Song Challenge! - Part 59

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 02:11 PM

i should know better then try to argue with amos anyway...

*ahem, cough,gulp*

I honestly didn't see it, sorry!

I LIKE - though understandably the whole subject is not one of my favorites...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Áine
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 02:06 PM

Alright now, you two -- you've been so busy arguing over a preposition, that you've both missed seeing my song . . . oh dear, I see a bad moon risin' . . .

-- TGG

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 01:19 PM

drop the "of" and sure...(works every time. defend your feeble choice long enough and someone else comes up with a better lyric...)

and if you agree to dropping the "of" then my original try at double meaning holds.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 01:14 PM

Eternally, the bosun's call
The sailor's heart doth quicken!
Chained not by sin, but the Captain's fear
Of that ghastly, ghostly chicken!!

Oh, pleeeeeze????

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 01:13 PM

actually amos - when I wrote the line, the word "of" was not there_ because I was trying to make a play on words with the captain not only being afraid of the ghost chicken but also calling the captain a chicken in the same phrase....and when we used to call someone "chicken" it was indeed pronounced "chick-IN" - tho I would normally say CHICK-in - which makes a much weaker rhyme

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Áine
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 01:11 PM

Alright, here it comes . . . I wrote this at 3 a.m. this morning, after sleeping on the sofa in front of the TV . . . that's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it . . .

I'm fairly confident that everyone on the globe remembers the sad story of Loreena Bobbit, her husband, and that incident with a certain piece of cutlery. Personally, I never bought that 'mad with jealousy' defense that her lawyer talked her into. At last, the real reason for her 'temporary insanity' can be revealed . . .

Loreena's Raison
(Tune: Corina, Corina)

Chorus:
Loreena, Loreena,
Where'd ya put that knife?
Can't you hear that chicken?
It's been squawkin' all night.
Now get that knife and chop it,
This just can't go on,
Loreena, Loreena,
Or honey, I'll be gone!

Well, we all remember,
'bout that fateful day,
When Loreena 'lost' it,
Then she threw 'it' away.
But, the truth of the matter,
That couldn't be told then,
Was that the 'other woman',
Was really a hen!

Ev'rybody in town knew,
About his taste for 'chicks',
Loreena heard the whispers,
But bein' a little 'thick',
She drove to Barnes and Noble,
And bought up ev'ry book,
With chicken in the title,
So she could learn to cook.

Loreena, Loreena,
Where'd ya put that knife?
Can't you hear that chicken?
It's been squawkin' all night.
Now get that knife and chop it,
This just can't go on,
Loreena, Loreena,
Or honey, I'll be gone!

Loreena barbequed 'em,
Flambéed and deep fat fried,
She stewed and souped in hope that
He would be satisfied.
But, he kept skippin' supper,
To 'diddle' on the sly,
She thought it was her cookin',
And ev'ry night she cried.

Then one night he came home,
His 'chick' was out of town,
Loreena was so happy,
She put her cookbooks down.
She stuffed her bird to roast it,
To show she was a good wife,
But she forgot that last step,
That involved the knife.

Loreena, Loreena,
Where'd ya put that knife?
Can't you hear that chicken?
It's been squawkin' all night.
Now get that knife and chop it,
This just can't go on,
Loreena, Loreena,
Or honey, I'll be gone!

Bloated with too much stuffin',
That bird began to swell,
And of its earthly troubles,
It began to tell.
Mr. Bobbit jumped up,
His wife to loudly scold,
And how that evenin' ended,
Already has been told.

Sittin' in the hoosgow,
Loreena was confused,
When of her cookin' defects,
She was disabused.
She'd thought it was the peahen,
That needed to be changed,
But it was the peacock,
That she rearranged!

Loreena, Loreena,
Where'd ya put that knife?
Can't you hear that chicken?
It's been squawkin' all night.
Now get that knife and chop it,
This just can't go on,
Loreena, Loreena,
Or honey, I'll be gone!


. . . I really gotta get more sleep . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 01:05 PM

LOL, MM -- your circular reasoning has defeated me!!! LOL!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 12:57 PM

of course it's chick-IN.....otherwise it wouldn't rhyme.

then again I know some people who pronounce it chi-CKIN - so I could see how it might not rhyme...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Áine
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 12:50 PM

Oh, SharonA -- Anybody that can work 'Pyrex glass' and 'house-slipper fuzz' into a rhyme can pick any dang past Challenge! they want to! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for the wonderful:

The devil took a bite, and then he knew what heaven was.
He laid that Pyrex on the floor at Kay's house-slipper fuzz.
Kay replied, "Devil, just come on in
If you ever want to fry a thing;
If it's poultry once, it's poultry again —
Mine's the best that ever sing!!"

-- Áine (still tickled 'pink' with that 'fuzz' thang!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 12:50 PM

Sharon:

I am rolling on the damn floor here!! TEEEEriffic!!!

Aine, you pronounce the bird "chi'i'n"? Or the lapse "s'k-in"? Or is it a question of peculiar Texan em-PHAHS-is on the wrong syll-ABLe, as chick-IN?

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Áine
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 12:19 PM

Ah, derrymacash, go iontach! I just love the romantic slant that you took on this one ;-) And my hat's off to you for working the word 'albatross' into a song! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

You may talk about the ostrich and of its awesome size
And of the mighty albatross and of how far it flies
The condor and the eagle and other birds of prey
The famyard cock whose crowing greets the dawning of the day
The parrot and the mynah, the crested cockatoo
The canary and the budgie, quite well-known to me and you
But of all the birdy kingdom, there's none can make the boast
Of me oven-ready chicken, who won't come home to roast

And to MMario, for his brilliant bit of Stephen King cookery, a Silver B.L.O.B. for:

Morn the Flying Dutchman, morn, for horrible it's doom
The ocean round the stormy Cape forever is its tomb
They must now eternal sail, but not for the cause of sin
Rather 'tis due to the captain's fear of the ghostly ghastly chicken

-- And where I come from, Amos my dear, 'sin' DOES rhyme with 'chicken'! ;-)

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: SharonA
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 12:16 PM

(...or do they HAVE to be the past Challenge!s that were named???)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: SharonA
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 12:14 PM

P.S. - Áine, as you can tell, I can't resist a dare, but I prefer to pick my own past Challenge!s to work in, if it's all the same!! ;^)

SharonA

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 12:12 PM

*clap,clap,clap,clap!*

I'm still groggy enough that I "heard" the solos as I read that Sharon....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: SharonA
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 12:08 PM

Okay, I'm awake now...


THE DEVIL WENT TO NEW ZEALAND
(Tune: "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" by Charlie Daniels)

The devil went to New Zealand.
He was lookin' for a chick to fry.
He was in a mess; he needed cooks to dress
Hens to grill for that Elvis guy.
When he came across this woman
Fiddlin' with an oven and makin' it hot
And he sat down there on her kitchen chair
And said, "Girl, lemme tell you what:

"I guess I didn't show it, but I'm a chick-fillet-er, too
And if it's jake, let's shake and bake — you'll take a dare, won't you?
Now you roast a pretty good pullet, girl
But I'm the devil, of course.
I'll bet this Pyrex of glass against your ass
That my bird tastes better than yours."

The woman said, "My name's Kay
And it might be you're bad
But I'll take your dare; you'd better beware
'Cuz mine's the best you've ever had."

Kay, go grease your roastin' pan
And baste your chicken wet
'Cuz hell's broke loose in Auckland
And the devil cheats his bet.
And if you win, you get this sparklin' Pyrex made of glass
But if you lose, the devil gets your ass.

(Chicken-neck solo)

The devil plucked himself a hen
And said, "This bake-off starts!"
And fire flew out of his behind
As he heated up his farts.
And he put his hen in back of him
And he drank some Jap'nese beer.
Then he cooked with gas and burned the hen
It was music to his rear:

Devil solo: "Phlphlphlphlphl-whoosh-crackle"

When the devil served it up, Kay said,
"Well, it's pretty good, old fart
But sit down there in that kitchen chair
And let me make a work of art!"

Fire in the oven — done well done
The devil's in the house of the risin' bun
Chicken in the roast pan, pickin up steam
Lady, does your hen fright? Scream, chick, scream

Kay's chicken solo: "Bukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccck!"

The devil took a bite, and then he knew what heaven was.
He laid that Pyrex on the floor at Kay's house-slipper fuzz.
Kay replied, "Devil, just come on in
If you ever want to fry a thing;
If it's poultry once, it's poultry again —
Mine's the best that ever sing!!"

And she made fire in the oven — done well done
The devil's in the house of the risin' bun
Chicken in the roast pan, pickin up steam
Lady, does your hen fright? Scream, chick, scream

Kay's chicken fade-out: "Bukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 12:03 PM

but then again - I've been known to rhyme "glockenspiel" with "commenwealth"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 11:59 AM

they rhyme the way I pronounce 'em

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 11:39 AM

Oh, Mario, you have outdone yourself!!! That's SO funny!!!. Just change that next to last line so it ends with "thicken" or "kickin'" or "makes their hearts to sicken...." or "grinnin' an' a-pickin'" or "malevolently tickin'" or ... "prickin'" or ....

well, you get the idea. There's no way to make sin rhyme with chicken!!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 11:35 AM

The Flying Dutchman (Revised)

In the hot and gloomy galley on the Dutchman one dark night
When from a stiff nor'wester we had been in hurried flight
Like an infant in his cradle rocked, the cook was fast asleep
While peacefully we ploughed along the bosem of the deep

All at once our cook he gave a shout of terror and fear
As if he had just heard about some sudden danger near
We listened most intently and soon we all had heard
The ghastly ghostly cackle of a disembodied bird

Let out the flowing canvas, now, Van Dyck he loud did cry
For this to our ship's company great terror does betide
I'd rather that the billows toss, or all my topsmen sicken
Then hear again this dreadful cry, the ghostly ghastly chicken

On sped the Flying Dutchmen, cutting through the hissing spray
Pursued as if by tempest by that loud and cackling bray
And though the ship it sped along as if by tempest blown
Still faster came the ghostly sound, just like a rooster crowin'

Morn the Flying Dutchman, morn, for horrible it's doom
The ocean round the stormy Cape forever is its tomb
They must now eternal sail, but not for the cause of sin
Rather 'tis due to the captain's fear of the ghostly ghastly chicken.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 11:12 AM

Never you mind, you bleary lot! Derrymacash has swept the board!! LOL!!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 09:28 AM

gazing bleary eyed and befuddled at the challenge thread, awe-struck and amazed

I don't have the brain cell this week, dearest GG. Probably won't for a while...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: SharonA
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 09:07 AM

I'm here, Áine, back from the weekend and suffering from the Monday-Morning Can't-Thinks. I'll wake up soon. Meanwhile, I'm just boggled by all the super songs that have been posted thus far. Great Squeaking Oven-Stuffers, you guys are good.

SharonA

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 06:39 AM

A slightly tangential take on Aine's challenge!

The cuckoo is a bird that doesn't bother with a nest
The feathers of the peacock are said to be the best
The linnet and the blackbird fill the air with song
The lark in the morning rises up to sing along
The swan she is a regal bird, a beauty to behold
The wren she is a tiny bird, whose nest is like a hole
But of all the birdy kingdom, there's none can make the boast
Of me oven-ready chicken, who won't come home to roast

You may talk about the ostrich and of its awesome size
And of the mighty albatross and of how far it flies
The condor and the eagle and other birds of prey
The famyard cock whose crowing greets the dawning of the day
The parrot and the mynah, the crested cockatoo
The canary and the budgie, quite well-known to me and you
But of all the birdy kingdom, there's none can make the boast
Of me oven-ready chicken, who won't come home to roast

They say that in the colder climes, there is a penguin bird
That doesn't fly, but swims instead, to me that's just absurd
To balance the equation, it would surely be my wish
To encounter in the tropics, the fabled flying fish
But of all of nature's oddities, its freaks and missing links
There's one that's got them puzzled, that would make oul' Darwin think
The only bird in all the world that can beat its breast and boast
I'm the oven-ready chicken that won't come home to roast

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Áine
Date: 09 Jul 01 - 03:55 AM

Oh behave, dear Amos B.O.T.F.! (blush)... ;-)

Where in the henhouse are the other usual suspects?? SharonA, Bradypus, MMario, derrymacash . . . Oh Challenge!rs Where Art Thou?? Do you mean to tell me that the day has finally dawned when a Double-Dawg Dare doesn't raise a squawk around here??

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 02:27 PM

There's good and sufficient reason for the Gaelic Goddess' reverent title, see. And that historical chain demonstrates she has earned every cosmic iota of her status! Divinity doesn't come cheap, ya know!

Love,

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 02:22 PM

Thanks, Áine! Love your challenge!s...just printed out the list of past challenges you linked up above, and have been giggling dementedly, remembering and checking out the gems your Challengers have come up with--amazing. Thanks again for all the fun!

Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Áine
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 09:31 AM

Way to go, Lin! That's a wonderful twist on this chicken's tale!! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

They'd begun to relax with wine and coy flirting
When they heard a mournful sound that was both distressed and hurting
It came from close at hand, from somewhere in the kitchen
"Sure smells good, honey, but...the oven is bitchin'!"

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 01:16 AM

THE CLUCK CAME BACK
(To the tune of "The Cat Came Back"—very loosely!)

Ms. Kay Martin had trouble all her own
She'd bought a range-bred chicken to cook up in her home
She'd dressed that bird up special and stuck it in a pan
Thinking it would be good eating for her and her man.

They'd begun to relax with wine and coy flirting
When they heard a mournful sound that was both distressed and hurting
It came from close at hand, from somewhere in the kitchen
"Sure smells good, honey, but...the oven is bitchin'!"

CHORUS:
'Cause the cluck came back, oh yeah, the cluck came back!
The bird it was a goner, but the cluck came back,
It just wouldn't stay away!

Kay's mind was spinning, her face turned pasty pale
But though she feared to look, her courage did not fail.
She opened up the oven, yanked out fowl and pan
Tried to chop its neck off, and that's when the fun began.

CHORUS

The farmer down the way came up with his shotgun
Said "I can fix this problem, put that bird on the run."
He loaded up his shotgun with nails and dynamite
And blew that roasted carcass plumb out of sight.

There were 97 pieces of the bird upon the ground
And every single piece was still making that weird sound
So Kay put them in a sack and buried them in the park
Where they rested quietly until long about dark—

Then....

The cluck came back! F**k! The cluck came back!
The bird it was a goner, but the cluck came back
It just wouldn't stay away!

Now Kay's house is haunted, and she's had to move away
Hoping that that awful sound will disappear some day.
If you pass by on the street, and listen carefully,
You can hear, inside the house, from oh so far away—

(Fading into the distance...) CLUCK, cluck, cluck, CLUCK, cluck, cluck, CLUCK, cluck, cluck...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Áine
Date: 08 Jul 01 - 12:35 AM

BRILLIANT! SIMPLY BRILLIANT!! . . . ah, but I knew ya could do it, RobDale ;-) And here's an extra Silver B.L.O.B. to go on your virtual mantle for:

Our animal foods extracting revenge
Exacting a ghastly price
Begging for mercy from our briskets and chops
Is starting to seem very wise
Armies of chickens without any wings
Millions of frogs without legs
Thomas from "Wendys" is haunted by steer
And Denny is haunted by eggs

Hoo-haw! -- Áine (whew -- now I can take these dang boots off -- Man, are my dawgs barkin' and this whip thang is givin' me car-pull tunnel syndrome, I swan!)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: GUEST,Robdale
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 11:45 PM

I hope these are enough verses. My first instinct was to end the song, Edgar Allen Poe like... in the moment of greatest horror. Dragging it out and torturing the audience with gratuitus images of senseless violence is also fun!!!

Boiling Lobster , Screaming Chicken

A chicken was squawking in my oven last night ,
Or at least that's how it seemed.
A lobster was boiling in a restaurant,
Emitting terrible screams.
The horrors of both were explained right away --
The sound of escaping steam !

But maybe the causes are deeper than that!
Maybe they are actual squeals.
I know that I'll pay a terrible price,
If we are haunted by our meals !
I know that I'll have to pay terrible price,
But imagine how Colonel Sanders feels !

Our animal foods extracting revenge
Exacting a ghastly price
Begging for mercy from our briskets and chops
Is starting to seem very wise
Armies of chickens without any wings
Millions of frogs without legs
Thomas from "Wendys" is haunted by steer
And Denny is haunted by eggs

The chef from the "Won-Ton" garden
Imagine the horrors he sees
Fluffy and Fido with blood in their eyes
It makes him just drop to his knees
Kroc from MacDonalds is bracing himself
He is ready to make his retreat
But burgers and Big Mac's are not haunting him
Cause he uses more fillers than meat!!!!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Áine
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 10:54 PM

Yo RobDale -- Wow, that's all I've got to say -- WOW! Here's your Silver B.L.O.B. for:

But maybe the causes are deeper than that
Maybe they are actual squeals
I know that I'll pay a terrible price
If we are haunted by our meals
I know that I'll have to pay terrible price
but imagine how Colonel Sanders feels

Now you have to wrap up the story line in your ditty, RobDale...at least one more verse, preferrably two, OK? Hey, if you're gonna go and be this dang good, the High Priestess of the Patricus Potamus has to be more exacting, don't ya know! ;-) Lawdy, I've even been accused of wearing highheeled black boots and carrying a whip . . . (hee hee).

-- Áine

P.S. TO ALL CHALLENGE!RS: If any of you are looking to qualify for the 'Two-Fer' Award (or better), check out SONG CHALLENGE! Part 8, Part 22, and Part 42 on the Song Challenge!s Past page, and see how you can work this Challenge! and one or more of these past hoo-haws into a song . . . It's a Double Dawg Dare, so ya can't turn it down! '-) -- Á.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Lin in Kansas
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 07:24 PM

LOL! And has anyone checked this one out in the DT? Click here

Lin

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 04:15 PM

A collection of unknown Micro-pseudo-Joes who run up and down the threads fixing errors on request or if they are damaging the display in some way, deleting double posts, etc. They are called "Elves", hence "Elfin (or Elven) Clan".

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 04:10 PM

But then again it might have been be quaking. Or squeaking. I love these folk variants...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: GUEST,robdale
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 04:05 PM

Thanks Amos, archiac word processing features are among the true charms of the Mudcat! You're right about the speling. What's an "Elfin Clan"?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 03:59 PM

"Squaking" should probably be "squawking", Ye Elfin Clan!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 03:57 PM

Free formatting for RobDale!

Boiling Lobster , Screaming Chicken

A chicken was squawking in my oven last night ,
Or at least that's how it seemed.
A lobster was boiling in a restaurant,
Emitting terrible screams.
The horrors of both were explained right away  --
The sound of escaping steam !

But maybe the causes are deeper than that!
Maybe they are actual squeals.
I know that I'll pay a terrible price,
 If we are haunted by our meals !
I know that I'll have to pay terrible price,
But imagine how Colonel Sanders feels !

'squaking' to 'squawking' fixed by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: GUEST,robdale
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 02:20 PM

Still more comment on consumerism.

I am hoping this song will br the basis for an organization called PETH People for the Ethical Treatment of Hens. Kind of spookily chanted over a Delta blues riff with scratchy percussion in the background. Kind of a voodoo sound.

Boiling Lobster Screaming Chicken

A chicken was squawking in my oven last night
Or at least that's how it seemed
A lobster was boiling in a restaurant
emitting terrible screams
the horrors of both were explained right away
the sound of escaping steam

But maybe the causes are deeper than that
Maybe they are actual squeals
I know that I'll pay a terrible price
If we are haunted by our meals
I know that I'll have to pay terrible price
but imagine how Colonel Sanders feels

line breaks and spelling fixed by mudelf ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Áine
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 11:20 AM

Aaahhh, the talent here is just amazing! Here is the next batch of Silver B.L.O.B.s -- and well done so far, all a' y'all:

To the ever effervescent JenEllen for (and this B.L.O.B. was the unanimous choice of the Wonder Kids):

The cackling that did ensue
It'd like to curl your hair
The cackling that did ensue
Wet my pants I do declare
As I threw out wide the oven door
I heard the chicken scream...piercing scream
And then I heard the chicken scream

To dear Amos, B.O.T.F. for:

We buried it out in the back yard
And threw the sod over its head
But thanks to that beast from the barnyard
We ain't doin' nothin' in bed!

And another B.L.O.B. to Master McGrath for the vivid:

Oh Mother dear Mother, the house is all dark,
The clock in the steeple strikes two.
And Father is making such terrible sounds
As he sits all alone in the loo.
Indeed he is worse, can you heard how he cursed
Oh Mother, perhaps he will die -
For he squawks as he talks, and I'm sure he said "Cluck"
Sure, the chicken is singing inside
Hear the sad cry of the chi-i-i-cken,
As it bubbles its troubles away.
Oh who can resist such a pitiful squawk -
Oh it's carrots for me from today...

Wonderful stuff -- now what other 'interesting' situations can you come up with for that bird??

-- Áine ;-)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 11:10 AM

OI, McGrath, you are jerking my poor heartstrings!!

Nicely turned.

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 07 Jul 01 - 08:05 AM

Second course coming up:

Oh mother, you've cooked us a succulent feast
for when father comes home from the pub.
Potatoes and veg, and chicken no less,
Which we know is his favourite grub.
The table is laid, with a knife and a fork,
And his favourite bottle of beer.
And Benny and I are so hungry to eat.
But what's that strange sound that I hear?
I hear the sad cry of the chi-i-i-cken,
As it bubbles its troubles away.
I cannot resist such a pitiful squawk -
I'm sticking to carrots today.

Oh Mother, that chicken now lies on the plate,
And Father has sharpened the blade
And Mother, that chicken is looking at him
Can't you see the poor crayture's afraid?
And Father it seems is not Father at all,
He's some kind of Cannibal King
And Benny and I are as green as the peas
Oh dear Mother, pray heed as we sing:
Hear the sad cry of the chi-i-i-cken,
As it bubbles its troubles away.
Oh who can resist such a pitiful squawk -
Oh it's carrots for me from today...

Oh Mother dear Mother, the house is all dark,
The clock in the steeple strikes two.
And Father is making such terrible sounds
As he sits all alone in the loo.
Indeed he is worse, can you heard how he cursed
Oh Mother, perhaps he will die -
For he squawks as he talks, and I'm sure he said "Cluck"
Sure, the chicken is singing inside
Hear the sad cry of the chi-i-i-cken,
As it bubbles its troubles away.
Oh who can resist such a pitiful squawk -
Oh it's carrots for me from today...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 10:56 PM

Well, I can't compete with these high-powered hen types, but here's a little number from a range rooster....

The Lavender Broiler

Tune: Lavender Cowboy

It was only a Lavender Broiler
The legs on its carcass were two
I got it on special at Casey's
Marked down because of its hue

Tweedledee, tweedledeedledeedum, deedledum!

And after I had turned up the oven
And after I'd cleaned up the sink
I sat down beside my sweet husband
To share a pre-prandial drink!

Tweedledee, tweedledeedledeedum, deedledum!

But soon a mysterious whimper
Which gradually turned to a squawk
Began interrupting our whispers,
So loud that we scarcely could talk

Tweedledee, tweedledeedledeedum, deedledum!

At first a looked 'round, all  bemused
For the source of the sound we had heard.
But imagine my fright and confusion,
When I realized the source was that bird!!

Tweedledee, tweedledeedle deedum, deedledum!

The hairs on my neck they were rigid!
My heart was a flutter with fright!
And though I have never been frigid,
I quickly lost all appetite!

Tweedledee, tweedledeedle deedum, deedledum!

The chicken was weeping and squawking
That chicken was humming a dirge
And in spite of our amourous talking
We both seem to have lost the urge!

Tweedledee, tweedledeedle deedum, deedledum!

We buried it out in the back yard
And threw the sod over its head
But thanks to that beast from the barnyard
We ain't doin' nothin' in bed!

Tweedledee, tweedledeedle deedum, deedledum!

Oh ladies of passion, take warnin'
And think about what I have done!
Don't buy you no lavender chicken --
He'll talk you right outta your fun!

Tweedledee, tweedledeedle deedum, deedledum!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: JenEllen
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 09:11 PM

In was on that fateful day
I faced the poultry resurrection
Standing in the kitchen
Oven mitts my only protection
Lawd a mighty- left me singin'
What the cluck?!?!

~crowingirl

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: JenEllen
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 08:43 PM

LOL Aine....thye just keep comin', don't they?

THAT CHICKEN WAS A HOMEWRECKER (My Johnny Was a Shoemaker)

That chicken was a homewrecker
Supposed to be tasty
That chicken was a homewrecker
Recipe from Betty C.
With sage and croutons in it's pan
And the oven set to 350....350
The oven set to 350

The cackling that did ensue
It'd like to curl your hair
The cackling that did ensue
Wet my pants I do declare
As I threw out wide the oven door
I heard the chicken scream...piercing scream
And then I heard the chicken scream

My psyche fell apart that day
As I offed the chicken's head
My psyche fell apart that day
Hope ta gawd it's finally dead
Never will I touch fowl flesh again
I'll have the veggie burger please...pretty please
I'll have the veggie burger please

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Áine
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 07:19 PM

Ach a Chaoimhín, ya wee devil!

Well, it seems that Kim has left us to our own 'devices' this weekend - her and screechin' chicken - It ought to be interestin' to see what we cook up! '-)

First, the alpha batch of Silver B.L.O.B.s:

To the ONE AND ONLY JENELLEN for these righteous lines:

All you women out there listen to my tale
Every last bit is true
There ain't a fella out there will hold his ground
When the oven starts to coo
To save him crawlin' 'neath the table
As soon as he is able
Here's what you have to do
When you think you're ready
Just fix you some spaghetti
And avoid the half-dead chicken blues

And to McGrath of Harlow for the picturesque verse (and I'm hoping there'll be more forthcoming from this Master of the Mudcat...):

Oh mother, you've cooked us a succulent feast
for when father comes home from the pub.
Potatoes and veg, and chicken no less,
Which we know is his favourite grub.
The table is laid, with a knife and a fork,
And his favourite bottle of beer.
And Benny and I are so hungry to eat.
But what's that strange sound that I hear?

Geez -- I'm quivering in my boots wondering what the other Challenge!rs will come up with . . . Meanwhile, here's yet another humble entry from the Keeper of the Book:

I Wish I'd Cooked Zucchini Lasagne
(Tune: Tiny Sparrow)

Chorus:
I wish I'd cooked a zucchini lasagne,
Or shepherd's pie, with the beef ground fine,
There'd be no screechin' from my kitchen,
And I'd still have that man of mine.

I was so proud of my 'lectric oven,
Our first meal in our brand new home,
A verdant salad, augratin taters,
The mood just like a Khayam poem.

With candles lit, the babies sleepin',
A silk black negligee to sport,
I nestled close to my dear hubby,
We had ten minutes to cavort.

I wish I'd cooked a zucchini lasagne,
Or shepherd's pie, with the beef ground fine,
There'd be no screechin' from my kitchen,
And I'd still have that man of mine.

We hugged and kissed, our lips still searchin'
When from its tomb, that fowl did squawk,
He twitched and ran from my lovin' arms,
Screamin' that he had to take a 'walk',

His stroll has lasted ten long years now,
With therapy, I now say 'What the heck!',
In Gay Paree I went to chef's school,
And now I know how to slice a neck!

I wish I'd cooked a zucchini lasagne,
Or shepherd's pie, with the beef ground fine,
There'd be no screechin' from my kitchen,
And I'd still have that man of mine.

hee hee right back atcha Kim! -- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Gareth
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 07:10 PM

Sorry - can only be a Fowl song

Gareth

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 06:53 PM

Just as well! I left out a vital quote mark - I think that was the problem. Let's see anyway. Shazam!:

First off, A poignant chicken link

Oh mother, you've cooked us a succulent feast
for when father comes home from the pub.
Potatoes and veg, and chicken no less,
Which we know is his favourite grub.
The table is laid, with a knife and a fork,
And his favourite bottle of beer.
And Benny and I are so hungry to eat.
But what's that strange sound that I hear?
I hear the sad cry of the chi-i-i-ken,
As it bubbles its troubles away.
I cannot resist such a pitiful squawk -
I'm sticking to carrots today.

That'll do for now. Here goes (but saved this time in case!)

--- Others, with missing close quotes, deleted. ---
---Jeff (PA)---

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: JenEllen
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 06:17 PM

Deeee-lightful!

Half-Dead Chicken Blues (to Hank's First Year Blues)

I was sitting there drinkin my glass of wine
Staring into my lover's eyes
I was already thinking about dessert
Then it came our big suprise
The squawkin' and a hissin'
Coming from my kitchen
Left the libido of an ice cube
I looked at my lover
As he ran for cover
From the half-dead chicken blues

Well I've been cookin' all my life
All of my life, you see
Most of them meals was all okay
But the last one's scarin' me
We thought of finger lickin'
So I thawed me out a chicken
Like I's 'sposed to do
Not really sure what went wrong
But it lent itself to this song
The half-dead chicken blues

All you women out there listen to my tale
Every last bit is true
There ain't a fella out there will hold his ground
When the oven starts to coo
To save him crawlin' 'neath the table
As soon as he is able
Here's what you have to do
When you think you're ready
Just fix you some spaghetti
And avoid the half-dead chicken blues

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Kim C
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 05:40 PM

Heehee! I'm about to go home for the weekend so I'll leave this one to the more capable hands...... ;-)

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! - Part 59
From: Áine
Date: 06 Jul 01 - 05:21 PM

Alrightey, Challenge!rs -- Drop them leeches and pick up a steaming drumstick for the next Challenge! This one comes from our own dear, sweet Kim C (somebody get this girl in counseling quick! ;-) Have fun . . . even though you Ren Faire folks will think twice the next time you bite into a big hunky roasted turkey leg . . . If you start hearing voices with every bite, call Kim, not me, OK?

So, Challenge!rs pluck up your courage, do your thang, and GO FOR IT!!

-- Áine

Chicken Of The Living Dead? -- Kay Martin, a secretary to a New Zealand MP, got the fright of her life a few weeks ago. According to the Auckland Sunday Star, she and a friend were chatting over a drink when they heard a chicken squawking. The bird sounded in some distress, so they went outside to investigate, thinking perhaps that it had escaped from one of the neighbors. But, there were no chickens anywhere.

Then Martin realized with horror that the sound was coming from her own kitchen - coming, in fact, from the oven, where she had put a chicken in to roast half an hour earlier. "It was as if it was shrieking at me from its grave," she says. "It was so bizarre I just froze."

As they approached the oven, the squawking reached a crescendo. They took the tray out, and as the chicken began to cool, the squawking died away.

Martin chopped the neck off and threw it in the sink. She noticed that the vocal chords were intact. "Steam was coming up the neck from the stuffing," says Martin, and this had caused the dead bird to squawk.

She has not cooked chicken since.