BS: Clever sayings #56

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Aug 18 - 06:52 PM

Everything King Donald MidAss touches turns to crap.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F
Date: 25 Aug 18 - 10:43 PM

The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Aug 18 - 07:47 AM

Life, to soon old
too late shmart

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Aug 18 - 01:28 PM

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second by our children.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Aug 18 - 06:14 AM

Pecker in a vise
Whats in his safe
Mueller needs advice
For the great disgrace

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F
Date: 22 Aug 18 - 05:45 PM

The vulgar have vulgar notions of vulgarity.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Aug 18 - 09:59 AM

VOTE TRUMP
or else

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Aug 18 - 09:55 AM

RISE ABOVE THE LAW
VOTE REPUBLICAN
please?

RISE ABOVE MORALITY
VOTE TRUMP

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 11:53 PM

Sex is an impediment to reproduction whose biological function is to complicate life.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: G-Force
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 05:10 AM

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 09:26 PM

Illegitimes non carborundum.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 09:07 PM

"You look good in everything you eat."
...from my dad, who an interesting way of commenting on people's habits.
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Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 08:42 PM

When there's no news in the truth, there's no truth in the news.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 05:30 AM

People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.


(Rest of joke on request)

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F
Date: 19 Aug 18 - 10:16 PM

We console ourselves by giving good advice when we are too old to set a bad example.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Aug 18 - 05:59 PM

"Property speculators should not be allowed to buy matches... "
pfr

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 04:10 AM

I am disappointed. This thread had 56 posts for ages so the heading had 2 x 56's in it :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: BobL
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 04:02 AM

A newspaper headline that ends in a question mark may be answered "No".

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: John on the Sunset Coast
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 10:12 AM

If you start a sentence with "I don't think", I believe you.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 10:12 PM

Deficient contact with reality is called mania. Excessive contact with reality is called depression.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: DMcG
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 04:22 AM

See thread title

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 04:18 AM

Give a man a bucket of coal and you'll keep him warm for the night. Set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: DMcG
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 01:56 AM

To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason is like administering medicine to the dead, or endeavoring to convert an atheist by scripture.

- Thomas Paine (abridged)

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Aug 18 - 06:22 PM

Coming soon, a blind generation

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F
Date: 14 Aug 18 - 06:17 PM

Many are born impatient; the lucky ones become cabdrivers.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Aug 18 - 04:09 PM

Tuesday afternoon after lunch is the most cosmically compressed time in which everything gets done.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 13 Aug 18 - 08:56 PM

From one of my university mates in the early seventies, not directed at me, I hasten to add!

"You're all right, pal, but I don't like you because your shit stinks. Nothing personal, you understand..."

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: kendall
Date: 13 Aug 18 - 08:11 PM

I wouldn't call him a liar, but if he wants his dog to come, he has to get someone ese to call it.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Kenny B (inactive)
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 06:30 PM

There are only two ways to deal with women ….. and neither of them works

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 06:22 PM

The universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 12 Aug 18 - 08:24 AM

"What's up wi' thee? Tha's got a face as long as a gas man's mac..."

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Gutcher
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 02:27 PM

As my old mother was wont to say:--"They would skin a louse for its tallow"
Now wild horses would not draw out of me who the "They" were she was referring to.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 12:03 PM

If shit were wit I'd be glad you're so full of it. As it is though....

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 11:23 AM

I thought it was "if wit was shit, you'd be constipated".

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: KarenH
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 09:02 AM

"If wit was shit" sometimes as "If wit was shit we'd need a shovel"

Used by my mother on a 'broad' day as a sarcastic put-down for somebody acting like a smart-arse. Must have been me, come to think of it.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 11 Aug 18 - 05:20 AM

When my brother first moved to New Zealand, decades ago in those politically-incorrect times, he told me over the phone that "this is a country where the men are men, and so are half the women..."

(He's still there!)

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: frogprince
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 09:43 PM

What this country needs is more men with real two-fisted guts on their shoulders.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Joe_F
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 09:13 PM

Thompson 08:00: In my family that was "You may be a pane, but I can't see through you.".

When I recited a rude limerick to a friend of mine, he said "Do you eat with that mouth?".

Failure of imagination is a weak form of courage and a strong form of cowardice.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Thompson
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 06:18 AM

The two kinds of drivers would also apply (in some drivers' minds) to the two kinds of cyclists: those who "hold up the traffic" and those who "race along country roads, the selfish gits".

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: BobL
Date: 10 Aug 18 - 02:30 AM

There are two kinds of drivers: Idiots (those who drive slower than you) and assholes (those who drive faster than you).

There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.

There are two rules to success: 1) never tell everything you know.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Aug 18 - 03:28 PM

There are only two kinds of people.... those who divide people into 2 categories and those who don't.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 09 Aug 18 - 01:34 PM

Nah, there are actually only three kinds of people. Those who are good at arithmetic and those who aren't.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 09 Aug 18 - 08:55 AM

There are only 10 kinds of people. Those who understand binary and those that don't.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 09 Aug 18 - 04:46 AM

I was asked by a worrkmate in Liverpool once when I wasn't feeling too well "Are you ok - you're the colour of boiled shite?"
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 09 Aug 18 - 04:43 AM

"Blair and Brown are two cheeks of the same arse" (George Galloway)

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Thompson
Date: 09 Aug 18 - 04:08 AM

They broke the mould before they made him.

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 10:18 PM

Strategy: A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated
until sometime after those creating it have left the organization.

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Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

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"There are millions longing for eternity who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon"

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: robomatic
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 07:54 PM

Something I heard on the radio the first time I was driving into Anchorage: "When you were born, Jim, they threw away the baby and kept the afterbirth!"!

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 08:24 AM

He's so crooked, if he swallowed a nail he'd shit a corkscrew.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56
From: Thompson
Date: 08 Aug 18 - 08:00 AM

I'm fond of the American shout when people stand up in front of them at a concert or game: "Your ass ain't glass".