BS: Enlarge my manhood?

Subject: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 08 Jun 11 - 05:55 PM

What does it mean? Just checked my Hotmail and it asks if I want to enlarge my manhood. I didn't want to show my ignorance so I came here for advice.

I don't usualy wear hoods. Unless it is realy pissing it down and I am wearing a cagoule (sp?) In that case I am not sure I would want to enlarge it. Surely it would come down over my eyes?

Anyway. Why a manhood? Is it different from a woman's one? I have seen them snood thigs and I am not sure if men would wear them. Is it an alternative?

Yours, trustingly

Dave the Gnome

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 08 Jun 11 - 06:02 PM

Shouldn't that be trusstingly?

K

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Ed T
Date: 08 Jun 11 - 06:20 PM

I suspect there are different tools for different tasks? Tasks evolve, and so do the tools required? Think more wood and less hood.

You could try resetting your hotmail account to a cooler setting? That is if you don't actually enjoy being hoodwinked:)

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Ed T
Date: 08 Jun 11 - 06:22 PM

BTW, my Gnome recently left home. It may be a good thing for both of us. But, the uncertainity scares the wood right out of me.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Dead Horse
Date: 08 Jun 11 - 06:39 PM

I enlarged mine by responding to an unsolicited e-mail.
It involved cutting one inch off and sending it to the first person on this list while adding my name to the bottom of the list - you know the sort of thing.
Sure enough not six weeks had passed when I got loads of odd inches in the post, several of them sent by the same rabbi.
I now have a six foot manhood with a rather fetching patchwork quilt design........

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Ed T
Date: 08 Jun 11 - 06:47 PM

"A man is actually only a guest in his mother's house"

The first example of manhood is a child producer. The second is "a lady killer". The third is "an itchy nut", one who enjoys creating discord. Fourth, a lazy, jobless, good for-nothing. Fifth, "a kitchen cat" who likes to do all the domestic work. Sixth type is one who is also the host of the housem, a guest who makes himself a devoted member of his wife's household.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: olddude
Date: 08 Jun 11 - 06:55 PM

It means you now put away your Taylor and now play a real guitar like a Martin :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 08 Jun 11 - 07:39 PM

I got one the other week guaranteeing to enlarge my manhood by three inches within six months. I didn't send off for it. I just couldn't see myself walking around with a five-kilo weight on the end of a piece of string dangling from my manhood for the next six months.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 08 Jun 11 - 07:52 PM

IN POSSESSION OF THE TOOL TO DO THE JOB.

Now, to look at Ernie Hook, you'ld never take him for a crook,        
And it's true, he's never broken any law,
But poor Ernie came a cropper, when an enterprising copper,
Caught him out, and now he's not an honest citizen no more,
For it seems he had a break-in, and the copper was just makin' out,
A list of all the gear the burglar took,
In the shed he found a still, and poor old Ernie felt quite ill,
He cried out "I never used it", and the copper said "Now look,

Ch).        In possession of the tool to do the job,
You're in possession of the tool to do the job,
You can't be innocent you see, if, when picked up, you're found to be,
In possession of the tool to do the job."

So Ernie said "Before you get a statement, call me lawyer,"
His solicitor was happy to attend,
After Ernie'd paid him double, he said "Tell me, what's the trouble,"
And when Ernie'd told his story, the lawyer said "My friend,
You don't have a leg to stand on, and all hope you should abandon,
Of securing an acquittal on the day,
You did have the apparatus, and that must affect your status,
A plea in mitigation is your only chance, I'd say."

Ch).

They committed him for trial, and he made a strong denial,
He tried hard to put across his point of view,
He said "Sir, I've never used it, and as for making booze,
It is a thing, your honour, I would never want to do,"
Well, the judge deliberated, and finally he stated,
"Prisoner rise, and then my judgement I'll commence,
You have no defence in law, and I must convict you,
For, just having the equipment is a criminal offence."

Ch).

"Now, before you're put away, have you anything to say,
You've the right to make a plea in mitigation,"
Ernie said "Now is the time, to confess me life of crime,
And offer two more cases for the court's consideration,
An assault upon the person of an unsuspecting nun,
And flashing at some pretty girls as well,"
The judge said, with a glare, "Come tell me when and where?"
And Ernie answered, "Well it hasn't happened yet, BUT WHAT THE HELL!"

"I'm In possession of the tool to do the job,
I'm in possession of the tool to do the job,
I can't be innocent you see if, when picked up, I'm found to be,
In possession of the tool to do the job.
                
"IN POSSESSION OF THE TOOL TO DO THE JOB."
                                                        
© Don Thompson December 1998

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 11 - 11:41 PM

Don Cherry went for that years ago, and look what it's done for him!

SIX FEET of sheer manhood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: J-boy
Date: 09 Jun 11 - 01:06 AM

I had my hood cut off shortly after I was born. But that's a different thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 09 Jun 11 - 02:58 AM

Manhood (to the man's way of thinking) is better than saying 'that dangly thing.'

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: GUEST,Anon (from a Friend's Laptop)
Date: 09 Jun 11 - 05:19 AM

An old Amercan girlfriend was of the opinion there was no such thing as a MANHOOD that was to small. Rather, it was the corresponding WOOMANHOOD that was too big. It had been her habit over the years (following the exploits of the Plaster Casters of Chicago) to immortalise her various lovers in plaster. The most prized MEMBERS she kept ranged on the mantelpiece of the beautiful Victorian farmhouse she was then living in deepest Herefordshire. These ranged from as little as 2x2" to a very mighty 12x6". A mother of two (both left with her folks back in America whilst she completed her PhD in the UK), she kept herself in order with a strict daily regime of excercises and diets. As a fierce bi-sexual Feminist, she maintained that the diversity of MANHOOD-dimension in the world was a cause of celebration rather than despair. To Ruth, each size brought its own unique pleasures - if only the woman was toned and active enough to appreciate them. After two births myself I was hardly toned or active, requiring at least a 7x5 before I deemed it any way worth the bother. However, following her simple excercises (basically the sort of thing you find in most post-natal instruction sheets) and diets (she only ate raw vegetables and salads - at the very most lightly roasted or dry-fried on the Aga with tuna or chicken; no carbs, very few fruits and no dairy) within six months I was enjoying 5x5 and even managed a 4x3. Long years later, I am now regularly settled with an 8x5, but in my early 50s, I still keep up the excercises.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: TheSnail
Date: 09 Jun 11 - 06:41 AM

The Manhood is a peninsula (sp?) on the coast of Sussex with Selsey Bill at its tip. It is currently shrinking due to coastal erosion.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: kendall
Date: 09 Jun 11 - 07:20 AM

Old Dude, I have yet to see the Martin that I would trade my Taylor for.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jun 11 - 01:21 PM

I have also played Taylors that are every bit as good as Martins, and some that might be better. It's just a question of which one, that's all.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: gnu
Date: 09 Jun 11 - 03:12 PM

On another thread it was stated that Doctor Oz (A TV docin the US) said that losing 30# of weight "gains" ya an inch. I've lost over 90#. DocO's a lyin bastard.

Not that it matters to me as I am celebrate.

Yes, I did intend.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Jun 11 - 09:42 PM

Enlarge my manhood? Are you kidding? I don't want to have to push it around in front of me in a wheelbarrow!

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Jun 11 - 09:42 PM

Enlarge my manhood? Are you kidding? I don't want to have to push it around in front of me in a wheelbarrow!

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Jun 11 - 09:44 PM

Enlarge my...oh, never mind...

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 10 Jun 11 - 04:31 AM

I have no wish to swell the ranks of the unemployed.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Jun 11 - 10:16 AM

LOL, John....

Best enlargement technique known is PhotoShop.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 10 Jun 11 - 10:34 AM

The Manhood is a peninsula (sp?) on the coast of Sussex with Selsey Bill at its tip. It is currently shrinking due to coastal erosion.'

I've had that problem for years.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 10 Jun 11 - 02:52 PM

If you've got a large enough wallet, the size of yer manhood don't matter.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: MarkS
Date: 10 Jun 11 - 09:32 PM

Careful, this is from an old IRS memo.

Internal Revenue Service
**************************************************************
To: All Male Employees From: I.R.S Service Center
RE: Notice of increase in tax payments

The only thing that the I.R.S. has not taxed yet is your peter. This is
due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20%
of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and 10% of the
time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has 2 dependants and they are
both nuts.

Effective January 1, 1997 your peter will be taxed according to size.

The categories are as follows:
10 ¨C 12 inches Luxury Tax $30.00
8 ¨C 10 Pole Tax 25.00
5 ¨C 8 Privilege Tax 15.00
4 ¨C 5 Nuisance Tax 3.00
Males exceeding 12¡å must file under capital gains.

NOTE: Anyone under 4¡å is eligible for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!

Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
I.R.S

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 05:57 PM

A female banking clerk was helping a smug male set up his computer and asked him to choose a word he would like to use as an account password. Wanting to embarrass the female he told her hw would enter PENIS. He entered the word as the password. She then almost died laughing when she noticed the banking computer's response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 06:36 PM

We have recently been seeing TV ads using this pitch.

Most such merchandising refers to a device that's been known for decades, occasionally prescribed by legitimate medical practicioners, and ubiquitous in shady "toy shops."

For a definition - which should be enough to get anyone interested started on a proper search, see Here.

The euphemism "enhance your manhood" is used because you risk censure (or arrest) if you say "p*nis" in advertising or on TV.

I've known of only a couple of people who've admitted using one (back in the 50s). No strong recommendations or testimonials of success were offered by them, although medical literature reports some limited value in cases of specific medical need.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 06:49 PM

When they offer a drug that works that increases the BIG brain I might be tempted. For now, I do crosswords and read enlightening stuff like this thread to keep it up.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 06:50 PM

A rough guide to manhood size can be elicited from studying the cars driven by the manhood-possessers under consideration. By far the biggest manhoods are possessed by drivers of beaten-up J-reg Vauxhall Astras. A much smaller than average manhood will be the misfortune of anyone driving a Volvo estate, even worse for anyone with any Audi at all, and, worst of the lot, vanishingly small manhoods (or is it menhood?) will be the lot of anyone stupid enough to be seen in a BMW of any description. There is no evidence either way apropos of the manhood size of occupants of Mazda MX-5s, as the only males ever observed driving these cars have been hairdressers anyway.

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 07:04 PM

So, the little pricks drivin Beemers get the big ... you know... ?

Subject: RE: BS: Enlarge my manhood?
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 12 Jun 11 - 07:33 PM

What's the difference between a hedgehog and a Volvo estate?

With a hedgehog, the pricks are on the outside...