A 'for real' song challenge

Subject: A 'for real' song challenge
From: Fountainfox
Date: 17 Mar 00 - 08:25 AM

This is worth the 20-second phone call it takes. Unfortunately, you'll have to go offline (unless you have more advanced hardware that I do) to hear it.

The following is the Customer Service number for Brown & Williamson Tobacco Corporation.

1-800-578-7453

Dial the number and listen to their greeting message until the point when you are requested to choose an extension - then you can hang up.

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: GUEST,Bill F.
Date: 17 Mar 00 - 08:43 AM

A challenge Indeed!

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: Fortunato
Date: 17 Mar 00 - 09:03 AM

Thanks Fountain Fox I nearly became incontinent laughing.

Tobaccoland.

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 00 - 09:11 AM

Wow! That cracks me up!! LOL!! Hummmmmmmm... :>)

Must be hard to be a tobacco company these days -- seems they're cracking up too!

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 Mar 00 - 02:11 PM

Come on now - for those of us on the other side ofbthe Atrlantic, tell us what it's about. Am I right to assume they want a song in support of lung cancer?

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 00 - 02:27 PM

I know we killed yer grandpa
By poisoning his lungs
We used John Wayne to sell him
On smoke, when he was young
I know that we addicted him
To sucking on our smokes
So we're trying to make friends again
By making clever jokes

cho: Come back to B and Double-Yew
We're wanting to be friends
Please don't get mad because yer folks
Have met untimely ends
At least their lives were happy
With satisfying sins
Responding to addictions
That we helped to begin!

I know we took yer Gramma too,
When she was twenty-two
We pitched her Lucky Strikes and Kents
For when her work was through
So rich, so firm, so fully packed
We made it sound so gay!
But emphysema settled in
And Gramma went away

Cho.



Somehow I don't think this is what they're looking for...

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 17 Mar 00 - 04:39 PM

This reminds me of a song that I've known for a long time. More's the pity, I can't claim to have written it, in response to this song challenge or otherwise. But it goes:

Tobacco is a dirty weed.
I like it.
It satisfies no mortal need.
I like it.
It makes ya thin,
It makes ya lean,
It takes the hair right off yer bean.
It's the worst durn stuff I ever seen.
I like it.

I don't, by the way.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 17 Mar 00 - 05:14 PM

Larry Hanks sings an old moralizing song about tobacco. If I can dig through my tapes and find it, I'll post the lyrics. Oops, I guess I'm not supposed to post a content-less message like this. Too bad.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: rangeroger
Date: 17 Mar 00 - 06:20 PM

Yes indeed,that really sucked.
Absolutely made my day.
Any takers for the challenge?
rr

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: Fountainfox
Date: 17 Mar 00 - 07:10 PM

Amos:

Seems to me your masterpiece would go well to the tune of the 'Gallant Forty-Twa.' That what you had in mind?

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 17 Mar 00 - 07:10 PM

Have ee gat a loit boiy? Molly Windley, she smokes like a chimbley but she's my little nicotine gal...

Regretably (or not) that is all I remember of the song by the Norfolk Singing Postman, from the deep dark days of the 1950's - my dad told me about him.... Song was sung in a near unintelligible language called Norfolk Dialect...

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: The Shambles
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 01:50 AM

Sheila Hancock had a hit in the 60s with 'When I've had that last cigarette'. The words were pretty good, from what I can remember. Not as good as Amos's ones above.

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: GUEST,The Beanster
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 01:57 AM

Amos,

Laughed 'til I wheezed at that one above!!

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette. Puff, puff, puff it if you puff yourself to death. Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate that you just hate to make him wait. But you just gotta have another cigarette.

(Who did that--Dan Hicks?)

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: The Shambles
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 01:58 AM

SMOKE! SMOKE! SMOKE THAT CIGARETTE!. Interesting to think how these (old) songs would be written now?

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: The Shambles
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 02:02 AM

How was that for speed? One minute! Really 'Smokin'.

I had actually posted the link before I saw the above post. Merle Travis, indeed it was.

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: GUEST,The Beanster
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 02:09 AM

WOWW!! Shambles, I'm SO impressed!! Fastest link in the West/East/North/South! Thank you so much for those lyrics--that Merle was a funny guy, no? LOL

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 02:16 AM

Doc Watson does that one too.

Subject: RE: BS: A 'for real' song challenge
From: Ebbie
Date: 18 Mar 00 - 02:22 AM

McGrath, et al- FYI-the phone number gives one a chorus from Brown and Williamson company of a rather lame song extolling the virtues of tobacco but warning that it's not for teens: Oh, the tobacco plant is a lovely plant, etc,etc, but if you're under 21, go climb a tree... Then they say, "If you think the song really sucks, we agree! Write a better song and send it to us"...