BS: stay afloat while others don't

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 06:31 AM

Did you sleep well keberoxu? I expect you're quite busy today with interviews and consultations etc.
Still thinking of you and wishing you well.
Eliza

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 25 Feb 20 - 12:54 PM

I just wanted to wish dear keberoxu a very good outcome to her long-term stay in the clinic, and to hope that things are going well there.
I'm sure everyone here is wishing you well keb, and sending you lots of good vibes.
Keep a-troshing gel!
Eliza

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Feb 20 - 07:37 PM

This post comes from the room that has computers for the patients ... adjacent to a sort of community center, and also connected to the big residence for the in-patient population with its private rooms and dining area and nurses' station.

I am IN. All the way IN.
I got run off my feet today! So many appointments and consultations.
So much paperwork and forms to sign. Told the same histories about four or five times to four or five different professionals.

Upon arrival, one is escorted to a private room that will only be home/sleeping for a few days, they call these admission rooms. So one starts there. I got a corner room! It's a little cell of a room,
but being on the corner it has got TWO, count 'em, TWO windows!
The shared bathroom is in the hall just outside.

Two delicious meals (ate breakfast before showing up at the clinic).
I didn't see the entire physical plant/campus but I saw too much as it was!
And there are patient handbooks, and regulations, and ever so much to read...
a complete physical exam tomorrow.
And I met too many fellow patients, how will I ever remember names?

Before the weekend, if I heard right, I will be assigned a room in a different wing of the big residence, and that will be my room throughout the prolonged evaluation period.
What I didn't get much of today, it is yet to come,
is a sense of the patient community, as this is an extremely community-oriented treatment clinic. That is a little daunting. To be a newbie, fitting in ... maybe a lot of acquaintances, maybe a friendship, and then all these group meetings ( not on the first-day patient agenda), they happen every week. I'm as nervous as I would be about an audition in my misspent youth.
Staff are terrific, the consults are hard work and reassuring at the same time.
Can hardly believe I'm here.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Feb 20 - 12:57 PM

Tomorrow is admission day.
There is a retrograde of Mercury in effect at the moment;
this happens about three times every year.
When it happens, the best laid plans gang aft agley.
So one has to be prepared and flexible.
My hotel reservation, for instance, got all miscommunicated,
but something got worked out patiently at the front desk.

I can't think what else to say in this post.
Such a big thing is ahead.
If it flops I will take it rather hard.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Feb 20 - 03:28 PM

On the road, about to check in, settle in for the night,
eventually a light supper near the hotel.
I haven't got enough luggage.
I have more than enough to put in the luggage,
but I haven't enough luggage.
So my poor car has all my suitcases and tote bags
along with some loosely packed stuff.

Whom am I kidding?
Something or other is always missed, regardless
of what does get packed and trucked with.

I can hardly imagine what is ahead next week.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Feb 20 - 03:02 PM

The other shoe dropped today, it seems.

Just got off the telephone with the admissions department at the center.
They expect me, packed and ready to check in,
first thing this coming Monday morning!
Reality check!

Don't want to jinx myself by saying this, but
once I agreed to the concession (business metaphor, it stinks really)
of the extra expense of time and money that goes with
a series of consultations with a well-connected local psychiatrist
(nice person, by the way -- made the experience downright pleasant),
so as to supply this clinic/center with the needed "clinical context",
once that was done and in place,
everything moved rapidly and smoothly.

Even the weather is improving for my solitary drive from my home
to the clinic.
I'm going to break the drive into two bits, as I'm able to make reservations to stay the night in places.
The first part of the trip, I will make Friday as everything is closing down late in the day. Stay overnight en route.
Then check out Saturday morning, drive the rest of the way,
and on Saturday at check-in time
I will be, God willing, at a hotel convenient to the clinic.
Check in for two nights, so I will have all of Sunday in town.
Ready to check out good and early on Monday.

Unless something unforeseen surprises me or changes my plans:
Monday morning I will be parked at the clinic, and show up PROMPTLY
for an in-person tour, which tour is always held at a set time and they don't wait for latecomers.
From the tour to the physician's office for the admissions interview.
Lunch break in the dining area for the in-patient, er, patients, which means with attending nurses
(the nurses join patients for EVERY meal if I read right).
By this time some decision will have been reached regarding admissions.
Presuming that all systems are go,
the admissions consultant tells me on the phone
that "the treatment starts right away"
and I will be kept busy all the rest of the day
after checking in.
Sounds like one hits the ground running here.

I ran through all sorts of questions on the phone today,
everything from having my mail forwarded,
to, what nutritional supplements (like my anti-osteoporosis minerals)
am I permitted with in-patient status,
what about insurance pre-certification ...
is there a patient kitchen where
I can put a bottle of unfiltered apple juice
(labeled with my name on it) in the patient refrigerator (yes there is) ...

well, I can't say how far this is going to go,
but it will be an adventure at least. A big step, hopefully forward.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 07:33 PM

I remember that post!   
I hope olddude is thriving.
It's the Gnu I'm worried about.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 07:22 PM

Damn! I was looking at the wrong end of the list of posts. I was responding to something that old dude posted in April '17...

Howya, Dan!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 07:14 PM

Just leave your huntin' rifle at home, Dan... :-)

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 02:46 PM

Reaching delta sleep is restorative to the body and mind.
Some antidepressants interfere with reaching delta states.
In general, antidepressants tend to suppress REM sleep and increase the time taken to enter REM sleep. ... In some studies, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), like sertraline and fluoxetine, have been shown to disturb/fragment sleep.


Its up to you to tinker or rely on nature

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 02:00 PM

The packet was delivered in the mail today.
Still don't have a firm date from this clinic.
The cover letter says that the clinic,
having put me on the waiting list,
is "waiting for an opening."

So, waiting for the other shoe to drop, I suppose.

I am trawling the world wide web looking for
info in layman's language about this particular place.
It has been around for a number of generations, it isn't new.
And info is thin on the ground, for obvious reasons of confidentiality.

It is not difficult, however,
to find sensational things about this place;
comes with the territory.
At the very least, there has been
change and upheaval, and occasional scandal.
It would be imprudent to repeat the stuff here,
but it has been interesting to search and to look at these accounts.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 06:55 PM

Hope you don't have too long to wait keberoxu. Not sleeping well can be so difficult, and affects one's daily life.
We're all here for you, and thinking of you, please be sure of that!
Eliza x

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 04:00 PM

On the waiting list! And a packet expected in the mail.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Feb 20 - 09:44 AM

The application process has moved forward.
With "clinical context" from a local psychiatrist as input,
the center/clinic has enough information
to consider the in-person interview appointment.
I am advised, by the psychiatrist
(a former Fellow in the fellowship program at the Center,
so has worked there and been trained there),
that the in-person visit goes on for a whole day
and can be "rather tiring."

To be continued.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Feb 20 - 01:53 PM

keberoxu, I do hope you can indeed work through this. I'm sorry you're 'not feeling too cracky' as we say in Norfolk. It's hard to keep going and get motivated when one is depressed. (My niece has this problem)
Sending you loads of kind thoughts.
(And dew yew keep a-troshing gel!)

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Feb 20 - 01:46 PM

Belated thanks, Donuel,
for passing on katlaughing's welcome to you when
you were a Mudcat newbie like myself.

Gotta watch my physical/lifestyle symptoms and presentation these days.
It's much much more difficult,
in the past week,
to go to sleep at night
or to get out of bed in the morning --
with a clinical-depression diagnosis,
these are always warning signs.

Can I be motivated to move through the resistance
and work with greater dedication toward recovery?

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 08:11 PM

You sound like an avid reader keb. What motivated you to read?
As a child did you ever invent a language of your own?
Are you good at math?
How did you do in geometry?

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 02:33 PM

Good luck.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 02:23 PM

Beginning the process of application for
admission to treatment.
No, I'm not in crisis, nor am I suicidal.

But I have spent years maintaining on anti-depressant meds,
and if not going downhill,
then have got stuck.
May go downhill if I don't have help getting unstuck.

the place to which am applying is a really good institution.
That means much preparation is in order.
Their admissions dept needs input from
the physician who writes the prescription for my anti-depressants.
They want to hear from my former counselor, and more:
Since my counselor has more experience than clinical credentials,
I have agreed to consult someone in my area with
really heavy accreditation --
have now met with this person three times,
must return for one more consult.
Then this professional will contact admissions
with "clinical context" about the applicant, me.   
Also this latter professional had a fellowship years ago
at this particular center, and knows how the place functions,
not the case with my former counselor.

I anticipate an ordeal; having said that, what is one more?

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 11:18 AM

Mudcat member michaelr pointed out -- not in an aggressive way,
just stating the facts --
that my posts/threads have the quality of
someone talking to themselves,
and yes, it did strike a nerve.

The point, as usual, was valid and well taken, regardless.
It must have come as little surprise to michaelr when
my response to his statement
completely proved his point,
demonstrating that interactions with others
expose all my lacks, shortcomings, and character defects.
In short, michaelr was / is right about me.

That's the most I can offer at this point.
If I make any progress,
most likely others will see it before I see it.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 09:07 PM

I've never needed an attorney. Maybe that's the thing.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 04:43 PM

My attorney once brought up the subject of survivors' guilt,
or is it survivor's guilt,
and she might have a point there.

Until recently I would have denied this,
however it wants looking at, I suspect.

A lot of presumptions give way with careful consideration.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 25 Jan 20 - 06:16 PM

Yeah, right.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Jan 20 - 03:54 PM

It would have been a better option, this year,
to revive my old thread
and keep the focus on my feelings and my coping strategies,
rather than open a new thread
about the external stimuli which trigger same.
Too late to take that back,
however the new thread can be released to
its inevitable outcome,
while the coping and the triggers are considered here instead.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Oct 18 - 07:41 AM

I agree.

It sometimes happens that a toxic person's life deals them (out of your vision) just the right lesson that they needed to find their way to health. They often then have a desire to make amends-- before realizing their need may cause more harm than balm.

It's important to remember that, in the event that is ever their intention-- however grand that might be FOR THEM-- they can never catch up to where you've had to grow. They can never be a partner in any kind of relationship until your own healing is complete and, even then, it can never be close to equal. Their next (healthiest) step will always be to hear "no".

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 09 Oct 18 - 04:35 AM

Oh well done keberoxu! It's the only way forward - refusing to engage or accept any contact by any means whatsoever.
It is indeed passive-aggressive, and just their way of rattling your cage.
You've done the right thing in my humble opinion.
Stay strong and don't waiver. They'll get the message eventually.
Dew yew keep a-troshing mawther!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Oct 18 - 08:01 PM

I owe you all an update. Thanks for the encouraging responses.

Nothing has arrived in the mail from the person in question.

There was one other thing I did. Didn't tell you about it before now.

Recently, I heard from the bank administrator who
had e-mailed me about my relative.
I mentioned this a few posts back on this thread.

It turned out, that the relative I am talking about
did not want to send anything to me directly
( and with reason, as I have done
Return To Sender with this relative in years past,
so the relative knows to expect this from me)

so the relative, or maybe it was the relative's representative,
contacted this banker and asked if
the banker would ask me if it was all right
if the relative sent me something through the financial institution.

So we are getting more and more indirect and passive/aggressive here,
I guess.

Accordingly,
I sent an e-mail, not long ago,
to the bank officer who has been politely sending me e-mails.
And I said:

Look, I have no idea what my relative wants to send me.
I know nothing about the contents, and to me
the contents are no big deal anyhow.
But I have this to warn you about, I said to the officer:
I am aware that this relative has a certain intent,
and the person intends me no good.
There has been contact a while back that was respectful,
and the content was all right.
But recently my relative has had a change of intent
and now it is about manipulating and power plays.

I concluded my message to the bank officer saying,
I reckon that you all would rather not get pulled into the middle
of all this anyway.
I have yet to contact my legal counsel about this;
I am just telling you what I know
and what I expect here.
I am prepared to go
to the postal inspector and/or the authorities
should you ship/pass along something to me
in which no good is intended, and that I object to.


So. I did all that, since my last post to this thread ...

the bank officer did not send a response e-mail...

and nothing has shown up in the post.

Maybe it is safe to exhale?
Thanks for letting me talk about this.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 10 Sep 18 - 04:02 AM

I agree Stilly.
Don't engage keberoxu, protect yourself and return the thing unopened, or sling it in the dustbin.
Sending you strong and steady thoughts!

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Sep 18 - 09:44 PM

"Refused, return to sender" is an excellent way to deliver a message. I've used it a couple of times myself.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Sep 18 - 06:22 PM

The drama plods on. I'm keeping my head down as much as I can,
and keeping myself to myself.

A warning came my way, though, that
I can expect something in the post.
And it is going to be a passive-aggressive gesture.

In the past I have literally done
"refused, return to sender" with mail from this person.
May have to do it again -- since I know better than to touch it,
whatever it is.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 09:10 AM

Keb--

Not saying it IS borderline personality disorder. Def not saying you should allow closer contact or try to help. But you may be able to glean more possible self care strategies among links here:


Google search: borderline personality family coping

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mr Red
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 08:51 AM

keberoxu
You are not your brothers' keeper.

Even with a strong will and stamina you can't help people who don't want help. Or worse, they accept help and misuse it, and sap what energy you have.

As one ex-girlfriend pointed out to me people gravitate towards the familiar. Your task is to recognise when your familiar is beneficial or otherwise.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 05:06 PM

looked where?

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 04:55 PM

Have you looked at how family of borderline personality folks stay afloat? That pattern sounds quite familiar; it can absorb everything if you allow it to capture your boundaries.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 02:02 PM

Thankfully, the relative with the Ecstasy/MDMA and its consequences
has been preoccupied with I-don't-care-what-else
and so I am not the focus of that relative's attention.

The relative turning my way now
is the drama queen who periodically threatens that
they don't think they can live with the way that things are anymore.

The signals coming my way are
"no more mister nice guy."
Like I ought to be surprised?
It is typical of this relative
to put noisy threats out.

Earlier this month,
an exchange of e-mails took place
between me and a bank administrator,
all very civil and no resistance or hostility.
But the e-mails did reference the operatic relative
who did not make direct contact with me.

"Periodic" is the clearest way I can describe the pattern
that has been established for these behaviors.
There will be a temporary period of intense attention-seeking
and when the period inevitably ends,
an indefinite period of silence.
This alternating pattern has been maintained
for a good thirty years.

The signs are that the moment has arrived
for some more passive-aggressive hostilities.

My own conclusion is that peace is the thing, at this point,
for which sacrifices and efforts are worthwhile.
The old relationship, on the other hand,
is not worth fighting for.

Thanks for listening.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Joe_F
Date: 18 Jun 18 - 08:51 PM

In my experience, depression pretty much coincides with contact with reality. Sure, it's "chemical" -- so is being sober.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Charmion
Date: 18 Jun 18 - 10:17 AM

How ghastly, Incog. The Internet has plenty of unsolicited advice that is worth precisely as much as you pay for it -- i.e., nothing. But it is so hard to ignore, especially when introduced with belittling remarks such as "Get over yourself."

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Jun 18 - 01:59 PM

Mudcat Member Incognito/a,
this is a good place for support when needed.

Subject: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: GUEST, member as guest, don't want to get sued
Date: 15 Jun 18 - 08:03 PM

Someone today on facebook posted a meme with remarks adding up to "get over yourself and get back on speaking terms with your family." If the person who posted that knew how long we struggled before we realized the only way to stay safe was to stop talking to a particularly toxic family member, they'd understand how naive that meme is.

We literally feared for our lives. He seems to be okay with the general public and he positively dotes on little old ladies (perhaps because they give him money and are classic enablers) but there are family members who know full well that if this sib had a gun handy during one of his outbursts he'd likely kill someone. Probably one of us. We struggled to keep him from claiming any handguns or other firearms from family estates. He is banned from most regional gambling casinos, and we hope his instability has him on a mental health watchlist. Any time there is a story of a stalker shooting in that part of the country I hold my breath until I learn it wasn't this brother. This time. Family members breathe easier when they learn that this brother hasn't been informed about a wedding or reunion.

I'm taking advantage of a mod's willingness to move this in order to post these remarks anonymously. All these years later I know that my disturbed but very smart sibling is probably trying to see if any of us says anything negative about him. So I say it in a way he can't find.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Jun 18 - 06:31 PM

At this unusual resort,
there are social workers and psychotherapists on staff.
A social worker graciously agreed to a consult for me,
we spoke this morning; a positive, validating experience.

I went into detail, as much as I could,
about the relative who abuses - or could be past tense, abused - Ecstasy.

And the social worker, whose curriculum vitae includes treatment centers,
confirmed that Ecstasy affects that part of the brain
that contains L-dopamine.
And guess what … Ecstasy doesn't increase the L-dopamine, it depletes the L-dopamine.
The social worker went on to tell me --
this is how ignorant I am --
that the amount of L-dopamine a person has
is a limited amount to begin with.

So Ecstasy is capable of taking away the little that one has.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Jun 18 - 02:13 PM

That is really sweet of you Acme
but my layover on the way back
-- since I'm flying on Delta airlines --
is Atlanta, not Dallas.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Jun 18 - 03:28 PM

Aww, Acme, how sweet of you.
And such good news that you are now owned by three dogs again.

One branch of my family is from Washington State.
I don't know where in the state they lived,
before they moved to Whidbey Island.
I visited there once, when the older ones were still living.
Most likely wouldn't go back.

I'll be here for a good two weeks
and I wonder if Senator McCain will last that long.
He's putting up quite the fight, it must be said.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Jun 18 - 02:35 PM

Arizona is lovely, and with all of the light, I suspect there is a photo response that helps with depression. So many SAD folks in my original part of the world (Puget Sound) compared to Arizona.

Any layovers in Dallas? Let me know and I'll run up and greet you at the TSA gate.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Jun 18 - 02:17 PM

Greetings from Arizona. I don't live out West now, although this region was my home for over a decade. Have yet to break with my physician though, so I come back here at least annually.

This is a hot time to be here, but being off-season there are compensations. Fewer "snow-birds" and fewer tourists. Off-season prices as a result.

Refrigerated air is as frequent, in buildings out here, as the evaporative "swamp coolers" that simply use water without refrigeration. There are plenty of ways to take refuge from the high heat.
Cloudless sky today; the late Edward Abbey used to write of "deep sky" and I know what he meant by that. Today it is blue infinity.

Had to take a series of three plane flights to arrive here, and, shoot, I'm not as young as I used to be. In my youth it would have been an adventure and I would have been smug about it. Paying for that attitude now...getting the rental car at the airport yesterday, after finally getting my luggage, I felt ready to collapse. Good meal and decent sleep and now much improved.

The ticking time bomb that is my collective birth-family continues to tick away. The earlier reported telephone calls, they went on for the better part of one month, and then there were no more calls. A textbook case of don't-feed-the-troll, it seems.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 09 Feb 18 - 04:04 AM

keberoxu, it sounds as if you have good strategies still in place for dealing with all of this, but my heart goes out to you as it must be depressing, stressful and exhausting.

It's good that you avoid all direct contact.

I can see your viewpoint about not changing your telephone number, but if this were me, I'd have to take some action about the unwanted calls, as it would make me very jumpy every time the phone rang.
Is there not a blocking system you could use? (We have one here in UK, with BT, and one can nominate numbers which are not acceptable. BT then blocks them for you) I understand you feel this would give them some satisfaction, but your peace of mind is important too.

You sound strong and sensible, and I admire you for it.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Feb 18 - 11:19 PM

You have 2 guilt free choices, action or inaction. To keep things simple;

You can do nothing with expectation of likely outcomes.
or
You can do something with unknown outcomes.

When a person is a real danger to others or themselves they can be committed in 20 minutes.
Signing off on modern electro shock therapy is a worthwhile reset gamble.

Get your own counsel on a choice of action.
Stay out of the line of fire if you choose inaction.

You are not obligated to choose any course of action.
Its easier to choose something only you know you can live with best.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 08 Feb 18 - 08:45 PM

I can identify with what Jeri says about smoking. I didn't consciously work at it to get addicted; I kept going through the initial unpleasantness because smoking was the done thing in my circle. After that I smoked up to thirty a day of the strongest fags I could get my hands on. The first cigarette after several days' abstinence was the most blissful of all experiences. I had to keep stock still for two minutes to maximise the pleasure as I felt the stuff coursing through my veins from head to foot. In the end I just stopped (40 years ago on February 21 at five past eight in the evening). Not once since then has any tobacco-related product been anywhere near me. After stopping, I sighed non-stop for a month, felt miserable for another two and was sorely tempted many times for a year. The tightness in the chest and constant feeling of tension were terrible for several weeks. But I made it, in large part thanks to Mrs Steve getting pregnant with our first-born to be the month after I stopped. I still dream about smoking.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Feb 18 - 08:29 PM

well, I could of course open a fresh thread.
It's the same situation ongoing, though.

The blood relative who tends toward suicidal hints, is active again.
I avoid contact entirely with this person, when there is any business -- literally -- to be concluded between their legal situation and my legal situation, there is a combination of lawyers and financial officers who negotiate things. So it has been for more years than I can actually recall.

The caller ID on my telephone shows that this blood relative has got hold of my home phone number and is making repeated phone calls, with their name and phone number larger than life on the ID screen.

It was not I who gave the relative my phone number. It's a moot thing anyhow. What the relative does not take into account, is that after decades -- not merely years, but decades -- of harassment concerning my telephone, and after going through a knothole of responses of trying to evade it or prosecute it or whatever, I have learned ways of coping that I didn't have before.

Were I to change my phone number, that would signal to the relative making the calls that I acknowledge their crossing the line (my blood relatives know that I wish to be left alone). I don't see evidence of escalating behavior, nor of anyone having the aggression to really actually approach me. So from where I'm sitting, changing my phone number, or doing anything territorial to it, is actually counter-productive. Strange as this sounds, the sanest thing to do is to carry on and not give this person the satisfaction.

While this drama-loving relative is NOT the relative who has issues of substance abuse and of domestic violence/aggression, the fact remains that this relative is -- to use a metaphor for the family dysfunction -- the spider at the center of the spider-web. Loves to be a victim who makes victims of others. I truly know better than to fall for any of it this time.

That makes it a little simpler, but not easier, if this makes any sense. Thanks for listening.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 12 Apr 17 - 03:36 PM

I found that all the young men I saw in prison had been sent there for burglary, street theft, shop-lifting, receiving stolen goods etc all in order to fund their habits. Each one caused a mini-crime wave. And what was most disturbing was the amount of Class A drugs available 'inside'. What they told me was hair-raising. They kept some needles in the bottom of the Wing tea urn, where they were more or less sterilised(?) Methadone was passed in plastic drinking cups on dental floss thread out of the windows down to awaiting inmates in the cells below, after being regurgitated, as all issuing of medications was supervised. Heroin and many other drugs was brought in by helpful girlfriends inside their...er...bodies. The contortions that went on during visits was unbelievable, as the packages had to be brought forth then concealed in the prisoners' bottoms. I realised that the officers knew all this, but let it go on anyway. I felt deep pity for these lads, and if one is a 'rescuer' one can get far too concerned and it isn't a good idea.
I never could decide if the addicts were drawn into this life, or predisposed to it. (nature or nurture) Perhaps a bit of both? But the distress to their families was dreadful. I've sat in the Visits Waiting Area holding the hand of countless mums and girlfriends in awful distress at their predicament. I could walk away, and eventually did. But it was much harder for them, as it was their sons or partners.

Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Jeri
Date: 12 Apr 17 - 02:57 PM

Not the same thing, but...
I smoked for thirty-some years. I had to work at it to get addicted in the first place. I'd quit several times, but always though it was safe to just have one, and went back to consistent smoking. When I finally quit, I spent quite a bit of time thinking about it, and pushing the boundaries. What I learned was that after not smoking all night until about 10AM, when I had that first cigarette, I got a little rush of happiness, like a little bit of euphoria. I suspect any addiction is at least partly due to the serotonin that the drug provokes. When I finally quit, I was quite unhappy/slightly depressed for at least a year. People don't talk about this when it comes to smoking cessation, but maybe they should. It seems like if the "happy" brain chemicals are supplied from outside, the brain forgets how to provide them.