watching a documentary film on late night TV called "How to make a Birchbark canoe"

While it was kinda interesting at that late hour, it has had little impact on me. I have not had the need, nor desire to make one. But, if the occasion ever arises, and the birchbarks nearby (be on guard neighbours), I have some of the knowledge to do so.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: GUEST,Kendall
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 11:46 AM

Desperately Seeking Susan was a bad as I've seen. I'd rather watch paint dry.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: frogprince
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 12:16 PM

Very, very hard to single out just one. My wife collects frogs, so a collegue gave her a copy of the movie of that title. I think it was a much cheaper knockoff of the classic "Attack Of the Killer Tomatoes", with much less sophisticated special effects.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Charmion
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 12:41 PM

Remember "Ben", starring a rat? That was bad.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 12:45 PM

But the song was a lovely ballad and a great hit for Michael Jackson. Go figure.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: olddude
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 01:04 PM

Hey Rap
I liked the "is she really clean and free of disease" that was my favorite ... had the French Prostitutes waving flags at the GI's

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 01:11 PM

Vanna White in a remake of One Touch f Venus. Painfully bad. Deserving of Mystery Science Theater 2000.

Vanna speaks like a wind up toy. "YOU do not BELIEVE that I am Venus the GODDESS of love?????

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 02:07 PM

"Jim Carroll clearly knows as much about cinema as he does about folk music."
Probably the nicest thing anybody's said about me this year - thanks
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: lefthanded guitar
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 02:14 PM

Anything with Tom Hanks in it. Really. ANYTHING.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 02:16 PM

Whatever it was, I must have slept through it.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: SPB-Cooperator
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 05:46 PM

Sorry America,

For me it has to be any of the shamltzy 'issue based' films.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 06:30 PM

I never saw "The Green Berets". But if I had...it would probably get honorable mention here.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 07:31 PM

Movie,
The Tree Surgeon

The tree surgeon (a horse) races to the giant sequoia, which isn't feeling well. His techniques, though, seem better suited to treating a person. First, the tree sticks out its tongue (really a squirrel's tail); he takes the temperature, but actually gets his thermometer roasted by a snoring owl. He prepares to inject "vitamin tree-B" but the tree shakes him out; he injects himself by accident and sprouts branches and roots and becomes a nesting place for birds and squirrels. Finally, spotting a syringe of weed killer, with great effort he injects himself. Back to the tree, using suction cups; a termite is busy at work. Using suction brings it out only briefly. The termite gas hose gets snaked back outside, so the horse gasses himself and falls off onto the tree hypo, again. The termite, seeing the commotion, bails and prepares to attack his new host.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Lox
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 07:41 PM

When I was about 14 me and some school mates got hold of a hheavily censored porn movie called "love with one foot"

But the worst was probably the movie I watched whilst training up to become an operator with British Telecomm many years ago.

Then again, there's the "joke" present my brother gave me for christmas entitled "tractors of yesteryear" ...

... Shall I go on? ...









                         no









.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: GUEST,mark-s (on the road)
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 08:20 PM

Sorry - hit the wrong key.

How about:

Morris Dancing for Beginners
How to tune a banjo
Bagpipe symphony

Hey

Lets lighten up!


Mark

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 08:24 PM

Here it is:
DVD

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: kendall
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 09:04 PM

I like old tractors!

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Songster Bob
Date: 04 Jan 11 - 11:42 PM

A Soviet film, described as, "It's the same old 'collective farm boy meets tractor,' but, as I understand, very explicit!"

For that matter, I have seen a couple of really charming Soviet-era films from Georgia (Gruzia, or whatever its real name is). One involved wine, and had a scene where guys from the winery go out to dinner, and, when they see which batch of their own wine is being served, they all leave.

Bob

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jan 11 - 01:44 AM

Two of the worst movies I've ever seen and ever expect to were remakes of the original "A Star is Born". One was 1976's "A Star is Born", starring the utterly unlikely pairing of Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson...as supposed lovers with less chemistry together than has probably ever been seen before or since on the silver screen! Talk about your "vanity" projects...YIKES! Streisand has no shame. This movie was astoundingly bad. Embarrassing. Downright horrifying.

The other remake of the original "A Star is Born" came later, in the 80's, and it starred Bob Dylan and some other people who were very, very forgettable. I can't remember their names. It's pretty dreadful, though not nearly as repulsive as the Streisand film was. The only interesting thing about it at all is just watching Bob do whatever he does...and his old pal Richie Havens too. They are interesting in their own right, regardless of the fact that they are walking aimlessly through a very poor movie, a terrible script, a hopeless concept, an idea that just goes absolutely nowhere. Yup, I did enjoy watching old Bob, cos I'd enjoy watching him do just about anything. (Sort of like he feels about watching Gregory Peck...)

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 05 Jan 11 - 08:29 AM

England World Cup 1966.

For a Christmas gift this year my parents who remember this event very well included the film in amongst my oldest son's gifts. So we watched, both sons remember only the Euro 96 near miss (failure)and the previous world cup disaster/s. The last thing they really wanted was to see a football win from a bygone age. My parents were pointing out footballers like Bobby Moore, Bobby Charlton etc. to which both sons were saying 'Who?' It was meaningless to them and it occurred to me what a waste of time it was to go back there, no purpose to it at all, it will never be repeated again like that so what is the point?

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 05 Jan 11 - 08:37 AM

The laest important film I've ever seen was so unimportant that I've completely forgotten about it. (there might even have been several of them)

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Jan 11 - 08:49 AM

As to Barbra Streisand, I never saw any reason for "Yentl" (1983) to be made. To me, the story was really bad, and Barbara made a really poor guy. Dustin Hoffman had already done an excellent job at being disguised as a woman in "Tootsie" in 1982, and then there was "Victor Victoria" in 1982 (Julie Andrews also is hard to see as a guy).

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 05 Jan 11 - 09:45 AM

Tell a lie, 'Grease 2' WHY??!

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Jan 11 - 11:38 AM

There are many movies, particularly about Hollywood, that have a flim inside of a film. (a movie inside a movie) A recent example is D'Niro's 'What Just Happened'. The film inside of that film starred Sean Penn.

These films inside a film are the least important by far,

unless you include cartoons like 'The Little Hawk that Couldn't'
IT taught kids that it is OK to fail, in fact good things can result from your failure.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Jan 11 - 11:44 AM

Then there was 'The Little Hawk that shouldn't'
It involved the wearing of spandex.

Subject: RE: BS: The least important film I've ever seen
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jan 11 - 12:51 PM

LOL!!!

I may yet have a lucrative career ahead of me, starring in really forgettable movies. Gotta talk to Bob about that and see if I can get some advice on how to get the ball rolling...