Folk expert

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 12 Mar 19 - 01:32 AM

I think the thing is Joanne, you have to ask yourself some questions...if I correct this person

will the world be a better place?

will I feel better?

do I care that they are wandering round talking crap?

will it be appreciated?

do we like each other enough for me to bother that my friend is making a fool of himself?

sometimes its a tough call. if you really like someone who has exposed their ignorance in front of a very well informed audience.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: John P
Date: 12 Mar 19 - 09:41 AM

"a comment about singing the Pentangle melody/ refrain version of "Cruel Sister" from a serious ballad scholar and respected friend about the tune/refrain being lifted from "Devil's Questions" and refrain being a charm against witches/devil. "

Hm, I think my response to that would have been, "Wow, how cool! It's so fun to learn about the various roots of songs and how the details can get mixed up over time."

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: GUEST,Geordie boy
Date: 12 Mar 19 - 10:18 AM

Dave the Gnome, we play a tune called "Upper Badger's Bottom"...
And you will know that quite near to you exists a village called Slack Bottom.
Tee hee :)

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: GUEST,patriot
Date: 12 Mar 19 - 10:59 AM

south of Canterbury, there is a farm/hamlet called Lynsore Bottom- Lyn said to me it wasn't true & to put the Sudocrene away....

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 13 Mar 19 - 11:03 AM

Whilst sat pondering in the throne room, it occured to me
that the singer, now sadly departed, who'd have been the ideal performer
of songs about sheep's dirty arses
was Tammy Wynette...

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 13 Mar 19 - 11:13 AM

Yew should be ashamed of yourself - the shear impertinence
Flock crying out loud
Jim

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: GUEST,paperback
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 04:11 AM

I've heard 'em called 'Klingons' here in the States but that was only for the cool kids who had tvs.

Poor folk called 'em 'dingleberries'

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 04:34 AM

Brilliant, Paperback! Great song.

But I'm embarrassed on behalf of my younger self - around where I grew up, we just used it as shorthand for being stupid/silly. We called each other dingleberries all the time. Now I know what the "berry" is... eww-wwww-ww...

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: The Sandman
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 04:42 AM

WELL IF PEOPLE USED BIDETS AND WASHED THEIR BUMS , THERE WOULDNT BE ANY ,MUCH PAPER WOULD BE SAVED ANBD TOLIET ROLL MAKERS WOULD GO OUT OF BUSINESS,MFEWER TRESS CUT DOWN TOO

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 04:45 AM

But bidets use up water, and the water's running dry in a lot of places.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 05:10 AM

Don't use toilet paper or bidets. Wait a while and use a hammer and chisel.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 05:15 AM

Its okay in theory. But imagine stopping on the M5 at the motorstop. The lav's full of people washing their bums in the hand basins.

You wouldn't fancy a big mac after that.
no, the rainforest has to go.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 05:28 AM

How did we get here from "folk expert" btw?

Is it just someone talking shit?

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 05:39 AM

We're having a contest to see who can get us kicked down into the Bull Winnet section first.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 07:30 AM

Bonnie :-D

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 12:02 PM

Dangleberries in Cumbria.
Kiffies round Macclesfield.
Roger

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 12:53 PM

When I was a kid in Scrumpyshire, we called them clinkers...
But there were a lot of war evacuated Brummie families in town,
including my mum..

So maybe it's just as likely a word they brought down with 'em...

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: GUEST,paperback
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 01:36 PM

Bonnie Shaljean-"around where I grew up, we just used it as shorthand for being stupid/silly. We called each other dingleberries all the time."

I've heard 'em used in that context too. Perhaps it's akin to 'hayseed' in the sense it's a derogatory remark aimed at rube-ish behavior.

I knew a boy in school who was endlessly teased he smelt of cows. Poor Leon, he had to milk every morning and from the looks of his house I'd say there weren't any shower.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 02:50 PM

Like our hallowed traditional folk process..

this thread has gradually been transformed over time
by the contributions of many ordinary folks,

from "Folk expert" to "Dirty Arse expert"...

Let's just hope they are not as self opinionated and overbearing.....

"No..no..no.. that's not the right way to let it dry up and cling to hairs,
do it like this;
as outlined on page 1954 of the "History of Traditional British Arse Uncleanliness"...

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: GUEST,Modette
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 03:25 PM

I'm not having my 'tress' cut down, even in capital letters.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 04:41 PM

sandman - bidets...???

You could be a lot more eco friendly by employing 3rd world techniques to save the planet from the 1st world...

Scrape your bum clean with the fingers of one hand, and prepare food with the other...

Just remember which...

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Jos
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 04:46 PM

Or you could use a dock leaf.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 16 Mar 19 - 04:59 PM

folks - sorry if I'm starting to act too much like a know it all arse wiping expert...

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 17 Mar 19 - 08:30 AM

We always to rub on dock leafs if we were stung by nettles. Not necessarily on the bum.

I wonder if theres any justification for that folk remedy.
It seemed to work at the time.

Dingleberries...great name for a folk group.

Or a blues song

Man! I got those dinglberry blues!
Hot dog!! they're hanging down to my shoes!
Feeling awful seedy,
I'm nowhere near a bidet
I guess we shoulda stayed in the EU

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 17 Mar 19 - 08:34 AM

Here I am writing bloody folksongs about ethnic uses of language - and they put me in the BS section!

What is WRONG with these people?

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: keberoxu
Date: 17 Mar 19 - 08:59 AM

I wondered what had changed.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Jos
Date: 17 Mar 19 - 09:58 AM

And using dock leaves is an old English tradition, isn't it? So not BS.
I always used to rub dock leaves on nettle stings. It never worked. I even searched out the young leaves just emerging and full of juice, but it still didn't work. Maybe the only benefit comes from the rubbing (= massaging).
An old woman once told us that the best treatment for chilblains was wall pennywort (NOT pronounced 'worrt'. The word 'wort' is pronounced like work, and word, and worth).
It did help with the chilblains, but again, it was probably more to do with the rubbing than with the plant itself.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 17 Mar 19 - 10:33 AM

Out of all the post apocalyptic end of civilization movies I have ever seen
only one has dealt with the mundane realities of continued existence;
without mains water or electricity supply...
Two surviving women holed up in a forest house hiding from marauding strangers,
kept a bucket of stream water and a large pile of broad green leaves by the side of the toilet...

If I remember, that film was writen and directed by a woman...

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 17 Mar 19 - 10:42 AM

If we can mount a campaign to get this thread back upstairs where it seriously belongs..


Folk songs created and passed down the generations by survialists
in the centuries following the apocalypse,
and reversion to dark ages primitive technology...

..might be an interesting concept to consider...

It'd be a test of the resilience of our old trad melodies....

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Mar 19 - 11:00 AM

Expertise has a relative and tenuous status. Sometimes an amateur will supersede a PhD Expert. When attitudes are hateful or tinged with sins of the past I will needle the expert. Some know who I have deservedly needled but at this late date, change of the authoritarian mudcat villain or the International ass hole is not likely. Getting in the last word is pointless and ultimately is merely decided by a blind mortality.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 17 Mar 19 - 11:26 AM

my point of view entirely Donuel.
In truth I'm fed up with the amount of time and reasonable behaviour I've wasted already.
At some point you have to walk away. Respect is a two way street.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Mrrzy
Date: 17 Mar 19 - 11:54 AM

Um, bidets are for the front, not the butt. Jus' sayin'...

I sing all the verses of Star of the County Down *that I know*... Now I shall have to go see if I miss any.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 17 Mar 19 - 12:04 PM

Well if you want to get academic about it, bidets are not actually illegal in England.

But as Private Godfrey says in Dad's Army. We don't like that sort of thing.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 18 Mar 19 - 04:53 AM

You can use bidets for whatever you want. I used ours to wash my feet more than once.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Mar 19 - 06:39 AM

They help with the taste of cunnilingus. No metallic tastes.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: The Sandman
Date: 18 Mar 19 - 07:28 AM

bidet
/'bi?de?/
noun
plural noun: bidets

    a low oval basin used for washing one's genital and anal arehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCAiJO-83-E

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: The Sandman
Date: 18 Mar 19 - 07:32 AM

but was the accompanying music folk music?it sounded a bit like the kinks?bidets are probably popular in france because soixante neuf is as i understand a popular sexual pastime in france it requires clean arses

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: The Sandman
Date: 18 Mar 19 - 07:33 AM

the above would require a doctorate from a folk expert or arseholeinspector

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Mar 19 - 04:08 PM

"Don't use toilet paper or bidets. Wait a while and use a hammer and chisel."

And what's so wrong with a grassy slope, pray tell? There's a good one just over the top from Achmelvich beach...

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Mar 19 - 04:44 PM

Folk, schmolk. Why has no-one mentioned

"I shit on your nose and
it will run down your chin."

-- November 5, 1777

He would probably chime right in on this thread, were it possible.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Mar 19 - 01:41 PM

What?

Mentioning Amadeus shut down the thread?

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 21 Mar 19 - 07:09 AM

Mozart said that?

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 21 Mar 19 - 07:44 AM

I can easily believe it. He could be quite scatological.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 21 Mar 19 - 09:08 AM

My old mum get's through an average day of dementia and incontinence
with a healthy robust sense of arse and scat humour...

Though she's got to be careful she don't laugh too hard...


we're all [most of us...???] only human after all....

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 21 Mar 19 - 05:19 PM

its waiting for us all.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: The Sandman
Date: 22 Mar 19 - 03:59 AM

hopefully it its like waiting for godot.
what do you call a bidet advertised on irish radio and tv, that went into a barfor a second bridgette bardot

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Neil D
Date: 23 Mar 19 - 01:29 AM

Q. How is the Starship Enterprise like Scot Tissue?

A. It circles Uranus looking for Klingons.

Subject: RE: Folk expert
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 23 Mar 19 - 05:04 AM

Maybe they should rename it Scat Tissue.