BS: Never...

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Firecat
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 06:33 PM

...play bongos walking down the stairs.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 08:02 AM

...fry bacon in the nude.

...go barefoot to snake stomping.

...go anywhere in your vehicle without a magnetic key holder stuck to the inside of your bumper. (Remember to stick a spare key in it.)

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 10:43 AM

....do unto others what you would rather not have done to you (or something like that)

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 10:54 AM

Oh, I don't know. Role reversal can be fun!

I do the ironing whilst she lays on the settee farting.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 11:18 AM

...forget that your dinner had a lot of hot sauce which is likely still on your fingers and in your moustaches, even if dinner was a couple of hours before the post-prandial sex!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: artbrooks
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 11:34 AM

(1) Never put your cell phone in that neat cell phone pocket down by your knee.

(2) Never put trou in the laundry without carefully checking all of the pockets.

(3) Anybody got a cell phone they don't need any more?

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 03:13 PM

"...fry bacon in the nude."

arrgghh... had almost forgotten that!

Well, not nude, just no shirt. Leaned against a doorway next to stove where wife was frying bacon. It got me in the armpit! Tender for 2-3 days.

Ok...

"Never let go of what you have hold of till you have hold of something else."
    -1st law of wing-walking, adapted to employment

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 04:00 PM

... at a loss

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Gurney
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 04:40 PM

Try to dry damp chili powder in the microwave. Burning chili will kill you. Your lungs STOP.

Kick your keys to the curb/kerb if you drop them whilst crossing a busy road. At least, not without being sure there are no drains there.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 04:59 PM

Never gorilla glue your guitar pick to your fingers.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 07:35 PM

...sleep with anyone crazier than you.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 07:49 PM

""sleep with anyone crazier than you.""

I have done that. It wasn't that bad.:)

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 07:59 PM

Never confuse blow, with suck, if you work in the vacuum machine sector.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 05:59 AM

"Never let go of what you have hold of till you have hold of something else."

That law might apply to employment, wing walking, tree climbing ...

but it's the opposite of what you should do with relationships.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 10:57 AM

... let the loo run out of paper

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Rahere
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 11:28 AM

Put your trust in Princes. Or Civil Servants.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Janie
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 11:44 AM

Adding to the advice regarding hot peppers - Never change your nephew's diaper within 6 hours of handling hot peppers, even after washing your hands thoroughly.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bert
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 12:52 PM

I guess I'll have to add this one, since you all didn't. I thought it would have been one of the first responses.

...hit seventeen when you play against the dealer...

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 01:01 PM

Well Bert,

I didn't add it because I've never heard it before and I haven't a clue what it means. Maybe I've led too sheltered a life.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 01:36 PM

Whoo, man! I always get a five or better when I hit seventeen.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 02:41 PM

""Never let go of what you have hold of till you have hold of something else.""


..but it's the opposite of what you should do with relationships.

Oh right.... there the idea is not to let go at all--just 'add' ☺

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 03:21 PM

From: dick greenhaus - PM
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 07:35 PM

...sleep with anyone crazier than you.
But surely, in a two person relationship, one, or other, must be sleeping with someone crazier than themselves!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 04:39 PM

Thinking back, I must have been crazy to sleep with some of them.

Though if sleep was the predominant feature , I must be slipping..

I love Mudcat. Occasionally I can allow myself to be as deluded as some of those who take themselves seriously.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 07:52 PM

Never try a shortcut in a parking structures. Parking structures are designed by followers of M.C. Escher, and a shortcut will always take you further from your car.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 08:18 PM

". . . in the field of human conflict . . ."
just typing that, I can hear the voice (mentally).

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 08:27 PM

Never purchase clothes a few sizes smaller, expecting that this will encourage you to work hard to fit into them.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 09:29 PM

Never... EVER piss me off on a Friday.

Last warning!

~Susan

Subject: ADD: Summer Wages (Ian Tyson)
From: Bert
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 12:18 AM

Topsie, it is from the song Summer Wages by Ian Tyson

        
Ian Tyson - Summer Wages (Chords)


Intro C F C G C
          C
Never hit seventeen
                F
When you play against the dealer
       C
You know that the odds
                        G
Won't ride with you
       C
Never leave your woman alone
                F
With your friends around to steal her
                C
She'll be gambled and gone
                        G
Like summer wages


And we'll keep rollin on
Till we get to Vancouver
And the lady that I love
Shes living there
Its been six long months
And more since I've seen her
Maybe she's gambled and gone
Like summer wages

(Chorus)G
       In all the beer parlors
                F               C
       All down along Main Steet
                C
       The dreams of the season
                F                         G
       Are spilled down on the floor
                   G
       All the big stands of timber
          F                        C
       Wait there just for fallin'
                C
       The hookers stand watchfully
             F             G
       Waitin by the door

I'm going to work on them towboats
With my slippery city shoes
Lord I swore I would never do that again
Through the great fog bound straights
Where the cedars stand waitin
I'll be lost and gone
Like summer wages
(Break - fiddle same as verse)

(Chorus)
Never hit seventeen
When you play against the dealer
You know that the odds
Won't ride with you
Never leave your woman alone
With your friends around to steal her
She'll be gambled and gone
Like summer wages
F                         C
And the years are gambled and lost
                      G C      G C
Like summer wages

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Don Firth
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 01:25 AM

...slap somebody who's chewing tobacco.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 04:02 AM

Sounds like a good song but I'm still none the wiser - I assume it is a reference to a card game, as it involves a dealer.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: gnu
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 06:11 AM

Blackjack, topsie.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 08:30 AM

". . . rub another man's rhubarb": The Joker (Batman 1989)

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 09:34 AM

I find 16 to be difficult hand. I usually raise the dealer.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 09:51 AM

I would have expected you to be less than traditional/predictable, Musket, than holding at 16, where the odds of busting are 62 percent.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 11:20 AM

Never put the keys on the car seat while you gather your things.
Invariably you will forget them as you close and lock the door.
Done that.

Though my car, like (most?) (all?) other cars, can be locked by
using a button or lever when exiting, I "never" (knock wood) use
that means of locking; I use the remote lock function of the
electronic fob that came with the car, and thus "almost always"
have both of those locking means in my hand before I close the
door. I would never, these days, buy a car without the remote
access function built in.

When I have, in the past, locked myself out of the car, the keys were
to be found not on the car seat but in the ignition slot.
That's how I learned always to use the remote access/exit fob.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Bryn Pugh
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 11:52 AM

Eat Yellow Snow . . . (unless the handwriting is your own).

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 12:52 PM

62% aren't bad odds to play against if you intend to beat the house, although that is rarely the odds as it depends on the cards in play at any time. That's why I usually raise the dealer and get the next card. I never hold at 16.

That said, if other players have been twisting with cards faced, you can guesstimate the odds back a bit depending on what has drawn from the shoe. I do not have the quick calculations or memory recall of decent players but I reckon it works more times than it doesn't.

Been a while since I played last though. I let my membership lapse at the club I used when I stopped spending half my ruddy life in London.




Never play a greyhound at cards. He may be poker faced but every time you deal him a good hand his tail starts wagging.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 03:18 AM

I would have expected you to be less than traditional/predictable, Musket, than holding at 16, where the odds of busting are 62 percent.
Even excluding Musket's comments about other players cards, if you have been dealt 16 (in two cards), the chance that the next card will 'bust' you is 60%, not 62%

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 03:50 AM

Never hijack a thread with disputations on the niceties of the scoring system of an obscure card game. Just look it up in Hoyle, why dontcha!

≈M≈

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 03:52 AM

Note to self:

Never be so bloody pompous and prescriptive again!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 12:17 PM

I would think that would mean ALWAYS play greyhounds at cards, since they have tells? Or never play cards if you're a dog? Unless you are tailless? Unless you're one of those tailless breeds that just wags their whole body in the absence of a tail?

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 06:12 PM

"He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces." (Mark Twain)

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 07:21 PM

Don't eat prickly pear fruits whilst out on a ramble. I did this last week in Lipari, and I have a degree in botany. I peeled the fruit so carefully so as to get those little spines off, but it didn't work. Thirty seconds of gustatory delight, followed by two days of picking the little spikes out of my lips and tongue. Not what you want, believe me!

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Joe_F
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 08:30 PM

Never put off till tomorrow what you can put off till the day after tomorrow.

Never let it be denied that I couldn't help but fail to disagree with you less.

Never discuss religion or politics while sober.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Never trust a man who doesn't have enemies.

Never express yourself more clearly than you think.

Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 10:56 PM

""Prickly pear trees don't produce peaches.""

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Janie
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 11:41 PM

Ooh, Steve. I have done the same. Not fun.

Excuse the bit of thread drift, but Steve's post reminds me - I have read some from the journals of those on the Lewis & Clark expedition. Along the mid and further reaches of the Missouri River where portages were necessary, prickly pear was common. By that time boots had worn out and most of the men were reliant on elk-hide moccasins, which provided little protection from the spines of the prickly pear. Caused crippling hardship, suffering and delay in the party's journey to the Pacific coast. Many journal entries regarding this.

To bring it back around to topic, never wade through prickly pear thickets without thick, hard boots.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 12:46 AM

My neighbor planted some prickly pear. Never do that. Thick,hard boots might protect you from the thorns you can see, but the p.p. also has tiny, sharp filaments which are almost invisible and are hard to get out of your skin.

When the plant is done with the filaments, it sheds them, and wind and rain spread them into nearby soil. Not a good idea.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Frank
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 02:54 AM

NEVER Pass up a chance of having a wee
NEVER trust a fart
NEVER waste an erection

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 04:44 AM

Mrrzy obviously doesn't play cards for the enjoyment. There is no sport in cheating and watching the greyhound's tail would be cheating in my book. Hence not good to play cards with him.

Note to self. Concur with Michael's last post.

Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bert
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 12:15 PM

Pee in a hedgerow, 'cos there's and electric fence on the other side.