BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 24 May 11 - 06:21 PM

Mauve, we cross posted. Yes lust or fear is certainly not confined to either one sex.....most of the time!..(wink, and a grin)

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,mauvepink
Date: 24 May 11 - 07:19 PM

I think the phrase I may have or not paraphrased is one I have used often from Ally McBeal... "We are women... we have double standards to live up to!". I have used it with levity in several light-hearted and not so light-hearted threads here on Mudcat. Alas, I cannot take the credit for that one

My self deprication is based on the principles of getting an insult in about me before someone else can and, often, an honest opinion of myself. People think I put myself down when all I do is tell the truth through my own eyes. I have no need to put myself down. There are plenty in life who will gladly try to do that for me.

C'est la vie!

What it appears you are alluding to in your male/lust, women/fear situation happens all the time in many other animals. The females often allows an intimidating/coercing male a chance to mate literally to get him off her back! Male can be a nuisance and the sooner he goes off to find sex somewhere the sooner she can get on with feeding again and increasing fecundity in many cases. Thankfully many human females have discovered the plusses and minusses of such behaviours and the addage that "God loves a trier" gets nowhere close to the poor female who just wants the potential suitor to get lost somewhere and leave her alone. God may like triers but I think women (on average) still prefer men to be gents and not be pratts! Let them go try somewhere else! Most women do not see men as rapists but some can sure be a nuisance. On the other hand, a Gentleman is always a pleasure to spend time around (but that is only my opinion)

I digress lol

mp

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 24 May 11 - 10:39 PM

That sort of "God loves a trier" attitude is pretty unacceptable (AFAIK) in the UK and was probably part of the WWII adage that the trouble with the Yanks was that they were "overpaid, oversexed, and over here".   If it be asserted that women should fear men, it being natural, and increases the prospects of mating, then it leaves a pretty revolting impression of the proponent.

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: Amergin
Date: 25 May 11 - 12:49 AM

Just give her some money, do your thing and go home....no hassle, no nagging, no marriage, it's perfect.

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 May 11 - 12:55 AM

Wow. It appears that not only do I not know men, I don't know women either.

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 25 May 11 - 01:17 AM

Mauvepink: "My self deprication is based on the principles of getting an insult in about me before someone else can and, often, an honest opinion of myself. People think I put myself down when all I do is tell the truth through my own eyes. I have no need to put myself down. There are plenty in life who will gladly try to do that for me."

A BIG FUCKING BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Same happens here, and people think I'M putting THEM down!
I have to keep posting. "I'm on YOUR side!"

Now, Richard: "....the trouble with the Yanks was that they were "overpaid, oversexed, and over here".

I can sure sympathize with you there!.....(but in most of our hearts, there's some good stuff going on....some just need to be reminded of prioritizing!)

Ebbie: "Wow. It appears that not only do I not know men, I don't know women either."

Hey, learning can be a blast!!...and it certainly unlocks the meanings of some overlooked songs, or in the case of song writers, and writers just in general, running that info through your individual filters can inspire some very creative work!...both in the lyrics, and vocal delivery...not to mention the basic melody and dynamics of it!
If we can laugh at our own roles in the human comedy, then you can help bring peace into others hearts...wouldn't ya' think?

Respectfully to All,
GfS

P.S. Keep it up!!...I got more equations worth hashing around....when we finally get this one nailed down!

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 May 11 - 01:24 AM

Mauvepink, I've developed a different strategy throughout life- instead of self-deprecation I brag on myself. The idea is to make people laugh rather than have them tumbling over themselves to reassure me that I'm not so bad.

Different strokes, and all that...

As for self-aggrandisment (quite different from what I'm talking about) I try not to indulge. Unlike some people I don't have all the answers.

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 25 May 11 - 02:26 AM

Ebbie, and Mp....Maybe you could share feelings about the 'what' and 'why's' about what I'm going to lay down..ok?...

In the character description, and in the dialogue of a certain script, there is this sentence: "She's a woman confronting her fulfillment, and it terrorizes her.".....

Why would that be??

Scary, huh?

Have fun with that!!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,mauvepink
Date: 25 May 11 - 10:50 AM

Ebbie: I can see how your strategy would work too. I would make a total hash of trying to make myself look good though so I don't even try it. That said, my self deprication is not to get people to say nice things about me either. I seldom take compliments and feel embarrassed when I do get them. It's just how I am so no offense meant. I get lots of laughs though too so, as you say, it is down to different strokes and all that... Whatever works for you has to be right for you generally.

"She's a woman confronting her fulfillment, and it terrorizes her.".... could mean several things and none.

Is she terrorised at confronting the fulfillment or is it the fulfillment that terrorises her? Finding we have needs we wish we never had, being needier than we thought, discovering our selfish urges which we once thought were altruism... there's no end to such deep thinking and, far too often, an answer is not found even when sought. One thing IS for sure: I certainly do not know all the answers, know it all, or even some of the questions! I would to appear that I do.

As for Ebbie and I sharing... welllllll, we do. We all share things on these boards. I suspect we seldom ever get to know anyone truly well on here unless we have met in life. Thinking you know someone on a forum could be a big mistake as so much of them is hidden. Besides: I would not wish to perturb Ebbie with my feelings. They terrorise me! ;-) NOT!

mp

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 May 11 - 12:11 PM

"She's a woman confronting her fulfillment, and it terrorizes her.".... "

Frankly, I consider that a bad sentence. To 'terrorise' implies stalking or sustained effort and it is difficult for me to think of 'fulfillment' as having physical properties.

A better sentence, imo, would be: She's a woman confronting (don't like that word there either) her fulfillment and it panics her.

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 25 May 11 - 12:15 PM

Mauvepink: ..."Thinking you know someone on a forum could be a big mistake as so much of them is hidden."....

That's why when I post, I try to communicate to the higher common denominator of intelligence, wit, and independent thinking, etc., rather than the lowest common denominator of intelligence,..which is what those in propaganda and mind control would rather have us NOT do!...and boy!, 'they' have gotten a lot of people used to thinking and talking stupid!...as if the ONLY things we know, could only come from 'them'!!!!

As to the thread topic, I guess the question now would be, in regards to 'fear'...why would a woman be fearful of confronting her fulfillment? ..or is it a fear of the depth of what it would require of her??..for what she intuitively knows?...........and by the way, I'll get to the guys as well. Women were only HALF of the equation!

I really hope Ebbie is getting a kick out of this! It is incredibly fascinating.....and only a small manifestation of the bigger picture, of what is going on..underneath!

Oh, and Richard, and York-Yank, hang in there...love to get your thoughts as well!

Regards,

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 25 May 11 - 12:24 PM

Ebbie, we cross threaded....

Panic is a good word as well. Either panic or terrorize are applicable, but what is important, is that whatever it is, it comes from WITHIN, and messes with ya'...tries to get you to compromise on what you know is right...therefore leaving a door open...for someone to make things go so very wrong....OR.....causing women to keep 'testing' the man, as to address the unanswered places in question, that she overrode.
It's rather a bummer, and has hurt a lot of families, children and husbands, not to mention the woman, herself....just look all around you, and at a LOT of our generation!......but we'll come back to that..I think!

Hope the baking is going good!!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,mauvepink
Date: 25 May 11 - 01:22 PM

I have to say that it seems a great deal of guilt is being put on women's shoulders about women having, holding and responding to ideas and feelings. I know you have said you will get to the men but I would not leave it too long.

The actual idea that a woman can have reach her own fulfillment - not some male imposed idea of what a woman should be - is pretty new territory in 'modern' society. I hope we are not going to be revisiting 'bad times' in women's herstory? I also have to caution that I will be away from this thread too if personal attacks on people and their relationship with their parents start! No-one cam know that either.

In many things women and men are as different as chalk and cheese. The similarities that we do share may actually be based on very different needs and stimuli. Once more that rather crude word - stereotyping - comes to mind. When I look at my relationships with people of both genders I can see that each one is so very different because the people are so different. When I look closer in to friends it is the diversity that each represent and present to me that makes each of them special. It can be the very things they are that are different from me that makes it all work so well. Sometimes one can over-analyse something that is good and still get no answers. Is it not best, then, to just simply enjoy it and be blessed by what you have?

For this reason I find one piece of prose so very helpful as a general philosophy for life: The Desiderata


mp

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 25 May 11 - 02:19 PM

Well taken, mp.
That being said, blaming parents for EVERYTHING wrong with how another cannot achieve their own selfish bullshit, is most often meaningless!
And you are correct in your phrase, "...In many things women and men are as different as chalk and cheese."
In many cases, women in their 'quest' for recognized 'equality' try to be LIKE men, or their concept of what that is...and the same is true, with men.
It is a popular misunderstanding that 'different' has something to do with 'equality'...I'd rather look at the two, as HALVES of the whole, both bringing something unique to the table. It is only ignorance and selfishness that promotes the denigrating of either side, for one's 'self advantage'..which in itself is only self destructive!!!
I found it hugely advantageous, in the course of counseling, to point out the 'differences', and then proceed to have the people have FUN, with exploring them together, finding the benefits, and co-operating with each other, in a happy way, which in turn, gives GREATER appreciation, and gratitude, that someone is there for the other, bringing the best of what they may.....instead of coercing each other with guilt and belittling-intimidation mind-games....besides, the understanding of where the other is coming from, has been GREATLY overlooked, and mostly ignored....WHICH IS STUPIDLY SELFISH!!..no matter who's doing it!!

Fair enough?

This thread has the potential of being FANTASTIC and healing!...but the why not?..Musicians, writers, and the such are a 'peculiar people', capable of AMAZING insights, and the abilities to share them!!.....(Sorta like men and women with their finger on the pulse, eh?)

Still haven't heard from the others, as to their thoughts.
Keep sharing!!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,mauvepink
Date: 25 May 11 - 07:28 PM

I am far too busy getting on with my own life than wanting to be like anyone else. Who else can anyone be but themselves?

mp

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 25 May 11 - 10:45 PM

But of course!...Why would you?..I agree.

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 28 May 11 - 04:06 AM

Well, after a wee bit to consider, a couple of points...its time, as per aforementioned, to go to the other part of the equation..'as lust is to a man, fear is to woman'. Interesting to the 'man's side', that so really not much is really ever 'discussed as the women's side...Well, ever since the 70's and 80's and 90's, so much attention has been given to women's inner needs....but not too much for the man's.
Matter of fact, there was a lot of pressure put on men to 'learn' about women's inner needs, and related things, that men come off, as they say, 'Down deep all men are shallow?'"
Do you feel more understood, or misunderstood?..or not understood that you understand?...and if so, why?......and/or, does it matter?

Ok, guys, don't be chicken....I won't tell!
But we can talk about it, amuse, entertain, and abuse ya'...but maybe some light could be shed. The girls went so far, and pretty quick..and no one got beat up.....so go for it!
(It actually can be fun!)

Most Respectfully,
GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Relationship Issues. What Else Is New?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 31 May 11 - 01:22 PM

OK, guys, try explaining why, when you have to do something for your wives, is it different than when you did it, when you were FIRST with her.

Too deep too quick for the guys??..who usually don't like to be bothered talking about their 'relationships'

GfS