Song Challenge! Part 43

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Áine
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 10:48 AM

Alrightey, Challenge!rs!! It's time for the Great 2000 Booga Booga Halloween Challenge! Get your holey sheets and brooms out for:

Drop-Dead Decor (Terre Haute, Indiana) -- An online company is digging for Halloween business with a line of furniture that would make the Addams Family envious. Your Coffin Company builds and sells coffins to consumers eager to give their home decor a distinctive flair. The company has devised 101 uses for the average wooden coffin -- aside from the usual purpose -- including as a coffee table, wine rack, bookshelf and entertainment center. "We decided ... this was the ultimate conversation piece. We have a motto that you should get to know your coffin before you're buried in it," said Brad Miller, co-owner of the online company. The coffins, made from oak or maple wood, start at $389 for a basic, no-frills model. Miller said their web site averages about 50,000 visitors a day, some of whom have sought phone booth coffins and even coffin beds. ( Click here to see pics of the Lovely Coffin Twins - I wonder if they do in-home installation?)

Go for it, Challenge!rs!!!

-- Áine (Booga, Booga, Y'all!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Dharmabum
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 01:09 PM

A tisket a tasket
I bought a brand new casket
The prices had all been decreased
I thought why wait till I'm deceased
Am I dead ? no no no
But one day I'll go go go
When my time comes I'll be prepared
I got my box & I'm not scared.

Ron.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 05:23 PM

I Saw Her Box

She said she'd take me to her hideaway
And let me see her box
I said "Let's do it right away"
Cos she was such a fox

I was getting pretty excited
And I said, "Do you do this often?"
She opened up her front door
And showed me her new coffin

I saw her box in the living room
It was a coffee table
I saw her box in the kitchen
Where she hangs her knives and ladles

I saw her box in her bedroom
It was an entertainment center
I saw every box she had there
Except the one I'd hoped to enter

Then she showed me to the door again
And wished me a good night
I went back to the barroom
Where the neon lights are bright

I got a beer and settled down
In the seat I sit in often
I've never been so disappointed
As the day I saw the coffins.

©2000 Alex E. Riggle. All Rights Reserved.

-----

Well, it's not much but it'll have to do for now.

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Dharmabum
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 08:43 PM

I FEEL LIKE I'M FIXIN TO BUY RAG

Come on all of you folks out there
It's goin on an yer unaware
Ya don't need a stroke or a blown gasket
You can be the owner of yer very own casket
Stop makin excuses & makin a fuss
And come on down to COFFINS R US.

(chorus)
And it's 1,2,3,what are ya waitin for
Don't ask me I don't understand
We got the biggest selection in the land
And it's 5,6,7,come & get yer very own box
Ain't no time to wonder why
Do it now before you die.

So smoke them Luckys & drink that beer
Can't live forever so have no fear
Don't worry bout yer level of colestorol
Cause worryin ain't no fun at all
Got pains in yer chest from that fatty meal
Just stop on by & we'll cut a deal.
(ch)

Don't be shy get one for the wife
Don't matter if she ain't done with her life
Stop on by & stop in often
Buy dear old dad his very own coffin
The more you buy the better deal you get
So how about a pine box set.

(ch)

Business is good & the place is buzzin
Were sellin coffins by the dozen
No better caskets can be found
Whenever you're ready to go in the ground
And when the day comes to meet your maker
We got a discount undertaker.

(ch)

When death is knockin at yer door
And yer clutchin yer chest lyin on the floor
You're short of breath & there's pain down yer arm
And it looks like yer gonna buy the farm
Your gonna wish you'd planned ahead
Cause you can't do it after yer dead.

(ch)

Now take one home & put it to use
Get one for Aunties big caboose
What about uncle Harry who's gettin kinda old
Gonna need a place to put him when he turns cold
Just seal him up no mess no muss
Courtesy of COFFINS R US.

(ch)

So come on folks ya'll stop on by
Lay down in one & give it a try
We're sellin coffins we're sellin lids
Got free balloons for all the kids
Get ready for the day when yer pushin up weeds
We're the place for all yer funeral needs.

(chorus) An it's 1,2,3, what are ya waitin for
Don't ask me I don't understand
We got the biggest selection in the land
And it's 5,6,7,come & get your very own box
Ain't no time to wonder why
Do it now before you die.

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: GUEST,Bardford
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 09:34 PM

Dharmabum, Mousethief,Dharmabum again - Deadly! Of corpse, you already knew that...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: MMario
Date: 18 Oct 00 - 09:45 PM

That pair is really knockin' 'em dead on this one, aren't they?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: MMario
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 10:17 AM

A CASKET IS A VERY USEFUL THING*

I'm afraid it is no rumour
that to maintain my daily humour
I sleep inside a casket, not a bed
Though my friends think it macabre;
makes their body fluids clabber
What care I what nasty things are said?

For this funural-y decor
my life style aids and succours
the versitility of a casket can't be beat!
Just choose your style and finish
(Wax, lacquer, paint or varnish)
and the end result is awesome, and so neat!

In my home you'll find a casket
standing duty as trash-basket
and my ice-box is a pine box! Yes, Indeed!
As a closet or a table
use a casket, if you're able
There's a casket for about just any need!

And tho my family mutters
about the casket clutter
I think we all should go through life, prepared!
If the morticians, they should strike
and someone's life should "take a hike"
I'll have a casket ready close at hand.

*think very gilbert and sullivan for tune, or Danny Kaye or tom Lehrer

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Dharmabum
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 12:03 PM

Mousethief & Mmario, GREAT SONGS!!!!!

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: GUEST,emily b
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 12:06 PM

You guys are too good! I about died laughing. Guess I should order me up a box... Or 3 or 4.

Emily

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Naemanson
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 02:19 PM

Great songs guys! I guess I'd better get to work.

BTW Aine, how is Texas for living. there is a job opening in Fort Worth.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Bradypus
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 07:26 PM

Mmario - I immediately got the tune to your song. Trouble is, I don't know what it's called. Very catchy, though.

It might help if you explore the website Aine mentioned to get some of the references in this one. The tune, I hope, is obvious ...

Coffin's Lament

As I walked out in Terre Haute, Indiana
As I walked out in Terre Haute one fine day
I spied an old coffin, abandoned and rotten
Lonely and loveless by the roadside it lay

Chorus
O beat the drum slowly and play the fife lowly
Play the dead march as you bury me down
Take me to the blue yonder, put me six good feet under
For I'm an old coffin, though once of renown

"I see by your outfit that you are a sexton"
These words it did say as I slowly stepped by
"Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story
You see an old coffin, and your wondering why"

"When I was new fangled, my makers, they angled
To sell people coffins before they grew old
So with twins in bikinis, in many odd scenes this
New coffin would star, all bright burnished and bold."

"This Coffin's a dresser, this coffin's a table
This coffin's a boat, or an odd shaped canoe
This coffin's a horse trough beside an old stable
This coffin's a tree-house, a sled, a bed too."

"And that's how I came to be star of the web-site
That's how I came to know stardom and fame
Fame went to my head, as with many before me
And now I'm discarded, I know who to blame."

"At last came the day when the shooting was ended
This coffin's a coffin, and nothing beside
I lay in the house, polished, loved and admired
I lay in the house until Uncle Harry died."

"But that was the day when I felt no elation
That was the day when this coffin felt spurned
I shuddered when first I did hear of cremation
A coffin like me simply shouldn't be burned!"

"I slipped from the hearse on the way to the parlour
I spilled out my load, and I rolled away free
The body they found, but the coffin was spoiled
They collected the body, forgot about me."

"And now that I realise that fame is so fickle
Now that I know where a coffin should go
No more I'll worry, I'll have a good burial
Please, Mr Sexton, O make it be so!"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 07:49 PM

Bradypus,
You're starting to scare me. Am laughing but genuinely concerned for your mental state. Hee Hee

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Bradypus
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 07:54 PM

Sinsull - You're starting to scare me. Am laughing, but genuinely concerned if I've made you worried about my mental state. Hee Hee!

Bradypus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: MMario
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 08:13 PM

*applause*

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Rollo
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 08:23 PM

"The jolly coffin carpenter"

1. Come all you coffin buyers and listen what I say Your own and only funeral might be not far away! Test them now, as long you live, be sure it fits when you are stiff

Ref: So make a choice from our collection We die for our customers' satisfaction!

2. The pillows made from velvet, from linnen or from silk the timbers made from cedar, from oak or frozen milk covers made from gator hide, stereo tv inside

ref. so make a choice from our collection we die for our customers' satisfaction!

3. So nothing is too crazy, the customers are hot to pay our moonshine prices for a box that's meant to rot tomorrow we will spare the wood, cardboard boxes do for good!

ref. so make a choice from our collection we die for our customers' satisfaction!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: MMario
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 08:27 PM

rollo - a great addition to the challenge.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Dharmabum
Date: 19 Oct 00 - 09:06 PM

GOOD ONES Rollo & Brady!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: GUEST,Bardford
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 01:29 AM

Hey MMario,Rollo,Bradypus - you slay me! So...
To the tune of Ain't Misbehavin'.

No sun to warm me
All by myself
No fun before me
Cuz' I'm buried in my own bookshelf
I bought it online
Before I bought the farm

The final curtain
Rolled down upon me
But I ain't hurtin'
Check out this upholstery!
I'm decomposin'
buried in my own armoire

All those mourners
And the coroner
Slackjawed they stare
What do I care?
Laid out in a bad suit in my own
End table

Fine fabrication
Hate to ruin it
But it's disintegration
For me and my entertainment unit
I'm six foot under
Goin' offline for good

Cheers,
Bardford
Copyright 2000 Notacryforhelpmusic

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Dharmabum
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 08:22 AM

OH MAN,THAT WAS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!

DB.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: MMario
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 09:06 AM

agreed! fantastic Bardford

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: GUEST,Dear Hubby
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 12:52 PM

Hello all.

Áine has asked me to sign in from work to explain her conspicuous abscence for the past few days.

To sum it up ... ATT@Home Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!

Our cable modem connection has been down since Wednesday with no relief in sight. We will try alternate means of access this weekend or Áine will see you next week sometime when we switch to DSL. (Ask your nearest techie if you're not sure what that means.)

In the mean time, Áine sez keep up the good work and she can't wait to see the results of this challenge.

Cheers,

Dear Hubby (for Áine)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: MMario
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 01:04 PM

Thanks DH! Was worried she might be s*ick

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Rollo
Date: 20 Oct 00 - 10:09 PM

Beside:

Here is a little funeral story that happened in hamburg / Germany a couple of years ago... Everytime I think of funerals and fun I have to think about it. Might be a little out of theme in this thread, but I would like to share it with you.

There was a doctor quite wealthy and also quite well known in the southern suburbs "society" who had serious quarrels with his family. On different occasions wittnesses remember him demanding a funeral without big panjandrum. Expecially he did not want his relatives to flock around in big clusters, mourn for the beloved deceased and and holding speaches about their dear family member. "And if you dare to ignore my wishes", he said, "I will come back and haunt you!"

Well, as you may have guessed, the occasion came, the funeral was held with pomp and circumstances, and of course many a crocodile's tear was squeazed by the crowd of family members gathered in the chapel. And for sure there were held many a speach about "dear cousin", "dear husband" and so on.

But what happened when they shouldered the coffin and carried him out to the graveyard? The coffin's bottom broke and the deceased fell before his terrified family's feet...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Áine
Date: 24 Oct 00 - 10:46 AM

I'M BACK!!!!

Sorry to have been gone so long, my darlin' Challenge!rs, but I'm back "home" where I belong ;-) You've all done a marvelous and wunnerful job of keeping things going here, I must say. Cudos, congrats and two big snogs on all your cheeks!

Although I'm back online, my motherboard has bitten her last byte. It appears I'll be needing the services of 'Coffins R Us' . . . This means that until I load my HTML editor program onto Dear Hubby's PC, I won't be able to upload this lovely 'boxed set' of Challenge! entries. But, never fear, my darlin's, your awards will be made ASAP. So, if anyone has been putting that final nail into their song, you still have time to open the lid and let us all have a peek!

I'll be back soon with your Chips, so go warm up those Fish and we'll be having a wunnerful time soon!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Áine
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 09:33 AM

Good morning, Challenge!rs! I'm still working on getting the editor program loaded onto Dear Hubby's PC; but in the meantime, here are your well-earned Silver B.L.O.B.s. You all really did a great job with this one!

To mousethief for:

I was getting pretty excited
And I said, "Do you do this often?"
She opened up her front door
And showed me her new coffin

To Dharmabum for:

Business is good & the place is buzzin
Were sellin coffins by the dozen
No better caskets can be found
Whenever you're ready to go in the ground
And when the day comes to meet your maker
We got a discount undertaker.

To MMario for:

In my home you'll find a casket
standing duty as trash-basket
and my ice-box is a pine box! Yes, Indeed!
As a closet or a table
use a casket, if you're able
There's a casket for about just any need!

To Bradypus for:

When I was new fangled, my makers, they angled
To sell people coffins before they grew old
So with twins in bikinis, in many odd scenes this
New coffin would star, all bright burnished and bold.

To Rollo for:

Come all you coffin buyers and listen what I say
Your own and only funeral might be not far away
Test them now, as long you live, be sure it fits when you are stiff

To Bardford for:

All those mourners
And the coroner
Slackjawed they stare
What do I care?
Laid out in a bad suit in my own
End table

Wunnerful, wunnerful, wunnerful!! You guys are just THE BEST!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: MMario
Date: 25 Oct 00 - 09:52 AM

Anyone else been over to the "Caspaw49" thread? Almost as much fun as "East Side Story"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Áine
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 11:29 AM

Hey Challenge!rs!! I'm in the process of moving to a 'slightly used brand new' computer, so I'll (hopefully) be able to upload your wunnerful, wunnerful songs to the Songbook this weekend. In the meantime, here are the Golden Chip Awards for the Great 2000 Booga Booga Halloween Challenge! Cudos, congrats and thanks to all of you!

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:

A Casket Is A Very Useful Thing by MMario
Coffin's Lament by Bradypus
I Feel Like I'm Fixin to Buy Rag by Dharmabum
I Saw Her Box by mousethief
I'm Decomposin' by Bardford
The Jolly Coffin Carpenter by Rollo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Amergin
Date: 31 Oct 00 - 05:55 PM

Knockin' on The Coffin Door

Mama, take this shroud off of me
I don't need it anymore.
I can't breathe so hear my plea
While I'm knockin on the coffin door

Knock, knock, knockin' on the coffin door
Knock, knock, knockin' on the coffin door
Knock, knock, knockin' on the coffin door
Knock, knock, knockin' on the coffin door

Mama, take my body from the ground
I can't be here anymore.
Six feet of dirt are holdin' me down
And so I'm knocking on the coffin door.

Knock, knock, knockin' on the coffin door
Knock, knock, knockin' on the coffin door
Knock, knock, knockin' on the coffin door
Knock, knock, knockin' on the coffin door

Amergin

P.S. sorry for having this late....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: MMario
Date: 31 Oct 00 - 06:01 PM

Knock three times on the coffin if you love me

oops! sorry, too much sugar in my system

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 04:28 PM

I went on down to Terre Haute with some cash in a little bitty basket,
I dropped a dime and called a friend, we went to buy a casket.
'twas a big old bastard made of wood and lined with scarlet valveteen,
WOuld done old Dracula mighty proud if in it he could be seen.

We tied it to the top of his car, it was an old grey pinto,
then we headed east to Ohio to see what we could get into.
The girls they didn't give us time, the fellows called us foolish,
And some old priest from Kalamazoo told us that we were ghoulish.

Aine- Better late than never. 2 quick verses to the girl I left behind me. If I think of more I'll post them on. Kindest reguards, Neil

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Áine
Date: 01 Nov 00 - 06:52 PM

Song Challenger! Newsflash!!

I've finally reloaded my software and I've uploaded your lovely coffin songs to the Song Challenge! Winners Page.

And Congrats, Cudos and Thanks to Amergin ('Knockin' On The Coffin Door') and Irish Sergeant ('Little Bitty Basket') for your wunnerful late entries! You've both been awarded a Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon.

And Bradypus, I've changed your award from the Harp Ribbon to a Golden Cow Chip with Two-Fer-One Coupon. Sorry, I didn't recognize our favourite Uncle at first ;-)

Well done, my darlin's!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 07:59 AM

A parody of yet another Clancy Brothers' classic, "Look At The Coffin"

Look at the coffin
With its golden handles
Isn't it grand boys
It serves as me bed!
Lets' not have a sniffle
Let's have a bloody good cry
And always remember
The longer you live
The sooner you bloody well die

Look at the wooden box
Where I keep me shoes and socks
They'll stick me bones in it
When I pass away
Lets' not have a sniffle
Let's have a bloody good cry
And always remember
The longer you live
The sooner you bloody well die

As a dog's basket
I use my casket
Isn't it grand boys
Me labrador's bed!
Lets' not have a sniffle
Let's have a bloody good cry
And always remember
The longer you live
The sooner you bloody well die

Sealed up all watertight
It does the job just right
Last thing every night
It's used as a bath
Lets' not have a sniffle
Let's have a bloody good cry
And always remember
The longer you live
The sooner you bloody well die

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: MMario
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 08:50 AM

*chortle*

good one!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 43
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 05 Sep 01 - 09:00 AM

Go raibh míle ...