Subject: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 04:10 PM Ok, so Monday I gotta get scoped again. Yea Mr. Chrons is acting up so my doc buddie wants to do his FLC scope again. Now just about every time he does this I do something different. One time I covered my arse with blue powered glitter that my cheerleader daughters had. One other time I put a Mr. yuk sticker on me arse ... I gotta come up with something different this time ... Knowing the humor of this sorted group I figured you could help me plan ... :-) Dan |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Bill D Date: 24 Feb 11 - 04:17 PM Mark everything off with dotted lines, and add labels for cuts of meat. |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Becca72 Date: 24 Feb 11 - 04:19 PM How about an "Exit Only" sign? |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 04:24 PM I like em ... Bill's idea really appeals to me, I bet I can get a graphic from the web for cow cuts ... LOL ... that is great |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 04:30 PM How about this. I thought of a sailing ship (ya can get those tattoos that wash off in a week) underneath I could write "Steady as she Blows" how about that |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Bill D Date: 24 Feb 11 - 04:30 PM Although.... the only one you need to label is "rump roast" |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 04:33 PM LOL .. yes you are right ... LOL |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: GUEST,999 Date: 24 Feb 11 - 04:58 PM When I was getting the annual rubber glove and PSA test, I turned to my doctor when he had the finger almost all the way in and said, `My wife suspects.` He had that finger outta there in a hurry. |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Lizzie Cornish 1 Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:02 PM I'd have a tatoo of Marilyn Monroe put there....just for the week, of course, Dan... Good luck! |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Arthur_itus Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:03 PM How about a tattoo on your arse that says "I hope its your finger going in there and not your knob, you pervert" Good luck with it Dan |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Art Thieme Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:08 PM Put a cork in it. |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Art Thieme Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:11 PM A sign reading GET THEE TO AN ARSENAL! (That's where they keep arses.) Art |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:11 PM Can't stop laughing ... thank you |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Arthur_itus Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:12 PM LOL "Put a cork in it. and say "if you think you can cork screw your way into my life, you can F**k o**, you pervert" |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Jeri Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:16 PM Draw a target? Can you get a rabbit up there? Probably not... The bunny made me think: Easter's coming up. Maybe you could do something creative with an egg decorating kit and some of that fake grass. (I'd stay away from the chocolate easter eggs, though.) |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: GUEST,999 Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:16 PM Written across yer arse in permanent ink: The view looks the same to everyone but the lead dog. |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:17 PM LOL I was thinking also "I maybe Catholic but I am no Alter Boy" I am sorry couldn't resist |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Arthur_itus Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:25 PM Tattoo on your arse "If your mouth is as big as your knob, you can have me now" LOL Sorry to be crude Dan, but you did ask :-) |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Jeri Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:28 PM I'm pretty sure he was looking for humor. |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Arthur_itus Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:29 PM I thought that was Humour Jeri :-) |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:32 PM OH my gosh ... I am laughing so hard .... Thank you .... I really do hate these things ... I know it has to be done but they really really suck when you have chrons disease ... i get pretty sick afterwords cause I bleed internally so much ... laughing is a great thing I think .. thank you |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:36 PM My doc buddie has a great sense of humor. Last time he was roto routing me out and I hear "Oh my God, Oh my God" to which I responded what what what !!! Tell me I can take it!! ... he says there it is a Morgan Silver Dollar .. LOL |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Little Hawk Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:36 PM How about, "Don't laugh. My Dachshund has seen worse looking asses than this one." |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Jeri Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:41 PM Ask if he has a "Plan B" for getting out. (Chilean miners.) Dan, they suck when you DON'T have Chron's. I can't imagine... |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:50 PM I told this story before but I swear it is absolutely true. So after they scope ya, you are full of air cause they pump air into you so they can get a good look. While in recovery you toot like a Blues guy blowing on a cheap harp. So I am laying there, butt naked, tooting like a accordion and this young nurse comes in. She says "hi Dan you don't know me but my husband and I just bought the house next door to your office". At that very moment, you guessed it .. a loud tuba noise was heard throughout the recovery room ... where do you go when you have no place to hide .. LOL |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Arthur_itus Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:56 PM You should say that Dan, but I went into hospital recently and the nurse in the the theatre greeted me and she lives in the same road as me. I am stark bollock naked and having a fixed cystocopy and am totally humiliated. I have avoided her since. So embarrasing. So I know where you are coming from. LOL |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Little Hawk Date: 24 Feb 11 - 05:59 PM That is the question a Dachshunds asks himself when caught dragging the roast chicken across the kitchen floor after having wrestled it off the opened and extended oven roasting pan while you were out of the room for exactly 12 and a half seconds answering the phone or the doorbell.... |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Little Hawk Date: 24 Feb 11 - 06:10 PM The question being, "Where do you go when you have no place to hide?" |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: gnu Date: 24 Feb 11 - 06:14 PM NOT in permanent marker... "Be gentle". |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 06:30 PM LOL, how about "In God I trust, everyone else USE GLOVES" |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Jeri Date: 24 Feb 11 - 06:36 PM I wrote this the night before I went in. I've got an "after" one too. I can't eat until maybe this time tomorrow, or when the drugs mostly wear off and I'm able to chew and swallow competently. For now, "clear" is the only thing on the menu. I can have Jello, but you don't really have to chew Jello much. I have some vodka, which is clear, so I could do Jello shots. Today began with the results of last night's Milk of Magnesia. I probably won't try the Jello shots because I might forget where I left the bathroom. Not good. I have some chicken broth, or I could buy a chicken breast and hammer the daylights out of it until it was clear, but I somehow think that would be cheating. Later on tonight, I'll take some pills and drink a half gallon of some liquid that was discovered in a pond just outside Chernobyl inhabited by long-haired carp. My younger days of $.25 beer nights prepared me for the chugging part of the procedure. After that, I will use enough toilet tissue to paper the inside of the Taj Mahal (not the musician). I now wish I'd contacted a medical supply company for a replacement asshole or two, but it's too late. The "evacuation" part... my younger days didn't include that. Tomorrow morning, I drink the other half gallon. And use more toilet paper. They told me I could have popsicles, but I'm not sure the idea was to EAT them. When things stop flowing, I'll get in my car and drive to the hospital, where they'll do a 20 minute exploratory mission with a pipe snake that contains a flashlight, some nail clippers and a soldering iron. I will not make humiliating jokes poking fun at the doctor who has to do this, because I fear the word "oops" and I remember John Hurt in "Alien". Well, I'll TRY not to make jokes, but I'll be on a lot of drugs, so I think I'll just offer a blanket apology before the procedure begins. |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 06:44 PM That about sums it up Jeri ... for sure .. thank you ... |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Micca Date: 24 Feb 11 - 06:55 PM Olddude, how about a Magic marker set of Limit marks, one on each buttock and a sign saying " This entrance must NOT be opened beyond the Limiting Marks" |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Wesley S Date: 24 Feb 11 - 07:01 PM "Do not open until Christmas" "Objects may be larger than they appear" How about a big "W" written on each cheek so that when you bend over it spells "WOW". ? |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Jeri Date: 24 Feb 11 - 07:15 PM I won't post the "after" because it isn't as funny as I thought it was when I wrote it. The prep was the worst part of the experience, but that first 100% gaseous fart after made me want to shout for sheer joy. HumOr is necessary to keep one from freaking out or sobbing, because it's just not rational to make "things" go so wrong! Too bad you couldn't find one of those little things that play music in greeting cards, and tuck it somewhere. It could play something appropriate. The Doors singing "This is the end, my beautiful friend" or Sinatra "And now, the end is near...", something else? |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: SINSULL Date: 24 Feb 11 - 07:15 PM "caution: gerbil crossing"? |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 07:22 PM LOL, if I had some way of rigging a harmonica to my backside during the recovery room process, I could come up with some interesting music ... hey Wes, that is a good one ... |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 07:29 PM The docs always want to take a look, when the disease is inactive, then when the disease is active like it is now to see what damage is going on. The active part hurt beyond description as the insides are like hamburg right now ... it really does suck bad .. I hate it ... I will be just fine, but boy I am not looking forward at all. A few time I had to say in the hospital for a few so I would not bleed out ... hopefully this time will be like the others and I just go home wishing I was dead for a bit ... it passes ... sucks though. At least I can come up with some good ones to get my doc buddie |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Bill D Date: 24 Feb 11 - 07:40 PM My HMO now has a screen so that one can watch the 'procedure' with the technician...live & in color. Amazing.... I'm not sure whether I need to see that again. |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 07:49 PM Yea they got a 50 inch screen now at our hospital, I will watch it ... My doc will wack me out a bit but I am always still awake. Russ my doc is one of my best friends. He is one of the best surgeons in the entire state. I am in good hands for sure. How about one of the early flags that say "don't tread on me" right above the butt LOL- |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Bill D Date: 24 Feb 11 - 07:57 PM Maybe just an eye ...with eyebrow and all, and a label saying "Cyclops" |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp Date: 24 Feb 11 - 08:33 PM How about some very tiny script that says: "If you can read this, yer too F'n close." - Chongo |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: maeve Date: 24 Feb 11 - 09:02 PM "The end justifies the means"? Take good care, Dan. Maeve |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 09:42 PM LOL good one Maeve and Chongo |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: Ebbie Date: 24 Feb 11 - 10:55 PM I'm assuming that you have assistance in applying all this stuff?? My suggestion is to put a cork on a cord and tape it to your backside, perhaps with a note that says something like: Please close on exit. Thank you! |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 24 Feb 11 - 11:47 PM Ebbie LOL ... good one |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: ClaireBear Date: 25 Feb 11 - 12:11 AM I suggest a series of teensy weensy bumper stickers. Here are some to choose from: "Get thee behind me, Satan" "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here" "Leave only gloveprints, take only memories" "My other ass is a donkey" "Kick me" |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: olddude Date: 25 Feb 11 - 12:15 AM clairebear broke a gut laughin great!!! |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: gnu Date: 25 Feb 11 - 02:41 PM "hopefully this time will be like the others and I just go home wishing I was dead for a bit ... it passes ..." And NOOObody picked that up and ran with it? |
Subject: RE: BS: Some suggestions for Olddude :-) From: maeve Date: 25 Feb 11 - 02:53 PM We all agreed to save that one for you, gnu. Run like the wind! |