The Haggis season - when does it start?

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 21 Dec 01 - 09:36 PM

The last time I went to Scotland I bought a haggis sandwich, it was horrible, it was just like straw and i wont buy one again.

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Dec 01 - 11:00 PM

Not much more than a jacking haggis have ever been known to cavort with a Wyoming Women.

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 21 Dec 01 - 11:10 PM

From the first R.W. Service book I ever bought. Rhymes of a Red Cross Man and next to the "Cow Juice Cure" my favorite poem.

The Haggis of Private McPhee

"Hae ye heard whit ma auld mither's postit tae me?
It fair maks me hamesick," says Private McPhee.
"And whit did she send ye?" says Private McPhun,
As he cockit his rifle and bleezed at a Hun.
"A haggis! A HAGGIS!" says Private McPhee;
"The brawest big haggis I ever did see.
And think! it's the morn when fond memory turns
Tae haggis and whuskey -- the Birthday o' Burns.
We maun find a dram; then we'll ca' in the rest
O' the lads, and we'll hae a Burns' Nicht wi' the best."
"Be ready at sundoon," snapped Sergeant McCole;
"I want you two men for the List'nin' Patrol."
Then Private McPhee looked at Private McPhun:
"I'm thinkin', ma lad, we're confoundedly done."
Then Private McPhun looked at Private McPhee:
"I'm thinkin' auld chap, it's a' aff wi' oor spree."
But up spoke their crony, wee Wullie McNair:
"Jist lea' yer braw haggis for me tae prepare;
And as for the dram, if I search the camp roun',
We maun hae a drappie tae jist haud it doon.
Sae rin, lads, and think, though the nicht it be black,
O' the haggis that's waitin' ye when ye get back."
My! but it wis waesome on Naebuddy's Land,
And the deid they were rottin' on every hand.
And the rockets like corpse candles hauntit the sky,
And the winds o' destruction went shudderin' by.
There wis skelpin' o' bullets and skirlin' o' shells,
And breengin' o' bombs and a thoosand death-knells;
But cooryin' doon in a Jack Johnson hole
Little fashed the twa men o' the List'nin' Patrol.
For sweeter than honey and bricht as a gem
Wis the thocht o' the haggis that waitit for them.v Yet alas! in oor moments o' sunniest cheer
Calamity's aften maist cruelly near.
And while the twa talked o' their puddin' divine
The Boches below them were howkin' a mine.
And while the twa cracked o' the feast they would hae,
The fuse it wis burnin' and burnin' away.
Then sudden a roar like the thunner o' doom,
A hell-leap o' flame . . . then the wheesht o' the tomb.
"Haw, Jock! Are ye hurtit?" says Private McPhun.
"Ay, Geordie, they've got me; I'm fearin' I'm done.
It's ma leg; I'm jist thinkin' it's aff at the knee;
Ye'd best gang and leave me," says Private McPhee.
"Oh leave ye I wunna," says Private McPhun;
"And leave ye I canna, for though I micht run,
It's no faur I wud gang, it's no muckle I'd see:
I'm blindit, and that's whit's the maitter wi' me."
Then Private McPhee sadly shakit his heid:
"If we bide here for lang, we'll be bidin' for deid.
And yet, Geordie lad, I could gang weel content
If I'd tasted that haggis ma auld mither sent."
"That's droll," says McPhun; "ye've jist speakit ma mind.
Oh I ken it's a terrible thing tae be blind;
And yet it's no that that embitters ma lot --
It's missin' that braw muckle haggis ye've got."
For a while they were silent; then up once again
Spoke Private McPhee, though he whussilt wi' pain:
"And why should we miss it? Between you and me
We've legs for tae run, and we've eyes for tae see.
You lend me your shanks and I'll lend you ma sicht,
And we'll baith hae a kyte-fu' o' haggis the nicht."
Oh the sky it wis dourlike and dreepin' a wee,
When Private McPhun gruppit Private McPhee.
Oh the glaur it wis fylin' and crieshin' the grun',
When Private McPhee guidit Private McPhun.
"Keep clear o' them corpses -- they're maybe no deid!
Haud on! There's a big muckle crater aheid.
Look oot! There's a sap; we'll be haein' a coup.
A staur-shell! For Godsake! Doun, lad, on yer daup.
Bear aff tae yer richt. . . . Aw yer jist daein' fine:
Before the nicht's feenished on haggis we'll dine."
There wis death and destruction on every hand;
There wis havoc and horror on Naebuddy's Land.
And the shells bickered doun wi' a crump and a glare,
And the hameless wee bullets were dingin' the air.
Yet on they went staggerin', cooryin' doun
When the stutter and cluck o' a Maxim crept roun'.
And the legs o' McPhun they were sturdy and stoot,
And McPhee on his back kept a bonnie look-oot.
"On, on, ma brave lad! We're no faur frae the goal;
I can hear the braw sweerin' o' Sergeant McCole."
But strength has its leemit, and Private McPhun,
Wi' a sab and a curse fell his length on the grun'.
Then Private McPhee shoutit doon in his ear:
"Jist think o' the haggis! I smell it from here.
It's gushin' wi' juice, it's embaumin' the air;
It's steamin' for us, and we're -- jist -- aboot -- there."
Then Private McPhun answers: "Dommit, auld chap!
For the sake o' that haggis I'll gang till I drap."
And he gets on his feet wi' a heave and a strain,
And onward he staggers in passion and pain.
And the flare and the glare and the fury increase,
Till you'd think they'd jist taken a' hell on a lease.
And on they go reelin' in peetifu' plight,
And someone is shoutin' away on their right;
And someone is runnin', and noo they can hear
A sound like a prayer and a sound like a cheer;
And swift through the crash and the flash and the din,
The lads o' the Hielands are bringin' them in.
"They're baith sairly woundit, but is it no droll
Hoo they rave aboot haggis?" says Sergeant McCole.
When hirplin alang comes wee Wullie McNair,
And they a' wonnert why he wis greetin' sae sair.
And he says: "I'd jist liftit it oot o' the pot,
And there it lay steamin' and savoury hot,
When sudden I dooked at the fleech o' a shell,
And it -- dropped on the haggis and dinged it tae hell."
And oh but the lads were fair taken aback;
Then sudden the order wis passed tae attack,
And up from the trenches like lions they leapt,
And on through the nicht like a torrent they swept.
On, on, wi' their bayonets thirstin' before!
On, on tae the foe wi' a rush and a roar!
And wild to the welkin their battle-cry rang,
And doon on the Boches like tigers they sprang:
And there wisna a man but had death in his ee,
For he thocht o' the haggis o' Private McPhee.

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Chip2447
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 02:12 AM

YOU BARBARIC ANIMALS!!! How on earth can you justify killing such beautiful creatures.

The S.P.C.H and haggises rights foundation of Liberal, California are going to hear about all of you.

I hope they punish you by making you eat sheep's organs that have been boiled in the sheep's stomach.

YOU COLD HEARTED BASTARDS.
Chip2447

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Tone d' F
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 03:09 AM

As long as you leave Cornish Pastie hunting alone, fine by me

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 09:29 AM

Regarding the hunting of bagpipers...

While studying medieval history in York, chummer of mine was tickled to discover that there is still an old law on the books, that makes it legal to shoot Scots with arrows from the walls of the city...

What do you call a thousand pipers under 6 feet of peat?

A damn good start!!

Regarding "Laphroaig"...

Yummie!!!! I describe it as kinda a nice black rubber taste the uninitiated... I also compare it to the pleasant smell of gasoline! When I do have scotch, I go for the peaty stuff! And I dream of all the bagpipers under it!

LOL!!!

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: GUEST,Desdemona
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 09:48 AM

Haggis season? Och, laddie---does it ivver ind?!

All those yummy, peaty single malts are a few of my favourite things; Laphroaig being way up at the top of the list--and highly medicinal it is, too!

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 11:03 AM

The best Cornish pasties are from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan -- and I originate from there, too. (But I was born when I was very young and I'm 52 years away from there now.)

Well, so I haven't sampled any Youper pasties for awhile, but I have exported the recipe and kept it safe (and used!). Goes best with Laphroaig, too. (As does that Scots meatloaf everyone's talking about above.)

Linn

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 12:07 PM

Price of sporrans will be going up then....

LTS

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 12:36 PM

Up here in the highlands, the haggis season starts just after the arrival of the first American tourist of the year.
Failte.....Jock

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 07:35 PM

seems to me that haggis are much too cute too hunt!...People should just let them run free!

or...hmmm...this little critter is also identifed as Haggis ...now I'm confused.

...but not about the best whiskey!...Laphroiag is WAY too peaty!...but I wouldn't mind a wee dram o' Talisker...now there's a flavor to knock your socks off that tastes like something more than smoked vegetation! (for everyday I prefer Highland Park or what I am having as I type..Glenmorangie from Madeira casks)

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 07:45 PM

tsk...I put that 'e' in whisky! *running quickly behind myself and kicking me in the butt*

but now I am even MORE confused, for this picture of the wild haggis has little resemblance to the others! Perhaps an inbred line?

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Cobble
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 07:47 PM

Bill D.. will join you, if I may, with the Talisker... then we can watch the wee haggis dancing in the heather.. thats if my Skye Terriers don't get wind of 'em. *BG*

Mrs C

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 07:55 PM

indeed you may, Mrs. C!....but some of them are pretty fierce , so Skye Terriers may be our best line of defense!...(well, except for Talisker breath, which will ward off the meanest haggis!)

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 07:58 PM

you DO need to scroll to the bottom to read about the capture of the young male haggis and find the link to his picture...

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 08:12 PM

is there no shame? Travesties!!!

haggis & fries

Haggis Helper!

enough!

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Dec 01 - 08:26 PM

but NO!... here the history and details of the haggis hunt are detailed! With old engraving of the Haggis hunt!

ah, scholarship in the digital age is SO rewarding!

now...my wife demands the computer for mundane purposes...*sigh*

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Hillheader
Date: 23 Dec 01 - 05:11 AM

The haggis is an ugly bird
And hunting it is quite absurd
Two long legs and one more short
So on the hills it can cavort.

You shoot its short front leg away
Then watch it try to upright stay
Until it falls and bangs its snout
Upon a rock its then knocked out

But now your troubles just begin
How do you kill the ruddy thing?
It looks at you with big sad eyes
You feel like Satan in disguise

So you decide to let it go
You lift it softly from the snow
And gently throw it in the air
But the bastard craps right in your hair.

Because you see you sorry lot
The haggis is a bloody Scot
And if you hurt us in any way
We'll get you back the self same day

Big Mick, death threats are not our style
But I would not close my eyes a-while
Or you'll hear as you nod your head
Ten thousand pipers by your bed.

So let the poor wee haggis be
And if you catch one, set it free
But if you catch a Scot I think
It's better just to buy him drink!!!

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Dec 01 - 05:38 AM

Aye Bill D, I find the Laphroig much too much like lysol for my taste buds. Glenmorangie is distilled about 20 miles from where I live, but do your self a flavour and go about 15 miles north to Brora, and try my favourite Clynelish. Pronounced cline-leash. There are too many lovely malts to name, but I'm not a fan of Glenmorangie original, and haven't tried the various different cask flavourings that they are doing now, I suspect that they may be just a clever marketing ploy.
Slainte....Jock

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Joe Offer
Date: 26 Dec 07 - 08:58 PM

There are certain important threads that need refreshing from time to time. This thread is certainly one of those.

Oh, I came across an interesting Website: The Scottish Haggis Website - for those unwilling to make their own. If I read the description correctly, this haggis is "140 years in the making." Yum. Good stuff.

What prompted me to refresh this thread is one of today's quotes from igoogle.com:

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
- Mike Myers

'nuff said.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: GUEST,DonMeixner
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 12:16 AM

The debate over the effects of global warming on the Haggis Spawn is just starting to heat up. Haggis Unlimited has started a study but as they are a large committee nothing is expected to come of the effort.

The Haggis of central New York are found mainly in the finger lakes region and as such are forced to migrate in a Northern direction. Had they been found anywhere else they would be Westerly migratory as they are found that way through out the civilized world. But the north south lay of the Lakes makes westerly migration almost impossible.

I was sick with pneumonia so I missed the round up this year. A bill was passed in the Legislature to use a colored dye to mark the Haggis and the ranches they came from. The traditional branding of the Haggis has proven to be fatal to about fifty percent of the Haggis. There is a move by the traditionalists to go back to branding with the promise to use irons with shorter names.

Don

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 05:45 AM

Doesn't MMario live around the Finger Lakes?
G

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: GUEST,Mad Jock
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 05:50 AM

No one has mentioned that it is unwise to hunt haggis until after the young have fledged the nest and that only mature beasts may be taken. Thats those over 5 years old who have lost their wings and can no longer fly and thats why they are easy to catch.

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: GUEST,Don Meixner
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 09:57 AM

Hi Giok,

Yes he does. MMario and I are nearly neighbors. He lives about 45 miles west of me. Google up a New York state map and search out Jordan(Me) and Penn Yann(MMario). Pamela from Ithaca is also a Finger Lakes area resident.

Don

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: GUEST,old git
Date: 27 Dec 07 - 11:18 AM

I was always taught as a lad that the Haggis hunting season lasted just 2 days...30 and 31 February.

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: maeve
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 09:04 AM

2007-2008 Haggis Hunt, with prizes!

Fire away, O Noble Hunters of the Haggis!

maeve

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 09:12 AM

I prefer my haggis live trapped and fed for a week on whisky and oatcakes.

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 09:23 AM

Saw a herd of them on the way back home from Salt Lake City yesterday. They looked to be pretty scrawny this year, and the paper this morning said that the Dept of Fish, Game and Haggises had closed the season due to "incipient scrawn."

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 09:49 AM

Nah that wasn't Haggi, they flock.
G

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: MartinRyan
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 10:43 AM

Here h'Oireland, haggis are (happily) h'extinct.

We are now reduced to even more surreal forms of 'unting. Having acquired a Green Party Minister for the Environment, our last remaining deer hunt was only granted a license for its annual foray, on condition that the deer used to set a trail was safely retrapped before the hounds were released....

Regards

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: MartinRyan
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 10:44 AM

That should, of course, have been:

Here in hOireland..."

Regards

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 10:57 AM

Did they leave with the snakes, by order of St Pat?
G

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Goose Gander
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 11:05 AM

A 'Whistle-Pig' is, I believe, a groundhog rather than a woodchuck:

From the singing of Doc Watson . . .

"I dug down but I didn't dig deep
I dug down but I didn't dig deep
There lay a whistle-pig fast asleep
O! Groundhog."

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 11:10 AM

but groundhogs *are* woodchucks.

The American woodchuck is the largest member of the marmot family - did you know that?

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 11:26 AM

Woodpussy and Whistlepig

G

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Goose Gander
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 11:26 AM

So, then, how much ground could a groundhog hog, if a groundhog could hog ground?

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 11:32 AM

A ground hog would hog as much ground as a ground hog CAN hog if a ground hog could hog ground...and actually - they can, and do.
Amazing how widespread they can make a burrow system.

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: maeve
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 11:33 AM

"Groundhogs keep creeping in the thread..."

Gentlemen: Kindly make your own groundhog thread, eh?

Back to our regularly scheduled haggis...

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 11:35 AM

I'll have you know that cross-comparision of mitochondrial DNA between the Haggis (Nova Scotia variety) and the American Woodchuck show that there may well be some interbreeding occuring between the two populations.

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: maeve
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 11:41 AM

Nonsense, Sirrah! Click the link provided upthread to learn of the Golden Haggis, whose genetic code lingers throughout all known haggis populations and effectively precludes any such interbreeding with the otherwise prolific woodchuck clan.

With all due respect,

maeve, gonehuntinghaggistowinaPrize

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 11:51 AM

oh, yeah? well they said that mathematically a bee cannot fly! Reality often precludes theory.

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: maeve
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 12:00 PM

LOL, MMario. "They" said lots of things. Come hunt the haggis with me and we can further discuss the transcontinental haggis possibilities. I just sighted a golden haggis in Edinburgh!

Pax,

maeve

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 12:00 PM

Butterflies cause chaos.
G

Sorry Ilex

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: Schantieman
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 12:34 PM

It's only bumble bees (Bombyx spp) that can't fly. Honeybees (Apis mellifera) can - otherwise how would they collect nectar and stuff?

Steve

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: maeve
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 12:43 PM

It was indeed the bumblebee that confusticated theorists, but a bumble can fly and is not a haggis therefore I conclude 'tis indeed time to hunt the haggis. Will anyone join me in that worthy endeavor?

maeve

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 12:54 PM

Huh? Bombyx is silkworms!

Do you mean Bombus?

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 12:56 PM

Gee, a brainy haggis from the Finger lakes :)

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 12:57 PM

Blame it on Cornell - I do.

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: maeve
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 03:31 PM

The Haggis' Zoology for your edification and amusement.

maeve

Subject: RE: The Haggis season - when does it start?
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Dec 07 - 03:34 PM

A Haggiography indeed.
G