Hey Kendall, How about a Story?

Subject: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: olddude
Date: 17 Jun 11 - 10:22 AM

Hey Captain
Tell us the story about the sea captain that didn't have any wind and was in the dead calm sea ... I love that story ... the cursing captain at the wind. Can't remember how it all goes

Love it

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: Crowhugger
Date: 17 Jun 11 - 10:50 AM

I don't know that story, do tell...

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: olddude
Date: 17 Jun 11 - 03:05 PM

come on Cap. How about it

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: kendall
Date: 17 Jun 11 - 09:52 PM

The year was 1920. My Grandfather was Captain of the Emily Beal, a Grand Banks schooner out of Portland Maine.

They had been fishing for Cod and had been at sea for almost a month. Coming home with a hold full of fish they were within 50 miles of Portland Head when the wind died completely. Flat calm, and she was rolling in an old swell with her rigging and sails slapping back and forth.
Captain Morse paced the deck whistling for wind. He had the crew wet the sails to no avail.Nothing. He tried cursing, no help.The cook was a pious older man and he was having a tough time listening to the Captain swear.
Finally he came on deck and said "Captain you are as good a sailor I have ever sailed with and there is no fault in your operation of this boat. Now, take my advice and give up a love offering to God and he will send you some wind. I guarantee it."

Captain thought it wouldn't do any harm so he took from his pocket a silver dollar, looked up at the sky and said, "Send me some wind, damn it"! With that, he threw that dollar as hard as he could into the air.
Less than 1 minute later they were hit by a gale of 40 knots or so, and it was blowing from the South east, a fair wind home to Portland.

They were making a good 20 knots when she piled up on the rocks just south of Portland Head. The Emily Beal and her long boats were kindling on the shore. The crew all made it ashore unharmed, and when the Captain made sure the crew was ok, he went to the cook to thank him for the tip. Cook looked at him and said, "I told you if you gave up a love offering you would get your wind, didn't I"?

Captain Morse said, "Yup, but if I'd known wind was so cheap, I wouldn't have ordered so much."

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: Bobert
Date: 17 Jun 11 - 10:19 PM

Should have put it on his American Express card... That way he coulda protested the charges...

B~

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Jun 11 - 11:35 PM

any more stories?

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 12:33 AM

Don't leave home without it? LOL!

Thanks, Kendall!

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 06:35 AM

Any more stories? My book is still available for $10.00 including postage.

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: olddude
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 08:56 AM

I love it thank you Captain ...

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: Crowhugger
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 09:17 AM

Yes thanks Kendall for a good laugh to start my day.

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: gnu
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 02:46 PM

Dan... excellent post! For those who hadn't heard that one already you have done a good deed. Even for me as I loved being reminded of it.

And, yes, I too would be appreciate being graced with more of the same, Kendall.

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: kendall
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 03:15 PM

As most of you know, I am a professional humorist/storyteller/author and ex singer.

I have many CDs, books DVDs for sale, cheap.

Maybe I'll post a story here once in a while for those who are too cheap to buy my stuff! :-)

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: kendall
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 03:18 PM

Clyde and Emma Snodgrass, aged 88 and 89 were sitting on their porch rocking and saying very little. Clyde says to her, "What ever happened to our sexual relations"?
Emma says, "I don't know; we didn't even get a Christmas card from them last year."

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: gnu
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 04:46 PM

Hey, I said more of the same. I ani't no cheapo and you know it... I paid for mine. AND now you are giving it out free "samples"? Are you a tease or a slut?

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: kendall
Date: 18 Jun 11 - 08:20 PM

Neither. I may post something that's not in my book but they will be few and far between. I gotta make a livin' ya know!

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: Mark Ross
Date: 19 Jun 11 - 06:32 PM

Good one Kendall! Greetings from the Left Coast. Have a good time at Old Songs. Don't miss Larry Hanks & Deborah Robins.

Mark Ross

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 19 Jun 11 - 08:10 PM

Clyde and Emma reminded me of the 85 year old guy who went to his Doctor and asked him if he could lower his sex Drive !The Doc said " Hang On ! You're 85 - Its all in your mind!"
The old guy says " Yes - can you lower it about thirty inches ?"

Subject: RE: Hey Kendall, How about a Story?
From: kendall
Date: 19 Jun 11 - 08:27 PM

A country preacher got really fired up in his sermon and he made the statement that every aspect of the human condition can be found in the Bible.
At the end of his sermon, he was standing by the door, and 85 year old Bessie said to him, "I don't believe what you said about human problems, there aint one word about PMS in the Bible."

Preacher says, "Well, probably not in those words, but I'll bet it's there somewhere and I'll find it. See you next Sunday."

The following Sunday Bessie couldn't wait to nail him by the door, and as she passed him she said, "Well, did you find PMS in the Bible"?
Preacher said, "No as I said, not in those words, but I did find that very condition stated otherwise, and I quote:
"AND MARY RODE JOSEPH'S ASS ALL THE WAY TO BETHLEHEM."