BS: Texas Election Solution

Subject: Texas Election Solution
From: UB Ed
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 12:16 PM

Seems a few of us are still wrought up over the election. A friend of mine from Texas sent this suggestion. Whatdaya think (Ed, running for cover...)

The Republic of Texas

Ok, Folks. Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the election results. After seeing the whiners along the inauguration route, the folks from Texas have decided that we might just take matters into our own hands. Here is our solution:

1. Let Al Gore become President of the United States (all 49 of them).
2. George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas.

So what does Texas have that will allow it to survive as a Republic?

-NASA in Houston, Texas. We will control the space industry.

-Refineries. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

-Defense Industry. We have over 65% of it. The phrase "Don't mess with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning.

-Oil. We can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry.

-Natural Gas. Again we have all we need, and it's too bad about those northern states. Al Gore will figure out how to keep them warm....

-Computer Industry. We currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, etc, etc. The list goes on and on.

-Health Centers. We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers, and the top trauma units in the world, as well as other large health planning centers.

-Education. We have enough colleges to keep us going: Texas A&M, UT, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the south anyway.

-Workforce. We have an endless supply of workers. Just open the border when we need some more.

-Industry. We have control of the paper, plastics, insurance industry, etc.

-Military. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

-Food. We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, and vegetable produce, and everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good.

This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

Now to the rest of the United States under President Gore:

Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Gore will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.

You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off your communications.

You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr. Gore has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.

Just a few notes on REAL election results:

Total Counties won by Bush: 2,434
Total Counties won by Gore: 677

Population of counties won by Bush: 143 million
Population of counties won by Gore: 127 million

Square miles of country won by Bush: 2,427,000
Square miles of country won by Gore: 580,000

States won by Bush: 29
States won by Gore: 19

And an even more remarkable finding....
Average Murder per 100,000 residents in counties won by Bush: 0.1
Average Murder per 100,000 residents in counties won by Gore: 13.2

Researchers found one more interesting fact that might help explain these disparate murder rates. Gun ownership in the counties won by Mr. Bush is much higher than in the counties won by Mr. Gore.

Signed,
The People of Texas

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: Sorcha
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 12:27 PM

As I recall, they tried it once, lol!

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: Metchosin
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 12:47 PM

just a question because I'm not familiar with that part of the US and not considering the tragic floods recently, but "What is the State of Texas' primary source of water?" Seems to me most of the rivers in that part of the US run south....hmmmm...

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 01:41 PM

Just looking at SOME of your inane claims:

Um, NASA may be hq'd in Texas, but they launch all their space vehicles in Florida. And they're made in Huntsville, Alabama (among other places)

How do you figger 65% of the defense industry? Lockheed is in California, Morton Thiokol is in Salt Lake City, Boeing is in Seattle (or Chicago, I forget), McDonnel/Douglas is in Long Beach. Who's in Texas?

Insurance? WHAT? Allstate is in Illinois, as is State Farm; Prudential is in Jersey; Farmers is in L.A.; Hartford, Aetna, and Travelers are in Connecticut; MetLife is in New York; Safeco is in Seattle; in fact, I can't think of ANY major insurance carrier hq'd in Texas.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: UB Ed
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 02:12 PM

Uh, Alex, I think there's a little tongue in cheek going on here....insurance? Do Texans use insurance?

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 02:15 PM

How would I know?

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: UB Ed
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 02:21 PM

Well, you brought it up

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 02:22 PM

Um, no, YOU brought it up.

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 02:25 PM

Cute....and I'll take it as the joke it is. After all, everyone knows when any Texan is lying by simply observing their lips.....if they move, they're lying!

Can we all not get too serious about this? After all, we got Dubya and he's both a Texan and a joke so what the hell............Can it get more humorous than that?

Thanks for the laugh Ed!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: UB Ed
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 02:48 PM

Thanks Spaw, I particularly liked your treatment of Ginger Lynn and Monica on the opinion thread. I was hoping Alex would get the joke, especially since there is no reference to insurance in the original post.

Oh well!

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: Don Firth
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 02:49 PM

Texas secede from the Union? Hmm . . . works for me. . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: Sorcha
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 02:58 PM

But Texas has Jed Marum and Aine, among others.......

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: Don Firth
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 03:12 PM

Well, shucks. . . . Maybe they could emigrate . . . ?

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: CarolC
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 03:32 PM

You live in Texas UB Ed?

Here's the insurance reference in your original post...

-Industry. We have control of the paper, plastics, insurance industry, etc.

It's an amusing little piece. The sad part is that there are a lot of people who will believe the whole thing without question.

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: UB Ed
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 03:56 PM

No Carol, I'm a Virginia boy...I did get this from a Texan.

Thanks for getting me straight. Sorry Alex...

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:12 PM

It's a lot like the thing the Calinfornians put out when they were mad at the rest of the USA for not having an equivalent energy crisis -- all about how much of our avocadoes and almonds and wine they produce.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:13 PM

UB Ed, did you read this before you posted it? LOL!

You're right, I got suckered; I thought it was serious. Egg on my face and all that.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: GUEST,Claymore
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:34 PM

Actually, the absolute top-rated insurance company in the industry, USAA or United Services Automobile Association, does come from Texas.

For years it refused to insure anyone other than military officers and their dependants, and its rates were far lower than the rest, yet its services were rated far higher. This was due to the lower lost rate generated by the officers, and the members get rebates based on the loss rate. A member since '68, I now receive a yearly rebate that is some thirty dollars higher than my insurance bill for three vehicles. In effect, due to the selective nature of its membership, they pay me to get the insurance. Recently, the membership voted to allow senior ranking enlisted personnel to join.

And my USAA credit card is 11 percent permanent. People will do anything not to lose their USAA insurance, just ask your agent, and watch the tears.

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:41 PM

Top rated by whom? I was looking at the largest in assets, not the top ratings. :)

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: CarolC
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:50 PM

It's probably a first rate outfit, Alex. Only problem is, very few people (comparitively speaking) can get it. You have to be either a military officer (or dependant), or senior ranking enlisted personnel. So I guess the United States of America won't miss it too much when The Republic of Texas breaks breaks away to form a separate country.

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:52 PM

I once had a top-rate outfit. Then I spilled spaghetti sauce on it, and I could only wear it to garden or paint.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 05:08 PM

Tongue in cheek or not, you gotta wonder about the mindset of the author. In that spirit, I have some thoughts.

Not to worry about water. They will refine to a Texas-acceptable degree Texans' bodily hot air. There is plenty there- and more coming.

Don't forget- if you have all the threat-capability concentrated in Texas, you are also the only target for incoming...

I think Texans have not yet come to terms with having Alaska be so much larger. Let me assure you, it could be worse: Alaska could divide in two and then Texas would be Number Three.

And yes, it appears you have everything you need. Except friends. Don't forget friends.

LOL

Ebbie

Subject: RE: BS: Texas Election Solution
From: DougR
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 05:13 PM

Funny post, UB Ed. I can't imagine anyone would take that post seriously, but I guess some will.

DougR