BS: So Embarrassed...............!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Áine
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 06:22 PM

A few years ago, I went to Ireland to study Irish in a small (and I do mean small) village. It was the first time I'd ever been away from my four children, the youngest one only a few months over a year old, so of course, I showed pictures of them to everyone I met. I stayed in a lovely B&B, and as I was there for two weeks, the lady of the house offered to wash my laundry with her family's weekly washing. Not wanting to impose on her, I took my washing down to the tiny laundrette in the village and handed it over to the lady there to handle, and she assured me that she'd have it ready to be picked up that afternoon.

Off I went to my morning classes, and at teatime, when I went up to the counter to get my cuppa and a biscuit or two, the young lady behind the counter insisted on me taking extra milk in my tea and also pushed several biscuits on me, telling me to put them in my pockets in case I got hungry later on.

Totally mystified, I took the extra milk and the extra biscuits, and went back to class. It was a lovely day, with everyone smiling at me and being very nice and chatty. That afternoon I picked up my laundry and took it to my lodgings to put it away. I unwrapped the paper surrounding my clothes, and there on top, neatly folded and slightly battered from use, was my nursing bra! I'd brought it on the trip with me simply because it was the most comfortable one in my drawer at home -- then the penny dropped on why I'd been given the 'special' treatment at teatime! Not a word had been spoken, but I knew the whole village thought I was expecting again -- talk about embarrassed!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 06:36 PM

I think I told this one before. I keep telling it, 'cause each time it gets less embarassing. I was 15 or 16 at the time. A friend and I were at the local pool. We went into the changing area to take off our bathing suits and put on our clothes. As adolescent males are likely to do, we began rolling up our towels into "rat tails" and snapping them at each other. They can leave quite a welt, especially when damp. Hello Mudcatters! I've been away for a while and I'm gonna be going away again, but I had to check in.

What began as fun took on a very earnest note (typical male stuff) and I was slowly losing. Not wanting to give up, I began backing up, still snapping my towel in defense. Suddenly I realize I am about 20 feet outside the bathhouse door with nothing on except the towel in my hands. Only then did my friend (who still has his suit on also realized what had happened. I am sure I turned red, quickly dropped my towel to my waist and headed back to the bathhouse. I do not know who if anyone saw me, but I spent some extra time in the bathhouse hoping whoever had seen would leave and I wouldn't have to face them.

Roger in Baltimore

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 07:02 PM

Okay, I've got one for you.
When I was 17 years old, coming home late one night after a party, having had way too much to drink. I thought I could sneak past my dad who was still up reading in the den. But instead, he started talking and wanted to know if I had a good time at the party. We had a short little chat and said our goodnights. I thought I had pulled it off quite well. He did not notice how drunk I was. Then when I went to go change for bed I realized my sweater was inside out and backwards.
My dad was a very wise man.

Little Neo

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 07:49 PM

Egging cars with friends one Halloween, age 11 or so. Friend tosses one on a cop car!!! Duh!!! We all scatter. behind me I hear heavy footsteps, my friend the egger right behind me. I run right into an impenetrable bush. Turing to snarl and swear at my stupid friend, I begin with "You F***ing A**hole... oh. Officer, it's you."

"Yes, and we're going for a little ride."

Then there was the night another friend and I TP'd my own house, ran out of TP, and she knocked on the door to ask my mom for more TP. TP was provided, and we continued to do the most bee-u-tee-full job we had ever seen. Practice is important, and I try to apply that now. Unfortunately none of my stories quite measure up to my sister's high school-aged naked golf course outings, called Maneuvers, involving teams hunting each other in the dark.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:09 PM

Praise! Such language from an 11-year-old? Shameful!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Lor
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:32 PM

My hubby doesn't like to tell this story, so I'll have the pleasure to tell it me-self!

Back in the mid-'70's when hubby was an idealistic freshman in college & ready to live a little, he was eyeing a "pretty" girl who sat near him in one of his classes. He was painfully shy with girls & was trying to work on a smooth approach to ask her out. Meantime, back in the dorm, he & his buddies decided that since streaking was the thing to do at the time, they would go for it! So Friday nite they had a beer, planned their path to travel, stripped to bare-necked & tore out of their dorm -- takin' it to the streets. Laughing his head off & flapping free and easy in the breeze he rounded the corner only to run into... the girl he was dying to ask out!!! She definitely SAW him -- he was mortified...(and knew there wouldn't be a date)...so much for smooth approaches!

~Lor.

sorry, hubby -- just had to tell it (one more time) :)

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:37 PM

Lor, you married him anyway tho?

Mbo, I've only been a pastor's wife 7 years!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:48 PM

Well I'm only 21, and I never use profanity at all...can't see myself doing it at 60 either. I would have said "Hark, thou scurvy patch! Oh...hello officer!"

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:50 PM

Yeah but I talked my way out of it at the station house, so apparently I was irresistable even then, despite my foul mouth. *BG*

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Lor
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:59 PM

Praise~

Yes, I did indeed marry him -- streaked past & all! By the time I met him he was wise enough to keep this little funny to himself...until AFTER we tied the knot. And he had worked on his approach, too! LOL!

~Lor.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:04 PM

But does he keepo his FANNY to himself, and to thine self only be his fanny troo?

He doesn't streak at the mall or anything? Oh, rats!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,The Beanster
Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:11 PM

Oh the pain, the misery of telling this one...

When I was 14, I was hanging out with my sister one weekend who was in her freshman year at college. She was cool, her friends were very cool and through association, I figured I was pretttty darn cool myself. Well, we were all hanging out at one of her friend's houses and we were talking and playing records and I was fitting in quite well, much to my amazement. Of course, I had made sure to dress cool and say a lot of cool things. So eventually, The Cool One, yours truly, has to go pee. The bathroom happens to be right off the living room with the door facing the living room. I'm sitting, peeing, happy and most of all, verrrrry cool...until someone (a guy, even worse) innocently opens the door, starts pulling it open, slowly, not watching, while he's still talking to the folks in the living room and I'm SO embarrassed, sitting on the toilet, I can't even make a sound to get his attention to tell him to stop!!! before it's TOOO LAAAATE!!! But no, he pulls the door open all the way, in full view of all the people in the living room!!!! Holy Mary Mother 'O God. He quickly said, "Oh! I'm so sorry!" and closed the door--but let me tell you, I wanted to flush myself right down the toilet just so I would NEVER have to come out again! LOLOL Horrible. Just horrible.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 10:39 AM

Thank you all for making me feel fairly normal. I did not relate to you one of my most embarassing episodes as I thought it was a little bit personal. But I can see that we are all friends and hope no one will be offended by my next offering. Women in particular with empathise with this. I wrote down my experience in poetic format...read on....
As your soaped and showered naked body
Climbs up onto the couch
(Please use the steps provided)
The doctor utters the imortal words
"Knees up and let them flop open"
And he smile a reassuring "I've seen it all before" sort of smile
But you don't believe it
He tells you to relax
(its a joke isn't it)
As his freshly rubber gloved hands
make their way between your legs
He talks about his holiday in Lanzerote
And you try not to pass wind
Apparantly you have a wonderful cervix
(cant wait to tell everyone)
He turns and picks up a large metal object
Which look like a set of curling tongs
(Shampoo and set please)
The speculum is inserted
Slick as a flick knife
He shines a light where no light has shone before
The wonderful cervix is still wonderful
And he still has a tan from Lanzerote
The dreaded object is removed
with a slurp
You try to cough to cover it up
Fail
And pass wind

Patrish ....

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 10:59 AM

I think they oughtta light 'em!

BTW, the technical term for the professional involved is MD (Muff Diver). I tell all my doctors that, they love to laugh over it. Turns out they have a bit of generally-unexposed embarrassment over these processes as well!!!

There are other circumstances when a lady can find it even more embarrassing to pass wind when in a simliar position.

Yes?

BTW, a real lady never farts, but poots, I've been told, so hey! That lets me out!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Patrish
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 10:59 AM

Oops forgot to put my name in the last post, sorry
Patrish

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Jeri
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 12:17 PM

Patrish, I honestly think those Docs don't get embarrassed unless the patient does. I used to "chaperone" and concentrated on chatting with the woman. (Usually this ended with the Doc saying "Thank you Jeri, you can go now. Jeri? The patient has to get dressed..."

Embarrassment breeds. I used to interview sexually transmitted disease patients. I told them about the disease they had, and explained my job was to stop it from spreading by treating all their partners, so I was going to ask them a bunch of nosey questions, (after they got a chance to ask me questions) - i.e., with whom, when, which bodily location, etc. This was embarrassing for me for about the first 4 or 5 times I did it. (The patient was embarrassed, I got embarrassed, the patient got even more embarrassed...) I guess I finally got de-sensitized or something.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: MMario
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 12:51 PM

Mbo - you lie! You use profanity, I've seen it in your posts.....and I believe I heard a couple of "bloody"'s over hearme the other night.....

that counts, y'know.....*grin*

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Bert
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 01:27 PM

bloody, ain't swearing

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: MMario
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 01:36 PM

depends on who you ask, bert. My grandma washed my mouth out with soap for that one.....

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Bert
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 01:41 PM

WOBH

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Linda Kelly
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 03:51 PM

well - I used to be a building society manager and one day I noticed that there was a highly suspicious man lurking outside the front of the office windows. He was grubby unshaven and had a woolly hat pulled down over his eyes which virtually covered his face. In those days the cashiers did not have security screens and we were very sensitive to anyone who was a potential bank robber. He continued to stare through the windows and because there was a queue of customers and with their safety in mind i called the local police station and asked for an officer to come poste haste. This duly happened with the police car screeching to a halt and two policeman accosting the suspect. Everyone's attention was drawn to this including Sally the temporary cashier.'Why are they arresting my Dad?' she cried. Her father, a local farmer was waiting to take her for lunch... anyone can make mistakes!....

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: kendall
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 04:38 PM

I did a performance at a big outdoor gathering, and, at the time, I was doing Three legged man. That always brought a laugh. After my set, I was hunkered down, putting my guitar in its cas, and, I heard a creaking sound approaching. It stopped right alongside me, and I knew it was an artificial leg. I looked up, expecting to be chastened, but the man was grinning, and wanted to know if I could be hired to do a show for some gathering of handicapped folks. 'course I was relieved..

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: JedMarum
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 04:45 PM

Great story, Ickle Dorritt!

I am not sure if this next story is a most embarassing moment, but; some years ago, making a modest musician's income, I was approached by a freind who had hurt her back. She wanted to know could I fill in for her as an artist's model while she recuperated; daytime hours, 2 hour classes, good hourly rate, 5 classes per week, four weeks max - sure I could handle that ... 'it's nude modeling, is it still OK with you' - being a liberated (and macho) sort of guy I said, 'No problem'. But then the day I got there, as I got undressed for the class, it was very difficult. I knew I was committed but I kept wondering to myself "Jed, how do get yourself into these things?"

There is no punch line to this story. I worked my 4 weeks, and didn't extend the contract - but this was a generally humbling experience.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Bert
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 04:47 PM

And they didn't notice the switch Jed??

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 07:12 PM

BERT, YOU HAVE TO READ MORE SLOWLY-- HE SAID HE DIDN'T EXTEND

oops sorry caps

to the rest of these--

oo oo oo oo oo oo o ooo oo !!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Sorcha
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 07:16 PM

OOOOOOOOOO Praise you are SOOOOO naughty!! LOL LOLDidn't extend..........

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Mar 00 - 07:17 PM

thankyouverymusch...

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 06:05 AM

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 06:35 AM

I'm embarrassed already, I hit the wrong button. Anyway, Sydney 1970, three sailors - me one of 'em. Lots of beer, find some girls, find a party. Passion time, engaged in activity with tongue fully extended. All okay until the fine membrane of skin on the bottom side of tongue slips down into gap in front teeth and gets caught there ! Cannot retract tongue into mouth - very painful. Girl puzzled to say the least, thinks I'm just fooling around. It's very difficult to be coherent with one's tongue hanging out of the mouth, try it, just a lot of slobber & dribble. Found one of the mates who organised a taxi for us to an all-night chemist. The taxi driver was pretty chary, guess he'd never had a passenger before who kept his tongue out for the whole trip. The chemist put a small clamp on my teeth and opened the gap, the membrane slipped out, and tongue retracted. Joy of joys ! The muscles at the back of my throat ached for days. The mates ribbed me for years. It's funny though, when you fall off a horse .................

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 04:48 PM

Hey Patrish, I am always pulling tampons out of my pockets!!, I've even done it at school when looking for some polo's to give out in class!! (For the rest of you- I am male!) just that my Mrs never carries a handbag and so I often have pockets of all sorts of things...... Anyway......... When I was a spotty teenager I used to travel to paddington tech college on the tube (subway? underground) from Balham. One day crowded, as usual, I was suck face up against the doors of the carriage wearing a clean white baggy shirt. I saw this real pretty girl on the platform and leaned to the edge of the opened doors, just as the doors were shutting. I couldn't step back as there were a few people stood close behind me now, and the doors shut on my shirt with the buttons trapped!. The next few stations, the doors open on the other side-so I travel with my face stuck to the glass, my shirt trapped in the doors and more and more empty seats-even when we stopped for signals for about five minutes (the northern line was always terrible) I could see out of the corner of my eye people wondering why I was standing so close to the doors.I couldn't say anything, just turn and get redder and redder. When I eventually got to a station where the doors opened my side I had two enormous dirty black sticky rubber/grease lines down the front of my shirt and had to spend the whole day like it. Serves me right I guess. Eric-see you at the jug. Hope you have clean knickers.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: JedMarum
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 05:16 PM

bert - they sure noticed the switch. My first class was all women; 23 of them. One of the ladies did a drawing for one of the long poses, of me from the knee to the navel. It apparently pleased her instructor because he hung it on the wall of the hallway leading to the art department. Thankfully the drawing did not depict my face, so my genitalia was anonomously posted for the duration of the semester.

It was a coincidence that I was also booked to play a concert at that same college, and the ads for that show were all over the campus throughout the time I spent modeling. No one ever seemed to make the connection at first (I presume they didn't recognize my photo since I was wearing clothes in the pic) but the last week I was there the instructor figured it out, and asked if I would pose with my guitar for the last class. Thankfully, I got to do that class fully clothed.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Elektra
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 07:38 PM

Here's one for ya...

I was having my bathroom re-tiled, so I was using my son's bathroom to take a shower. No sooner had I heated the water to the right temp and stepped in, than I realized I had forgotten to bring a clean towel. Without turning off the water, I stepped out and 'round the corner into the hallway, glanced into the closet, saw there were no towels, and as I turned back around I said "Honey, I need a...towel..." I trailed off, as I looked up to see my at-the-time-live-in-boyfriend had just answered the door on my ex-(but-still-friendly-though-greatly-disliked-by-my-then-current-lover)boyfriend who were both standing in the doorway some 20 feet away, speechlessly gaping at me in all my naked, dripping, defenseless glory. I guess I hadn't heard the door over the water noise and they *naturally* looked over at the sound of my voice. "Ahem." I cleared my throat and shook my index finger in the universal "just-a-minute" gesture to puntuate as I said with a sheepish grin, "If you gentlemen will excuse me for just a moment..." and dashed back into the bathroom to finish showering, laughing hysterically until Lee (then-current) brought me a towel. Of course the whole exchange took less time than it does to read -- less than ten seconds probably.

The most hilarious part about it was that in that throat-clearing second I briefly considered simply brazening my way across the room to get a towel from my bedroom (after all, they've BOTH seen me naked PLENTY of times, right?), but then decided that Lee wouldn't have appreciated my logic.

Believe it or not, though I was concerned about Lee getting bent out of shape, aside from that I found it incredibly funny and not the least bit embarassing. (For whatever that says about *me*.) They, on the other hand, were too shocked to say _anything_. So perhaps it doesn't really qualify. Nonetheless, I thought you might appreciate it. ;-)

*elektra*

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: JedMarum
Date: 10 Mar 00 - 11:53 PM

great story elektra!

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 01:20 AM

John Gray, that's one of the funniest stories I've heard. These are all hilarious.

I have so many it's hard to choose...I live an embarrassing life, I think. But on the theory that it isn't nice to lurk and laugh at everyone else's stories without exposing your own foolishness:

After the kid's dad and I divorced, I decided that the *next* man in my life was going to be sophisticated, financially secure, professional -- all the stuff my husband hadn't been. Sure enough, one of the town's young bankers invited me to meet him at the local park and we would go running together. So I dashed home after work that day and started putting on my running shorts. However, I hadn't actually gotten around to doing laundry yet and the only undies I had were some fairly baggy ones that were actually the bottoms of my pajamas. I thought they'd do just fine, and I put them on, pulled on my jogging shorts and drove over to the track. We were running around the track, talking, panting and all of a sudden I looked down at the precise moment he looked down and discovered that my baggy navy blue underpants had slipped down out from under my jogging shorts and were draping out on either side of my shorts. I was mortified. Luckily, I had already decided I couldn't abide this particular man, and my opinion was confirmed when he failed to laugh at my predicament and just looked MORE constipated and horrified. Those of us who are clowns by nature should mostly spend time with people who'll have the good sense to laugh at us!

WyoWoman

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Hagbardr
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 01:43 AM

This one happened just tonight. I was driving home, listening to Queen at full volume, and singing along (at full volume). I pull up to the light and continue singing when I look over at the car next to me and see three teenagers laughing hystericly at me.

So I roll down the window and let them listen too.

Hagbard

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 04:31 AM

Selective memory or what Micca - how about that time in Barcelona? This was a giant festival, with over 600 giants from around the world, plus all their teams, about 6000 people in all. It was one heck of a party! It started as a formal reception, so we dressed formally.....

Micca was wearing his kilt, danced very energetically and got sweaty, as you do. Of course, being a traditionalist, he wears his kilt traditionally..... yes. Or rather, no..... There was nothing in the way of clothing to soak up the aforementioned sweat, and so he got a little chaffed.....

On arriving at our billet, he proceeded to rub some soothing creams upon the sore patch, not realising that the "soothing cream" he had chosen specifically says do not use on sore or broken skin......

Ever seen a grown man, stark b****ck naked, save for a pair of socks and skien dhu, do the highland fling in the cool night air on the public balcony, whilst waving his tackle in the air and hooting obscenities?

There were four of us in the room, all of whom were too paralysed with laughing to either a) offer anything in the way of assistance, aid, sympathy or support; b) grab a camera - of which there were three to hand; or c) grab the video camera, that was barely 2 feet from my hands.....

LTS whoisabouttoleavethecountryveryveryquickly.....

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: The Shambles
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 12:43 PM

My first job, at 16, was as a van-boy (driver's mate). I was terribly shy but I felt that I had to play the part. It was the thing for us young lads and one of the compensations used, to relive the boredom of regular trips through West London traffic, to leer-at, whistle and call out to attractive young ladies. Such clever phrases as 'allo darlin' and 'whoooa' spring to mind, from those pre PC days. I did get my 'just desserts' however.

There was one particular girl that I used to embarrass, in this fashion every morning, as she queued for a bus. Despite this apparent bravado, I did confide (unwisely) in my driver that I did in fact 'fancy' this young lady very much indeed.

Unknown to me, he decided that he would help. Next morning as I wound down the handle and proceeded to hangout of the window to begin my usual performance, he stopped the truck. After the first whistle I found myself stationary and face to face with the object of my affections and completely at a loss as to what to say or how to proceed. She found it most amusing as did the rest of the queue and my driver really enjoyed my discomfort. I kept smiling at her weakly and turning round to the driver and whispering, out of the corner of my mouth "drive on you B*****!

I did meet with her a little time after that and we did go out together. She did recognise me but to her eternal credit she did not ever mention the incident and of course I did not bring it up either.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Too revealing to give my real name
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 01:03 PM

(Barky, skip this message.)

My first sexual experience was one of the most embarassing moments of my life.

When I was 17, I worked at a movie theatre, back in the days when there were ushers and smoking sections (lodges I believe they were called.)

The projectionist who was in his mid 30s at the time, married and shameless womanizer and a toker, took a shine to me, and we also shared a common bond in the fact that we both liked to toke.

On my breaks, I would go upstairs to the projection room and get high with the projectionist. Over a period of time, we became pretty close as friends, and one day, while having a break up there, he point blank asked me if I'd ever been laid. I admitted to him that I although I'd bullshitted alot of people about the fact that I had, in actuality the answer was no, but that I really wanted to. He said he'd set it up and take care of it.

Several days later, while I was working the door, two fairly attractive girls in their early 20s showed up, one of whom was pushing a baby carriage with a baby that looked to be about 4 months old. They asked to be able to go up and see the projectionist...so I let them in and showed them upstairs. I was then introduced to the one with the baby in tow. She was cute, had a decent figure and was well endowed and about 5 years older than me. We all toked up, and then she took me aside and invited me to her place the following Saturday, to get high and hang out, as she put it.

I had my mother give me a lift to her house, lying to my mother and telling her I was going to a male friend's house to check out the first and newly released Led Zepplin album.

I get to the house, and there is no answer when I knock on the door. I go around to the backyard (it was a hot summer day) and there she is, sun tanning herself topless. I was startled and shocked, having never seen bare breasts in the flesh before. The only reference point I'd had up till now was the braziere section of the Sears catalogue, a favourite bathroom companion at the time.

She reattaches her top, we go inside and toke up...and I was real nervous, perspiring heavily and feeling totally out of control emotionally. (Scared shitless would be a more appropriate term.) We made idle chit chat for a while, with the baby sleeping in a crib a few feet away.

Finally in what seemed to happen all too quickly for me, the next thing I know she is lying totally naked on the couch beckoning me. I start breaking into a cold sweat, still fully clothed, and get my wallet out, which contains a 3 or 4 year old condom that I had been carrying with me for prestige and ''just in case'' for such an opportunity...

The moment of truth arrives and I start to remove my pants fully expecting that I will be erect, and to my utter shock and panic I am completely flacid...and of course no one had ever told me that it worked much better applying a condom if one was erect.

For 10 minutes (but felt like an eternity) I struggled trying to get this condom on (and of course all the lubrication had long since dried out, so there was no ''help'') and I was just sweating buckets. There was no friggin' way that condom was going on.

Girl looks at me and says '' you've never done this before have you?''...and seems mildy irritated while lying there spread eagled waiting for me...and I reply '' sure I have. It's just been so long, that it feels like the first time'', ever the cocky teenager, wilting more and more by the second.

Finally she says, forget the condom, you don't need it..cummere...

I climb on board, very conscious of this baby in a crib a few feet away, nothing is happening physiologically with me, and all I want to do is get the hell out of there, so I can run home and jerk off in peace, get into bed and pull the covers over my head...I manage to get about half an inch inward, and then there is a loud knock at her door. I jump off of her and bolt into her bathroom with my clothes. I get dressed and climb out through her bathroom window (ground floor) and run down the street totally freaking out...and walk the 4 miles to get home.

Couple of days later I'm back at work, and get high with the projectionist, and he's just killing himself laughing, and embarrassing me further with little humourous quipps and put downs...I never did see this girl again...but one of my most common recurring fantasies is to be magically transported back in time and resolve the situation with her good and proper.

It would be another 2 years into the future when I finally got this sex thing right, and it was with someone that I had taken the time to get to know with an emotional bond in place.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Micca
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 01:55 PM

ok Liz, what about you Dancing the Can-can in the pub car park with 12 guys dressed as women and assorted women????? We demand to know.....

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 01:57 PM

Too Revealing to give my real name, that was some story.
Maybe it was best that your first real experience was with someone who offered you intimacy within a more loving connection.
The way I see it, is way back then you were showing sensitive and tender qualities in your character that were not willing to be compromised. Your integrity directed you to wait until you found someone who would really care.

Little Neo

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 02:00 PM

Yeah, Neo, I like him too!

I have a funny first-time story too but not till I reset my cookie!! I doubt it will seem as lofty in your estmation as this one was though.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Too revealing to give my real name
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 02:33 PM

Well Neo, your comments are appreciated...but in reality I cannot boast that at the time ''I was showing sensitive and tender qualities in my character that were not willing to be compromised...and that my integrity directed me to wait until I found someone who would really care''...

I really really wanted to have sex with this woman. There were no honorable intentions, and let's face it, with very few exceptions, all men are pigs.

My hormones were running rampant...but I was totally freaked out, scared shitless, and was not in control...

A couple of years later, I was in control and I managed the situation...

...so I wasn't really as honorable as you'd like to think I was...I was just a guy being, a guy...

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 03:45 PM

Can can? What Can can???..... And you were the one in a dress.....

Now if it were the grapes incident.......

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: Micca
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 09:01 PM

Here is the scene,it is a Folk festival camp site, 2.30 in the morning, a blind friend, Mark, p***ed as a banana, feels sick, gets out of his tent and noisily makes it to the nearby hedge and starts throwing up, 2 female members of our group hear him and get out to make sure he is OK and, as he is blind, don't worry about dressing, they have 1 pair of skimpy knickers between them (its a warm night). So there they are holding him up as he pukes, when it suddenly becomes very bright and a voice says "Hello, Hello, Hello, what have we here then", 2 Policemen on patrol have them in their torchlight and are trying, with very little sucess not to burst out laughing.
The scene shifts to 2 weeks later and one of the "ministering angels" is nervously watching the Best Man at her wedding stand up to begin his speech.
Everything is ok until the last 2 telegrams
I ( for it is I) read the penultimate " from Mark (the blind guy)I don't know how she will be in health but she is a great support in sickness"
" and finally " we hope to see more of you sometime" from 2 Thames Valley policemen"
I never knew anyone could turm so red, so quick.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Mar 00 - 11:30 PM

GUEST,Too revealing to give my real name--

Some of us still like you anyway, but your honesty also is cute!

Ah, ladies, where were we when he needed us, then?

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Too revealing to give my real name
Date: 12 Mar 00 - 12:12 AM

Praise,

Thank you....and for the compliments.

Yeah.....so where the hell were you? *BG*

Back though, at that particular point in time you were probably doing what I meant to be doing...except you knew what you were doing.

I've had a wee bit of practise since then. *BG*

Anyway, probably nuff said on this topic.

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: GUEST,Too revealing to give my real name
Date: 12 Mar 00 - 12:23 AM

In retrospect I should have named the story, ''Portanoy's Complaint meets Kurt Vonegut.''

Subject: RE: BS: So Embarrassed...............!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 Mar 00 - 12:24 AM

Oh you kid!