BS: Fear the holiday jello

Subject: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: olddude
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 03:59 PM

No need to fear Muslims, Christians, atheists or anyone else. Fear the holiday jello. The green stuff with fruit, red stuff with coleslaw. Horror of horrors.
While I am at my rant, that thing called a fruit cake is pretty darn scary also. It weights 40 lbs and has a half life of 4000 years..

Very scary time of the year

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 05:54 PM

And the old, dusty, haven't been out of the attic in years, creepy relatives ((shudder)).

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 06:31 PM

And jello with tiny marshmallows!

(Shh, don't tell anyone. I like fruitcake!)

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 06:41 PM

At Christmas?

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 06:49 PM

Pour brandy over your fruitcake and light it. Finish the bottle, toss the fruitcake after sucking it dry.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: olddude
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 07:44 PM

Fruit cake, it's a weapon my aunt uses at Xmas to tell me I have not visited enough. That's when I get one. If you dropped it on your foot you would need crutches. However, if I were a prepper, I would stockpile. They never spoil cause the bacteria don't even like them

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 07:49 PM

My heart feels for you...but my arms can't reach.

My fruitcake ages three years ...soaked in rum, burbon, brandy...before it is "educated" enough to present to polite society.

My eggnog is also lifted by the gentle trinity....its original seminal creation goes back with a DNA testing of 20 years ago from the White House Press Corp...and a legend 30 years before that.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle
Cream, eggs, sugar and booze in equal parts...accented with vanilla and nutmeg. The floating block of ice cream was for teetotalers.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: olddude
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 08:51 PM

Greg can I send you my collection of the cakes. Jjust don't send them back with jello

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 09:06 PM

It seems to be time to visit a Mudcat Tavern and Recovery Ward (there are always a few malingerers).

Suitable jello music.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: olddude
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 09:39 PM

Jaws perfect yes it is.. You nailed it, now if we could get all the sharks to eat every bit of jello forever, I would stop fishing as a thank you

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 09:52 PM

Or as a thank you, you could flash freeze and ice coat some fresh fish and mail it to me overnight Express Mail. My brother sent me a searun steelhead that way one time - it was wonderful! (Of course, that fish didn't have to slog through miles of Jello^® before it was caught by a commercial fishing vessel).

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: olddude
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 10:29 PM

I really will this spring just remind me. Gosh I just gave away a beautiful one that I froze for my kid. I am also heading to Alaska this summer so I will get you covered. I only keep them if I know someone wants them.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 10:30 PM

As I sat in my window last evening
The letterman brought it to me
A little gilt-edged invitation sayin'
"Gilhooley come over to tea"
I knew that the Fogarties sent it.
So I went just for old friendships sake.
The first thing they gave me to tackle
Was a slice of Miss Fogarty's cake.

Chorus: There were plums and prunes and cherries,
There were citrons and raisins and cinnamon, too
There was nutmeg, cloves and berries
And a crust that was nailed on with glue
There were caraway seeds in abundance
Such that work up a fine stomach ache
That could kill a man twice after eating a slice
Of Miss Fogarty's Christmas cake.

Miss Mulligan wanted to try it,
But really it wasn't no use
For we worked in it over an hour
And we couldn't get none of it loose
Till Murphy came in with a hatchet
And Kelly came in with a saw
That cake was enough be the powers above
For to paralyze any man's jaws

Miss Fogarty proud as a peacock,
Kept smiling and blinking away
Till she flipped over Flanagans brogans
And she spilt the homebrew in her tea
Aye Gilhooley she says you're not eatin,
Try a little bit more for me sake
And no Miss Fogarty says I,
For I've had quite enough of your cake

Maloney was took with the colic,
O'Donald's a pain in his head
Mc'Naughton lay down on the sofa,
And he swore that he wished he was dead
Miss Bailey went into hysterics
And there she did wriggle and shake
And everyone swore they were poisoned
Just from eating Miss Fogarty's cake

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 10:50 PM

I really wondered how long.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: olddude
Date: 09 Dec 15 - 01:29 AM

Awesome from one of my favorite performers also Lol

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Dec 15 - 07:54 AM

If someone wants one! The credible response is "who wouldn't want one?" It's a lot of work and cost to ship, so I'll cover it.

Back to the fearsome jello . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Will Fly
Date: 09 Dec 15 - 08:03 AM

Doesn't Pavarotti sing its praises at the end of the "Nessum Dorma" aria in "Turandot". You know the line, which rises up and up...

"Hey, jello.... hey, jello.... hey, JE-E-E-LLO!"

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: gillymor
Date: 09 Dec 15 - 08:12 AM

I wonder if Coz ever slipped a roofie in a Jello parfait?

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Dec 15 - 09:55 AM

A Jello mold should be considered an act of devotion, not an item of food. It's an expression of familial love in the form of short-lived ephemeral folk art. It's almost like a Tibetan sand painting. Nobody's expected to eat a sand painting, so why should one be expected to eat Jello?

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: olddude
Date: 09 Dec 15 - 11:01 AM

Bee great point thank you

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Mingulay
Date: 09 Dec 15 - 11:50 AM

I have been messaged by the Squid to say that the jello pit has been prepared at the Mudcat Tavern, and he is lurking beneath the glossy surface ready to pounce.

Taverners beware!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 10:18 AM

My mother used to make a dish called Green Glop - lime jello, cottage cheese, pineapple and (I fear) marshmallows. Naturally the kids wanted to eat that rather than turkey, vegetables or even pumpkin pie.

[[shudder]]

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: olddude
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 10:32 AM

Leenia
The horror, the horror.. It's child abuse. Oh did we have the same mom?

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: olddude
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 12:52 PM

I have seen fruit cakes you would need a chain saw to cut. One bite and it would suck all the fluid out of your body. You would look like one of those sand mummies

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: David C. Carter
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 02:06 PM

My mother made the fruit cake that sank the Titanic

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: gillymor
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 02:10 PM

My mother's fruitcake, bless her heart, could have served as a counterweight on a 40 ton crane.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: David C. Carter
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 02:22 PM

You'ed need a 40 ton crane to lift my mother's fruit cake.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Anne Lister
Date: 11 Dec 15 - 08:16 AM

We only eat jelly (that's the UK version of jello) as part of a trifle, with a heavy dosage of sherry in the sponge cake layer. Although I confess to enjoying jelly in its naked state and have been known to eat cubes of the non-made-up block. However, when I saw what you Americans do to it, to make it into a salad ingredient, I was appalled. It's a dessert. Repeat after me: it's a dessert. It does not go with coleslaw or lettuce. It's a dessert.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 15 - 10:15 AM

It's evil annie. In all forms. It likes to pretend it's harmless, then it comes alive at night and attacks your pet.. Eeeevvviiilll

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Dec 15 - 10:28 AM

My Russian dancer grandmother married a Quaker, so no booze allowed in the fruitcake - so she made it in January and let it ferment all year. Since Mom made the hard sauce that was plenty full of brandy or something, and that fruitcake with the hard sauce was a marvelously alcoholic dessert, with none of the booze burned off (though flambeeing is awfully pretty). I was afraid of that fruitcake as a child, though!

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 11 Dec 15 - 10:44 AM

Mrrzy, you may be the only person on this thread who has actually eaten fruitcake.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: olddude
Date: 11 Dec 15 - 10:59 AM

Fear the fruit cakes also my friends

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 15 - 02:09 PM

Speaking of chainaws and fruitcake, there may be a folk art possibility with that cake?

Below is an interesting site where artists meet food.


Food as art 

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Dec 15 - 02:18 PM

""An elderly man died suddenly...durning the autopsy they found he had chicken salad for his lunch and over the last 5 years had eaten 3 pieces of fruitcake.""

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Dec 15 - 06:00 PM

Use jello to make music

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 11:28 AM

The fearsome thing I recall, which I don't see anybody else bearing witness to,
was orange jello with grated carrots suspended in it.

I mean, why?!

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Charmion
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 11:56 AM

The Jell-O is "for fancy", and the grated carrot provides just enough fun-free nutrition to give hard-shell Protestants an excuse to eat Jell-O. Trust me on this; I'm an Anglican.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 01:44 PM

Fun free nutrition for fancy, eh? Roughage suspended in gelatin. Now, orange jello with seedless green grapes, when I was a child that did me no harm, and I could even tolerate banana slices in the mix. Can't say I miss it now.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 09:10 AM

The holiday season is a time when people get the urge to be "creative" in a caftsy sort of way. Holiday gelatin desserts are the culinary equivalent of Christmas ornaments made of popcorn and raw cranberries. They scratch the creative itch without having to go to the trouble of actually mastering a skill. And, like the popcorn and cranberry ornaments, the birds will enjoy eating them after the holidays are over.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: gnu
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 01:05 PM

Yo DAN! Did you get the emergency rations of Jell-O I sent you for Kissmeass? Well, I didn't actually send them. I wrote to Sandy Claws on your behalf.

Odd thing. I got a lump of compressed carbon.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 09:22 PM

Ain't no such thing as Sandy Claws.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Mr Red
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 04:42 AM

Fuitcake and mincemeat have candied peel. AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING...............

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 10:12 AM

Everyone knows the spread of mad cow disease via jello.

You have to heat the jello to729 degrees to be safe from prion protein folding problems.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 03:50 PM

Jello is one of the things not mentioned in the song "Hopelessly Midwestern"

A friend once had a party, the theme of which was the song title.... and one of the required dishes was Jello with marshmallows. (along with green bean casserole)

Several of us at the party knew exactly why it was all appropriate.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Dec 16 - 09:29 PM

From Danville Illinois, I too am hopelessly Midwestern.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: Bob Hitchcock
Date: 28 Dec 16 - 10:01 PM

I spent a few days at my mother in law's cabin in Western Illinois a few years ago. At the pot luck dinner there were a number of jell-o dishes, the most disgusting of all was (I am not making this up) grape jell-o with ground beef and baco bits suspended in it, it was horrible. One small spoonful and I was ready to swear off ever going to the midwest again.

Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: frogprince
Date: 29 Dec 16 - 03:00 PM

The women in our rural Minnesota neighborhood had a loosely defined "women's club", from whence my mother acquired one memorable jello recipe. Actually, all I remember was that it included graham crackers soaked down to a sludge. The jury acquitted my father and I after just a few minutes of deliberation.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Dec 16 - 04:46 PM

I still don't get it with the grated carrots.

Subject: RE: BS: Fear the holiday jello
From: EBarnacle
Date: 30 Dec 16 - 11:29 AM

My friends down in Maine make a mighty fine fruitcake and used to make sure I got one every year. Somehow, it never made it past Chinese New Year.

As far as Jello goes, watch the first made for TV movie of Doc Martin. It will give you a fair horror of receiving anonymous Jello and its contents