BS: Safety tips in general

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 03:22 PM

Ya dress em first?

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Smokey.
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 08:34 PM

Never juggle hedgehogs naked in the dark.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 07:27 PM

Olddude - try even more intimate itches after breaking up chilis to make a curry.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: olddude
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 07:19 PM

Don't scratch your ball if you hands have been in gasoline

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 10:09 AM

Don't go to an Aryan Nations or KKK picnic and start a conversation with "Boy, that MLK was sure a great guy!"

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: olddude
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 09:55 AM

Never invite your Jewish friends to a pig roast. (one of my bosses actually did that without thinking)

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: olddude
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 09:50 AM

Never buy your wife a sexy nightie , then forget and leave it in your car

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 09:28 AM

Preparation H and Compound W are not interchangable.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 09:22 AM

Never water your computer more than once weekly. If you do it more often, your emails may wilt.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 08:59 AM

"Never mistake your hemorrhoid cream for toothpaste."

I knew one young couple who mistook putty for their favourite lube...

All their windows fell out!


(I'll get me coat)

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: olddude
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 08:35 AM

Never mistake your hemorrhoid cream for toothpaste

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 07:28 AM

Gorilla glue and sex do not mix.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Ed T
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 07:17 AM

When you play leap frog at a nudist camp, dont forget to jump high.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 04:37 AM

Never, EVER, play leap-frog with a unicorn.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 10:16 PM

Don't fart near open flame.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: saulgoldie
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 09:26 PM

Always wear your helmet.

Saul

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 08:41 PM

Ain't saying who I learned this from, but it ain't a personal experience although I was there at the time:

Never ever use poison ivy leaves when you don't have toilet paper.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: gnu
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 08:38 PM

Dan... if you wear underwear, that's not a BIG problem. Yes, I know it's prudent, but not a situation that cannot be resolved, as I found out at 5AM in Deer Lake, NFLD at the airport. It was quite a good story when I got home, complete with the visual prop of a half of a pair of jockey shorts. You do the math.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: olddude
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 08:30 PM

Check to see if there is paper before you sit on the toilet ...

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: GUEST,999
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 06:36 PM

Not unless it's a red one.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 06:25 PM

Never store a herring in your safety deposit box.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: gnu
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 05:01 PM

How? I said to that guy ya see drivin, "Fuck that. My Ford could make it. What's wrong with this piece a crap? Give er some! Wait. I gotta pee. Go ahead. I'll catch up. Lemmie grab a beer out of the cooler first eh?"

I grabbed four... and a lawn chair.

I bin up country a few times eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: GUEST,999
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 04:53 PM

Gnu's stuck. How the hell did you get in there?

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: gnu
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 04:06 PM

The shovel and bucket minded me.

Don't look at the stream and then at her and say, "Where's yer spirit of adventure?" when yer 8 km back in the woods from the main dirt road. I have pics of getting the truck out with a chain fall the next day.

Worse than this.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 03:56 PM

Speaking of towels, the Hitchhiker¡¯s Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on the subject of towels.

A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have. Partly it has great practical value ¡ª you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble©\sanded beaches of Santraginus ¢õ, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand©\to©\hand©\combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindbogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you ¡ª daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: nonhitchhiker) discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, washcloth, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet-weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitchhiker might have accidentally "lost.". What the strag will think is that any man that can hitch the length and breadth of the Galaxy, ruff it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through and still know where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: GUEST,Shimrod
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 12:03 PM

I've just bought a new lens for my camera. It came with a safety leaflet in several languages (I only read one of those languages - English - why do I need all of the others?).

This leaflet (the part in English) contains the following warning: "Do not leave the lens within the reach of young children. The lens may fall and injure the child, and the strap may get wrapped around the child's neck causing suffocation."

I'm still looking for "the strap" but if I'd known that the lens had the potential to crush or strangle a child I'm not sure I would have bought it!

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 11:42 AM

Check your rear-view mirror often...even when it might seem unnecessary..

While driving through the mountainous part of Montana once *I* was in a long line of vehicles crossing a valley which had a road laid on top of a cut-and-fill inverted "V". About a mile and a half of two-lane road with nothing but steep slope on either side. Most cars were about 2 car lengths apart, but I had allowed maybe 3. We were all going maybe 50MPH.
   I just 'happened' to glance in the left side mirror and was startled to see a car pull out about 15-20 cars back and begin to PASS everyone at maybe 75-80!! I looked up and saw cars approaching in the oncoming lane!! With maybe 3 seconds to spare, the daredevil cut into that small space right in front of me, waited until the 4-5 oncoming cars passed, then shot out again, passing the perhaps 10-12 cars in front of me...and disappeared in the distance.
   Had I been following as close as most, I shudder to think what would have happened. He had no way of knowing when he started his run that there was any space to pull in.....

Since then, I always assume there 'might' be some crazy hot-shot behind me, and I do NOT assume what they will or will not try!

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: GUEST,999
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 11:15 AM

Mongo understand.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: olddude
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 11:10 AM

Don't try to light your cig on a gas grill

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 Sep 11 - 10:14 AM

While driving through the mountainous part of Montana once, I recall seeing many little narrow dirt roads branching off from the highway. At the entrance to each of these roads there was a sign saying you were forbidden to drive on that road unless you carried with you a shovel and a bucket.

When I was younger and more adventurous than I am now, I loved to explore the back roads, and I always kept a small shovel in the trunk of my car. I recall three times when my car got stuck and I needed it, once in a mud puddle in a state park in Minnesota, and once in sand in Wyoming, and once in deep snow on a street in St. Paul.

Actually, there are lots of times when you need to shovel your way out of a snowdrift in Minnesota, but there is nearly always someone around with a snow shovel, so you don't have to rely on the one in your trunk.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 10:30 PM

Listen to the small, still voice that says, "You'll be sooooooorry!"

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Bert
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 09:13 PM

Driving requires more attention than you are willing to give it.

So allow an extra length or two from the car in front. It's the difference between a near miss and a fender bender.

Don't drive past someone who is backing out.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: GUEST,999
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 09:09 PM

"After modifying your brakes, check them at low speed first."

I'll try that next time, thanks for telling me NOW!

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 09:06 PM

Towel. You gotta have your towel.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Bill D
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 06:54 PM

Zippers? Once zipped, twice shy.... I think I was 14.

Be very careful when ANYONE says, "Hey..watch this!"

Seriously, a roll of plastic sheeting (and duct tape) can solve many problems. Keeps rain & snow from places you don't want rain & snow.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 06:22 PM

Speaking of buggery, ask first or wear a steel condom.

Hedgetrimmers are more dangerous than chainsaws - they mangle rather than sever.

Don't try to trip on datura or brugmansia unless you know the EXACT dose.

Check how long you can hold your breath before backhoeing onto a silage pit.

After modifying your brakes, check them at low speed first.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: GUEST,999
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 06:09 PM

There oughta be a law about zippers. I agree with Ed T on that one.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Ed T
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 05:34 PM

Zippers, be careful of zippers, eapecially near the toilet, power on or off.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: katlaughing
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 04:41 PM

This has some useful suggestions for water damaged household items: KOvel's Komments.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: GUEST,999
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 04:16 PM

Do NOT believe the story about getting rid of crabs with a blowtorch.

Instead, shave half and pour lighter fluid on the unshaven half. Light it, and when they run into the clearing, use an ice pick on them.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Musket
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 02:14 PM

When driving to Stourport on Severn, try not to end up in Shipton on Stour...

Will she ever let me forget it? WIll she buggery....

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 02:08 PM

Full rain gear, including rain pants. Ponchos won't keep you dry but are useful if you have to sleep outdoors. Windup radios and flashlights. Rope. Things to cut with..knives, axes. Shovels to make latrines. Paper to write stuff on and keep track of who is where. Water. Food. Cooking pots. mg

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 10:30 AM

If you're at a railroad crossing and you hear REALLY LOUD noise and a REALLY LOUD whistle you probably shouldn't start across.

Never answer a cop's question with, "No, officer, and by the nature of your question YOU don't know how fast I was going either!"

Never approach a Sergeant Major of the Marines (US or Royal) and say, "Sailor, you sure dress funny."

Don't confuse syrup of ipecac with maple syrup.

Learn the difference between the brake and the clutch.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Midchuck
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 10:01 AM

A chain saw is a very useful tool.

And it wants to kill you, the minute your attention wanders.

(True of a lot of very useful tools, just more so of chain saws.)

(The funny thing is, it's true most of all of cars, trucks, motorcycles, etc. And almost everybody drives, and almost everybody is coming up with new and different diversions for their attention while driving. Cell phones are merely the newest. And we have 30 or 40 thousand deaths a year, maybe half of which could be avoided just by all drivers paying attention. And everybody shrugs and says, "That's the way it is, nothing can be done. We have to have transportation...")

Peter

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 09:44 AM

Conversely, would you be trying to balance a seven-and-a-half tonner on your right foot, by its tail-lift, if you hadn't been wearing steel toe-caps in the first place?

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 08:35 AM

When it suddenly occurs to you that you really should be wearing leather gloves, safety glasses, or steel-toed boots, it's probably too late to worry about it. Start thinking about the quickest route to the emergency room instead.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Ed T
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 08:33 AM

Don't forget to wear trousers, before you bolt out of our front door.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 07:42 AM

Don't eat yellow snow.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: Ed T
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 07:30 AM

If you use a toilet in the dark, when children are present, count each child after flushing.

Subject: RE: BS: Safety tips in general
From: GUEST,Ebbie not logged in
Date: 31 Aug 11 - 01:50 AM

When you have children in the house never flush a toilet in the dark.