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jokes about Orthodox Christians

GUEST,Dmitri P. 15 Jun 01 - 06:05 PM
catspaw49 15 Jun 01 - 06:10 PM
Donuel 15 Jun 01 - 06:24 PM
Joe Offer 15 Jun 01 - 06:28 PM
little john cameron 15 Jun 01 - 06:58 PM
katlaughing 15 Jun 01 - 07:03 PM
GUEST,Dmitri P. 15 Jun 01 - 10:06 PM
Paul Mitchell 16 Jun 01 - 07:53 AM
Donuel 16 Jun 01 - 08:10 AM
Dan Keding 16 Jun 01 - 09:02 AM
catspaw49 16 Jun 01 - 09:20 AM
RichM 16 Jun 01 - 09:43 AM
TishA 16 Jun 01 - 11:29 AM
GUEST 16 Jun 01 - 11:52 AM
catspaw49 16 Jun 01 - 12:06 PM
GUEST 16 Jun 01 - 01:15 PM
GUEST 16 Jun 01 - 11:05 PM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 16 Jun 01 - 11:52 PM
Amos 17 Jun 01 - 10:53 PM
Joe Offer 17 Jun 01 - 11:07 PM
mousethief 18 Jun 01 - 12:33 AM
Joe Offer 18 Jun 01 - 12:39 AM
InOBU 18 Jun 01 - 06:14 AM
Bill D 18 Jun 01 - 11:50 AM
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Subject: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: GUEST,Dmitri P.
Date: 15 Jun 01 - 06:05 PM

Why should the Jewish people have all the jokes? Here are some about Orthodox Christians.

What do you call a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN with half a brain? Gifted!

How do ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN braincells die? Alone.

What do you call a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.

Why didn't the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN want a window seat on the plane? They just got a perm didn't want it blown around too much.

Why is it good to have a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN passenger? You can park in the handicap zone.

What was the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN psychic's greatest achievment? An IN-body experience!

How do you make a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Why should ORTHODOX CHRISTIANs not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.

How can you tell if a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN has been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen.

How can you tell if another ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN has been using the computer? There's writing on the white-out.

Why don't ORTHODOX CHRISTIANs eat Jello? They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

Why don't ORTHODOX CHRISTIANs eat pickles? Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Why do ORTHODOX CHRISTIANs drive BMWs? Because they can spell it.

Why do ORTHODOX CHRISTIANs have TGIF on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

What does a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"

What is it called when a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN blows in another ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN's ear? Data transfer.

What do you call 10 ORTHODOX CHRISTIANs standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.

What do you call 15 ORTHODOX CHRISTIANs in a circle? A dope ring.

Why did the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.

What do you do when a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

If a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN and a non-ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? The non-ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN. The ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN has to stop to ask for directions.

What happens when a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN gets Alzheimers disease? Their IQ goes up!

What is the difference between a smart ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been spotted.

What do a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.

Why did the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN drown in the pool? Someone left a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

What do you get when you offer a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN a penny for their thoughts? Change.

What do you get when you cross a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN and a gorilla? Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do.

Why does a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN only change the baby's diapers once a month? Because it says right on the box, "good for up to 20 pounds."

Why did the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN get so excited after finishing the jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? Because it said on the box, "From 2-4 years."

How do you amuse a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN for hours? Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

What did the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN say when they looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Why do ORTHODOX CHRISTIANs drive VW's? Because they can't spell PORSCHE!

How do you make a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN laugh on Monday mornings? Tell them a joke on Friday night!

What job function does a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN have in an M&M factory? Proofreading.

Why did the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN get fired from the M&M factory? For throwing out the W's.

What do you call a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN skeleton in the closet? Last year's hide and seek champ.

What does a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN say when you ask them if your turn signal is on? It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Did you hear about the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

What do you call a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN in an institution of higher learning? A visitor.

Did you hear about the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN coyote? Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

How do you get a one-armed ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN out of a tree? Wave.

How do you confuse a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN? You don't. They're born that way.

How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN? There is a stamp on it.

Why don't ORTHODOX CHRISTIANs double recipes? The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

Why don't ORTHODOX CHRISTIANs make good pharmacists? They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

Why don't ORTHODOX CHRISTIANs call 911 in an emergency? They can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

Why did the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN keep a coat hanger in the back seat? In case they lock the keys in their car.

What are the worst six years in a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN's life? Third Grade.

Why is the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN's brain the size of a pea in the morning? It swells at night.

What did the ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN do when told that 90% of accidents occur around the home? Moved.

What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN parade.

How do you keep a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow.

What do you call a ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle? Rebel without a clue.


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Jun 01 - 06:10 PM

ANY CHANCE WE CAN JUST AVOID PLAYING THIS ONE FOLKS?

Spaw


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Jun 01 - 06:24 PM

Hey spaw are you a self ordained moderator or moderatly ordained ? ;>


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: Joe Offer
Date: 15 Jun 01 - 06:28 PM

Spaw has credibility, and that's enough for me.
He's right - this is bigotry, with a very thin veil.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: little john cameron
Date: 15 Jun 01 - 06:58 PM

It's no often ah comment oan this shite,bit ah wid agree tae send in the rubber-ooter. ljc


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Jun 01 - 07:03 PM

:-(


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: GUEST,Dmitri P.
Date: 15 Jun 01 - 10:06 PM

Sorry, no offence intended. I thought the jokes were okay because I got them from a guy who is himself an Orthodox Christian.


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: Paul Mitchell
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 07:53 AM

Prat


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 08:10 AM

This isn't bigotry , these are rewarmed blonde jokes (and not the best ones either) with the word blonde removed and a new subject plugged in. Being blonde I endured these jokes the first time around without harm.

What does everybody say they have but few do ? A sense of #u^^0R about themselves. What comes to mind was a PI group years ago deeming it unfit for a white person to repeat a joke told by Bill Cosby since it would then be racist.

Say the jokes aren't amusing but don't condemn the guy who who simply thought they were.

Are they any funnier if you plug in the words "Bush Brother/s" ?


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: Dan Keding
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 09:02 AM

Donuel, Good point. The jokes are in bad taste and are in themselves demeaning of a people but you're right in not condemning the teller who in all probability didn't view them as such.

I was at a story/song circle once a couple years ago and someone told a very involved version of a racist joke I had heard many times here in the States (this incident happened overseas) Now here's a question I've been meaning to ask for awhile. I found the joke to be just as offensive coming from someone who was of the race being belittled as I would have if it had come from another. I felt that by telling this story and belittling his own people and, since it was coming from someone of that culture, he was giving the white folks in the group permission to laugh at his own race. What do you think - is it okay to put your own people down for the sake of humor? Is it still racist if it comes from someone of that race? Just wanted some feedback. Take care, Dan


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 09:20 AM

Dan and Donuel, that's always an interesting discussion, so why not start a new thread? While I wholeheartedly agree with having a sense of humor about ourselves and all of that, this thread has nothing to do with humor or "just jokes."

This is simply a troll/flame against one of our members with the hope of drawing him and hence a few others into yet another pissing contest. The member in question has the jokes themselves using a different category (that he laughingly believes he fits into) instead of "Orthodox Christian." I am overjoyed he hasn't risen to the bait here! Guest Dmitri is no guest at all but instead another Mudcat regular looking to stir the pot. This kind of bullshit happens now and then and whils at times we've addressed the flamer with humor and other discussions, I just wanted to let you know that this one Dmitri is not just a guy with a joke list. He is making a an attack and he well knows it.

Dmitri, let us award you the honors given only to your type by the latest Mudcat Icon, the Little Pissant, for being the miserable little pissant that you are!!!

To Phony Guest Dmitri

Be It Known To All That You Have Received The

ORDER OF THE GOLDEN SHOWER

Piss off

Spaw


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: RichM
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 09:43 AM

Ho, hum....

Tempest in a peepot....


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: TishA
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 11:29 AM

Spaw, I believe you're right and I am also glad to see that our friend has not taken the bait. To survive in the crek you gotta be able to see which worm has the hook in it!

Donuel, no it is no funnier with the words Bush brothers plugged in.

Chip A. at Tish's computer


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 11:52 AM

this thread was probably inevitable when member mousethief published these jokes on his web pages and called them despised persons jokes


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 12:06 PM

Aw gee, whatsa' matter there Guest.....You need another shot of the whizz? Just ain't no fun is it when everyone already knows the score huh? Yeah, that's a bitch ain't it? You're really pretty pathetic and I hate to award additional honors to you with a secon Order of the Golden Shower, so why don't you take my favorite piece of advice to pissant's like yourself?

Have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

We're all finished here now folks......Move along......Nothin' to see here..........That's it......Move right along to the other threads..........There's a good lad and lassie.............

Spaw


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 01:15 PM

sorry there member spaw

it must be my attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder acting up


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: GUEST
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 11:05 PM

Gee whiz things happen fast. I stay away for two days, and now I see that Spaw and Joe O. have replaced Max as operators of Mudcat. How did this happen? What's Max doing now? Did Spaw do this unilaterally??


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 16 Jun 01 - 11:52 PM

I think religous jokes are not funny,Im not religous but I still dont think there funny.I think you should respect other peoples religon.from john in hull


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 01 - 10:53 PM

I am sorry to tell you that Spaw is right in this case -- for two reasons. First, because the condition isn't one he is accustomed to and it might put a strain on his system. But secondly, because it pains me to think that any such assholisms as these would surface in these parts for him to be right about!

But that is as is, and he's as right as rain.

A


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: Joe Offer
Date: 17 Jun 01 - 11:07 PM

Sorry, Guest, you're right and Spaw and I are wrong. Spaw and I are not permitted to express our opinions. Let nastiness rule. This folk music forum is in dire need of yet another thread full of inane ethnic jokes. Excuse me for thinking otherwise. Excuse me for speaking my mind, since I apparently don't have the "authority" to speak my mind.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Jun 01 - 12:33 AM

Actually none of these jokes are really Orthodox Christian jokes at all. They're Despised People Group Jokes (click). That is, they can be told about anybody you want to make nasty jokes about. There's nothing in them that specifically refers to Orthodox Christians or any other particular group. (This is all explained on the website; click the link.) This is why our esteemed guest was able to download the page, do a search-and-replace on "DP" (short for "despised person"), and replace it with "ORTHODOX CHRISTIAN".

(In fact, when I made DPGJ.html, I stole the jokes from a blonde jokes page, and did exactly what friend Guest did!)

I wish y'all wouldn't flame our Guest. It doesn't really solve anything. I'm very sorry this person feels so negatively about me, and rather wish I could do something to ameliorate the situation, but since the guest always flames anonymously, I can't even PM him/her to ask if there's anything I could apologize for. Clearly I've done something that has either hurt or enraged him/her (or something!) -- and for that I am truly sorry.

(readers who are not the Guest in question may wish to skip to the $$$$ sign!)

Guest, whoever you are, whatever it was I did that you took exception to, I really am sorry. I wish you would contact me (hell, make up a fake Yahoo address or something) so we can work it out.

I have a feeling you might be one of the people who took exception to some of the things I said in a thread about Israel and the Palestinians some time back. I really do believe in the right of Israel to exist, however I wish some of that nation's policies toward the Palestinians would change. I sometimes get muddled up in my thinking, and don't always know all of the facts, and I'm sorry if anything I said sounded anti-Semitic or racist or anything. I am really not a racist, or at any rate I try hard not to be, although sometimes in my ignorance and confusion I may say things that show I'm really not all the way "healed" from my onetime racist ways. I'm learning, and trying hard to have the sort of love my Savior wants me to have for all people. Again, I am truly sorry and wish I could do something to make up to you for whatever it is that you have taken exception to.

Also I apologize for any time I have reacted in anger and lashed out at you. It was wrong to do so, and I am sorry.

Can we please bury the hatchet?

$$$$

There are, in fact, Orthodox Christian jokes, although I doubt very many of you here will have heard any of them. They tend to be told by Orthodox Christians, by and large. Here are three of my favorites:

Q: How many Orthodox Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Change"? What is this "change"?

-----

Orthodox Christian bumper sticker: "Honk 40 times if you're Orthodox!" (this refers to a practice we have, during lent, of saying "Lord, have mercy" 40 times in a row.)

-----

Q: What do you call an Orthodox Christian who is very technically minded, but has problems in certain social situations?
A: "Geek Orthodox"!

-----

Which I guess shows exactly what sort of sense of humor I have.

Oh, finally, thanks to everyone who has spoken in my defense. Y'all are the greatest e-friends a fellow could have! (sniff!)

Alex


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: Joe Offer
Date: 18 Jun 01 - 12:39 AM

I liked the "change" one, Alex. It has profound theological implications with have nothing to do with stupidity or ethnicity....
But I see no need for Mudcat to become a home for long lists of non-folk stuff that can be found at any number of other places on the Internet.
-Joe-


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: InOBU
Date: 18 Jun 01 - 06:14 AM

Being involved in someway with questions of tolerence as fundamentalists are in some degree of controversy at our Quaker meeting - I stayed out of this, feeling, as Spaw and the some others have, that this was a thread best let die... bad taste, etc. However, I have to agree with Joe about the debth of Alex's change joke, and it is one I would even share with the fudamentalists in our meeting in working towards common ground. Humor about controversy has to be a little bit insightful to be funny... Larry


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Subject: RE: jokes about Orthodox Christians
From: Bill D
Date: 18 Jun 01 - 11:50 AM

I remember dimly a story, 'supposedly' true, but you know how these things are...from back when the Revised Standard Edition of the Bible was first released.(1960s??).

An old woman was complaining about it, and was saying that SHE would not use it....thumping her King James version, she declaimed.."If it was good enough for the 12 apostles, it's good enough for me!"

yep, thet there 'change' stuff can be scary!


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