Lyr Req: You Can't Do That There 'Ere

Subject: Lyr Req: You can't do that there 'ere
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 02:57 PM

Does anyone know the words to this comic song from the 20s or 30s? I can't find it on the internet; I've got a recording from YouTube of a 78 on a wind-up gramophone, but I can't clean it up enough for my poor old deaf ears to make out the lyrics. There's a gap in my repertoire that needs plugging!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You can't do that there 'ere
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 04:55 AM

Yep, not much on Google.
Mostly it picks up the same line in the "Dun Cow".
If I remember I'll listen to the You Tube clip tonight. (can't access it on works' computer)

Cheers
Nigel

Subject: Lyr Add: A LAD FROM LANCASHIRE (George Formby)
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 08:20 AM

A LAD FROM LANCASHIRE
As recorded by George Formby

No matter where I go--London, Paris, Mexico--
Anywhere on Earth, they know my place of birth.

I met a girl from London when she sat on Blackpool Pier.
She said she could tell I'm a Lad from Lancashire.
She said, "Are you a nudist?" so I blushed and said, "No fear.
I'm covered up like a Lad from Lancashire."

North or South, when I open my mouth, they know that I'm not Dutch.
They can tell I come from Lancashire, but they can't tell me much.
I whispered, "I'll be nudist if you'll be the same, my dear."
She said, "No fear, with a Lad from Lancashire."

A widow nice and young and gay said, "Come to tea, my dear.
I've something nice for a Lad from Lancashire."
We sat down on the sofa and I felt her creeping near.
I said, "Hee hee! take care! I'm a Lad from Lancashire."

North and South, when I open my mouth, they know that I'm not Dutch.
They can tell I come from Lancashire, but they can't tell me much.
That widow started kissing me and tickling my ear.
I tickled her like a Lad from Lancashire.

I went with Jane down Lovers' Lane and whispered in her ear,
"Now do your best for a Lad from Lancashire."
She said to me when on my knee, "You can't do that there 'ere."
I said, "Hey, hey! I can; I'm a Lad from Lancashire."

North and South, when I open my mouth, they know that I'm not Dutch.
They can tell I come from Lancashire, but they can't tell me much.
That night when Jane got home again her Ma said, "You look queer.
I'll bet tha's been with that Lad from Lancashire."

Songwriters: FORMBY,GEORGE/GODFREY,FRED
A Lad From Lancashire lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

I remember my mother telling me that on her first visit to Paris in the 1930s, seeing all the notices — "Interdit à pisser", "Interdit à cracher" etc — she thought of this song and regretted that it was untranslatable, as it would so perfectly suit the French official spirit. Next year she visited again, and a French version was playing everywhere — unfortunately I can't remember the title, but it was something like "Ça c'est interdit ici", I think.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You can't do that there 'ere
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 08:39 AM

…though actually I think that's the wrong that-there-'ere lyrics, sorry; the one I'm thinking of was Cockney, not Lancashire, I think.

Orwell quotes the song as:

For you can't do that there 'ere
No you can't do that there 'ere
Anywhere else you can do that there
But you can't do that there 'ere

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You can't do that there 'ere
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 08:43 AM

Here it is on YouTube if anyone feels like transcribing it.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You can't do that there 'ere
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 06:38 PM

bump

Subject: Lyr Add: YOU CAN'T DO THAT THERE 'ERE
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 07:51 PM

Here's my transcription from the recording that JTT linked to. YouTube says the singer is Sammy Gay; I believe George Formby also recorded it.


YOU CAN'T DO THAT THERE 'ERE
Words and music by Jack Rolls and Raymond Wallace, 1935.
As recorded by Sammy Gay

1. I'm going to sing a nonsense song; no doubt you'll think it weird.
The jokes are either very new or else have grown a beard.
The curate came on Saturday to our annual dinner,
But when he pulled his knitting out, we shouted: "Mister Skinner!

CHORUS: "Oh, you can't do that there 'ere!
No, you can't do that there 'ere!
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere!"

2. The shades of night were falling fast; the fire-bell gaily rang.
The engine dashed out with a whirr and pulled up with a bang.
The fire was out when they arrived, but in rushed fireman Cannon.
A female voice says: "Where's me clothes?" Says the fireman: "Where's your manners? CHORUS

3. A country(?) copper saw the loving couple on a seat.
As he passed by, he heard the lady give a little squeak.
The p'liceman shone his lantern on the couple in the dark, sir,
And said: "Now, what's a-going on in this 'ere public park, sir? CHORUS

4. Jimmy Longshot went to see Lord Tommy Tittlemouse.
Of course he was the honored guest and keen to shoot the grouse.
The fun was fast and furious when someone shouted: "Jimmy!
You've missed the grouse and gone and shot His Lordship in the spinney! CHORUS

5. A p'lice inspector passing by a nudist colony
Was peeping through the garden gate for curiosity.
He saw a lady walking by a-taking off her knickers.
"Did I lose my eyesight, miss? You mustn't be so reckless. CHORUS

6. Auntie Gertie's eighty-six and fit for anything.
She got engaged last Wednesday week to dear old Doctor King.
The other night the old man said: "I hope I don't intrude, dear.
Let's have a game of tiddlywinks;" said she: "Oh, don't be rude, dear! CHORUS

[There is a French version called ALLEZ DONC FAIRE ÇA PLUS LOIN, with words by Paul Misraki. This page has a thumbnail image of the sheet music cover and a 1:20 excerpt of a recording sung by Ray Ventura.]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Can't Do That There 'Ere
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 18 Jul 16 - 09:59 PM

Here's another verse from a recording by Jack Payne and His Orchestra:

You've heard of Guy Fawkes Day of course, and how that wicked Guy
Attempted on November five to blow the House sky-high.
He said: "I don't like Parliament; they're quite beyond endurance."
He lit his torch when someone said: "Hey, we ain't paid our insurance!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Can't Do That There 'Ere
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 19 Jul 16 - 09:50 AM

Thanks Jim -- that's saved me a lot of work! I might have to work on some of those jokes though ...

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Can't Do That There 'Ere
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 02 Sep 16 - 03:28 PM

The 'jokes' aren't actually funny, and most of them don't even make sense, even allowing for the passage of time. I've made a few minor changes (a lot of big ones) and it's now, as my uncle would say, not a song you could sing at a christening. I tried it out in public on Tuesday and it was difficult to gauge the reaction, although they did join in the chorus. And the women in the audience are still speaking to me ...

YOU CAN'T DO THAT THERE 'ERE (with new material)

I'm going to sing a nonsense song; no doubt you'll think it weird.
The jokes are either very new or else have grown a beard.
The curate came on Saturday to our annual dinner,
But when he pulled his squeezebox out, we shouted: "Mister Skinner!"
Oh, you can't do that there 'ere!
No, you can't do that there 'ere!
Anywhere else you can do that there,
But you can't do that there 'ere!

The shades of night were falling fast; the fire-bell gaily rang.
The engine dashed out with a whirr and pulled up with a bang.
They saved a lady from the flames, but, what was rather shocking,
She said, "Which fireman tried climb the ladder in my stocking?"

A publican was closing up as twelve o'clock drew near,
When in the snug to his alarm a ghostly form appeared.
"What d'you want?" the landlord asks, as behind the bar he cowers,
"You know I'll lose me licence, serving spirits after hours!"

A country copper saw a courting couple on a seat.
As he passed by, he heard the lady give a little squeak.
The p'liceman shone his lantern on the couple in the dark, sir,
And said: "Now, what's a-goin' on? I know your little lark, sir!"

The Jerries put some posters up in Berlin in the War
To try and sell some tickets for the dear old Führer's Ball.
When Goebbels cried, "With my game leg I haven't got a chance,"
Goering said, "Don't worry Joe, it's a raffle, not a dance!"

A p'lice inspector passing by a nudist colony
Was peeping through the garden gate for curiosity.
A lady in there said to him in a manner rather dreamy,
"Is that a truncheon officer, or are you just pleased to see me?"

Auntie Gertie's eighty-six and fit for anything.
She got engaged last Wednesday week to dear old Doctor King.
He examined her most thoroughly, she was looking rather peaky;
He said, "You've got acute angina," she cried, "Don't be cheeky!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Can't Do That There 'Ere
From: leeneia
Date: 03 Sep 16 - 11:53 AM

Thanks, Jim and Steve.

This is one of the few music-hall songs I would find worth singing.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Can't Do That There 'Ere
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Feb 21 - 01:34 PM

I can correct some of the words in Jim Dixon's transcription.
Verse 2 line 3. In rushed Fireman Canners (not "Cannon". Canners rhymes with manners; Cannon does not)
V2 line 4. Said the fireman (not "says")
V3 line 1. A loving couple (not "the")
V5 line 3. Taking off her necklace (not "knickers". Necklace rhymes with reckless; knickers does not)
V5 line 4. He said "I'll lose me eyesight, Miss. (not "Did I lose my eyesight, Miss.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Can't Do That There 'Ere
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Feb 21 - 07:23 PM

A vague recollection of the late Bob Cann singing a version of this back in the dim and distant....