BS: Military Attack on Guam

Subject: BS: Military Attack on Guam
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 06 Dec 13 - 02:52 PM

2,000 US Troopers Parachute Into Guam

A US Force of 2,000 parachute troops¹ jumped into the forests in Guam in a fourth assault to combat foreign terrorists² who have made increasingly damaging attacks on natives of the island³, and numerous sabotage attacks⁴ on industrial installations.

The invading forces are believed to have entered the territory surreptitiously some years ago, possibly as early as the 1950, smuggled in on commercial cargo ships, but have increased in numbers over a period of time. Educational efforts to reduce the possibility of recruitment have been of limited success⁵.

Charges of genocide⁶ are expected in the World Court, based on the claim that total eradication of the invaders appears to be a goal of the US program. Objections to the use of "chemical warfare agents"⁷ are also likely.

1.          parachute troops = dead mice

2.          invaders = brown tree snakes

3.          natives = birds that snakes eat

4.          sabotage = $2 million per year damage to power distributions systems when suicide snakes blow the circuits.

5.          education efforts = snakes won't read the leaflets.

6.          genocide = that would be great in this case.

7.          Chemical Agent = Tylenol.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Military Attack on Guam
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Dec 13 - 03:15 PM

So, there are 2,000,000 snakes and 2,000 mice.

2,000,000 - 2,000 = 1,998,000 snakes left alive. Could be a long war at that rate.

Subject: RE: BS: Military Attack on Guam
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 06 Dec 13 - 05:30 PM

Maybe a saturation with loud music that gave the snakes headaches might induce them to take the Tylenol themselves. One tablet theoretically could kill 25(?) snakes or so if they could get them to divvy up and party on it.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Military Attack on Guam
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Dec 13 - 07:31 PM

You may be onto something, John. Bass music would work. Heavy bass music. Form the tablets in the shape of mice with teeny-weenie computer thingies that cause the tablets to vibrate in time to the loud low sound and, boom, there ya have it.

Subject: RE: BS: Military Attack on Guam
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 06 Dec 13 - 07:44 PM

I sort of had the thought that recyclable rubber mousies might be a useful idea, or maybe mouse shaped "gummie Tylenol" pills like some of the popular vitamin pills we see on the shelf at the pharm shops.

I've got a pretty good idea of some kinds of music that give me a headache, but haven't heard much about what's (un)popular with tree snakes of the kind that are a problem. Myabe just blasting them with Fox Radio would work? - or at least give then a "Rush" ...

John

Subject: RE: BS: Military Attack on Guam
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 13 - 09:21 PM

If a snake eats the mouse and dies and then is eaten by another snake and that snake dies and....

Subject: RE: BS: Military Attack on Guam
From: GUEST,naemanson
Date: 15 Dec 13 - 06:06 AM

Last Wednesday I went to a meeting at the school library. There were some kids "working" at a table in the back. One called us that there was a snake in the flower pot. We went to look and, sure enough, there was. It was a brown tree snake, about a foot and a half long. I picked up the flower pot to take it outside. It started to slither over the side. I knew if he got to the floor we would lose him so I grabbed him... around the middle... and got bit on the thumb.

At this point the question comes up about poison. There are some people on Guam who believe the snakes are poisonous. I have never been one of them. I heard early on that they are not. Now I was going to find out. The little bastard drew blood.

As I was carrying him outside he latched on to my pants (crotch level). I let him chew the fabric. Everything inside is safely tucked away from harm. I took him outside and beat him to death on the concrete.

For those of you who feel bad about that let me remind you there is an ecological disaster going on here in Guam. The snakes are an invasive species and have decimated the bird population. Next time you see birds flying overhead, enjoy the diversity and sight because we do not have that here. There are some sparrows and the ubiquitous pigeon, some frankolins, and that is about it.

Oh, and no poison. Not even any infection.

Subject: RE: BS: Military Attack on Guam
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Dec 13 - 08:26 AM

Rx: Banjos.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Military Attack on Guam
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 13 - 10:44 AM

That's it! Give the snakes banjos and EVERYONE and EVERYTHING will beat them to death. Snakes play the banjo with their tails, and do whatever fretwork is possible with their head and teeth. A poisonous snake can make a banjo swell up so much you'd swear the snake was playing a double bass, except the sound's a lot worse than either a dbouble bass OR a banjo. If you ever see a banjo with the neck all full of little punctures you know it's been played by a snake.