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Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru

DigiTrad:
MADAM LA MARQUISE
THE CREMATION OF SAM MCGEE
THE SHOOTING OF DAN MCGREW


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Lyr Req: The Cremation of Sam McGee (R W Service) (59)
Tune Req: Michael (Robert Service, Greg Artzner) (6)
Lyr Req: Face on the Barroom Floor (37)
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Lyr Req: Dangerous Dan McGrew (35)
Lyr Req: The Quitter (Robert Service) (9)
Add: How MacPherson Held the Floor (Robt. Service) (1)
Ballad of Dangerous Dan McGrew (15)
Rhymes of a Red Cross Man (13)


Stewie 09 Nov 99 - 09:56 PM
_gargoyle 09 Nov 99 - 10:08 PM
Alice 09 Nov 99 - 10:18 PM
Micca 10 Nov 99 - 05:36 AM
katlaughing 10 Nov 99 - 09:14 AM
Fortunato 10 Nov 99 - 10:24 AM
Rick Fielding 10 Nov 99 - 11:46 AM
Greg F. 10 Nov 99 - 09:48 PM
Stewie 10 Nov 99 - 10:03 PM
Stewie 11 Nov 99 - 01:50 AM
Alice 11 Nov 99 - 09:40 AM
GUEST,Mikhail Horowitz 14 Jun 04 - 04:54 PM
Big Al Whittle 15 Jun 04 - 02:53 AM
GUEST,Clouid Mountain 21 Feb 07 - 06:21 PM
GUEST,Gerry 22 Feb 07 - 05:58 PM
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Subject: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: Stewie
Date: 09 Nov 99 - 09:56 PM

This posting is prompted by the thread on 'The Shooting of Dan McGrew' upon the seriousness of which I did not seek to intrude. This parody is presented simply for the joy that's in it. It is by the Jewish poet and storyteller, Mikhail Horovitz. He said that he was inspired by his performances at New Age establishments – the only venues left for his type of act. He said the circuit used to be called the 'Jewish Alps', but is now referred to as the 'Hebrew Himalayas'. He tells us he was inspired by performing for such people as 'Rasta Librarians, Demolition Dervishes, Bubulers for Buddha, Kosher Butchers for Krishna and Seventh Day Acupuncturists'. This is transcribed from a CD of a concert hosted by Happy and Artie Traum in Albany, New York, in 1992. The notes comment that 'the sound you hear in the distance is that of Robert W. Service grinning in his grave'.

I have put (?) beside a couple of references that elude me – the piece is full of puns and inside references to beat poetry, gurus, Eastern philosophy, mysticism etc. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Cheers, Stewie. ^^^ THE SHOOTING OF DAN'S GURU

A bunch of the monks was whoopin' it up in the Mantra Mute saloon
And Jimmy Wong, who whacks the gong, was boomin' an Om-time tune
Back o' the bar, in a lotus squat, sat Dangerous Dan's guru
And diggin' his light was Wilma White who used to be a Jew

(Wolf howling and whooshing sounds)
When out of the night an anchorite crept up to the ashram door
Out of the drain of the barred old plain
The dregs of a psychic war
I've ne'er seen a seeker more mouldy or weaker
A real metaphysical mouse
But his loincloth was droopy with oodles of rupi
And he called out for, 'Rice on the house!' (shouted)

Now us monks couldn't place the yogi's face
Though we searched our past lives for a clue
But we blessed this treat and the first to eat
Was Dangerous Dan's guru
'Hmm, Colonel Salamander's Calcutta fried chakras – hot diggety dogma' (almost whispered in silly falsetto)

Now there's men what somehow grip your mind and hold it like a rock
Such was he, and he looked to me like an old Zen cuckoo clock
'Seppuku, seppuku'
Kabuki hair in the crimson glare of an aura what's out of control
And was it sweat or tears of jet that he dropped in his begging bowl?
And it suddenly hit me who he was and why he was out of sorts
Watching him sup, just over her cup, was Wilma White - ne Schwartz

His eyes went rubbering round the room; they seemed to be Feldenkraised
Until they fell on the temple bell and he muttered, 'Saints be praised'
Now Jimmy Wong had left the gong and there was nobody else on the stone
So the old monk picks up the kid's boom stick and, man, did that gong groan!

{Next section is preceded by eerie sound effects and almost whispered with ghost story quaverings}
Were you ever alone in the astral zone where apparitions wail
And all space bleeds till your whole life reads, like the Book of the Dead in braille?
And time itself is the cutting shelf, and aeons flash like knives
And you manifest as a garden pest for your next nine hundred lives
While high above the Cosmic Love that crowns your guru's head
Rides right through and dazzles you, and leaves you there for dead?
And, yes, your guru cuts you loose though you chant for your very life
{Fast chanting noises – 'hummana, hummana, hummana'}
And he says, 'See you later, meditator', and he walks off with your wife (groan)

{Normal voice resumes}
Then of a sudden the booms resumed, so loud you scarce could hear
And all of the monks crept under their bunks and froze with a holy fear
As incense fumes filled up the room's vast grey and empty view
'The man's gone. Sounds like Vishnu's – well', says Dangerous Dan's guru
Well the music stopped, the gong stick dropped and clattered to the floor
Oh we trembled then like naked men on the Ganges River shore

The devotees he faced with ease, his eyes now clear and calm
But he tilted up his miso cup by a cracky (?) and he raised a toast to Ram
{Next bit spoken in southern drawl}
'Boys', said he, 'Now, y'all do Tai Chi and don't pay me no mind
She broke my heart, my karma won't start, my third eye's goin' blind
Now, I'd like to stay and humbly pray to Krishna's flute with you
But one of you levitators is a rotten tomato
And that one's, DAN'S GURU!'

The room went black. Crack, crack, crack! – two gats burned in the dark
The lights came on; their souls were gone; they both lay stiff and stark
Pitched on his side, pumped full of bad vibes, was Dangerous Dan's guru
And the anchorite lay where a double dorjay (?) had chopped all his chakras in two

Well that's the sutra, sutra yourselves, I've told you what I've seen
They say that the yogi who shot Shri Shri (?) was Dangerous Dan Levine
It seems Dan was the wag, left holding the bag, by that self same guru
And Wilma spoke through the saddlewood smoke,
'Mein guru, I gott'im you'

Author: Mikhail Horovitz

Copyright Roaring Steam Music BMI

Source: Various Artists 'Bring It On Home Vol 2' Legacy (Sony) JK 52998


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: _gargoyle
Date: 09 Nov 99 - 10:08 PM

Can scarcely believe the luck....

Was just shootin' the bull and swappin' recitin' the lines to this very thing today...(WS's original)

Did not expect to drop in here until the end of the month on a Holiday....but was stuck for lyrics....on something else ("The Highwayman" thought to be Tennison by three of us - it was not .... feel moritfied and soon to join the ranks of the slippery others)

THANX for a GREAT parody.... it should reclaim a miticum our esteem in the morrow....when we fess to our errors.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: Alice
Date: 09 Nov 99 - 10:18 PM

I have a special interest in parodies on the cult topic, and have written a few of my own about the cult that I have most researched. Here is my page on the subject click here


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: Micca
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 05:36 AM

ROFLMAOAHMS brilliant I'm sure old RWS would approve, Is there any truth in the suggestion that he wrote Eskimo Nell or is it just a clever parody of his style? He denied it in his lifetime I understand.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 09:14 AM

Thanks, Stewie! That is hilarious and I could see m'self in every line!:-) BTW, that is "dorje". The dorje is the sacred emblem of the Buddha of the North and symbolises the skillful means which help one understnd the true nature of things. It is used for destroying evil and nagativity through strength and wisdom.

katwhoisofftoheraums!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: Fortunato
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 10:24 AM

Stewie

I just channeled Bob Service. He'd have like a few garden variety Christian references in the parody, but in general he's flattered. Personally I laughed until I fell about the dojo and soiled myself.

See ya later, meditator, (God I love that) Fortunato


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:46 AM

SPLENDID!


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE SHOOTING OF DAN'S GURU (M Horowitz)
From: Greg F.
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 09:48 PM

I've always been a Service fan, and almost hurt myself several times reading the parody. A little net scrabbling turned up what purports to be the "authorized version":

THE SHOOTING OF DAN'S GURU
Copyright Mikhail Horowitz 1996, used with permission

A bunch of the monks were whoopin' it up
    in the Mantra Mute Saloon,
And Jimmy Wong who whacks the gong
    was boomin' an OM-time tune.
Back of the bar in a lotus squat
    sat Dangerous Dan's Guru,
And diggin' his light was Wilma White,
    who used to be a Jew.

When out of the night an anchorite
    schlepped up to the temple door,
Out of the drain of the Bardo Plane,
    the dregs of a psychic war.
I've ne'er seen a seeker, more moldy, or weaker,
    a real metaphysical mouse,
But his loincloth was droopy with oodles of rupee,
    and he cried out for "rice for the house!"
Now us monks couldn't place the yogi's face,
    though we searched our past lives for a clue;
But we blessed his treat, and the first to eat
    was Dangerous Dan's Guru.

Now there's men what somehow grip your mind
    and hold it like a rock,
And such was he. He looked to me
    like an old Zen cuckoo clock—
Kabuki hair and the crimson glare
    of an aura what's out of control.
And was it sweat, or tears of jet,
    that he dropped in his begging bowl?
Then it suddenly hit me who he was,
    and why he was out of sorts;
And watchin' him sup, just over her cup,
    was Wilm White, nee Schwartz.

His eyes went rubberin' round the room.
    He seemed to be Feldenkraised,
Until they fell on the temple bell,
    and he muttered, "Saints be praised!"
Now Jimmy Wong had left the gong.
    There was nobody else on the stone,
So the old monk picks up the kid's boom-stick
    and man, did that gong groan!

Were you ever alone in the Astral Zone,
    where apparitions wail,
And all space bleeds, 'til your whole life reads
    like the Book of the Dead, in Braille?
And Time itself is the cutting-shelf,
    and aeons flash like knives,
And you manifest as a garden pest
    for your next 900 lives?
While high above, the cosmic love
    that crowns your Guru's head
Rides right through, and dazzles you,
    and leaves you there for dead?
And yes—your Guru cuts you loose,
    though you chant for your very life,
Says, "See you later, meditator,"
    and walks off with your wife!

Then of a sudden the booms resumed,
    so loud you scarce could hear,
And all of the monks crept under their bunks
    and froze with a holy fear,
As incense fumes obscured the room's
    severe and dreary view.
"The man's gong sounds like Vishnu's schlong,"
    said Dangerous Dan's Guru.

The OM-ing stopped. The gonstick dropped
    and clattered to the floor.
We trembled then like naked men
    in the brothels of Bangalore.
The devotees he faced with ease,
    his eyes now clear and calm,
But he tilted up a miso cup
    and raised a toast to Ram;
And "Boys," said he, "y'all do tai chi
    and don't pay me no mind.
She broke my heart. My karma won't start.
    My third eye's goin' blind.
Now I'd like to stay and humbly pray
    to Krishna's flute with you,
But one of you here is a mother-fakir,
    and that's one's DAN'S GURU!"

The room went black, and crack! crack! crack!
    two ghats burned in the dark.
The lights come on. Their souls were gone,
    and both lay stiff and stark.
Pitched on his side, pumped full of bad vibes
    was Dangerous Dan's Guru,
And the anchorite lay where a double dorje
    had chopped all his chakras in two.

Well, that's the sutra; sutra self.
    I've told ya what I've seen.
They say that the yogi who shot Sri Sri
    was Dangerous Dan Levine.
Seems Dan was the wag left holding the bag
    by that self-same Guru,
And Wilma spoke, through the sandalwood smoke,
    but all that she said was, "So, nu?"

--------------------------------------
^^

Mikhail Horowitz, the Swingin' Sadhu, can be reached at:
Ulster Publishing Co., PO Box 3329, Kingston, NY 12402


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: Stewie
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 10:03 PM

Well, I didn't do too badly and he changed some of it in his live recitation. He left Vishnu's 'schlong' to the imagination - I was wondering what it could be when he just said 'well'.

Cheers, Stewie.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: Stewie
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 01:50 AM

I note that I missed the pun 'gat' and 'ghat'- he's a clever bugger - and Kat has explained 'dorje', but can someone tell me the reference in 'Bardo Plane'?

Thanks, Stewie.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: Alice
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 09:40 AM

The Bardo is the after death level (plane) before reincarnating to the next lifetime. See: The Tibetan Book of The Dead.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: GUEST,Mikhail Horowitz
Date: 14 Jun 04 - 04:54 PM

Glad you (and the other respondants) dug "Dan's Guru." I've been performing it since the early '80s, and, like all my stuff, it constantly evolves and changes, sometimes on the fly. The version reprinted by Greg F. is, in fact, the closest to an "authorized" version; it's taken from Michael Monteleone's Lord Buckley tribute website (lordbuckley.com). The version that Stewie heard on the Artie and Happy Traum anthology album was done live on their former WAMC (NPR) program, and Artie told me 5 minutes before we went on that I couldn't say "mother-fakir" (the single best pun in the piece) on the air; hence, the rather lame substitution of "one of you levitators is a rotten tomater," an uninspired ad lib that still makes me wince. If anybody's interested in similar stuff, there's a CD of my jazz fables, "The Blues of the Birth," available from Sundazed Records (sundazed.com) on their Euphoria! Jazz label, and a self-produced CD of gigs with my partner in literary and acoustic crime, Gilles Malkine (who briefly played bass and rhythm guitar in Tim Hardin's band), titled "Live, Jive, and Over 45" and available from the back seat of my old Ford. (That one features our rap version of "Waiting for Godot," among many other eminently unforgivable selections.) Peace, Mikhail


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 15 Jun 04 - 02:53 AM

terrific. Is there anywhere else I can read about your life career etc and other fings what you have writ?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: GUEST,Clouid Mountain
Date: 21 Feb 07 - 06:21 PM

The Shooting of Dan's Guru blows away all the tripe it parodies.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Add: The Shooting of Dan's Guru
From: GUEST,Gerry
Date: 22 Feb 07 - 05:58 PM

I sent the poem to a friend. His reply:

A Sadhu, but wiser, man is he.


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