A Convoluted Christmas Morning

Subject: A Convoluted Christmas Morning
From: lloyd61
Date: 25 Dec 99 - 02:10 PM

A convoluted Christmas Morning

It's 4:00 AM. Christmas Morning and I can't sleep, so let me tell you a story about this Christmas Morning. I woke up at 2:00 AM by a thump on the roof, then I heard the pitter patter of feet over my bed room. I ran outside to see what was the matter and found a Shepherd with an entire flock of sheep on my roof. "Hey, what are you doing up there". "We are looking for the Meaning of Christmas" "you will not find it up there, get off my roof."

Then the jerk fell down my chimney, and all the sheep followed, Now I had one filthy shepherd and a dozen soot blackened sheep all over my house - what a mess. They ate the cookies I had set out for an expected guest and drank all the milk. "Get out" I cried, "what do you think this is, a stable?".

When I got them outside I had a new problem to contend with, three guys dress in long robs, carrying packages. O' no the neighbors must be making the rounds tonight. I like my neighbors, but I can not deal with this at 2:00 in the morning. "We came from afar", "What is afar?" - "the near north side of Chicago." "We were told to follow the North Star, but it's cloudy, then we saw a Shepherd on your roof, and decided this must be the place" "What place?" I asked. "why the place we are to meet him, The reason for the Season". "No" I said. "You don't understand". " The reason for the season is"……….then a great big sleigh pulled by a bunch of mange Raindeer came scraping up my newly shoveled driveway, with sparks a-flying. Across the lawn, digging deep ruts under the 1 inch of snow, and into the newly planted patch of pachysandra. "There he is now" they said. A big fat man in a red suit, who could only Say "HO, HO", pulled on the reins. The three robed guys started piling the packages into the sleigh, they filled the sleigh with gifts. The whole time the big fat guy kept saying "HO, HO". How irritating, then he turned to me and asked. "Do you have any cookies and milk". No I said, "but I do have a little Ludefisk left over from last night supper," "and by the way aren't you suppose to fly in?". The big fat guy looked at ma as if I was crazy. "cold Lutefisk? No, HO Thank HO, you HO, and he was gone!

I turned to my unwanted guest and asked "can anyone tell what just happened here?" First the guy in a robe spoke, " we are members of a Harley Davison Motor Cycle Club; Every year we have a toy drive, for needy children, The fat guy is "Red", he turns in his motor bike for a sleigh every year and delivers the gifts." "After all - He's the real meaning of Christmas" I stuttered, "he's what"?, "and how dose he deliver the gifts in the middle of the night - he doesn't even fly" "Fly?" are you crazy? "Red can pick any lock, he can break into any home to leave the toys." "You guys are dangerous," I said out loud.

Then the shepherd spoke up, "I was sitting in a coffee shop on Western Avenue, with my Harley and sheep tethered outside, when a guy dressed like a angel came in" "That must have been Max" said a guy in robes, "he told me to come here to find "the true meaning of Christmas. "that sound like Max , always trying to find new recruits for our cause.

"OK, you guys you did come to the right place, to find the Reason for the Season, Come on in, I'll heat up some Lutefisk." "I have a book in the house that describes in detail, the real meaning of Christmas." The Book has an entire chapter devoted to the first Christmas. It's found in the book of Luke, the second chapter". Lets go in and read it." "and watch out for the marbles the sheep left on the floor," "and no the sheep stay out side."

What was your Christmas Morning like?

Subject: RE: A Convoluted Christmas Morning
From: paddymac
Date: 25 Dec 99 - 05:27 PM

lloyd61 - thankfully, mine wasn't nearly as outrageous. Not very many Harel-ites in this area. Pick-ups are far more popular, and utilitarian. Nothing more than a warm body or two unable to drive home last nite. Herbal tea, toasted anadama bread and hot grits fixed 'em up right away. Then I went to pick up my son go visiting. The sun is sinking low, but it's still light outside, and I'm ready to put on me woolies and crawl into bed. Pax, and all that stuff.

Subject: RE: A Convoluted Christmas Morning
From: kendall
Date: 25 Dec 99 - 06:13 PM

lloyd, I've never heard that before..is that yours?

Subject: RE: A Convoluted Christmas Morning
From: Marymac90
Date: 25 Dec 99 - 07:30 PM

Lloyd, even this party pooper thinks that's pretty clever and funny!

Mary

Subject: RE: A Convoluted Christmas Morning
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Dec 99 - 07:43 PM

Can it beat mine? Today at church, the priest was 25 mins late, he'd been given the wrong time, the Advent wreath caught fire, and had to be extinguished, dropping molten wax, CO2 (great for us asthmatics) and crisped imitation pine wreath all over the altar and Gospel book. The party poppers were ignited all through the second hymn, one child insisted on sitting in the font, and there were two major bust ups over the prizes from the crackers..... The organist was the stand in priest, who had hoped for a day off (he'd already done one service) and as he was flustered and trying to play in his robes, sounded not unlike Les Dawson. The reader didn't turn up, so I stood in, sounding like a corncrake bird (bullfrog with laryngitis to you Colonials), and the Christmas tree went into self destruct mode, hurling baubles and candy canes into the congregation willy nilly.

When I got home, I set light to a piece of holly, a pudding and a cat. Good day so far, eh??

LTS

Roll on the millennium bug, I can tackle that with it's pants down after today.....

Subject: RE: A Convoluted Christmas Morning
From: mingomom
Date: 29 Dec 99 - 06:30 AM

Just a warm body, eh, Paddymac?