Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong

Subject: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Peter T.
Date: 30 May 01 - 09:21 AM

Every once in awhile I come across a little fact that I know to be absolutely true, that I have built whole edifices upon, not a big fact, just something I have never doubted for a minute, and then it is revealed to be wrong. I usually rejoice over these -- who wants to be carrying around lies? -- but these little things do wobble the edifice. Last night I decided to get down the chords of "Silver Threads and Golden Needles" (because I am of course unhappy in my mansion), and I go to a site, and there are the wrong lyrics in the first line!: "I don't want your lonely mansion with a tear in every room". I try another, and the same lyric! And then it dawns on me: I have always heard it wrong. I always heard it: "I don't want your lonely mansion with a TV in every room", which I have used on innumerable occasions for the past 35 years as a symbol of angst (and is a BETTER LINE!!!). But, where I go to now in life I do not know, I am unsettled, perturbed, etc. Any other facts I should know that aren't?

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Mountain Dog
Date: 30 May 01 - 09:54 AM

Lest it plunge you further into despair, I trust you already knew that in her magnum opus, "Angel of the Morning", Juice Newton's sweet request that you "...just brush my teeth before you leave" was a mondegreen of the first water?

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 May 01 - 09:57 AM

And poinsettias are not poisonous to pets.

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: A Wandering Minstrel
Date: 30 May 01 - 10:00 AM

and two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do.

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 May 01 - 10:00 AM

I thought they were poisonous to children, though... Is that wrong? What about Don't drink water after eating apricots?

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 30 May 01 - 10:03 AM

Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!!

Proving, once again, that facts are highly overrated. It's your world, Peter T., make it up any way you want to.

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: sian, west wales
Date: 30 May 01 - 10:08 AM

Mohair sweaters are not made from the hair of moes, and the the fourth line of God Save the Queen is not, "send her six story books".

sian

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Peter T.
Date: 30 May 01 - 10:10 AM

I see that there is evidence that placebos don't actually have the placebo effect. Even the things that don't work don't work!!!

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 May 01 - 10:21 AM

Once again, if you take cranberries and stew them like prunes, they taste much more like applesauce than rhubarb does.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: InOBU
Date: 30 May 01 - 10:42 AM

When saying prayers as a ween "Pity mice and plicity" (pity my simplicity)... I grew up with great pity for mice, was I wrong? Larry
PS What the F is plicity?

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Noreen
Date: 30 May 01 - 11:23 AM

Don't drink water after eating apricots? What, ever?? Please explain, Mrrzy...

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 30 May 01 - 11:25 AM

Larry, I always thought it was "pity my simple city" (Birmingham in my case!)
RtS

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: mousethief
Date: 30 May 01 - 11:30 AM

I like the idea of pitying mice. They have such a rough time of it, poor little critters. I'm sure we can think of something for "plicity" to mean.

Peter, I saw the thing about the placebo effect, too. Kinda makes you lose all faith in double-blinded studies. If there is no placebo effect, what exactly are we discovering?

Alex

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: chip a
Date: 30 May 01 - 11:54 AM

Well Shoot!,

I've spent the last week polishing "Old Kentucky Home" to perfection on the banjo. (Some would think that to be an impossibility) I was doing this from my memory of the tune and for a few days I'd had a little nagging thing in my head about it. So......last night I checked it out in a songbook. A songbook that was within inches of me all week as I sat in my favorite chair working on this damn song. I HAD IT WRONG!!!! WAY, WAY WRONG!!!!! Hey, sometimes there're lots of versions of the same song, right? Peter T, I feel your pain!

Chip A.

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Don Firth
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:04 PM

Don't use naugahyde. Naugas are an endangered species.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: RichM
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:08 PM

Maybe we need a new facts machine....

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: GUEST,Karen
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:14 PM

Growing up I went to a parochial school and was taught that "Limbo" was the place where unbaptized babies went after they died. We were painted a wonderful picture of a happy garden-like place where babies could play all day. They were "as happy as they could be outside the presence of God." I was relieved to know these babies would be well-treated in the After Life.
The Vatican decided that was not correct after all and did away with the whole concept! Just wiped it out completely! No more Limbo!
I hate the idea that I took the time to learn something only to be told years later, "No, sorry, it was a silly idea to begin with. Just forget all about it."

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: JedMarum
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:21 PM

... when my boys grew up, they pissed off to find that most people think the tooth fairy is a she not a he (no wonder Dad always smirked when he talked about putting those teeth under the pillow).

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:22 PM

To clarify matters: Yes, it may be true that placebos don't have the placebo effect, but that doesn't mean that placebos aren't useful in double-blind studies. In fact, you can't construct a double-blind study without them. As I understand it, any conclusion based on a study in which a placebo was used will not be changed because of this new information.

Studies have also shown that people don't act nuttier when the moon is full, and that there is no increase in suicides and other emergencies around Christmas or any other holiday. Both of these ideas were once widely believed by mental health workers, ambulance drivers, police, etc.

Guess what: I read the other day that Easter lilies are poisonous. Do you suppose the old story about poinsettias just got transferred to a different holiday plant?

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:36 PM

Poinsettias CAN make cats who eat them very, very sick (which they will proceed to do all over the floor). And I had an apparently healthy cat suddenly grow extremely lethargic and be found dead (under the Christmas tree, as a matter of fact) after POSSIBLY nibbling on poinsettias. I, too, have it from reliable sources that ingesting poinsettias is not fatal, but I prefer not to have them around (unfortunately because I find them rather attractive) for fear of cat nibbles. Cats don't seem to bother other euphorbias which have the same icky stuff inside.

Bat Goddess who misses Inquiry, the black cat

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: mousethief
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:36 PM

I had a cat absolutely mow down a pointsettia, and she seemed to suffer no ill effects (except dirty looks and harsh words from me, which of course bothered her not at all).

Alex

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:38 PM

It's also completely untrue that if you die in a dream then you actually die and never wake up. I died in a dream a good ten years ago (got shot, in fact, and rose up as a spirit right out of my dead body) and here I am telling you about it right now.

Oh, yeah, and there are no alligators living in the New York City sewers.

- LH

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: GUEST,Karen
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:42 PM

Bat Goddess, sorry about your cat. Maybe she ate some holly berries?
Here's a site that tells of different poisonous holiday plants Click Here

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: kendall
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:51 PM

There no alligators in NY sewers. Absolutly not. Think about it, alligators are cold blooded, they need the heat of the sun to get them going, and they would freeze to death in NY. What would they eat? Ed Norton?

10 years ago, our friend Kathy Westra and Joe Hickerson gave me a book for my birthday titled, THERE ARE ALLIGATORS IN OUR SEWERS and other American credos. A collection of bunk nonsense and fabels we believe.

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:56 PM

These alligators have mutated. I have it on the authority of my two older brothers that tiny girl children are often dragged screaming down the toilet whereas boys can keep a safe distance and escape.
Mary, who still checks for alligators in the toilet (and occasionally finds a cat)

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: GUEST,Karen
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:56 PM

Maybe that's where all those poor mice are living...

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 30 May 01 - 12:57 PM

If you had a dream that you died, and then you actually died without waking up, HOW WOULD ANYBODY KNOW?

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:01 PM

Crossing your eyes won't make them cross permanently.

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: wdyat12
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:02 PM

And dust buildup in your brakepads from driving on dirt roads isn't the metal on metal sound you hear when you roll to a stop at a light.

wdyat12

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:14 PM

And if you scowl at your older brothers, your face won't freeze that way...

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: wdyat12
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:18 PM

And you don't rotate your mattress for the same reason you rotate your tires.

wdyat12

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: mousethief
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:20 PM

I don't rotate my mattress at all. What have I been missing? Is this some new American fad?

Alex

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:21 PM

"Facts... Bppppppphhhhhfffff! You can use facts to prove anything that even REMOTELY true! Facts schmacts!"
---Homer Simpson---

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:26 PM

Which does not resolve the vexing matter of what the hell happened to Spaw's face, does it? :-)

Jim Dixon - "If you had a dream that you died, and then you actually died without waking up, HOW WOULD ANYBODY KNOW?"

Hey! Good point! Given that, I wonder who started such a dumb story in the first place...and why did anyone believe it?

Nevertheless, I have had several people assure me that it is absolutely and infallibly true...without exception. When I tell them about the dream I had and died in (and woke up from), they say..."Well, you must not have actually died in that dream, then..."

Duh. It's like trying to explain the good points of socialism to a Republican. "Does not compute (click)...does not compute (click)...does not compute (click)....does not..."

- LH

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:28 PM

Well, my SO and daughter were absolutely certian that my oldest Siamese, Heyokah, was done for and would have to be put down this morning, but I am pleased to say he defied their absolutes and is here to live another day, albeit as a newly-diagnosed diabetic.*

*bloodwork pending...it could still be touch and go, but at least it was not today, as they were so sure of!

kat

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Morticia
Date: 30 May 01 - 01:38 PM

Well I was heartbroken when someone sent me this site.....brace yourself, Peter Hoaxbusters

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 30 May 01 - 02:03 PM

Oh man oh man!

I can think of about a million people who need to read that site!!!

Thanks Morty!!!!

;-)

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Bill D
Date: 30 May 01 - 02:37 PM

...and you can't get a genuine WWII jeep still packed in cosmoline in the original crate for $200..(or $100..or $500..or...)..people used to make money collecting $$$ for these myths

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Peter T.
Date: 30 May 01 - 02:39 PM

This is beginning to get unsettling (ha)!
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Mudlark
Date: 30 May 01 - 02:42 PM

Gladly the cross-eyed bear....

Love YOUR line, Peter T.....much better, more, um, visual!

Pretty poison....wisteria....the seed pods very poisonous to critters, oleander sap the same, so I've heard for years. Also lots of bulbs, like daffs....

Good luck to your cat, kat....

and....I go crazy at the full moon....it's just that noone doing a study has ever asked me...

Mudlark

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: kendall
Date: 30 May 01 - 09:57 PM

I love that comment about the mattress and tires!

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 May 01 - 11:59 PM

There was actually a point at which I was completely convinced I did not have all the answers. It was a bit unsettling when I realized just how wrong I had been.........I'm much better now.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 May 01 - 01:29 AM

Noreen - drinking water after eating dried fruit makes them swell too quickly and gives you stomach ache. Fresh fruit should have no problems. Pragmatic but true. Honest.

And those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.

LTS

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Ebbie
Date: 31 May 01 - 01:29 AM

I thought one time that I was wrong- but I was wrong...

Ebbie

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Metchosin
Date: 31 May 01 - 01:40 AM

I'm now absolutely certain that if I undo my belly button my eyes won't fall out.

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 May 01 - 01:57 AM

No but your ass will drop off!!

: )

LTS

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 31 May 01 - 03:11 AM

Only if you undo your bellybutton with a silver screwdriver...

;-)

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 31 May 01 - 05:14 AM

LtS and Clinton.

You are both wrong!

Belly-buttons are there for the "sole" purpose of storing the salt when you eat fish & chips in bed!

Get your facts right (or left if you are Liberal)..:)

Cheers - Sam

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Jim Hancock
Date: 31 May 01 - 05:31 AM

Bell's Whiskey regularly results in rotating mattresses. By the way "Plicity" is the singular of duplicity, (Not to be confused with dohplicity which is something to do with Homer Simpson)

Subject: RE: Darn!Another Absolute Certain Fact Wrong
From: Les from Hull
Date: 31 May 01 - 06:53 AM

Sorry to mess with your facts Jim, but there's no such thing as Bell's Whiskey. Only Bell's Whisky.