Song Challenge! - Part 52

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Áine
Date: 07 May 01 - 07:22 PM

Yep, it's your one and only Giver-upper of the Golden Cow Chips, back from the 'moving' wars and ready to test your little gray cells once again!! I'll just take this opportunity to let all you wonderful Challenge!rs know how much I've missed you -- and I hope we won't ever be parted for so long again . . .

This Challenge! will be sorta personal, if y'all don't mind too much ;-) . . . I do think, however, that it will test your collective imagination and rhyming capabilities satisfactorily . . . Here's a picture of the new homestead, perched appropriately on a high sandstone hill in the Post Oak Savannah of Texas (the East Cross Timbers, to be exact). Please note the sandstone wall on the left . . . behind that wall is a curious little patch of broken stones, buried in a sandy clay loam, quite different from the rest of the grounds (you can't 'dig' here -- there's one inch of dirt, then rock, then THICK wet (not damp) clay).

I've been digging and breaking rocks with my trusty spade and pickaxe for two weeks now, and I still haven't reached the bottom of this strange plot of earth. However, I have discovered a few interesting things buried under the first layer of dirt and rock . . . your Challenge! is to write a song about what I found buried beneath the red-tipped photinias, honeysuckle and asian jasmine . . . let your minds run wild and let your collective freak flags fly, my dear Challenge!rs and GO FOT IT!

Hugs and snogs to each and every one of you -- and two kisses on each of your cheeks (hahaha) -- Áine (songtress, chef, chief bottle washer and now Mad Gardener)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 May 01 - 01:24 AM

Oh dear! I'll have to dream on this one a bit!

Are you gonna sell what we have you finding at a garage sale then or what? How much does Max get then?

~S~

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 01 - 02:25 AM

Things on my Land

Three miles of bubble gum, used and extended!
Fifty four jacks, of which four had got bended!
Six round-head railroad spikes, and one golden band,
These are some things I have found on my land!

Half an alarm clock with Mickey Mouse pointers,
Three rusty blades from an adze or a jointer!
One Marshall Dillon badge, one Band-Aid can,
These are some things I have found on my land!

When my back aches, when my lungs wheeze, when my arms are sprained,
I simply imagine the things in my land,
And then I don't feel soooo pained!

A waterstained ticket stub to see Maggie's Maulers!
One can of Red Man full of limp Rebel dollars!
A dance card from Dallas in 1903!
These are some things which my land brought to me!

Half of Colt handle, signed by Bill Bonnie
Three mossy Moxie jars and shards from a jonny!
A Stevenson button, a pearl-handled fan,
Wonderful things i have found in my land!

When my back aches, when my lungs wheeze, when my arms are sprained,
I simply imagine the things in my land,
And then I don't feel soooo pained!

Love,

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 May 01 - 02:40 AM

Aw jeez...it's over before it even gets started! Well done, A-moss!

Digging in the clay dirt
All covered with rock
Is a wild Irish womon
Sitting, cleaning her clocks.

She found them down under
Amid the debris
Of last year's big doings
Dumped out on the scree.

She came upon rubbers
To wear on your feet
Her pick axe struck pay dirt
When she went too deep

That black Texas oil
Came spurting up high
She yelled, "Got the big one!"
The Shrub shrivelled and died.

For he knew that our Aine
Was richer than he
For she struck the big one
And wealthy she'd be!

Now the moral of this story
If you go digging for dirt
With a heart that's wide open
You won't have to live in a yurt!

LOL!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 08 May 01 - 04:58 AM

Stories of Texas

It wasn't all that long ago
The government sent back East
Offering sections of land to plow and sow—
A homestead claim in Texas.

Adventurers, gunmen, gamblers and rakes
Heard the rumors blowin' on the wind.
Land-poor families pulled up stakes—
And they all headed west to Texas.

Ranchers fought to carve out a life
From that hard-rock wilderness.
And every day brought storm and strife—
But they stayed on in Texas.

Tornadoes, gullywashers, cattle stampedes,
Drought, and flood, and snow—
The land tested them and made them bleed
In the East Cross Timbers of Texas.

Now another family lives on the old homestead,
But the values and dreams are the same.
Someone new digs a flower bed
Under the oaks in Texas.

An arrowhead, a piece of glass
Turned purple from years in the sun
Raked up by a lissome Irish lass
Raised in the heart of Texas.

A leather strap, a frayed old rope
A rusted rowel from a spur—
Symbols of bravery and of hope,
Just part of the song of Texas...


I apologize for being maudlin, folks, but I do love my home state. Aine, best wishes for the new home!

Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 08 May 01 - 07:01 AM

I've got a rock
and a sock
and a brick
and a stick
and a great lump of something
made me feel a little sick.
In this ground
I have found
that the world indeed is round,
for I've dug clear to Australia,
where the kangaroos abound.

It's a fact
I attract
such a crowd
talking loud
and they're saying that such digging
should never be allowed.
It's not right
day and night slogging on with all my might
and it really isn't ladylike,
and I'll never get it right.

I once lived high
in the sky
but now I'm deep down
underground
And I'll keep on with my digging
till I get where I am bound.
I'm a-digging like the devil,
I've got muscles like King Kong
And those nosy neighbours shut their ears
when they hear me sing this song.

I've got a rock
and a sock
and a brick
and a stick
and a great lump of something
made me feel a little sick.
In this ground
I have found
that the world indeed is round,
for I've dug clear to Australia,
where the kangaroos abound.

Strictly speaking of course implying that I know that Australia is the Antipodes when you're in Texas is all wrong... I suppose the Texan Antipodes would be somewhere ion the Indian Ocean? But they don't have kangaroos down there. (Tune? A sort of variant on Eileen Oge seems to fit it.)

And welcome back Áine.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: mousethief
Date: 08 May 01 - 02:09 PM

Aine's Mysterious Mud
by Alex Riggle

Well now I ain't superstitious
And I don't get fooled a lot
But I got a might suspicious
At the subsoil on my plot

Everywhere it's soft and loamy
'Cept for one place right out back
Where the rocks are big as softballs
And the soggy clay is black

So I got my pick and shovel
And began to dig and pry
Hoping I would soon discover
What was hidden to the eye

For a week I scraped and scrappled
Bruised my shins and stained my clothes
But I wouldn't be discouraged
Though the sun had burned my nose

My husband thought me batty
The grandkids thought me daft
But I was happy digging
In my home-made mining shaft

And when the week was ended
I hit something hard like wood
I carefully uncovered it
And there beside it stood

It was a wooden coffin
And so carefully I pried
The lid came off and Jimmy Hoffa's
Body was inside.

(C) Alex Riggle 2001 All rights reserved.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Bert
Date: 08 May 01 - 03:09 PM

I went into a guy's office once and saw this object on his window sill. I said "What's the coffin handle for?", He replied "Oh! is THAT what it is? I found it in my garden". I suggested that he not do too much more digging.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Bert
Date: 08 May 01 - 03:26 PM

How many kinds of things can you dig
From a Texas Homestead Garden
I'll tell you now of some that are big
And those I miss you'll surely pardon
There are wagon wheels and boots and socks,
forty seven concrete blocks
And tin cans and bed pans all buried among the rocks
in a Texas Homestead Garden.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 08 May 01 - 03:36 PM

Oh sure, Bert, go ahead and bring in reality, why don't you? LOL!

Good stuff, everybody--good challenge, Aine.

Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: MMario
Date: 08 May 01 - 04:10 PM

Well the ground is hard and the work is slow
Dig down, Áine, dig down!
Destroys your shovel and your hoe
And it's time to dig down; Áine!

chorus:Dig down, Áine, dig down!
Oh, Dig down, Áine, dig down!
we'll tell your tale in a a song, you know
There are rocks and junk and people's trash
Dig down, Áine, dig down!
and enough poison ivy to give you rash
And it's time to dig down; Áine!

chorus

There are broken dreams and broken lives
Dig down, Áine, dig down!
The shattered hopes of other times
And it's time to dig down; Áine!

chorus

There's a treasure in a wooden chest!
Dig down, Áine, dig down!
there's a broken spoon and a woolen vest! And it's time to dig down; Áine!

chorus

An old tin plate with a dented rim!
Dig down, Áine, dig down!
Like cowboys ate their dinner in! And it's time to dig down; Áine!

chorus

there are flowers buried way down deep
Dig down, Áine, dig down!
You'll find them when you fall asleep
And it's time to dig down; Áine!

chorus

There's a swimming pool and a floating chair
Dig down, Áine, dig down!
And an end to all of it, I swear!
And it's time to dig down; Áine!

chorus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: MMario
Date: 08 May 01 - 04:15 PM

oh CRAPFARDLES!!!!

that's what I get for trying to be fancy. last line of chorus should be: and it's time to dig down, Áine!

The second verse begins with "There are rocks and junk..."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 May 01 - 04:19 PM

Rough Draft

THE TWELVE DAYS OF DIGGING

ON THE FIRST DAY OF DIGGING, OUR AINE UNEARTHED:
A DETESTED ACCORDION!

ON THE SECOND DAY OF DIGGING OUR AINE UNEARTHED:
TWO BLACK BODHRANS
AND A DETESTED ACCORDION!

ON THE THIRD DAY OF DIGGING OUR AINE UNEARTHED:
THREE BANJO PLAYERS
TWO BLACK BODHRANS
AND A DETESTED ACCORDION!

ON THE FOURTH DAY OF DIGGING, OUR AINE UNEARTHED:
FOUR WILTED WHISTLES
THREE BANJO PLAYERS
TWO BLACK BODHRANS
AND A DETESTED ACCORDION!

ON THE FIFTH DAY OF DIGGING, OUR AINE UNEARTHED:
FIVE TURKEY TURD BEERS
FOUR WILTED WHISTLES
THREE BANJO PLAYERS
TWO BLACK BODHRANS
AND A DETESTED ACCORDION!

ON THE SIXTH DAY OF DIGGING, OUR AINE UNEARTHED:
SIX NEIL YOUNG CDs
FIVE TURKEY TURD BEERS
FOUR WILTED WHISTLES
THREE BANJO PLAYERS
TWO BLACK BODHRANS
AND A DETESTED ACCORDION!

ON THE SEVENTH DAY OF DIGGING, OUR AINE UNEARTHED:
SEVEN MORRIS DANCERS
SIX NEIL YOUNG CDs
FIVE TURKEY TURD BEERS
FOUR WILTED WHISTLES
THREE BANJO PLAYERS
TWO BLACK BODHRANS
AND A DETESTED ACCORDION!

ON THE EIGHTH DAY OF DIGGING, OUR AINE UNEARTHED:
EIGHT MOUSTACHE TUNERS
SEVEN MORRIS DANCERS
SIX NEIL YOUNG CDs
FIVE TURKEY TURD BEERS
FOUR WILTED WHISTLES
THREE BANJO PLAYERS
TWO BLACK BODHRANS
AND A DETESTED ACCORDION!

ON THE NINTH DAY OF DIGGING, OUR AINE UNEARTHED:
NINE ROCK GUITARISTS
EIGHT MOUSTACHE TUNERS
SEVEN MORRIS DANCERS
SIX NEIL YOUNG CDs
FIVE TURKEY TURD BEERS
FOUR WILTED WHISTLES
THREE BANJO PLAYERS
TWO BLACK BODHRANS
AND A DETESTED ACCORDION!

ON THE TENTH DAY OF DIGGING, OUR AINE UNEARTHED:
TEN HUNGRY FOLKIES
NINE ROCK GUITARISTS
EIGHT MOUSTACHE TUNERS
SEVEN MORRIS DANCERS
SIX NEIL YOUNG CDs
FIVE TURKEY TURD BEERS
FOUR WILTED WHISTLES
THREE BANJO PLAYERS
TWO BLACK BODHRANS
AND A DETESTED ACCORDION!

ON THE ELEVENTH DAY OF DIGGING, OUR AINE UNEARTHED:
ELEVEN PLASTERED PIPERS
TEN HUNGRY FOLKIES
NINE ROCK GUITARISTS
EIGHT MOUSTACHE TUNERS
SEVEN MORRIS DANCERS
SIX NEIL YOUNG CDs
FIVE TURKEY TURD BEERS
FOUR WILTED WHISTLES
THREE BANJO PLAYERS
TWO BLACK BODHRANS
AND A DETESTED ACCORDION!

ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF DIGGING, OUR AINE UNEARTHED:
TWELVE TONE-DEAF BUSKERS
ELEVEN PLASTERED PIPERS
TEN HUNGRY FOLKIES
NINE ROCK GUITARISTS
EIGHT MOUSTACHE TUNERS
SEVEN MORRIS DANCERS
SIX NEIL YOUNG CDs
FIVE TURKEY TURD BEERS
FOUR WILTED WHISTLES
THREE BANJO PLAYERS
TWO BLACK BODHRANS
AND A DETESTED ACCORDION!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 May 01 - 04:20 PM

With apologies to accordian players everywhere. I think concertinas are sexy. Some of my best friends are concertina players...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 08 May 01 - 06:09 PM

The Blue China Jug

When Vernon and Katy had said their goodbyes
They turned to the West with a dream in their eyes
With one yoke of oxen, a bed and a rug
a shotgun, a rocker, and a blue china jug

They crossed to St Louis where they joined with a train
And set out for Texas in a cold, driving rain
In West Oklahoma with its dust and its bugs
They dipped clear creek water in the blue china jug

Where the plains of West Texas met the trees of the East
They finally declared that their searching had ceased
They built them a soddy, not pretty, but snug
And a pine corner shelf held the blue china jug

In those first years of farming they struggled for life
And the babies were sick, and Vernon said to his wife
"We've only this dollar for all the dirt that I've dug"
But Kate dropped the coin in the blue china jug

"This is a place where our fortune can grow
We'll start with this dollar and add as we go"
And as the years passed, and their work turned to wealth
The jug grew quite heavy on the old pinewood shelf

In the summer of 61, Tom rode off with a force
Of Texas Militia in a company of horse
From Mill Springs to Shiloh his letters he sent
Until at Resaca his young life was spent

And Vernon took money from the blue china jar
To bring Thomas home from the fields of the war
But the people were hungry, and the farm prospered well
In the spring of 72 they decided to sell.

They bought a frame house and a business in town
And they loaded the wagons on the hard clay ground
It was while Kate was loading the jug at the last
That it slipped from her hands and shattered like glass

She gathered the pieces in an old cloth of gray
And dug out a place in the layer of clay
For one hundred thirty years the china jug laid
until it was troubled by the touch of a spade

She said to her husband "Quick, look what I've found
Lying just under that piece of clay ground!"
And he laughed and he said "what a fine piece of junk
You can stick it in the shed by the old cardboard trunk"

But she washed it and cleaned it til the jar shone like new
And she brought it to life with patience and glue
And she said as she placed it on the mantle of stone
"Here's a place to put dreams. Welcome back home."

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Bert
Date: 08 May 01 - 06:34 PM

Wow, fantastic LEJ

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: mousethief
Date: 08 May 01 - 06:38 PM

Cool song, LEJ!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Rollo
Date: 08 May 01 - 06:51 PM

Sing it to "The streets of Laredo":

When I was a young man and punched the cattle,
one day I was chasing an indian brave.
Through gullies and bushes our horses were dashing,
His well-aimed arrow put me to the grave...

My comrades they found me and and buried my body,
I´d died in my boots, still holding the gun,
they laid me to rest and they gave me my stetson
to give me some shelter from rain and from sun.

They all stood around me and muttered a prayer
and piled up a grave-hill completely of stones
to send me an angel to lead me to heaven
and hinder the wild beasts from eating my bones.

I rested in pieces for over a century
Indians and buffalos were gone long ago
when up came a smart guy and bought my small graveyard,
building a wall and a big bungalow!

Then up came this woman who wanted a garden,
removing the stones to make room for the lawn,
digging like mad until late in the evening,
starting again in the first hour of dawn.

Already she dug up my watch and my stetson,
my mexican spurs and my fourty-four gun,
tomorrow my boots she will strip from my ankles,
and leave my old bones to bleach in the sun...

line breaks fixed by mudelf

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 08 May 01 - 07:08 PM

God LEJ, now THAT'S a song for Texas--I'm totally in awe. What a gorgeous story!!!

Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: GUEST
Date: 08 May 01 - 07:41 PM

Forgive, o goddess, the liberties taken with the statistics in the first verse, and accept this offering as a welcome back

Bradypus

Digging for Victory

Every morning in the garden you would see her arrive
She stood five foot six, and weighed one forty five
She was broad at the shoulder, broader at the hip
With a pickaxe and a shovel in her good strong grip
That's Ainé (That's our Ainé)

Well she dug down deep, where the earth was hard
To try to make a garden in that bit of yard
And the deeper that she dug, the more she found
It's amazing what lies in the Texas ground
of our Ainé (That's our Ainé)

Well the first thing that she found, and I don't know how
But it was golden brown, and it smelled of cow
So she scratched her head, and a good thought struck –
"I can make challenge awards from all this muck"
thought Ainé (That's our Ainé)

And the next she saw was a glint of green
Was a three-leaf plant, fit to grace a queen
So she thunk a thought, and that thought passed muster
"Sure the next award will be the shamrock cluster"
From Ainé (That's our Ainé)

Then the next she found as she dug the clay
Was a magic harp, that began to play
And that melody seemed to strike a chord
"Well the next in line is the Harp Ribbon award"
Sang Ainé (That's our Ainé)

Ainé's luck was in, for sure enough
She struck a well of the vile black stuff
An award, that was, as I'm sure you've guessed:
"Make me laugh and cry, win the Guinness Crest"
Said Ainé (That's our Ainé)

But the work was hard, she was feeling blue
When an ancient shield came into view
It had such a stench, but her will soon steeled:
"If you write the blues, win Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield"
Gasped Ainé (That's our Ainé)

Yet more treasure still was there to find
When some silvery balls our Ainé mined
"Here's the last award, better far than Crufts –
For an all-in-one genius will win Platinum Tufts"
Said Ainé (That's our Ainé)

Now the digging's done, she can take a rest
With the treasures stored in the Mudcat chest
And the Challenge now is we all take part
Using songs and words, in the best of heart
For Ainé (That's our Ainé)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 May 01 - 08:53 PM

LEJ - that is wonderful!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 01 - 09:02 PM

Hey! This is jes' like the Good Ole Days!!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 09 May 01 - 06:20 AM

These are the Good Ole Days!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: MMario
Date: 09 May 01 - 08:30 AM

Lin, Lej, rollo:

I am in awe. three more I have to learn tho. *sigh* the list grows longer and longer.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 09 May 01 - 10:33 AM

Bradypus--LMAO! I keep seeing Aine with her pickaxe headed for the mine...with Jimmy Dean in hot pursuit!

You people are great!

Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 10 May 01 - 01:19 PM

Dig this!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Trapper
Date: 11 May 01 - 11:17 AM

SH*T!

That's what happens when you don't check a thread for a few days! I composed this offline. Apologies to Sinsull, who already used this tune for his parody. I think I'll post it anyway....

If you don't get the references, you'll have to go SURFING!!

TWELVE INCHES OF TOPSOIL
by Al Boyce - 5/11/2001
Tune: Twelve Days of Christmas

In the first inch of topsoil my garden gave to me,
A Condom in a Cup of Coffee

In the second inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Two blown-up fox...
and a condom in a cup of coffee...

In the third inch of topsoil my garden gave to me,
Three French pigs...
Two blown-up fox...
and a condom in a cup of coffee..

In the fourth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the fifth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the sixth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the seventh inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Seven Sexist Snowmen...
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the eighth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Eight Headless Chickens...
Seven Sexist Snowmen...
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the ninth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Nine Panties Flinging...
Eight Headless Chickens...
Seven Sexist Snowmen...
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the tenth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Ten Grannies 'jacking...
Nine Panties Flinging...
Eight Headless Chickens...
Seven Sexist Snowmen...
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the eleventh inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Eleven Sheep a-shooting...
Ten Grannies 'jacking...
Nine Panties Flinging...
Eight Headless Chickens...
Seven Sexist Snowmen...
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

In the twelfth inch of topsoil, my garden gave to me,
Twelve Caitrin's Cookies...
Eleven Sheep a-shooting...
Ten Grannies 'jacking...
Nine Panties Flinging...
Eight Headless Chickens...
Seven Sexist Snowmen...
Six Moose a-kicking...
Five Golden Loo's...
Four Garden Gnomes...
Three French Pigs...
Two Blown-up Fox...
and a Condom in a Cup of Coffee.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 01 - 07:48 PM

OK, Goddess!!! Time to Stop Picking and Start Picking!!! Y'know the saying -- you can pick your songsters, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your songster's nose....

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 12 May 01 - 02:37 AM

Geez Amos--I'm starting to worry...maybe that little plot of ground is where they buried the telephone lines and Aine's blown her modem, ya reckon?

Seriously, hope everything's okay with the Gaelic Goddess.

Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 01 - 08:43 PM

I spoke to her just before she launched this round and she was as full of piss and vinegar as anyone could be, given the bruises and strains of picking out hardscrabble to get her new home set right. Worst case is she is suffering from hand-sprains and can't use a keyboard, i expect...

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Áine
Date: 14 May 01 - 09:05 AM

Six Things for Áine to Remember about Her New Pickaxe

1) Remember that your utility cables are buried in the ground . . .

2) Remember that the modem cable is buried near the surface . . .

3) Remember NOT TO SWING PICKAXE before figuring out where modem cable is buried . . .

4) Remember to say a prayer of thanks that Dear Hubby did not skin you alive and hang your hide on the fence for the coyotes . . .

5) Remember not to smack the cable modem repairman with your new pickaxe when he gives you that 'what an idiot!' look when he comes to repair sliced modem cable . . .

6) Remember to be honest (if shamefaced) and admit to your fellow 'Catters that you did a VERY STUPID THING with your new pickaxe . . .

. . . I've got to go and spread my Mother's Day present (three bags of lovely aged horse manure) on the garden -- and no pickaxe swinging today -- and then I will be back to thank you all properly for your wonderful, wonderful songs . . . It was my birthday on Friday, and these are the best gifts I could ever get!!

Love from the Red-headed Pickaxe-swinging Mad Gardener Gaelic Goddess, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: mousethief
Date: 14 May 01 - 11:48 AM

I like the china jug story better than the facts. SNOGS?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: mousethief
Date: 14 May 01 - 11:49 AM

Sorry; I didn't mean SNOGS I meant BLOBS.

BLOBS?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Bradypus
Date: 15 May 01 - 06:29 PM

It seemed to me that there was one idea in my previous entry that was worth expanding on. The tune (obviously) is the Yellow Rose of Texas.

The Guinness Flows in Texas

There's a dear old house in Texas with a cool and shady yard
It's so uncultivated, and the soil is stony hard
There were two shovels in the shed, but Ainé took her pick
And started digging in the yard, tho' it was hard as brick

Chorus

It's the sweetest little garden that Texas ever new
But hard and sweated labour makes you want to down a few
And Ainé's luck was in that day, for now it's plain to see
That the Guinness flows in Texas, and the Guinness flows for free!

As Ainé dug the garden, and was staring at the soil
It turned rich and dark and muddy, and she thought that she'd struck oil
But it didn't smell like oil – it was something else instead
For you've never seen such oil with a creamy, frothy head

Chorus

Now the Guinness keeps on flowing, and the goddess, without doubt
Has a plan for distribution of her lucky strike of stout
Now the Mudcat Tavern's never dry, there's never any gripe
For the Guinness isn't just on tap – it's delivered by the pipe.

Chorus

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 15 May 01 - 08:12 PM

HA! I can't believe I got it right--Aine, honest, I was just teasing about blowing your modem line; you didn't have to do it for real!

Wecome back...

Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: MMario
Date: 15 May 01 - 09:29 PM

Bradypus, we are not worthy! Guiness and MudCat in one Song?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 01 - 08:45 PM

Hey RED!!! Git yore soggy Mudcat Ass back to your Primary Responsibility!!!! Whatcha think yore doin', trying to play folk music with a pickaxe!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 17 May 01 - 08:51 PM

"Whatcha think yore doin', trying to play folk music with a pickaxe!!!"

But that's much the best way to play a bodhran.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 20 May 01 - 12:32 AM

*refresh*

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 01 - 12:42 AM

Dang, Red!!! Ya got no call to be dissin' yore conSTITuency thissa way!!:>)

I know you're pushing as hard as you can. We will celebrate and paint the town green when you reappear!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 01 - 08:38 PM

The spring has passed behind us,
And the summer is amongus
And we've lost our Gaelic Goddess
To the New Home Owner Fungus

Will ye sing, Aine, sing?

And we'll all sing together!
Where the cybersouls are calling
Nestled safe in cyber-weather,
Will you play, lassie, play?

If your house should tumble down,
You can surely build another
If you leave your friends behind you,
You'll be talking to your mother!
Will you play, lassie, play?

And we'll all play together!
Where the bonds they just grow stronger
'And the friendships last forever,
Will ye play, lassie, play?

Regards,

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: MMario
Date: 01 Jun 01 - 08:11 AM

hee-hee! I got to sing and play with her last weekend!

nya-nyah-nya-nya-nya!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 01 - 12:05 PM

oh, oh, you, goldangit!, now ya got me MAD!!!!! you neener boy! you puzzlewit! I'm gonna getcha fer this!!! I'm gonna sing Frankie Avalon covers and send them all to you!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: MMario
Date: 01 Jun 01 - 12:08 PM

'n I got to hug her, and she almost brained me with her turkey leg, and she had me insulted by a professional!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Jun 01 - 12:10 PM

Instead of the Gaelic Goddess you can call Aine "Venus! Oh Venus!" in your smarmiest Frankie Avalon voice ever.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: MMario
Date: 01 Jun 01 - 12:28 PM

Áine if you will
please send for us a challenge to be filled
A challenge frought with shame
whose lyrics we can Amos blame

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Áine
Date: 01 Jun 01 - 05:28 PM

Oh SINSULL, I just love that song by Frankie ;-)

To tell the truth, I'm torn between the ticklin' of my heart cockles with y'all missing me, and my Irish guilty conscience for neglecting all my darlin' Challenge!rs . . . But, please be patient with your Gaelic Goddess in absentia -- she's still having to deal with a torn up 'east wing', an $8,500 plumbers' bill (that does not include the replacement of three rooms' worth of flooring), an insurance adjuster who just showed up this morning, AND the lovely, distinct, and oh-so-soucant sewer smell in her office (in which she is now sitting to type this message . . . while holding her breath and slowly turning a brilliant (!) shade of blue -- which happens to clash mightily with her hair) . . .

TGG's Dear Hubby has promised to apply several bottles of Lysol to the effected office carpet on the morrow, thus freeing herself's sinuses and lungs from distress (at least, that's the plan). All appropriate and/or appropos awards will be, shall we say, 'discharged' over the weekend, and another Challenge! put forth for TGG's faithful followers . . .

Until then, please accept your ever-lovin' deity's snogs (on all cheeks, of course) and hugs for hanging in there with her through flooding floors, broken pipes, jack hammers and recalcitrant carpetbaggers.

All the best to you all, Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 10:26 PM

My god, lass! How ORIFUL!! This gives a whole new dimension to the notion of a Home Orifice, huh? Every time you walk in there you must think you're in trouble!!! It's not the usual thing to lay waste to a new home like that, y'know!! Especially since you don't have California's Truth in Selling a Home checklist -- at least we get to be the sewer instead of the seweree!!!

Well, at least you don't have to be the one to raise a stink about it!!! I hope you recorded all the terrible passages in your diarrhey -- you know, to show the insurance company. Those sellers were real stinkers, huh? And all you wanted was a chance to mingle with the natural functions of the place, too!!! Well, pad that bill with everything they'll digest, and when they finally finish chewing it over, you'll be flush!!

Love,

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Amergin
Date: 04 Jun 01 - 10:37 PM

on all cheeks, Aine?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Áine
Date: 06 Jun 01 - 03:12 PM

Just 'cuz all the songs in this Challenge! meant so much to me (and were all so good) -- a brand new category has been added to the Golden Cow Chip Awards -- The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award!! Of course, all the entries for Challenge! Part 52 have been given this 'extra' special prize -- and in addition to the SSSSNG, Twelve Inches of Topsoil by Trapper has also been awarded the Imperial Order of the All-In-One Genius with Platinum Tufts (for obvious reasons!).

Many heartfelt thanks, cudos and congrats to all of you!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 01 - 09:43 PM

Trapper, you surely earned that one!! That GG, never misses pure genius at work. Ya done REAL good -- I was getting flashbacks of excruciating Past Challenges just looking at your little blue clicky things.

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: SharonA
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 10:10 AM

*refresh*

It's just me, again, playing "catch-up" with past Song Challenge!s (this one'll make it 3 down, fifty-mumble to go!)

So the question was: What's buried beneath the red-tipped photinias, honeysuckle and asian jasmine? Why, the same thing that's tucked in beside every planted seed: a gardener's love of growing things, of course!


(Tune: "San Antonio Rose")

Deep within my yard lies a cavity
Along a wall of sand-stone
Where in jeans I sieve, sifting happily
Between the shards in the loam.

Well, a glove pair I found beside the wall so low.
To plant I came. As I drew on a glove,
A bloom-rich voice said, "Only she who'd grow
Will pierce that broken soil with love."

Soon, in fall, I bent there; sowed love in my yard.
Wall-backed, it grows, grows up that sandstone.
Slips no weed in, when there's love spread all sprawling. My heart
Seeks underground with my gloves its home.

Broken soil, empty earthen hole
Still gives to my yard all it's grown
For that bloom-rich voice by the wall so low,
And grows and grows what love has sown.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Aug 01 - 12:52 PM

My Second Piggy back song.

Look what I found on my land

Melanie Kafka (Safka)

Look what I found on my land, Ma, look what I found on my land.
Well it's too scary to describe and they took it outta my hands, ma.
look what I found on my land.

What has it done to my brain, ma, what has it done to my brain?
Attacked it like a pod person until I'm half insane, ma.
What have I found on my land?

Wish I could find a safe house to live in. Wish I could find a safe house.
Well if I could find a real safe house I wouldn't have to come out and look at
What I have found on my land.

La la la … (etc.)

Maybe it'll all be alright, Ma, maybe it'll all be okay,
Well, if I call the government they'll send the FBI, Ma,
Look at what I found on my land.

Scully and Mulder are here , Ma, Scully and Mulder are here,
The FBI will investigate something really queer, Ma,
Scully and Mulder are here.

Look what I found on my land, Ma, look what I found on my land.
Well, they tied it up in a plastic bag, and sent it to the lab, Ma,
look what I found on my land.

Look what I found on my land, Ma, look what I found on my land.
Well it's too scary to describe and they took it outta my hands, ma.
look what I found on my land.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 15 Aug 01 - 06:43 AM

Couldn't resist this challenge! which was posted before I became active in this little ongoing saga.

To the tune of "Let Mr Maguire Sit Down" and "Hot Ashphalt".

I've never been one for labouring hard
Me hands are soft and clean
With nails honed to perfection
And polished till they gleam
But sure I come from a rare oul stock
That's familiar with the hod
The spade, the shovel and the pick
Are coursing through my blood

CHORUS
Annie get out with the spade, get out
And give the land a dig
Your arms will ache and your back will break
And you'll sweat just like a pig
To think you've the strength of a navvy
I never would've guessed
Oh Annie don't stall, answer the call
And dig like a woman possessed

The first I dug was a porter jug
That was full of the Liffey brew
And the next I dug was a doodlebug
That got lost in World War Two
The third I dug was a bug in a rug
That was snug as snug could be
The fourth I dug was a smack in the mug
That stung like a bumblebee

CHORUS

The fifth I unearthed was hardly worth
The trouble I went to
And the sixth I unearthed caused lots of mirth
And a bit of a hullaballoo
But the seventh I found in my hole in the ground
Was the cause of some discontent
And the eighth I uncovered was nothing but bother
So back in the ground it went

CHORUS

The ninth I exposed was not, I suppose,
A thing we can rightly discuss
And the tenth I revealed can only, I feel,
Be talked of with those that I trust
My eleventh find nearly blew my mind
As I gazed on it with awe
But the twelfth surpassed, a touch of class
That left me wanting more

CHORUS

I dug at a rate, exceedingly great
But then my body jarred
As my shovel rang with a mighty clang
On an object big and hard
A way around could not be found
Such was this object's girth
And I cursed and screeched, cos I knew I'd reached
The Centre Of The Earth

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: SharonA
Date: 15 Aug 01 - 08:23 AM

Haw haw hee hee!! Those were great, you two!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: MMario
Date: 15 Aug 01 - 08:59 AM

BRAVO to you all for reviving these. If I can get my brain cell back (the dog currently has it, dang him!) I may take another shot at some of them.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Aug 01 - 10:52 AM

SharonA great as always

Derry You've done it again another funny one!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: SharonA
Date: 16 Aug 01 - 06:54 PM

*refresh* Chips ahoy? Ahoy the chips?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Áine
Date: 16 Aug 01 - 08:35 PM

Alrightey, Ms. Impatient!! ;-) Here we go:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (The Harp Ribbon is given for being able to make The Keeper of the Book fall on the floor laughing OR make her short out her keyboard with tears):

Look What I Found on My Land by Jack the Sailor


Winners of the Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award (The Super Special Sandstone Sheila-Na-Gig Ocarina Award is given to the Challenge!rs who warm the cockles and create a special warm and fuzzy feeling in the heart of the Keeper of the Book in a song):

Annie Get Out With the Spade by derrymacash

That Broken Soil by SharonA


Thanks you all -- these are amazing songs!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: SharonA
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 09:26 AM

Sorry for the itches in my britches, Áine, but I was REALLY, REALLY hoping that you would do what you in fact did: award one o' them thar Sheila-Na-Gig thangs for "That Broken Soil" (thanks! ...and thanks for titling it for me!) becauuuuuse that was the last award I needed to complete my collection. I'll send you a list by PM as per your request in another thread, but I do believe I now have at least one of each SONG CHALLENGE! award and, therefore, qualify to receive one Whole Bag o' Chips! Lemme just go check and make sure...

SharonA

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 10:42 AM

Gosh, I'm not trying to build a collection but I did have a lot of fun with that whole XFiles thing. I imagined Aine finding something nasty, and putting in a plastic bag. The rest just flowed. It was also a bit of a trick because anything which I could imagine and talk about is not near as sinister as what you imagine yourself.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: SharonA
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:34 AM

Isn't that the whole point, to have fun with the CHALLENGE! and with your imagination? I certainly do, and I hope that the people who sing along with my entries are having just as much fun as I do when I write them! I've also found it fun to win the different awards (and yes, I do have at least one of each award – I double-checked!) :^) :^) :^)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: Áine
Date: 18 Aug 01 - 05:14 PM

Dear SharonA,

Isn't that the whole point, to have fun with the CHALLENGE! and with your imagination? -- You Betcha Booties, Girlfriend! ;-) And for tickling our brain cells and funny bones with your tantamount talent in each and every category of cow chip cajolery, you are hereby inducted into the sanctosanctorum of songsmiths -- That's right, sister -- you're a

Winner of the Whole Bag O' Chips Special Award (The Whole Bag O' Chips Award is given to the Challenge!rs who have won all the other Challenge! awards possible - including the "Two-Fer-One" and "All-In-One Genius" Awards):


Hip-hip-hooray and an extra big YEE-HAW!!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: SharonA
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 01:39 PM

Thank you so much, Áine!!! I am deeply honored, and I humbly accept the latest Mudcat Song Challenge! Whole Bag O' Chips Special Award in the name of songwriters everywhere! It certainly HAS been a challenge: I've had to win the greatest number of Golden Cow Chip awards offered thus far (10) to qualify for The Whole Bag. I envy those Challenge!rs who won their Whole Bags when there were fewer Chips... or does that just mean that I won a larger Whole Bag? (tailgate-party size?)

I'd like to thank all the other Challenge!rs who were so supportive of my efforts... and a GREAT BIG thanks to the Green Goddess Herself, the Keeper of the Book, our own dear Áine, for creating the Song Challenge! and keeping it a wonderful place to hone our talents, stretch our imaginations, and just plain have fun!!!

[music swells in background] Thank you again! I'm so happy, I could... I could just... SING!!!!!

(Now, how did you know THAT was coming?)


CHIP CHIP CHEER-EE
(Tune: "Chim Chim Cher-ee" from Walt Disney's MARY POPPINS, 1964)

Chip chippety, chip chippety, chip chip cheer-ee!
A Whole Bag O' Chips was awarded to me!
Chip chippety, chip chippety, chip chip cheer-oo!
Sing my songs with me; I'll share my bag with you.
Or write songs yourself – and you'll win one, too!

Now that the Challenge! of Songs has been sung,
You might think, "Who'd want an award full of dung?"
Though I spend my time with Cow Chips as I write,
In this world-wide web, there's no happier sprite!

Chip chippety, chip chippety, chip chip cheer-ee!
A Whole Bag O' Chips was awarded to me!
Chip chippety, chip chippety, chip chip cheer-oo!
Sing my songs with me; I'll share my bag with you.

I choose my lyrics with care, yes I do.
No room for a syllable that won't ring true.

Up on the mantel where trophies are stored,
The Whole Bag O' Chips is the one most adored.
Well, there's hardly a day, nor hardly a night
That things have to happen, or need oversight,
That would pull me away from my songs when I write!

Chip chippety, chip chippety, chip chip cheer-ee!
This Song Challenge!r was such poor company:
Nowhere was there a songwriter more blue
When I had no Whole Bag O' Chips. Now I do!
Chip chippety, chip chip, cheer-ee chip cheer-oooooooo!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 52
From: SharonA
Date: 22 Aug 01 - 07:23 PM

Sorry, Áine. mousethief reminds me that you're the Gaelic Goddess (not Green... though I had seen a post in "SC! - part 9" calling you the Green Goddess). I grovel before the GAELIC Goddess, begging forgiveness and offering pledges of eternal servitude to the Song Challenge! *grovel, grovel*