Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks

Subject: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: bbelle
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 08:09 PM

HOW TO ANNOY FOLKS

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

As much as possible: skip rather than walk.

Ask people what gender they are.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Send this list to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: GUEST,Betty
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 08:27 PM

Or, simply start a thread like this one.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: bigchuck
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 08:41 PM

Gee, Moon, this seems awfully familiar...almost like i'd seen it before. :>)

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 08:46 PM

Play a loud instrument a half beat behind everyone else.

Go to concerts and tell everybody how great the performers used to be before this, that or the other happened.

Send vegemite to overly flatulent individuals on the other end of the planet.

Insist that your particular instrument is the last word in whatever. ie; ________isn't worth seeing without________. ______would be better if they had a __________player (Fill in the blanks with your own examples)



All I could think of for now.
Rich

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: GUEST,Joerg
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 08:47 PM

*BG*, Jenny.

:-D

Joerg

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Art Thieme
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 08:59 PM

Say in as many Mudcat threads as possible that ALL goddam songs are folksongs !

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: MK
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 09:15 PM

Start a thread called:
HELP:Need To Learn Jazz Piano This Weekend (*BG*)

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: bbelle
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 09:18 PM

Hey, Guest, Betty ... So why did you stop in? I couldn't have marked it any more clearly. Get with the program or don't let the door hit you in the arse on your way out.

To the rest ... good 'uns, all.

moonjen

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 09:23 PM

Start a thread on the definition of folk music.

Rich

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Art Thieme
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 09:40 PM

creep this thread into a definition of folksongs thread.

Art

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: ddw
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 09:46 PM

Flame anybody who starts a thread you don't like.

david

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 10:51 PM

start a post that you don't fin

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: MK
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 10:58 PM

Sing or play :

Doh, Ray, Mee, Fah, So, Lah, Ti.................and run away!

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Matt_R
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 11:01 PM

Mention the "O" word around here.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: bbelle
Date: 17 Oct 00 - 11:52 PM

Now, now, Matt ... the word "O" could signify different things to different folks, i.e., "The Story of O" ...

moonjen hauling her naughty self to bed

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Helen
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 01:01 AM

Rich, am I ever going to be forgiven for sending Vegemite to a fartulous individual? Oh, woe is me! O me miserum! Mea culpa, mea culpa. (ha ha, I don't get any adverse effects from way over the Pacific Ocean) *grin*

Helen

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 01:47 AM

Start laughing loudly at a wedding service just when the minister says "and if anyone here knows just reason why these two should not be wed, let them speak now or forever hold their peace" (works every time mates)

My wife always says "I cant take you anywhere twice" (well she does, but the second time is only to appologise)Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: rabbitrunning
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 01:55 AM

Sing "This is the song that never ends" or "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" under your breath all day and claim that someone else got you started when people complain.

Whenever you're leading a bunch of singers, sing really really fast...

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 02:40 AM

1. Love is all it usually takes to make people trot out their worst uglinesses for a viewing. Not sure this is true annoyance but it usually looks much like it.

2. Loving them persistently, once they have done that which is indicated in #1, usually increases the apparent annoyance factor astronomically.

(I don't mean those sloppy fuzzy feelings we call love, either, I mean LOVE IN ACTION.)

3. And use the J-word once too often, of course remembering that [too often] varies moment to moment, group to group, subject to subject, and place to place and depending on the phase of some planet somewhere. Thus one need not work overhard on this, and one use can be far more than is needed to accomplish one's annoyance goal.

4. [Insert verb of choice here] like you MIGHT use the J-word, or like you once did, or like someone else who once did.

5. Use the politically unpopular expression of the day that was JUST THE THING yesterday.

6. Stick around the Mudcat long enough that one person finds your stay too damn long and organizes a posse to root you (and your ilk) the hell out.

7. Act uncharacteristically acerbic when sweet goo is expected, or the reverse, especially flipping back and forth between them. I find this method most natural personally and when annoyance is my goal I employ it almost effectively. Genuine but unwanted apologies are a related strategy.

8. Try NOT to annoy, which is very annoying to annoyed people in general.

9. When all else fails, commit the grave sin of using someone's favorite word all wrong (according to them, and done seemingly on purpose), misspelling it if possible.

10. To really annoy FOLKS, do any of these in a song.

~S~

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 03:39 AM

When making love, be sure and let your partner know your enjoyment, every now and then laugh out loud

Allow your dog to show his love for your friends by letting him roger their knees
Patrish

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Catrin
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 04:21 AM

Take a bodrhan to a sing around.

Stand just behind someone who is singing an unnacompained song and sing a different version, louder!

Start a thread called 'all mudcatters are dimwits, without posting a message'

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Lena
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 05:21 AM

I know partners who would get up and walk out if you laugh while making love.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Jeri
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 08:26 AM

The #1 thing to do to annoy others is to not get annoyed. People intentionally try to jerk your chain, and others are really into being offended or angry while you sit there smiling obliviously. Drives 'em nuts.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Bernard
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 08:51 AM

Be me.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Giac
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 08:55 AM

Say once too often, "Let me tell you about this really cool thing that was on Mudcat today ... ." Then tell them, complete with hand gestures, about a post that makes no sense unless one had read the whole thread and several others that lead into it.

Guaranteed to elicit a response such as, "Uh, I just remembered, I have to schedule a root canal."

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Marion
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 09:41 AM

Use expressions like "the O word" or "the J word" without explaining them.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 09:56 AM

Marion, maybe I'm just not up to being raked over the coals one more time today for using the J-word. I guess I'd rather annoy, if I am going to anyway, this one time, by using the euphemism instead.

Have a good day.

~S~

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Kim C
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 09:58 AM

Do like Dieter on the old Sprockets (from Satruday Night Live, the last time it was good) and say in a serious German accent, "your conversation has become tiresome," when a co-worker comes over to your cube and starts talking about stuff that you really don't give a sh*t about.

I almost did this the other day.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: LR Mole
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 11:02 AM

Pretend you're Doc Savage and do a lot of eerie trilling that no one can identify the source of.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: GUEST,Hardy Hahr
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 11:23 AM

***Use logic in Irish Tribal Trouble threads.

***reply to the initial poster here with humor, or God forbid, mild disagreement.

***Make the claim that Dylan didn't 'steal' tunes, he merely 'borrowed' them.

H.H.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: bbelle
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 11:36 AM

Well, GUEST,Hardy Hahr ... since I'm the initial poster and a member and you're the guest with an alias ... enough said.

Oh, and if that was a flame, you gotta get more creative. Flames no longer bother me, but to make me LOL, I expect them to be both original AND creative, which may be a stretch for you.

BTW ... you don't annoy me, you are an "annoyance," sort of like a fly.

moonjen

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 12:02 PM

Ask Art Thieme to define "goddam song". :-)

Matt - the "O" word???

Dave - brilliant wedding suggestion...a major coughing fit is pretty cool for that too!

Here are some more ways to really annoy people:

1. Drive around town after a wedding in a long line of cars, all honking their bloody horns endlessly.

2. When above group of horn honkers passes, hold up a huge sign advertising the number of a cheap divorce service in case it doesn't work out!

3. Throw a pie in your chief executive's face as he mingles with the public, as was done recently to Canada's PM, Jean Chretien (WHO??? ask all the Americans...). This will actually annoy a few...and delight many, I can assure you.

4. Assert on ANY Mudcat thread that Nazis/Custer/Confederate soldiers/Communists/and/or/any-other-presently-hated-and-conveniently-demonized-group-of-people-from-any-particular-historical-episode...might actually sometimes have been human...despite their obvious errors in judgement or moral conduct.

5. Have the outright temerity and nerve to be yourself at all times, even if people don't get it.

6. Apologize when they would rather you didn't, cos it's more fun for them to stay good and mad at you.

7. Or don't...either way works great.

8. Be Bernard. :-)

Oh...and Dylan didn't steal tunes, he simply improved upon them, IMNSHO. :-D

- LH

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Wolfgang
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 12:16 PM

The "O" word?
Oasis, a group often mentioned approvingly by the poster formerly known as Mbo.

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Micca
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 12:17 PM

State or overtly (or covertly) imply that your belief system/religion/god/godess, is THE only "one true" belief and "the only moral code" that has any validity... and therefore is "superor" to all others. Well, it works for me...

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 12:21 PM

Remind everyone across the US and Canada that New York City is having a SUBWAY SERIES! A twice in a lifetime event! And you're all losers!!!!
"O" = Oasis
"J" = Jesus

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 12:30 PM

OASIS!!!!!

So there.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 12:30 PM

you know, Little Hawk,.. "J"...he walked on water, sort of like "D"...;>))

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 12:32 PM

Start a mudcat thread about how other mudcatters don't use the thread title field properly, or talk about too many non-traditional-musical topics.

Make "feminist" jokes.

Give your real, honest opinion on something you disagree with the vast majority of mudcatters on, rather than pretend to agree with them.

Go into a thread about some topic and argue strenuously about how you have a right to post to that thread your disagreement with and/or disbelief in that topic.

Make serious posts in a lighthearted thread.

Make lighthearted posts in a serious thread.

Like music that is not "traditional" according to the opinion of one anal-retentive mudcatter or another.

Go to a baptist (or other teatotalling) church and comment on how your buddy Jim here showed such hospitality having you over for a beer last weekend.

Answer everything people say with, "No, not really."

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 12:40 PM

Yeah! Right on, Bill D! :-)

Here's are more ways to really annoy people...

1. Refuse to post to the thread they so hopefully launched.

2. Or do post, and go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on....without any paragraph breaks...and on, and on...

(I, of course, would never have the bad taste and thoughtlessness to do that...I put paragraph breaks in all my stuff now)

3. Use irony. It annoys the literal-minded terribly. Ditto for sarcasm.

4. Be crass and insensitive, with no provocation whatsover. GUEST is great for that.

5. Laugh at a very serious point someone has just made.

6. Say "I have just one thing to say about that..." and then go on for 5 pages about it.

7. Keep putting the acronym IMHO in everything you write, when everyone knows that your damned opinion is anything but humble...that's why I prefer to put IMNSHO.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 12:43 PM

Revive the "Killing the Thread" thread.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 12:47 PM

Please, God, not that.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: harpgirl
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 01:02 PM

Play a tune in any time, and, trot your foot randomly in no rhythm at all.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Bert
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 01:08 PM

Harpgirl, That's IMPOSSIBLE!

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Jim Krause
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 01:39 PM

Bert, no it ain't. I've seen it done. Didn't know whether to laugh out loud, or cry. Soddy

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 01:58 PM

1. Start a thread with a title that makes no sense.
2. Post a long rambling message that never gets to the point, or doesn't have one.
3. Make lots of vague references to other messages in other threads without identifying the threads or explaining what they were about.
4. Make lots of references to personal messages you have sent to other people, or received from them, or intend to send them, or want them to send you.
5. Drop lots of hints that you have a lot of grievances against other Mudcatters but that you're too polite to say who they are or what the grievances are about.
6. Drop lots of hints that a lot of other Mudcatters are close personal friends of yours who would defend you to the death, and since THEY understand you, you can't help it if no one else does.
7. Keep accusing other people of violating various etiquette rules, and keep inventing new rules to stay ahead of them.
8. Turn every difference of opinion into a personal attack, and make sure YOU are seen as the victim of that attack.
9. If anyone criticizes you for any reason, insist that the REAL reason they criticized you is because they're prejudiced against you because you --- (fill in your favorite reason for being a martyr here).
10. Imply that, since you have been a Mudcatter since before dirt was invented, you can't help it if you understand everything better than everyone else does, or ever will.
11. Don't show a sense of humor about any of this.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 02:00 PM

Not for the rhythm impaired, Bert. I had hoped you would be a little more sympathetic. Can't waltz due to the same impairment.

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 02:12 PM

The late English Punk Philisopher Sid Snot, on the Kenny Everett Show once said "Playing loud music in your garden can annoy your neighbours, - and another good one is to set fire to their cat!"
'nuff said!

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 02:43 PM

Tikcle some akk!...one while theme,.re try9ing to pooo9st to Mudcat!!11! Stop that, yoo..I mean it now, stop!

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 02:48 PM

that was me Bert. Believe me, I have a cousin who does it all the time. I cant stand to look at his feet! He has NO sense of rhythm at all. (He has 8 kids to prove it)

Subject: RE: Real BS: How To Really Annoy Folks
From: hesperis
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 02:51 PM

Little Hawk - wrestling with your reflection again, are you?