BS: Soiling your pants in public

Subject: Soiling your pants in public
From: GUEST,Mark Skidz
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 01:57 PM

My wife just gossiped about one of her friends in her 60s who has joined a dating agency.
On one date in the summer she met a dapper old gent in a restaurant.
He was wearing a smart white suit.
Half way through the meal he hastily excused himself and bolted for the gents.
When he came back she noticed a brown patch on the seat of his trousers.
He sat back down and continued the date as if nothing had happened.
After the meal she declined his invitation to continue the evening elsewhere.

Which brings to mind the question, when did you last have an 'accident' in public, and how did you cope ?

It's mudcat, it's the weekend; let's see if this thread sinks or floats.

Subject: RE: Soiling your pants in public
From: GUEST,Mark Skidz
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 01:59 PM

First thing, mods please flush this thread down to BS.

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: Joe Offer
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 02:17 PM

Floosh!!!

...down to the non-music section.

I had a couple incidents when I was a kid, particularly one when the school bus ride was a lot longer than it usually was. Seems like back in the 50s, kids weren't always allowed to use the bathroom when they needed to.

Now that I'm past 65, I wonder if this is going to become an issue again. So far, so good.

-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: EBarnacle
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 02:50 PM

Many years ago, before my lactose intolerance was diagnosed, I was often aromatic but not usually stained. Everything seems to be under control for the last few years.

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: GUEST,#
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 03:14 PM

Just goes to prove that some people give a $hit and some don't.

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: gnu
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 03:28 PM

I haven't yet but I would certainly not carry on a date after such. I'd explain and offer a drive home. "... she declined his invitation to continue the evening elsewhere." I would think so!

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: Jack Campin
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 04:11 PM

I once had to cover for a work colleague who'd crapped himself as a result of irritable bowel syndrome caused by heavy smoking.

It's rather appropriate that the next thread down at the moment is "History and mythology of WW1". Considering how many soldiers must have shit themselves under fire, it doesn't make it into war memoirs much.

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 09:38 PM

I've come close but never have that I remember. Of course, my memory only goes back to noon these days.

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 08:21 AM

When you start a post saying "a friend" it usually means yourself. However, this was a friend. As an adult I have only failed to reach a toilet once when ill and nobody ever knew.

Now.. This mate. Let's call him Andrew because there are some on here who might know Reg Oldroyd of Worksop. When we were teenagers, I fancied a girl like mad and was devastated when she told me "Andrew" was taking her for a meal in a Chinese restaurant. Again, let's call it Koo Lee because some people will know Chungs Restaurant on Retford Rd in Worksop. It's still there.

All I know is that he was desperately suppressing a fart and thought it easier if he stood up, at which point he followed through rather dramatically. Cleared the restaurant in fact.

I blew my chances with her because she worked on the idea he was ill and not his fault whereas I couldn't help laughing when I heard. She went on to marry him.

Shit happens.

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 11:15 AM

An old fellow named Rosenkrantz
Decided to take a big chance
And invite Widow Brown
To a bistro downtown
Where he straightaway shit in his pants

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: Mr Red
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 02:11 PM

I once spent five days at home unable to shop for food or go to the docs. Always close to the loo. But it could have been embarrassing if I had ventured to far from the bathroom. I keep cornflour handy just in case now, it works a charm, haven't had dior dhiea - the squits since.

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 02:18 PM

Cornflour ?.. do you rub it all over before or after ?

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 02:31 PM

Little Johnny farted in loudly in class, stuck his hand up and asked, "Please sir, does wind come in lumps?"
"Of course it doesn't- stupid boy".
"Then I've just shit myself"
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 04:12 PM

Having suffered from Colitis on more than one occasion I have a great degree of sympathy with the gentleman in question. Fortunately I have never, quite, been so embarrassed. But it has been a very close thing at times.

Colitis is debilitating, you have to be CONSTANTLY aware where a toilet is, you NEED to know that the toilet is AVAILABLE. I wouldn't wish the condition on anyone.

Trust me one this one, there is NO humour involved.

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: GUEST,punkfolkrocker
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 04:23 PM

In recalling this spectacular event from about 10 years ago, I realise I now can't recall all finer detail..

But here goes anyway......

It was closing time, and I needed to nip into the pub toilet before going home.
Now I can't remember if he was already in there or if I saw his face on the way in ?
But as I stood in front of the urinal I could her the most despairing sounds from a bloke in the cubicle.

It was an alarming mixture of simultaneous projectile vomiting and explosive gushing diarrhea !!!

Whichever way that poor distressed bloke was trying to coordinate the discharges
he was bound to be in serious mess and trouble....

It did occur to me - out of sheer gleeful morbid curiosity - to stay and watch him emerge,
just to see the state he was in..

But the stench was too evil, and the wife was patiently waiting for me outside.

I'd have liked to see how he got on in the taxi office if he needed a lift home.... 😜

Subject: RE: BS: Soiling your pants in public
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 04:34 PM

Yeah Raggy. Fully agree but that said, hearing a story in the pub still gets the sides splitting.

The Reg (whoops!) in question managed, by local folklore if not by reality) to spray the outside of the fish tank in the restaurant. That he was with someone who turned me down lent a little schaudenfraude (I spelt that incorrectly) into the story.

I wrote a song about his Don Juan exploits on how to woo a lady. I forget it now and don't feel it appropriate to rewrite but the rhymes as I recall are

Shite - might - bright

Arse - farce

Stain -remain -claim

Smell - fell - gell - swell

Trousers - houses

Nonchalant - no chance whatsofuckingever.



Yeah, she is still in my thought bank.

Look on the bright side. This is about shitting in your kecks but I am turning it into unrequited love.