BS: Chongo announces 2014 cleanup withdrawal

Subject: BS: Chongo announces 2014 cleanup withdrawal
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Aug 13 - 11:41 AM

I started a cleanup of my office/apartment about 12 years ago, figgerin' I'd tackle it a bit at a time so as not to wear myself out. Operation Endurin' Liberation, I called it. It ain't done yet. Matter of fact, I think it's provin' to be about as winnable a proposition as the USA presence in Afghanistan!

I am plannin' to make a strategic disengagement and a complete cessation of all further cleanin' attempts in 2014, declare "victory", and hope no one notices that the place looks a hell of a lot worse than it did when I started the old "cleanup" campaign.

- Chongo

p.s. If they do notice, I'll blame it on the "terrorists"...like Bobertz, for example.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo announces 2014 cleanup withdrawal
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 22 Aug 13 - 11:48 AM

Are you like me, Chongo? The more declutterers witter on, telling me how I ought to live, the more I cherish my clutter.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo announces 2014 cleanup withdrawal
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Aug 13 - 11:59 AM

Yup. I think the best thing is to learn to live with it. My place is approachin' "Perfect Storm" quality level at this point...kinda like Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Egypt...but I am learnin' to love it.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo announces 2014 cleanup withdrawal
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 22 Aug 13 - 12:10 PM

But it does have to smell okay. Things that stink ought to go.

My husband was yelling at me the other day because I touched the bag of meat wrappings that goes in the freezer till garbage day with hands that had touched meat. That bag might then touch another bag containing frozen food that will be cooked and eaten. He figured he was going to die of food poisoning, and all because of me.

Pray for me.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo announces 2014 cleanup withdrawal
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Aug 13 - 12:18 PM

"Things that stink ought to go."

I agree. That's why I keep advisin' my buddy Jack who is on the Chicago force to get rid of his damn police dog!

- Chongo

p.s. It don't like me. The feeling is mutual.

p.p.s. Prayers are comin' yer way.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo announces 2014 cleanup withdrawal
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 23 Aug 13 - 02:35 AM

Thanks, Chongo. You're a dear. But don't worry about me; things are pretty good in general.

Tomorrow we are having a 'slide show' on the DH's big tornado chase. Most of the guests will be engineers. Today I bought a planter shaped like an old=fashioned train, and I'm going to put gray salvia in the stack and black-eyed susans in the coal car. I think it will make the engineers feel more relaxed..

Most of them live in basements (the so-called family room) and have a diet of Gatorade and White Castle sliders. I thought our place, with its art, books and music, might be a little intimidating, so I bought the train.

The DH has been on two tornado chases. He says he is done, and I'm glad of it.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo announces 2014 cleanup withdrawal
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 13 - 08:30 AM

I can relate, as Chongo knows from my recent posts on another thread. I moved into this house in September, 2001. It was clean but cluttered as this is a bungalow and I moved an 11 room house of 13 years into it. Amos informed me a week before visiting that he would be visiting. I tried a bit at a time due to my health. On the day of the visit, I began at 6AM and only stopped for a cup of tea and, later, for a quick, light lunch. At 2PM, I declared victory and withdrew the troops. It was, most ceratinly, akin to the US withdrwal from Iraq. Amos and his cousin Gabe were marvellous company. They even helped me begin the process of untidying the place. Since Monday, I have managed to not fold and not put away two loads of laundry, not wash any dishes except one frying pan required for cooking... essentially, not do a damn bit of cleaning. With a hope and a prayer, normalcy will return in due time.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo announces 2014 cleanup withdrawal
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 23 Aug 13 - 09:52 AM

Yup. It ain't easy dealin' with domestic cleanup operations. Havin' a drink now and then and puttin' my feet up helps keep up my morale.

leeneia = What the heck is gray saliva? And where do you get it from? My friend Jack's damn dog produces saliva constantly, but it ain't gray, and I certainly ain't plannin' to bring any of it home.

You know what? That dog hates me. And I never done nothin' to deserve its hatred. Dogs are idiots as far as I'm concerned. They never shoulda been domesticated in the first place. See, if you are a Chimp and yer walkin' down the street, and say it's a nice quiet day...the postman says "Hi, Chongo. How's it goin'?"...everyone is actin' normal...then ya pass a fenced-in place with a dog, and all hell breaks loose. The miserable mutt goes absolutely nuts, charges foamin' against the fence, and raves on like a maniac. He is tellin' you that he wants to kill you, and would if the fence weren't in his way. He is still barkin' by the time yer 3 blocks away, and he gets all the other dogs barkin' too.

Dogs! They should all be shot as far as I'm concerned.

And what is DH? Damn Husband?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo announces 2014 cleanup withdrawal
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 23 Aug 13 - 12:12 PM

Hi Chongo. To address all that in chron order:

Not gray saliva, gray salvia. Salvia is a flower with blue spikes. I had some which dropped seeds, and the new generation had flowers of grayish white.

Dogs - I agree. On my corner is a small yard which once had two large dogs in it. In the evenings, the yuppies would walk their pure-bred dogs down my street (wouldn't want to get dogshit on their own block). They'd walk their own dog right past the fenced-in dogs, who would erupt into furious barking. These were creatures that would have had 3 or 4 square miles of territory, and now they were confined to a small yard. Naturally they wanted to defend it to the utmost. The yuppie's own dog, terrified and unable to run away, would cringe miserably. On a warm evening, this would happen about every 15 minutes.

The yuppies never seems to notice. Apparently they thought of dogs as accessories, not animals. Fortunately, the people with the two big dogs moved out, and our evenings are peaceful now.

Of course, that is not the problem with you, Chongo. Dogs bark at you because they are jealous of how good-looking and intelligent you are. "I'll NEVER walk on two legs." That's what they're saying.

DH: some days it's Dear Husband, other days it's Damn Husband. The term comes from websites on home sewing.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo announces 2014 cleanup withdrawal
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 13 - 01:49 PM

I have just finished vacuuming and such at Mum's. I keep her place spotless, thus proving I am not lazy but, rather, a little further from Dogliness. Besides, if I didn't, I would be on the receiving end of
a woman's work.

I have come to learn, after I learned to become a bachelor, that men often learn "the hard way". I refer to this methodology by a different name, that being "the indifferent way". We really don't give a sugar if it's dusty. As for clutter, these two references are actually separate concepts and these work in sequence such that, indifference continues until sufficient memory deterioration precludes indifference as an option which is learning the hard way. The following example illustrates my logic.

I really have to clean up my office because I can't find my son of a pup trailer licence tag dammit all ta h e double hockey sticks! Where in sweet fuddle duddle is my tag?!!! Ahhh, the Yella Stripes won't stop me. Even if I do get pulled over, I got the registration in me ass pocket and I paid for the tag so I can just say, "Really????" and march back to look in disbelief and say, "Ooohhh, I know what happened, officer (shaking my head in self-disgust). I got the tag in February and that trailer was arse deep in snow and I hd to wait for spring to stick it on but I just forgot about it. I'll do that as soon as I get home... wellll... if I can find it on my desk. My filing system is simple. It's one file marked "pile"." I will chuckle and shake my head in self-loathing and pity. Older cops will understand and rookies will take pity on an old man. Yeah, fuck the tag. I'll find it when I clean up. Hmmm... after I deliver this load a junk, I'll drop by the brown pop store on the way home, grab some cold ones and then I'll turn on some tunes reeeeal loud and clean this dump up. Right after the Pat's game. I wonder who's playin in the five o'clock game. Even if the Yella Striper thinks it's a ruse, I can always say, "Aw gee. Can't ya just check yer computer and find out if I paid?" Hmmm... he might say, "Well, the problem is that you could have used the sticker on another trailer. I can call and check to see if you have another trailer." Oh shit! I never turned in the plate on my old trailer up at Rocky's camp! Guess I'll just hit the powerhouse and clean this dump up. I wonder who is playin at nine thirty. Hope it doesn't rain tonight. That shit will get wet.

I have 24 hours to find the tag and take it to the cop shop or it's $55 for the RCMP and $10 for a new tag. Unfortunately, it's $55 for the missing annual inspection sticker and there's no way outta that. Indifference has become too hard in regard to clutter.