BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?

Subject: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 01:40 PM

Seems like a far more fertile possibility for discussion than the one about Margaret Thatcher to me....

I'm gonna start with saying that I really like the way he combs his hair. Very debonair. The ape's got style.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 01:59 PM

Same things I like about Thatcher, That I will never meet them, that they were/are strong willed and that Meryl Streep got the Best Actor award for playing them in movies.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:03 PM

Chongo's Choice! What a flm! What a performance!

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:06 PM

I think of Streep as an actress. I don't get this thing about calling females in the movies "actors" nowadays. I have to agree, though, that her portrayal of Chongo was eerily accurate. You could have sworn she was Chongo.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:09 PM

"Chongo's Choice" will definitely be very near the top of the 100 Best Motion Pictures of all time. No one who sees it will ever think the same way about the role of the ape in American life again. I saw tears in people's eyes after the New York screening.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Don Firth
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:10 PM

I thought he was great in the 1976 remake of King Kong.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: David C. Carter
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:13 PM

The fact that he lives far away in Canada.

That's a plus for me!

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:19 PM

"You could have sworn she was Chongo."

You know the thought has crossed my mind that she IS Chongo. Let me ask you something. Have you ever seen them both in the same place?

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:20 PM

I've heard that he never flings a hard turd at a lady. That is one chivalrous monkey, ape, whatever.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Bert
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:33 PM

That he is not a politician.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:35 PM

If you get him drunk enough you can knock him down and piss on his head.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:38 PM

The mass of matted hair in the shower grossed me out. It was most likely from Chongo, or possibly from LH.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:45 PM

When the PI business is on the slow side, Chongo sometimes works part-time as a cabbie. He once took me from downtown near Sears Tower to O'Hare Airport during Friday afternoon rush hour traffic. None of the other cabbies in the queue would even think about getting in that mess on Friday afternoon, but Chongo was willing to do it for a $50.00 tip plus what was left of the bottle of Johnnie Walker in my suitcase. He got me there in time to catch my flight and only ran three or four cars off the expressway doing it. Without Chongo's willingness to do damned near anything for booze and a few greenbacks, I may have spent the last thirty years stuck in Chicago.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:46 PM

He knows how to model a good fedora. And he is always courteous to women.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:51 PM

Yes.
But, and he then craps in the fedora.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 02:54 PM

Name your sources or retract that statement.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 03:02 PM

"If you get him drunk enough you can knock him down and piss on his head."

Here is a secret Spaw, he doesn't have to be all that drunk.

Friday nights he can often be seen in South Side blues bars lying on the floor under the urinals.

I thibk he uses it as conditioner.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 04:01 PM

He licks his finger after poo-flinging. Not everyone would do that.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Don Firth
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 04:08 PM

Now, that's STYLE!!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 04:24 PM

He resists the tempation to commit homicide on a daily basis. Admirable self-control, considering he once roamed the jungle where the law of tooth and claw prevails.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 04:31 PM

Suggest suicide to him as a positive alternative.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 05:22 PM

Well, he makes more sense than a lot of folks here...

That's the pro side...

On the con side, he has rude habits and tends to shoot first and never get around to asking questions...

But I like him okay... For a dumb monkey, that is...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Mathias Mandrill
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 05:22 PM

Only cuffs his dummy in public on days that end in y. A real gentleman.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 08:20 PM

I have it on good authority that Chongo has never purchased penis enlargement products via the Internet.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 08:30 PM

I heard that, too, beeze... But I've also heard that he's gettin' 'um on the black market...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Bong Bimp
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 09:08 PM

Chongo is loyal to his own. That is better than most of you so-called humans. And where do you get off talking about chimps flinging poop? If you want to see real poop flinging, just look at any internet forum, including this one.

And besides that, you dump your poop everywhere-in the oceans, in the forests, you even burn it--did you ever wonder why the air on a hot summer day is brown and smells bad? Because it's full of your poop!

Your bloody, sick, nasty ways are going to catch up to you soon, humans!

The Irate Primate is looking down, and one of these days, he'll have had enough of your antics. On that day, all that poop that you've dumped all over all the rest of us is going to get dumped back on you.

Then you're gonna stick your stubby, pooped crusted mitts out of that big smelly pile that you made and cry, "Help us, please help us!" And I'm going to say, "You humans made that mess, and you humans are gonna have to live with it. I'm a Bonobo, dammit, A BONOBO!'

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 09:17 PM

Let's get real here...

Chongz has a few redeeming qualities... I mean, ahhhh, I can't think of any right off the bat but...

...excusing his poo chuckin' is way beyond rational discord...

It's rude... I don't give a shit, ahhhhh, danged what other folks do with their poo but throwing it indiscriminately ain't gonna cut it with me...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 09:45 PM

After he gets drunk and throws up on himself he usually changes ties.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 09:50 PM

I forgot to mention his thriftiness in not using toilet paper.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 10:07 PM

Of course he uses toilet paper but he is frugal enough to use just one sheet and use the other side for a second swipe. Very green as well!

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 10:29 PM

Well???

I donno about TP... He worked in my '08 campaign and he wasn't into TP then... Might of fact, woulda been nice if he had those skills...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 10:35 PM

He has long flowing silky locks of hair, just like Justin Trudeau, but only on his arms.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 10:41 PM

I admire of him that nothing said is true, nothing described is real, and nothing claimed was done. His claimed connection in the world are to ciphers, his communication channels are wisps of fog, and his purported affinities are as bogus as crocodile tears.

Thus, he is at least consistent in being completely insubstantial.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,The Galactic Overlord
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 11:41 PM

As will you be, should I decide in some moment of trivial amusement to erase you from existence. Your memory will then be stored in the Galactic Archives forever under the heading: Don't Be Like This

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 11:52 PM

Back to Chongo. I've always been impressed by his subtlety. And his casual wit. And the fact that he is so forgiving. And modest. These are things we can all aspire to.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 11:55 PM

Wait...we should aspire to be imaginary? I don't see that working out very well.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 12:01 AM

Your logical capacities are slipping, my good man. There is nothing imaginary about qualities such as subtlety, casual wit, a forgiving nature, and modesty. We've seen them. We know what they are. We can aspire to them. And I think that you might be able to attain some of them with a simply tremendous, gigantic, olympian, and gargantuan amount of work....something comparable to Hercules cleaning out the Augian Stables, if you see what I mean.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 12:24 AM

"There is nothing imaginary about qualities such as subtlety, casual wit, a forgiving nature, and modesty."

Those are all imaginary when describing Chongo Chimp. I know he lives in your head, but have you MET Chongo Chimp?

His is loud, blunt, uncompromising and vain enough to run for President when he is not even eligible.


"I know he lives in your head, but have you MET Chongo Chimp?"

There is sentence you will only see on the Mudcat.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 12:35 AM

Well, yeah, those qualities I posted for Chongo were clearly tongue-in-cheek. ;-) He is pretty much the opposite of everything I said. He absolutely BELIEVES he will be elected president. That's vanity of an extreme that would make Barbra Streisand take a step back!

Have I met Chongo? Yeah...but not necessarily exactly like what you were thinking.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 12:39 AM

"Have I met Chongo? Yeah...but not necessarily exactly like what you were thinking. "

Don't go there Little Hawk. Believe me, NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW!

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 07:46 AM

Since he mostly lives in the head of LH, his forbearance of the trials of his existence is truly worthy of our sincere sympathy.

A quiet night at home must be a lot like being trapped in a Kafka novel, but he bears it bravely. (Probably in part thanks to the therapy sessions with his group of weiners.)

Reports of his difficulties in arriving here are vague, and entering any country with a false passport in the name of "Gustav von Aschenbach" must have made customs a difficult situation; but that's another story.

John

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 08:35 AM

"Since he mostly lives in the head of LH, his forbearance of the trials of his existence is truly worthy of our sincere sympathy."

True. The intense crowding alone must be trying.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 09:10 AM

I admire Chongo for producing something comparable to what Hercules cleaned out of the Augian Stables, if you see what I mean. He did not, however, need Hercules to clean it out. Chongo just threw it at people and animals walking by his cage. He was put there by his owner, the organ grinder, to break him of the habit of stealing the coins collected in his little tin cup and spending them on booze.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 09:15 AM

And what a sight it was, equine footballs launched to the blue by those slender arms with Trudeau-like hair!

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 11:57 AM

It is clear that imaginary obsessions can become contagious and infect the plurality in a form of mass delusion. Thus, be careful what you imagine, because it may come back to bite you.

A

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Bongo Bimp
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 12:06 PM

Chongo exists. Not in the way you might want, not in the way that you might need, but he exists. Don't ask me to explain it, I'm a Bonobo, dammit, A BONOBO!

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 12:38 PM

"It is clear that imaginary obsessions can become contagious and infect the plurality in a form of mass delusion. Thus, be careful what you imagine, because it may come back to bite you."

Sounds like a pretty good summation of American foreign (and domestic) policy of the last 100 years or so, Amos! Ook! Ook!

The thing about imaginary obsessions is, they satisfy some emotional need in people, see? And it goes from there. Consider the Vietnam War, for instance, as a prime example of yer statement bein' proved in action. The same basic stuff is goin' on now...same old obessions, a combination of messianic grandiosity and delusions of moral superiority over the rest of the world, combined with extreme paranoia and a desire to secure unchallenged military supremacy...but new "enemies" have been found...and it keeps comin' back to bite us.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 09:20 PM

I admire the way Chonga can get his/her middle finger all the way up her/his nose and wiggle it out the other nostril.

I admire Chonga's pretensions to chimpanzeehood; not every howler monkey can pull it off.

I admire Chonga for not having pulled it off, considering the jerking it's taken.

I admire Chonga for keeping the resident flea population to only a couple of millions.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 09:31 PM

I thought Chongo was a pigmy marmoset who tried to drop a turd in the paper shredder.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 10:14 PM

Let's get real here...

Well??? Kinda...

Chongz is infinitely more hip than his creator... I guess that says a lot about the creator... I mean, I reckon I'd like to have a beer with LH... Okay, maybe two...

Chongz??? Heck, I'd get drunk with him...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 10:18 PM

IMHO Barney Fife is more hip than Chongo's creator. But they are both fine characters dear to us all.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 10:53 AM

I don't even drink beer, Bobert. I can't stand it. You could have a beer or two with me if you wanted, but I'd probably just have some tea with lemon in it.

I attempted to develop a taste for beer for about 10 years, during my 20s, because all my young friends seemed to think it was the thing to do. Yes, I tried. I almost got to sort of like it for awhile there....but I never could really generate much enthusiasm for the not-very-good-tasting carbonated piss that is found in a beer bottle. By the time I was 35 or 40, I'd stopped worrying about what was the "thing to do" any longer and gave up on beer entirely. Now I just drink stuff I actually like the taste of. That would be tea, fruit juices, water, rice milk, and wine (but very little of the wine).

Pretty unhip, eh? ;-) I also have no TV and I don't smoke. Not even pot! Geez, gettin' more unhip by the moment! I don't drive an American car, and I can't picture Christina Aguillera.

I've never watched the Superbowl, and I couldn't care less about it.

I think people who say "I could care less" when they actually mean "I couldn't care less" have a problem with comprehending the English language.

Now, Chongo...he's hip. Yessiree. He drinks heavily, smokes heavily, boasts mightily, flirts heroically, dates classy chicks, has a lot of nerve, takes to violence like a duck to water, can disassemble, clean, and reassemble any firearm as fast as a cat with its arse on fire can run through a barbed wire fence.

I have no hope of ever even approaching Chongo's degree of hipness. He gets calls from Clint Eastwood, Hillary Clinton, and Don Cherry. I get calls from telemarketers. He runs for president. I run for the toilet. He fights pro boxers in the ring. I fight an expanding waistline and a thinning hairline.

Chongo is an inspiration, there's no doubt about it. I hope to be like him in some future lifetime, but it ain't gonna happen in this one.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 11:01 AM

Oh, geez! And I don't know who Barney Fife is. (Probably because I don't watch television.)

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 11:01 AM

"He gets calls from Clint Eastwood, Hillary Clinton, and Don Cherry."

Those people MAY have been hip in the 1970's.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 11:08 AM

Yeah? So...who do you think he should be getting calls from, Jack? Pink? Rihanna? Shakira? Eminem?

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 11:15 AM

Did a Google search for Barney Fife.....

Oh, yeah. Okay, I vaguely remember the Barney Fife character now, just didn't remember the name. Don Knotts. The thing is, I never really watched the Andy Griffith Show, not even back then. I wasn't interested in the basic concept (lovable dumbass American hicks living in small town). For the same reason, I didn't watch the Beverley Hillbillies (lovable dumbass American hicks living in Hollywood) or Green Acres (lovable dumbass American hicks and a transplanted French woman?) or I Love Lucy (intolerable loud brassy American bitch married to unfortunate Puerto Rican guy) or Gilligan's Island (bunch of American yoyos from Hollywood marooned on island).

I am definitely waaaaayyyyy cooler than Barney Fife.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 11:26 AM

Speaking of the people that call Chongo--From what I understand, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson was contemplating a return to wrestling, and had wanted Chongo to act as his ringside manager. They'd worked up an agreement in principle that was to be based on the old "Chongomania" concept, but Chongo's original backers demanded too large a cut and the project was scrapped.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 11:32 AM

Typical. Chongo knows all those entertainment people. Too bad it didn't work out, though. He'd have been a great manager.

He also talks to Sarah Palin regularly. Or at least he did until his gal pal Renata threatened to cut his balls off if he didn't severe the connection.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: gnu
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 05:58 AM

Sounds rather severe to me.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 09:34 AM

Chonga has known many Hollywood personalities: Johnny "The Wad" Holmes, Fatty Arbuckle, Joan Crawford, Ronald Reagan, Cheetah, Mr. Ed, Francis the Talking Mule, Minnie Mouse, Daisy Duck, Ma Kettle, Liberace. And when I say "has known" I mean in a purely biblical sense.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 10:58 AM

"Yeah? So...who do you think he should be getting calls from, Jack? Pink? Rihanna? Shakira? Eminem? "

Those people MAY have been cool in the early 2000's

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 11:02 AM

When have you ever been this cool?

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 11:29 AM

"Cool" ain't got an expiry date on it, Jack. Not if it's the real deal. Bogart is still cool, and always will be.

Anyways, I am touched by all the kind compliments and recognition I have received on this thread. I'm also pleased about the specist insults and stuff from my detractors, cos it helps gather more info so the Ape Homeland Security can deal with 'em after I'm elected. See?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 01:38 PM

Bogart IS cool.

Pink ain't Bogart.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 03:06 PM

Neither is Chonga.

I think that I admire the fact that Chonga pulled out the biggest booger in history -- had to use both hands and one foot.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 03:41 PM

You'd better rein it in a bit, Rapparee. Chongo is a master of restraint, but when push comes to shove, the other chimps step in, and I've seen what they do to librarians.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 05:58 PM

That's right! I've seen gangs of Chimps tear librarians limb from limb. Caution is the best policy. The Chimp you insult today could be the Chimp who puts flowers on your grave tomorrow as a sign of mild regret...or just to be nice to yer bereaved relatives.

Jack - You mentioned Pink for some reason. I got no interest whatsoever in Pink. She don't rate higher than a stray dog in my view of the world.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 06:09 PM

"From: Little Hawk - PM
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 11:08 AM

Yeah? So...who do you think he should be getting calls from, Jack? Pink? Rihanna? Shakira? Eminem? "

"Jack - You mentioned Pink for some reason. I got no interest whatsoever in Pink. She don't rate higher than a stray dog in my view of the world.

- Chongo "

Little Hawk brought up "Pink.", Don't you think it is time that you two communicated? At least read what the other has written?

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 06:32 PM

Jack, LH did mention Pink back there somewhere, but what has that got to do with me? He has his opinions, I have mine, and they often differ, see? We are as unalike as Woody Allen and Clint Eastwood, fer Chrissake! (And I ain't the "Woody" half...) I said Bogart was still cool. You responded and said Pink ain't Bogart.

No kidding!!!!! And the Pope ain't Muslim! And pigs don't fly.

Gimme a break. It's LH who was talkin' about Pink...not me. I was talkin' about Bogart.

You gotta stop confusin' the two of us.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 10:08 PM

No, Chonga, you were talking about that big booger, not Bogart. You called it "Booger art" but spelled it wrong.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 11:38 PM

It pains me to say this, Rap, but Chongo comes off as considerably more mature in his comments than you do! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 12:12 AM

As I recall I remember seeing a piece of boogerart at a hot dog stand under the el at the stop by the Sears Tower. Not the type of place you go to enjoy your food. The owner had noticed that Chongo had been coming in every day and leaving a "calling card" under the table in a booth. After a few weeks the owner looked under the table and found a near perfect bas relief replica of the "scream" except of course the "screamer" was pygmy marmoset, the only colors were gray and green and it had "my mom the day I was born" scrawled in red at the bottom. It made pretty much everyone urge a little when the figured out what he used for the red.

Anyway its probably still there hangin' there. Right over the door preserved with a weekly coating of lemon Pledge and dead flies. It ain't pretty but it sure is a conversation piece.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 03:01 AM

You got a sick mind, buster, but I know you ain't really as twisted as you pretend to be. If you was, the guys in the white suits woulda taken you away a long time ago.

You know what Frank Sinatra did with guys like you? He had his Mafia pals straighten them out, that's what. Frank liked playin' with the bad boys. The wise guys. But at least he made some good music.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 09:57 AM

Aaaaaaaaaaand...Chonga strikes out big time when compared to Sinatra.

1. S/He doesn't know any wise guys, not being wise him/herself.
2. The only "bad" s/he has played with was after s/he had diarrhea.
3. S/He can only make "music" after a dinner of beer and cabbage.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 10:06 AM

He had his Mafia pals straighten them out, that's what.

You r nuts to incinerate that ole blue eyes was a chiropracter.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Rapparee (without cookie for some reason)
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 12:29 PM

I just read the title of this thread as

"What cruelties in Chongo do you admire?"

Ya know, I think that's a lot more appropriate. (NOTE: I did not start another thread using that title.)

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 11:34 AM

It's time to end this feud with Rapparee, Chongo--what happened between you two, anyway? We remember that he was your running mate, back before he learned how to spell his name. Chongo names Rapaire as his VP!!!

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 11:10 PM

I discovered the Truth About Chonga. Sex change operation coerced from a poor missionary doctor by an unkept promise of big money for the medical mission, forced his/her mother and twin sister Chinga into the sex trade so s/he could get money for first-class passage to the US and then abandoned them, her/his mother died of shame and broken heart.... About as sordid morass of lies as any politician ever covered up. Makes the Teapot Doame, the Grant administration, Watergate and Iran/Contra look like Sunday school classes.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 02:31 AM

Sorry, Rap, ain't what I heard. Word on the street is that you "borrowed" Chongo's Ford Cortina and smashed it into the Red Panda cage at the Tautphaus Park Zoo in Idaho Falls.
The Red Panda blamed Chongo and hasn't spoken to him since, and the Cortina was beyond "Rapaire"--

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 06:54 PM

What do you expect from a pigmy marmoset passing as a monkey?

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 07:37 PM

Do you mean Rapparee?

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 07:58 PM

I mean the whole mottled crue!!

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 08:56 PM

The Red Panda, too? He's kind of mottled.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 11:05 PM

I ain't never been to that there "zoo" in Idaho Falls. We got us a good zoo, a REAL zoo, right here in Pocatello. We don't have any of them "Brindled Pandas" or "Pinto Elephants" or whatever. We sure don't have no Pan Troglodytes. Used to, but they got too damned uppity and we had to deal with 'em in the old-fashioned way. We'd deal with Chonga just like we dealt with the rest of 'em iffen Chonga was stupid enough to come 'round.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 11:38 PM

not even a appaloosa rhinosaucerous?

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 12:05 AM

You may say "I ain't never been to that there "zoo" in Idaho Falls." Rap, but police surveillance cameras tell a different story. The judge didn't buy it either which is why the Pocatello bookmobile is up on cinder blocks until August 23.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 12:11 AM

And as for that "Pocatello Zoo", all it's got is two bears that they caught over at the dump, couple bobcats that got stuck in the mayor's chicken coop, and a raccoon named "Mr. Waddles".

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 09:20 AM

You oughta come visit and git up close and personal, like they say, with some of the critters. They're all soft and cuddly-like and would jist love ta have ya snuggle up with 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 09:29 AM

I have to say rap that looking at the variety of animals in your "Zoo" it does look like y'all just built a fence around the dumpster at the McDonalds.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: The Sandman
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 01:00 PM

i admire the way he handles his feticule

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 01:32 PM

"They're all soft and cuddly-like and would jist love ta have ya snuggle up with 'em." Especially the Grizzly Bears.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 02:20 PM

Notice how I don't even hafta be around for these yoyos to keep yammerin' on about me, Stim? That's coz they wish they was more like me, insteada bein' a buncha sad losers. It's true that Rap briefly served as my runnin' mate back in '08...and it's probably the main reason I lost the damn election! He set the nation back by decades. He will be remembered in future centuries the way Benedict Arnold is remembered now. The man is a total disaster. Lower than Death Valley. Even worse than Bobertz!

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 02:48 PM

It's sad, Chongo. It really is. I keep asking myself, "Where's the love?".

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 02:56 PM

"Notice how I don't even hafta be around for these yoyos to keep yammerin' on about me, Stim?"

Well my charming tail deleted, monkey passing for chimp. That was because the character you share a loft with in the Covington Apartments asked us to. So iffin ya don't like it take it up with him.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 03:28 PM

I have nothing against monkeys like Chonga as long as they know their place -- wearing cute jackets and hats and dancing for an organ grinder. Alternately, they serve as admirable subjects for experiments too dangerous to risk a human in.

For instance, King Kong was the result of a genetic experiment gone terribly wrong and he had to be "put down" in the most merciful way possible. He was so cute on the stage, but he got all uppity and, well, you know the unfortunate ending.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Bongo Bimp
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 03:49 PM

You don't get it, do you, Rapparee? The humans time is almost over. One more stupid stunt, and you'll be history. The other primates will get their turn, and if you don't shut your mouth and accept your place in the New Order, you'll pay the price. When this will happen, I don't know. I'm not an oracle, I'm a Bonobo, dammit, A BONOBO!

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 04:33 PM

Nobody knows when it will happen, Bongo. If they say they do, they're lyin'. But happen it will!

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Bongo Bimp
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 04:44 PM

And when it happens, all these tough guys will be squealing, "Help me! Help me!" like little weenie pigs. And do you know what I'm gonna say? "I'm not a miracle worker, I'm a Bonobo,dammit! A BONOBO!!"

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Bongo Bimp
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 04:46 PM

Peace be with you, Brother Chongo! Our time will come!!!

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 05:02 PM

100 visits to Covington towers!.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 05:07 PM

You are pretty cranky for a bonobo. I think you are just a snow monkey that got its tail caught in the ski lift.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 06:03 PM

He's tired of people utterin' special slurs, Jack.   (not spesh-'l....SPEESH-'l) As in slanderin' a species, see?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 06:13 PM

Bonobos settle their differences with mutual masturbation. Your pal the snow monkey is more of a howler.

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: GUEST,Bongo Bimp
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 06:33 PM

Beat it, Bible Dude! Go settle your "mutual differences" with the Atheists;-) But If one of them gets out a tube of Chapstick, you'd better get out there quick. And don't come crying to me. I'm not your safe ride home. I'm a Bonobo, dammit. A BONOBO!

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 07:05 PM

Blotto Blimp? What kind of name is that?

Subject: RE: BS: What qualities in Chongo do you admire?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 07:08 PM

A good name for a drunken gasbag...