BS: versions of Hell

Subject: BS: versions of a personal Hell
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Feb 22 - 10:53 AM

The lighter side of a personal hell might involve a new Microsoft OS update or being a musician trying to tune a banjo for eternity or a cook living in a land with no garlic and people who say from whence instead of when wence but my personal hell might be a class in ethics morality philosophy for eternity with a preachy professor while having to pee yet for others hell might be long run on sentences forever and...

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Senoufou
Date: 01 Mar 22 - 01:17 PM

Mine would be a world shortage of crumpets.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Mar 22 - 06:11 PM

Heaven forbid. I'm addicted to cranberry orange scones.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: leeneia
Date: 01 Mar 22 - 07:39 PM

I just had a root canal in an office that broadcast old hit tunes on electric piano. I think the pianist was electric too, judging by the music's lack of personality.

It played "I Can't Help Falling in Love with You," and for a variation it played:

Wise-i-i=se me-e-en sa-a-a-ay- only fo-o-ols rush i-i-i-i-in,
but I-i-i- can't help falling in lo-o-ove with you-u-u-u.

Get it? Plinking every long note over and over. Couldn't have been worse for a dentist's office.

They played "Turn, Turn, Turn," too. In hell they play that song constantly.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 22 - 08:21 PM

"Hell is other people." --Jean Paul Sartre, No Exit

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Mar 22 - 07:55 AM

Electronic Muzak earworms bore through our skulls in nearly all retail establishments. Some contain subliminal content, others are merely souless. "Give me the original song or give me death." John Paul Adams.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: leeneia
Date: 02 Mar 22 - 12:01 PM

I don't think hell is other people. Some other people are just fine.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 02 Mar 22 - 12:23 PM

Hell is unpacking the shopping after a major trip to the supermarket.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Helen
Date: 02 Mar 22 - 12:40 PM

I'm lucky. The supermarket I go to regularly plays real music, by the original artists. It's not uncommon to walk past a customer who is singing along to a song. And the music at the dentist is always good as well.

My Hubby says being stuck in a small caravan on a long trip, in close quarters with your spouse would be hell. We have a giggle about a particular couple we know every time we see their caravan. We don't own a caravan.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 02 Mar 22 - 01:03 PM

I worked for a supermarket firm called Victor Value (pink stamps, remember?) when I was a student in the 60s. All day and every day the same eight tunes, the very definition of muzak, played over the tannoy in good ol' 60s sound quality. I lived and dreamed those eight tunes day and night for months after I left. Start me off one of them now, 55 years later, and I'll hum the whole thing to you from start to finish. Mind you, if you do that to me I'll hate you forever. I might even have to make life hell for you by shutting you in a room and playing the greatest hits of Barry Manilow turned up to 11...

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: JennieG
Date: 02 Mar 22 - 06:01 PM

Hell is other people's children.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 01:05 AM

Hell is just about anything turned up to 11!

Jay

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 04:45 AM

Hell for me is thirty seconds of hold muzak, plus ten seconds of a robodemon being cheery at me and telling me my call is valuable, then loop back to the muzak. Marks deducted for telling me how long the queue in front of me is; for extra points, start said muzak from the beginning each time, and ensure it's exactly one note into the melody when it's cut off. Then the call-centre management wonder why so many callers are ratty by the time a real person answers.

I have a combination of tinnitus (which causes my ear to get blasted out) and a bad case of musician's ear (I find myself involuntarily attempting to find semantic content in pure noise). The only hold music I could ever endure for long was for a computer maker (sadly long bankrupt) where the top bod brought in a CD from home each morning for the hold machine, and he and I happened to share a taste in late-sixties' rock.

.... But methinks working in a call centre is worse. I've got the option of ringing off.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Helen
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 05:01 AM

Hey, MaJoC the Filk. Your explanation of musician's ear tells me why I can't listen to yakkety-yak on commercial radio stations, especially when there are two announcers talking hyped-up rubbish with each other. I'm continually looking for a melody line and getting really, really annoyed because the "melody" of their voices is just cacophony to me.

The same problem occurs for me when I am stuck in an office with hyper-chatty workmates talking near me. Luckily for me, my last job meant I could just listen to my music on earphones all day while I worked on the computer. Dream job!

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 05:34 AM

I had two calls to BT last weekend, each over 25 minutes long, both eventually aborted, no muzak, just an incessant dialling tone and a voice at 45-second intervals telling me to hold the line, your call will be answered "soon." The same day I had a letter from them to say that the amount they will charge me from now on is "changing." That meant going up by the CPI... plus 3.9%!

To their credit, they got an engineer round the next day to fix my limping broadband (which had suddenly plummeted to 0.7 gig). I'm looking for a getout, but I have a cheap deal with them for BT Sport... and Liverpool keep getting into the Champions League, and BT Sport is the only way I can watch...

Hellish or what...

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 06:14 AM

One man's hell is another man's heaven. I was shut in a room as the Barry Manilow Rachmaninoff tune played while I was with the most sexually enlightened women I have ever known. She also looked like Grace Kelly. The phonograph repeated the record all night long. It was then I learned that genius talent comes in many guises. I would be with her today if I hadn't had misgivings regarding an open marriage.

The worst song that could be used for torture is 1877 Cars 4 Kids.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 07:41 AM

war is hell

hell is other people

war is [all] people

to war is human
to make peace divine

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 08:22 AM

Blessed are the cheese makers.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 08:42 AM

I actually think that we shouldn't be saying that hell is other people. Leeneia has said it once, now I'm saying it.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 08:59 AM

From: Rapparee - PM
Date: 01 Mar 22 - 08:21 PM

"Hell is other people." --Jean Paul Sartre, No Exit

This to me is like a philosopher's inside joke.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 09:35 AM

A publican stood at the Golden Gate,
His head was bent and low,
He meekly asked the Man in White,
"Which way, mate, do I go?

"What have you done?" St. Peter said,
"That you should come up here?"
"I kept a public house below
For many and many a year."

St. Peter opened wide the gates,
And gently pressed the bell.
"Come right inside and choose a harp,
You've had your share of Hell."

Yes, I know, similar versions are available for coal-miners & for sailors.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 10:32 AM

I thought Nigel might have gone:

They tell me we play hell next week
In the annual charity.
I wouldn't mind but I've been told
The devil's marking me.

(Max Boyce)

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 11:27 AM

Jon
I'm almost certain I've already quoted it in its entirety on another thread ;)

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 05:32 PM

You're right, that Cars for Kids tune is a horrible earworm.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: robomatic
Date: 16 Mar 22 - 07:02 PM

I once waited in a Boston rail station for well over an hour with a loudspeaker declaiming some Boston Commissioner's monotonic looped message in bahd Bhahstan* accent about watching your luggage and pehsonal belongins.

Not hell, but definitely an antechamber.

*And yes, there can be a good Boston accent.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Mr Red
Date: 17 Mar 22 - 04:33 AM

Hell is other peoples' hell

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Mar 22 - 10:46 AM

Tucker Carlson is now being broadcast on Russain TV as a true patriot of Putinica

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: leeneia
Date: 15 Apr 22 - 12:36 PM

"A publican stood at the Golden Gate" ?

The Golden Gate is in San Francisco. You mean "a publican stood at the pearly gates."

Before I read to the end of the song, I thought the publican would get in and start a heavenly pub.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Mr Red
Date: 18 Apr 22 - 06:07 AM

Tucker Carlson is now being broadcast on Russain TV as a true patriot of Putinica

Aren't all Putin's Puppies Mother Tuckers? Including Klan Mom MTG!

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Raedwulf
Date: 19 Apr 22 - 11:41 AM

Gary Larson, The Far Side:

"Welcome to Heaven, here's your harp."

"Welcome to Hell, here's your accordion..."

You could just as easily replace accordion with banjo, of course! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Apr 22 - 05:19 PM

Being stuck in an elevator with Marjorie Taylor Greene who decides to fix the elevator with her Glock 9.

Subject: RE: BS: versions of Hell
From: leeneia
Date: 23 Apr 22 - 10:33 AM

Somebody donated a box of percussion instruments to my church, and they decided to give them to the kids for the joyous refrain of the last hymn of the Easter Vigil. I didn't know about it.

So they got to the refrain, the kids let loose, and a powerful soprano let go behind me, and it hurt my ears so bad I plopped my hymnal over my head (useless, of course) to try to cover my ears. Next to me, my husband had his fingers in his ears. Music in Hell probably sounds like that.

We have keys, so yesterday we went in to check for roof leaks, and after we left, the loudest, clangiest things from that box had mysteriously disappeared.