Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging

Subject: ADD: Young Lady (Holly Tannen)
From: GUEST,F the Ineffable
Date: 08 Jul 22 - 09:42 PM

I'm interested in songs about old people refusing to accept negative stereotypes.


A true story. Particulars have been changed to protect the guy at the car stereo place in Ukiah.

   YOUNG LADY   

   A week ago Monday I drove to Fort Bragg
   With my African basket and recycled bag.
   Fresh out of chocolate, I had to buy more.
“Good morning, young lady,” said the man in the store.

   Should I forgive him because of his youth?
   Oh, no, I think it’s better that he learn the truth.
   “I’ll not be cajoled by your flattering tongue,
   I am not a lady and I am not young.”

   “One month ago I turned seventy-two
   I’ll bet I’m thirty years older than you.
   I’m losing my teeth and I’m losing my hair,
   And now I’ve lost my bifocals, I don’t know where.

   “I live surrounded by things I can’t find
   But that doesn’t mean that I’m losing my mind.
   I know where it is: it’s right here in my head
   And I plan to keep using it till I am dead.

“Now I’ve got my chocolate, I’ll be on my way
I’ve enjoyed talking with you here today.
Have I made myself clear? I don’t need to say more?”
“Sure thing, young lady,” said the man in the store.


"Young Lady" can be sung to the tune of "Polly Vaughn" or "Jack Rafferty" or....

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: GerryM
Date: 09 Jul 22 - 01:42 AM

This one is in the DT:

TAKE YOUR TIME
(Peter Mundey)

You first wound my clock up on our wedding day
You said it would always be striking
Though the spring's getting weaker and feeble the tick
It's still very much to me liking.

Cho: So take your time, me lovely old lad
There ain't no reason to hurry
For as long as you're able to wind up me clock
Then I have no reason to worry.

I mind the time when we were young
You worked at the hedging and dyking
You'd go out at dawn and work through the dusk
Coming home for me clock to be winding.

As time went by, our children grew up
Were soon making wedding vows binding
And all of my daughters the same thing I taught
Make sure your clock always needs winding.

And now that we're nearing the end of our time
And you are so tired and grey, love
It still pleases me when you wind up me clock
And it will till the end of my days, love.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: Joe Offer
Date: 09 Jul 22 - 03:17 AM

Well, there's always My Get Up and Go Has Got Up and Went.
Not really funny, but John Prine's humor is just beloiw the surface in Hello In There.
"The Activity Room (Mrs. Abrams)," by Ruth Pelham. Ronnie Gilbert did a great job with this song on the "Lifeline" album she recorded live with Holly Near in 1983. Again, not a funny song, but humor is just below the surface. I can't find lyrics at Mudcat, but they're in Rise Up Singing.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: Susan of DT
Date: 09 Jul 22 - 05:51 AM

https://mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=5333 Silver in the Stubble

https://mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=2347 Good Boy

https://mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=7756 Wear Purple

https://mudcat.org/@displaysong.cfm?SongID=9608 Favorite things


When are they going to fix the clickifier?

---

Mudcat is constantly changing to adapt to changes on the Internet. The "blickifier" is a minor concern, so it stops working sometimes when Mudcat gets changed, and Max doesn't even notice it needs fixing (he's a Pennsylvanian, so he says "it needs fixed"). If you post an URL at Mudcat, it's quite likely some moderator will change it into a link. It takes us about 3-1/2 seconds. So, just post the URL and hope that somebody will "blickify" it.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: Acorn4
Date: 09 Jul 22 - 05:59 AM

Eastbourne Viagra Blues

Subject: ADD: Ballad of Edna and Ida
From: GUEST,BDenz
Date: 09 Jul 22 - 05:34 PM

We live in Canada and our favourite comedy group has MANY songs that fit this theme.

THE BALLAD OF EDNA AND IDA
(from Arrogant Worms)

dna and Ida are living in a home
Both in their eighties, both widows
Their kids only call to say
They'll come by some other day
Well Christmas came and the kids did not
So Edna said 'thats their last shot'
She called a taxi to the bus
Which took them down to Las Vegas

Edna and Ida are going on a tear
Ripping up the strip and letting down their blue hair
Edna and Ida are spending every cent
Of their children's inheritance

Shooting craps down at Ceasers
Knocking back margueritas
Ida on her walker Edna in her chair
Dancing on the table throwing money in the air
They were at the strip club making noise
When they spotted two frat boys
Who they got drunk and married later
In a ceremony by an Elvis imitator

They laid down for a nap and never got up
At the reading of their wills all the kids showed up
The lawyer read the crumpled note that said 'To everyone
We can't take it with us, but you ain't getting none.'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-qWuATzB60

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: GUEST,henryp
Date: 09 Jul 22 - 05:51 PM

Tom Rush sings the Remember Song

More than six million plays!

https://www.tomrush.com/tag/remember-song/

Remember Song

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: BK Lick
Date: 09 Jul 22 - 09:12 PM

Tom Leher's evergreen
WHEN YOU ARE OLD AND GRAY (on YouTube)
WHEN YOU ARE OLD AND GRAY (on DT)

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: RTim
Date: 09 Jul 22 - 10:45 PM

Seventeen Come Sunday.....

As I strolled out one May morning
One May morning so early
I overtook a handsome maid
And, my goodness, she was early

Her shoes were black and her stockings were white
And her buckles they shone like silver
She had a dark and rolling eye
And her hair hung over her shoulder

"How old are you my fair pretty maid
How old are you my honey?"
She answered me so cheerfully
"Well, I'm seventeen come Sunday"

"Could you love me my fair pretty maid
Could you love me my honey?"
She answered me so tearfully
"Oh, I can't because of Mummy"

"But if you come to my mummy's house
When the moon is shining brightly"
"Oh, I'll come down and let you in"
"And my mummy shall not hear me"

So he went to her mummy's house
When the moon was brightly shining
And she came down and she let him in
And she rolled in his arms till the morning

She says, "Kind sir, will you marry me?"
I says, "Oh no, my honey
For the fife and drum is my delight
And I'm happy in the army"


Tim Radford

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: RTim
Date: 09 Jul 22 - 10:49 PM

Seventeen Come Sunday as sung by Harry Cox, (1885-1971) of Catfield, Norfolk (no date given but recorded first in 1956).
This is the version I prefer to the one above...and used to sing once....

Tim Radford
-----------------------------------
As I walked out one May morning,
One May morning so early'
I overtook a pretty young maid,
Just as the sun was rising,
CHORUS: With my ru, dum, day, fol la diddle day,
Whack with your fol-lad diddle die -do.

Where are you going my pretty maid,
Where are you going my honey?
She answered me right cheerfully,
"In an errand for my mommie."
CHORUS

O, her stockings were white, her shoes were black,
And her buckles shone like silver,
She had a dark and a rolling eye,
And her hair hung round her shoulders.
CHORUS

"How old are you my pretty fair maid,
How old are you my honey?"
She answered me right cheerfully,
"I am seventeen come Sunday."
CHORUS

"Will you marry me my pretty fair maid,
Will you marry me my honey?"
She answered me right cheerfully,
"I dare not for my mommie."

"If you come down to my mammy's house,
When the moon shines bright and clearly,
And I'll come down and let you in,
And my mommie will not hear me."

"I went unto her mammy's house,
When the moon was bright and clearly,
She came down and let me in,
And her mommie did not hear her.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: GeoffLawes
Date: 10 Jul 22 - 08:13 AM

I Wish They'd Do It Now

I was born of Geordy parents one day when I was young
That's how the Geordy language became my native tongue
That I was a pretty baby, my mother she would vow
The girls all ran to kiss me, well I wish they'd do it now

Oh, I wish they'd do it now, oh, I wish they'd do it now
I've got itches in me britches and I wish they'd do it now

Well when I was only six months old, the girls would handle me
They'd clutch me to their bosoms and they'd bounce me on their knees
They would rock me in the cradle and if I make a row
They'd tickle me, they'd cuddle me, I wish they'd do it now

At sixteen months as fine a lad as ever could be seen
The girls all liked to follow me right down to the green
They'd make a chain of buttercups and drop it on my brow
Then they'd roll me in the clover, well I wish they'd do it now

Well the Eastern girls would go with me to swim when it was mild
Down to the river we would go and splash about a while
They'd throw the water over me, duck me like a cow
Then they'd rub me nice all over, oh, I wish they'd do it now

Well its awful lonely for a lad to live a single life
I think I'll go down to the dance tonight and find meself a wife
Oh I have got six brindled pigs, likewise one fat sow
There'll be plenty love and bacon for the girl who'll love me now


"I Wish They'd Do It Now"-John Roberts & Tony Barrand https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=er1ZSmzIWXQ

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: GeoffLawes
Date: 10 Jul 22 - 08:44 AM

Here is a recording of GerryM's suggestion "Take Your Time" posted above
Take Your Time, sung by Faith Petric https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4SDW7zoQos

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: GUEST,Rob Mad Jock Wright
Date: 10 Jul 22 - 03:53 PM

Angie Wright has written several funny songs of note.

“I’m going nowhere “ which is on her CD Heroes and Demons is a wry look at aging.

“Facebook” also on the same CD is a prize winning song about not getting hooked as youngster do on social media.

Both are available on Spotify and 20% of all sales go to support the Scottish Mental Health Charity SAMH.

Listen enjoy and support SAMH.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 17 Jul 22 - 04:47 AM

Several spring to mind:

Various parodies of My Favourite Things, including this one:

There have been numerous claims for a few years now that Julie Andrews sang a different version of the song 'my Favourite Things' at Manhattan's Radio City Hall but they are without foundation. However the lyrics are very good and I have copied them here for you to sing along to. I don't know who penned these but I find them entertaining and there is more than a hint of truth in them. And so, for your delectation, one, two and three, all together now.....

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin ' ,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin ' ,
And we won' t mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favourite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.



Then there’s Victoria Wood’s “Let’s Do it”, aka

The Ballad of Barry and Freda

Freda and Barry sat one night
The sky was clear, the stars were bright
The wind was soft, the moon was up
Freda drained her cocoa cup.
She licked her lips she felt sublime!
She switched off Gardener's Question Time
Barry cringed in fear and dread
As Freda grabbed his tie and said:

Let's do it, let's do it, do it while the mood is right!
I'm feeling, appealing,
I've really got an appetite.
I'm on fire
With desire-
I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir.
Let's do it, let's do it tonight!

But he said:
I can't do it, I can't do it,
I don't believe in too much sex
This fashion
For passion
Turns us into nervous wrecks.
No derision,
My decision:
I'd rather watch the Spinners on the television.
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight.

So she said
Let's do it, let's do it, do it till our hearts go boom
Go native,
Creative,
Living in the living room.
This folly
For jolly;
Bend me over backwards on me hostess trolley!
Let's do it, let's do it tonight.

But he said
I can't do it, I can't do it, my heavy-breathing days are gone.
I'm older, feel colder;
It's other things that turn me on.
I'm imploring-
I'm boring-
Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring!
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight.

Then she said
Let's do it, let's do it, have a crazy night of love!
I'll strip bare,
I'll just wear
Stilettos and an oven glove!
Don't starve a girl of a palaver,
Dangle from the wardrobe in your balaclava.
Let's do it, let's do it tonight!

But he said
I can't do it, I can't do it,
I know I'll only get it wrong.
Don't angle
For me to dangle,
My arms have never been that strong;
Stop pouting!
Stop shouting-
You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting.
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight.

Then she said:
Let's do it, let's do it, share a night of wild romance!
Frenetic,
Poetic, this could be your last big chance!
To quote Milton,
To eat Stilton,
To roll with gay abandon on the tufted Wilton!
Let's do it, let's do it tonight!

But he said:
I can't do it, I can't do it,
I've got other little jobs on hand.
Don't grouse
Around the house
I've got a busy evening planned.
Stop nagging!
I'm flagging;
You know as well as I do that the pipes want lagging.
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight.

So she said:
Let's do it, let's do it, while I'm really in The mood...
Three cheers!
It's years
Since I caught you even semi-nude.
Get drastic,
Gymnastic-
Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic but
Let's do it, Let's do it tonight!

But he said;
I can't do it, I can't do it,
I must refuse to get undressed
I feel silly.
It's too chilly
To go without my thermal vest.
Don't choose me,
Don't use me
My mother sent a note to say you must excuse me.
I can't do it, I can't do it tonight.

And she said:
Let's do it, let's do it, I really absolutely must.
I won't exempt you,
Want to tempt you,
Want to drive you mad with lust.
No cautions - just contortions:
Smear an avocado on my lower portions!
Let's do it, let's do it tonight!

But he said:
I can't do it, I can't do it,
It's really not my cup of tea;
I'm harassed,
Embarrassed;
I wish you hadn't picked on me.
No dramas —
Give me my pyjamas;
The only girl I'm mad about is Judith Chalmers
I can't do it, can't do it tonight.

So she said:
Let's do it, let's do it, I really want to run amok!
Let's wriggle!
Let's jiggle!
Let's really make the rafters rock!
Be mighty,
Be flighty,
Come and melt the buttons on my flame-proof nightie!
Let's do it, let's do it tonight!

And she said:
Let's do it, let's do it, I really want to rant and rave!
Let's go,
Cos I know just
Just how I want you to behave:
Not bleakly,
Not meekly-
Beat me on the bottom with the Woman's Weekly-
Let's do it, let's do it tonight!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 17 Jul 22 - 04:49 AM

And I found another couple of alternative verses for Freda and Barry, as per a YouTube of Victoria Wood performing her song in 2009:

1st Barry verse:
I can’t do it, I can’t do it,
I’m not exactly Russell Brand,
You’re thwarted – I’m sorted,
I’ve got me evening telly planned,
It’s a pity – the nitty gritty,
I’ve taped 11 episodes of Holby City,
I can’t do it, I can’t do it tonight.

2nd Barry verse:
I can’t do it, I can’t do it, Niagara – Viagra,
Nothing really turns me on,
Not stewin’ – boo-hooin’
I’ve had a good look down there and there’s nothing doing,
Can’t do it, can’t do it tonight.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: GUEST,Malcolm Storey
Date: 17 Jul 22 - 09:57 AM

Getting old is not really funny but at least it's not boring.

I wake up every morning with a DIFFERENT set of aches and pains.

It does have its compensations.
You can usually find a seat on public transport & at public places.
You tend not to give a shit about who you upset.

Happy days or is it daze?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: GUEST,henryp
Date: 18 Jul 22 - 12:08 AM

Malcolm's Story

The funny thing about growing old
It’s not as funny as I was told
But every day is different

And every morning when I awake
I find one more place where I ache
But every day is different

In some ways life is better for us
I get a seat whenever I go by bus
But every day is different

If I don’t like your point of view
I won’t waste time talking to you
But every day is different

And though we view things through a haze
We still hope to see happy days
But every day is different

Stick with it, Malcolm! The alternative is worse.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: GUEST,Malcolm Storey
Date: 20 Jul 22 - 10:59 AM

I've no intention of opting for the alternative any day soon Henry.

Thanks for the lyrics - any idea of a tune?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: GUEST,henryp
Date: 22 Jul 22 - 07:12 AM

Malcolm’s Story

The funny thing about growing old
It’s not as funny as I was told
But each day’s different, I’m pleased to say
And life's not boring in any way!

Every morning when I awake
There’s a new place where I ache
Then a lazy breakfast comes as a perk
Instead of that regular dash to work

There’s one thing that’s better for us
We get our free pass for the bus
And on our journey into town
We get reserved seats where we sit down

I have a list of things to fix
Don’t get me started on politics!
If I don’t like your point of view
Then I’m not wasting my time with you

And though we see things through a haze
We hope we’ll still see happy days
But each day’s different, I’m pleased to say
And life's not boring in any way!

Malcolm, most of the words are your own!
Tune; O’Carolan’s Fanny Power fits very well,
though the first part may be enough.

But I can see you doing it as a rap!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Funny Songs about Aging
From: GUEST,Malcolm Storey
Date: 23 Jul 22 - 08:06 PM

Not sure I have that much energy these days Henry.

However I might be able to manage a Hitchcock type walk on in either the stage or film version!