BS: Complete Knobhead club

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 12 Apr 14 - 02:19 AM

We'd noticed...

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 10:34 PM

You folks will enjoy this piece of cod which passeth all understanding

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: olddude
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 10:02 PM

I don't speak English I speak mountain redneck

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 07:33 AM

Hey - There were 144 posts as at the last post. Does that make Ed a gross knobhead? (Sorry Ed - Had to be done :-) )

Shame I just spoiled it...

D.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 06:34 AM

Don't let cheese bind you up.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 06:26 AM

I can't test it because I am in an open plan office and don't have my earphones but Dennis Moore should give you plenty of lupins.

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: gnu
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 06:18 AM

RIGHT! Give us yer lupins.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Musket
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 06:00 AM

Cheese.

Thats another word that means something different in The USA and Canada than it does over here.





Trust me.....

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Musket
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 05:59 AM

I watched "Trainspotting" whilst in Santa Monica a few years ago. It made my day to see subtitles....

Bloody Scottish, always said nay bugger understands them.....

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 05:53 AM

"U.K. regional dialects , such as Scots, Irish, Welsh, and Northern English are hard for foreigners to understand (and Cockney is impossible). So don't speak like the BBC does these days :-)"

I was recently in the Dominican Republic on vacation. The hotel had a mix of Canadian, British and USA guests.

I overheard an amusing comment that a hotel employee made, that I overheard, while she was giving a brief lesson on speaking local spanish. She said, "most employees here speak some level of French, German, Spanish, Italian and English. If you speak English, we will understand you best if you speak in a American or Canadian style. If you are British, please speak more slowly, as our staff may have difficulty understanding you"

Following her presentation, I took her aside and cautioned that some British guests msy find this statement, though accurate, somewhat insensative . :)




English web content advice 

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 05:48 AM

I don't mind improvements, Ed, but a lot of changes are not, to my mind, improvements. Why change, as Musket says, car to automobile? Others include pavement to sidewalk, pram to bay carriage and, for some inexplicable reason, tap to faucet!

Still,I actually have no bone to pick about the actual usage and fully understand that American English is just another dialect, like Geordie but harder to understand :-) I am taking exception to Jack's bold statement that English is 'our language'.

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Musket
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 04:52 AM

I'd certainly agree with regard to cars, or automobiles in that multi syllable word that you reckons improves on proper English :-)

When I rent a car in The States or Canada, I am frankly surprised that such quality, even from some manufacturers who make a European version, is accepted. Ford could never get away with the quality of the dash plastics or shut lines on the body work if they tried to sell it here. The likes of Chrysler do try, but are seen as a cheap quality alternative, and tend to be priced accordingly.

Someone once pt forward a reason for this in a car magazine. They said that post war, car ownership took off much faster in The USA as we were all skint. This meant that buying a UK car was an event, an addition to the family whilst it fast became a more commodity item in The States, hence the expectation of quality.

Although the '70s were the nadir of British car quality, they still thought we wanted wooden dashboards and nice smelling leather...

A friend bought a brand new Mustang not that long ago and had it shipped over. It had a live rear axle.... We stopped doing them in 1974, when the Cortina went to MkIV. One of my favourite Top Gear car tests was of an American car that had been released over here. Richard Hammond, reviewing it took it on the A15 between Lincoln and Scunthorpe on account of it being the longest straight road we have with no bends....



By the way, there is no North American improved English that made it global on merit. You almost got there when you mentioned Microsoft. American software ruled the commercial grab hence the American take up. I even see things written by younger people at the 'uni written in American. Thats when the students realise this assessor is a pedant of the first order....

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 03:27 AM

The original source of English may have been from England. But, improvements, made for international useage, (versus local flavour) and exclusions of redundancies, has been from North America. A case in point is more people, globally, use the "North America improved English, versus the former dominant olde England version (a comparison would be an early version of microsoft word, versus the newest version).
:)

It is much like the automobile, which few would argue that has more of an original source from the USA. However,most of the improvements, which define todays auto, are not from the USA.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 03:11 AM

We've been waiting for weeks for a blooming meerkat toy after buying insurance with comparethemarket.com. It's Oleg the baby with his 'grub', and our neighbours' little ones are desperate to get it. Now I'm waiting desperately for my Knob badge. Will it be life size or larger? Will our lovely village postman bring it and want a signature? (Contents - 1 Knob. Sign here please...) If so, it'll be all over the village in no time. "She had a knob delivered you know. Always thought she was a bit strange."

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 02:57 AM

They seem to know our words but not our language

Jack, WTF are you on about? What is this language called? I'll tell you, English. Why? Because it is from England. Now, what were you saying about your language?

You have just gone one step up in the membership stakes.

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 01:58 AM

Aye but me Aunty Chrissie's boarding house on Lord St was upper crust when it came to bread. Hovis for brown, Mother's Pride for white. She were proud o' that.

The gong went every morning at 8.30 for breakfast. 6.00 for tea. (You could have a 5.30 sitting if you had tickets for a show. Danny La Rue supported by Lovelace Watkins.

Now. There's a thing....



Funnily enough I was in Blackpool the other week. Stayed at The Carlton. Not a patch on Aunty Chrissie's. (A real Aunty rather than the old habit of referring to parents' friends as such. Me Dad's cousin.)

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 11 Apr 14 - 12:42 AM

Gnu and Ed, What are these alien creatures? They seem to know our words but not our language?

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 05:02 PM

And they never had crumpets in Blackpool boarding hoses in my day. Warburtons thick toastie, blackened under a gas grill and spread with greasy marge was the closest :-)

Aye but we were snobs. None o' yer Blackpool for us. A week in August, same place every year, Mrs Flannelfoot's Guest House in Cleveleys, it was. Pissed down and blew a gale every time but it was just right for sending all your enemies postcards telling 'em you wished they were here. If you could spend one afternoon huddled against the wind behind the breakwater, you put "lovely weather" on the cards. Aye, Warburton's Toastie Loaf wi' Stork every day. 'Ome from 'ome it were.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 03:52 PM

"Men are simpler than you imagine my sweet child. But what goes on in the twisted, tortuous minds of women would baffle anyone." 
― Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 03:46 PM

While it is not the intended purpose of an knobhead club to attract weirdness, there seems to be plenty of it milling about?

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 03:38 PM

Blackpool boarding houses... where the landladies insisted you didn't put the po under the bed, as the steam from the wee rusted the springs.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 03:29 PM

the wrong side of The Pennines. As a Lancastrian now living in North Yorkshire I don't know which bit of me is insulted!

And they never had crumpets in Blackpool boarding hoses in my day. Warburtons thick toastie, blackened under a gas grill and spread with greasy marge was the closest :-)

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 03:18 PM

Will the knobhead club house have a day care attached? After all, knobhead women deserve a night out without the kids at their sides.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: olddude
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 03:08 PM

Forgiveness starts when one realizes the other guy is bat shit crazy

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: gnu
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 02:10 PM

If the TCKC is defunkified, can The Complete Knucklehead Club use the acronym? I am not just a reader, I am a member... of longstanding.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 01:45 PM

Scotch pancakes (griddle cakes) on the other hand, are made from a drop of batter (flour, egg and milk) cooked on a griddle or hot pan, turned until brown on both sides, and spread with...yes!
I'd love a knob of butter Dave, thank you.
This seems to have drifted a bit from The Complete Knobheads' Club.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 11:47 AM

Complete knob of butter head club?

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 11:11 AM

As a lad we had pikelets. I live 50 miles away from there now and we buy the same things but they are called crumpets.

So that'll be me then Dave. There again my uncle used to tell me they were funny buggers on the wrong side of The Pennines.

I can't recall what they called them at my Aunty's boarding house in Blackpool. Possibly called them optional extras.....

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: gnu
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 11:08 AM

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Pikelet may refer to:
Pikelet, a regional type of crumpet
Pikelet, a type of pancake found in Australia and New Zealand
Pikelet, stage name of Australian musician Evelyn Morris
Pikelet, a North Staffordshire delicacy. A thicker form of oatcake with raisins added.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 06:23 AM

Just a knob of butter, Eliza :-) But whoever said a crumpet and a pikelet were the same thing is edging onto the list...

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 06:23 AM

"Today's muffin top and spandex parade was brought to you by the good patrons of Wal-Mart."

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 06:20 AM

And, then there are muffin tops, and here's a toast to all of 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 05:57 AM

Now, muffins come in 2 types. Spongy, sweet, cakey things covered in sticky, sugary icing, in a paper case. Ugh. Not on my agenda at all.
And... delicious, savoury, bread-like, flat, crusty things you toast and smother in butter. Yes!
Now, crumpets also come in 2 types. A fatless but very calorific flat bready thing with holes in the top (as described so well above) which one eats dripping in high-cholesterol (and who cares, so what?) butter.
And... A rather tasty young lady with large Bristols, curvy hips and long blond hair. I eat lots of the former, but sadly, I'm not and never have resembled the latter.
And cholesterol (as scientists are now admitting, the fools) never did me or anyone else any harm!!
After this boring and endless crumpet lecture, do I now qualify for my Knobhead Badge please? (Is it in the form of a Knob or what??)

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 03:06 AM

Crumpets or pikelets as they are known on some areas have lots of bicarbonate of soda in the pancake mix and rise when baked with long bubbles running through them to give a spotty top appearance.

As Eliza notes, this makes them a sponge for butter. I was brought up on them and we occasionally buy them still.

Crumpet in the singular is also British and is referenced mainly in old Carry On films.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Apr 14 - 02:54 AM

No, there's nowt fried in there, and less than 2000 calories. Can't be Scottish.

For those on the far side of the ditch, crumpet has vital statistics 36F 26 36, five foot eight, blonde hair.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Apr 14 - 08:36 PM

I just looked up 'crumpet'. According to Wiki, the English type, as compared with the Scottish type, greatly resembles what we in the US call English muffins. The Scots, on the other hand, seem to like cooked on-one-side pancakes that they also call crumpets.

Is this right?

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 09 Apr 14 - 06:43 PM

And crumpets, dripping with butter. Essential for tip-top efficiency.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: gnu
Date: 09 Apr 14 - 06:40 PM

Lettuce? Sounds healthy to me. How am I suppose to put in a hard day's work at sitting my ass at the keyboard on lettuce? I need sustenance. Sausages for my arteries, maple slurpup for my pancreas (why is that plural? is there a spare?), eggs for my cholesterol, bananas for my irradiation... I need REAL food. Otherwise, my days at trying to become a true and worthy Knobhead seem... sigh... unattainable.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 09 Apr 14 - 05:46 PM

Sausage butty - Colloquially known as pigs dick in lettuce.

D.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: gnu
Date: 09 Apr 14 - 02:44 PM

What's the official breakfast served at conventions? Pancakes and sausages?... I hope. With maple slurpup, of course. Goes without sayin, eh?

When is the next Knobbrekky? I am felling peckish.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 08 Apr 14 - 09:39 PM

Did he eats the brewer's yeast or... you know...

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 08 Apr 14 - 06:49 PM

Matthew Hogg's body produces its own alcohol....

sign him up 

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 14 - 09:59 AM

It's got a nice beat and it's easy to dance to. I'll give it a ninety-five.

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 08 Apr 14 - 09:45 AM

squirrel sounds 

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 08 Apr 14 - 09:44 AM

Don't wear Ukrainian underpants!

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 08 Apr 14 - 09:43 AM

They are not allowed membership, (say no more).

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 08 Apr 14 - 09:32 AM

How radioactive is a Chernobyl Squirrel?

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Ed T
Date: 08 Apr 14 - 08:41 AM

""Depending on where they are grown, —one ounce of Brazil nuts may contain as much as 10 times the Recommended Daily Allowance (RDA) recommendation for selenium intake. The Food and Nutrition Board of the National Academy of Sciences has set the Tolerable Upper Intake Level (UL) of selenium intake at 400 mcg per day

""

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Musket
Date: 08 Apr 14 - 08:30 AM

100


Back of the net

Subject: RE: BS: Complete Knobhead club
From: Musket
Date: 08 Apr 14 - 08:29 AM

They aren't nuts, are they? I thought they were the kernel.

Or I've been watching QI on Dave channel again...