Election Folklore

Subject: Election Folklore
From: GUEST,dadgbe
Date: 05 Dec 00 - 02:17 PM

We have a golden opportunity here! With the election brouhaha still going on here in the US, the internet has buzzing with jokes, songs, articles, songs, parodies, songs, poems, (did I mention songs?) and other bits of folklore. This might be best thing to come from the otherwise dismal exercise so post your contributions.

Subject: RE: Election Folklore
From: Bert
Date: 05 Dec 00 - 02:26 PM

Kids in London used to sing.

Vote, vote, vote for (You're candidate)
Kick old (Their candidate) in the eye
We'll hit him on the chin
and we'll nearly do him in
and he won't go voting any more.

Subject: RE: Election Folklore
From: DADGBE
Date: 05 Dec 00 - 02:39 PM

WASHINGTON D.C.
Following an emergency meeting Tuesday morning, Congress unanimously voted to excise Florida from the United States of America.

The move was a reaction to the confusion and irregularities in the state's voting numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000 Presidential election. "This is the last straw," said Utah senator Orin Hatch. "First Elian Gonzales, now this."

Several congressmen told reporters the decision has been a long time in coming. "We're all pretty much sick of Florida," said representative Barney Frank. "They've been a constant embarassment for too long now." Added Frank, "They had Dan Marino for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh, that's right; screw up our entire democracy. I forgot."

In a speech on the Senate floor, Massachussetts senator Ted Kennedy commented that the loss of Florida's sizable elderly population will free up billions of dollars in Social Security funds. "These are valuable funds which can now be redirected toward national defense. We can finally rebuild our demoralized, weakened military," said the Senator to roaring applause.

As a result of the Florida screw-up, the House and Senate decreed a new election will take place in early December. This time, ballots in each state will be tabulated by robots.

"It is clear that our human vote-counting system is too inherently flawed," said Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert. "The presence of these new, superior robot mast- err, I mean - tabulators will ensure 100% accuracy."

Subject: RE: Election Folklore
From: DADGBE
Date: 05 Dec 00 - 02:47 PM

I got this on (and many others from Peter Langston's 'Fun People' e-list.
Forwarded-by: Nathaniel Poor
From: Fun People

Here's what Henry Wadsworth Longfellow would have written:

Listen, my children, don't dare ignore,
The midnight actions of Bush and Gore
In early November, the year ought-ought,
Hard to believe the mess they wrought.
Two billion bucks of campaign bounty,
All came down to Palm Beach County.
What result could have been horrider
Than the situation we found in Florider?

Line Breaks <br> added. Glad you got your cookie back, Ray.
-Joe Offer-